Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Yes i know it's not very glamorous aur ...in my defense it was a ye olde train with separate carriages/corridoors, slam doors and a miniscule loo (like that makes it any better!)
stoat i never thought of it as boasting! it was in those v early days of a relationship when you're constantly shagging, I like to rib DH about his speedy performance every now and then ;)

sorry you're in pain stoat - pain killers/hot water bottle/booze?

i'm alright thanks, being v v v unproductive at work, waiting for things to get worse. made the mistake of reading the 'practical tips for dealing with mc' thread! now even more nervous.

Ah I remember those days....when you can't wait! That's def stealth! I'm all for a quickie!!

I'm also not v productive today. I'm in so much pain, keep going off to check my pants for my period. Am seriously contemplating POAS just so I can get it over with and then take the REALLY STRONG meds.

hahahah tiny loo sex!
I totally did not do it once at the back of a national express coach from gatwick airport

I've never done it outside of my house!!

I'm quite annoyed my temp wasn't up today. Most of the bloating has gone today which happens after I ice. Plus had loads of EWCM yesterday.

My stealths are from my early days with DH - an alley and a disabled toilet in a hotel in Paris (sorry world!!). Would never do anything of the sort now

Thanks for the suggestions aux and 5hell
Not sure where I'd get a syringe from, where I'd be comfortable that it was sterile enough for internal use...

LOL at the train loo situation. We've never done it outside our house either Jelly (in fact never outside the bedroom!) I have suggested the lounge or the shower a couple of times, but DH is a bit too traditional!

mae you can buy a sterile syringe from the pharmacy, one without a needle. Loads of people buy them for all sorts of purposes and there are tons of sizes on the shelf and they are relatively cheap. Any small village pharmacies or large high street ones will sell them.

It's true about age! It's nearing on for 20 years since the national express uh uh incident. :)

We nearly did it in the disabled loo at an airport once, but I bottled out!

Aside from that, it's always at home (or hotel or whatnot), but I'm pretty sure we've done it in every room. Except the kitchen in our current flat because there are no curtains and our neighbours windows looks into it!

We did pretty often in the last kitchen though.

Mae - my hubby is the same...I opened his eyes one Friday night in our kitchen. Our pizza was delivered in the middle of it all, at which point I quite wanted to abandon sexytime and just eat, but he was quite keen to continue!! Has never happened again...perhaps tonight is the night?!

Oh yes, we've obvs done it on holiday, -hotels etc. That goes in the same "bedroom" category.
What are people's thoughts about dtd while staying at parents' or PIL's houses? I think I'd only feel confident if there was a lock on the door!

Hmm, I may have to investigate the ole syringe option then!

Maybe we should set a little challenge for all of us viroids to do it in an unusual place sometime this month!
And by unusual, I don't mean that it should be a competition to find the most outrageous place; just something/somewhere each individual couple has never done before.
Might also help those of you who are not feeling the vibe this month!

Well we semi live with my Dad so no choice! It's generally ok because we sometimes DTD when both working from home and he rarely sleeps at ours. This month Dad shouted that he was home. DH managed to carry on going. I was v impressed.

Oh yes mae try and get him into the lounge, shower or kitchen. Tres fun!

We once did it in a rental car.... I feel dirty even saying it, but yeah, that was back in the beginning.

hmmm mae - more often at my mum and dads as there is an en suite bathroom to my sister's bedroom where we stay because the bastards didn't build me my own bedroom at their new house so no walking and dripping past anyone!! And also they have always had a bit more of a relaxed attitude to dtd. Hardly ever at PIL's.

I like your challenge, though not confident!!

We can't do it in the shower. Standing up is a logistical nightmare #shortgirltallmanproblems

On the beach with ex bf... in the middle of the day! It was a very secluded place though, but would never do it again... This was like 10 years ago though...

Stoat we have the same issue. But even if DP was shorter I just hate doing it in the shower. Water going over your face, drying your hair afterwards... Just too much hard work!

Water going over your face, drying your hair afterwards... Just too much hard work!
This made me spill my tea!

oh this is a good distraction...dont even care if it's boasting ;)
in the sea (in UK, brrrr), in the woods, in a park, in the car in a shopping center carpark, in a room where other people were sleeping, in the train loo, in the shower (not worth effort), pretty much anywhere we stay (no inhibitions clearly!), in the tent. tried to do it in Kew gardens but couldn't find anywhere suitable. we are filthy

We once did it in a public garden it was dark not enjoyable I got covered in mud. Also at uni we christened every room in the house before my housemates moved in! Once when driving we had to stop at a services cos we got horny

What a morning...... Was at hospital for my suspicious bump - had it removed and have to wait ten weeks for follow up appointment. It was the same hospital I went to when I MC. The irony of AF arriving at that point fucking witch or at least I think she has arrived, only spotting so not her usual entrance. Please don't fuel the crazy implantation bleed whispers, I've had a crampy stomach and really sore boobs for three days but boobs usually stop hurting day before witch arrive oh well onto another cycle...

Holy crap 5hell you are like the shagging queen! That's loads!!

We are moving in with my grandparents next year so will need to DTD with them in the house haha. But we are very traditional in places haha.

Shower is impossible. I refute anyone that's shagged standing up.

Sorry the witch arriving cat :( good you got the bump removed though

Go you 5hell! Boast away!

Sometimes it's fun to start in the shower and move elsewhere ;)

We once did it on a pedalo in the Mediterranean Sea. That wasn't fun, spent the whole time worried it would capsize!