Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Pud I wonder if your poo or Jelly's poo baby of the past was bigger? Hmmm...

Any poo would be amazing right now. I hate how constipated I get around icing.

5hell I totally understand the limbo. gx you'll do better than me and actually get to the second blood test. really hope its all OK in there.

stoat don't apologise, I didn't mean to cone across as saying "I'm worse off than you". we are all different and every story is different. I was just trying to give you a positive spin on your own situation, sorry if i failed! hope ur feeling better today.

got interrupted whilst writing this and now can't remember what I was going to write next!

Me too Jelly. Bloated, fatty and constipated. It's a glamorous time.

oh pineapple cup ROC was rpopz I think

Oh to be a fly on the wall at honeys honeymoon!

Would you call this almost positive? (Yes I'm ashamed at getting out the OPK's but my stomach cramps are ridiculous right now)

5hell sorry you're in limbo. I was like it from week 5 to 8 and it was hell. I so hope all is ok with you. Here for you...you guys really helped when I was in limbo hell. It sounds like there's no concern as yet but I understand why you're anxious. Are you spotting still? Or has it stopped?

As for me, I have a break to paris next month to look forward to. I'll just be glad when the witch has been and buggered off.

lil don't you apologise either. It's just shit isn't it? Grrr.

carrot you are right! I should just shag when I want to although I only tend to want to when Ovia tells me. I know that's bad. I haven't had a chance to get horny! And the miscarriage has kind of affected my drive.

chat those mc boards I'm ok with when I'm feeling ok and try to drop in to help others but I'm crap at helping myself. I think you're right about the wtf cycle being prepared for. Waiting for this has been worse. Although come to think of it there was no shagging in the wtf cycle as the miroid wouldn't. Makes sense now I think about it, this is the first month of shagging.

Hello city

fallen thanks for the POAS invite. I'm on CD26 today, we'll see if the witch makes an appearance before...

jelly I don't understand opks - will learn for next month - but that looks like two lines, is that what we are after?

I have anxiety at the moment, have had a couple of dizzy spells the last couple of days. Not good. Need to get happy.

almost jelly but its still negative. either surge is due or is trailing off so get shagging!

stoat its the biggest shittiest shit ever! lol

oh someone said something about MCs being body's way of saying something wasnt right, was it chat? I hate to disagree with you Dr chat but I'm reading about reproductive immunology. apparently chromosomal abnormalities are a minor reason for mc and immune problems are much more likely cause, particularly in cases of repeat MCs, ivf failure and unexplained infertility. I'm only at the start if the book but its very interesting reading. certainly gearing me up for some questions at next weeks appointment. I can't believe 2 high grade embryos were both chromosomally abnormal, it just seems too much of a bad coincidence for there not to be a problem!

Cheers lil. It looks almost there so I imagine it'll happen soon. Not got the motivation to shag though. :(

once you start jelly you'll find you want it after all. that's what usually happens to me!

Hey viroids

Plastic pineapple cup was definitely popz :) mine was a bubble bath lid

There are what sound like monkeys in my garden, very strange...

Stoat I felt kind of obliged to go on mc boards but I found them so utterly depressing I couldn't do it. It was a daily reminder if what had happened and all I wanted to do was try to get pg again as soon as I could. The mca had helpful advice about trying again, which is why I thought you might find it useful. My sil has just mc at 11 weeks and is going through same mindset - she is desperate to conceive again.

16dpo is definitely too early city but you're new so we will let you off this time ;)

So envious of the massive poos. I'd kill to be able to do that at the moment...

My temp has gone right down, very confusing. Hopefully it will rocket up tomorrow. I am very tender in the uterus area at the moment. had to hold my abdomen still during sex as it was really painful jiggling about

Gaggia there were lots of ass-cessories involved.

just had a look honey, could be an ov dip so get a shag in today!

Ooh, thank you Oracle Lil! Will seduce DH after dinner.

Morning all. I didn't shag last night. I'm so tired and bloated it's horrible. Hate feeling like this :( can't figure out why my boobs are so sore as well, it's like post icing soreness been like it for weeks

5hell, sorry you're in limbo. Are they doing another lot of blood test tomorrow?

jelly I would just skip this month. Give yourself a break. Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can go back up again. But then put the contraband away too, I don't think the pressure of "you have to shag now" is helping! (Sorry if that sounded patronising, I didn't mean to)

AF almost gone now. Will have to dust off that cape tomorrow... Feeling a bit sad - it's DP's bday on Sat and I was hoping I could give him a +ve digi as a present. Not happening now

Hey jelly I agree that it looks like it is getting there but still very obviously negative. Test today at 11am and again at 7pm!
Cd10. No sign of ov. Or anything much. yawn

When you guys talk about a pineapple cup, all I can think about is some sort of moon cup with spikes on it. Not pleasant!

Shitty free app says that I ovulate today, but I am pretty certain it was either yesterday or Monday.

We are still managing EOD. It's a little depressing how forced the timing is.

Also my DH has been doing a lot of research on fertility and it is driving me mad. Every evening he is talking about stuff he has found out during his research drive "DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU LOOK AT A PELICAN DURING OVULATION THAT YOUR CHANCES OF CONCEPTION DECREASE BY 0.5%???" and so forth.

Then I'll be looking at a Pelican and he'll be all "YOU'RE LOOKING AT THAT PELICAN AREN'T YOU. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED CHILDREN. DO YOU EVEN WANT CHILDREN? DO YOU????"

Sigh.

My DP was like that for a bit gouda. It drove me mad and I told him that we could be in this for the long haul and that whilst I'm making changes to my life for TTC I can't deal with the constant stats etc. he soon stopped

well, jumped Mr City's bones last night and warned him that he is on a EOD schedule...can't remember the last time we shagged in the week, though have a feeling we will both be getting used to it over the next few months.

Not sure how I feel about the opks. am using more for my own interest, and means I am busting for a wee throughout the afternoon. They definitely sorted my younger sister out, who managed to conceive second month of trying which has in no way put any pressure on us from my mother

LaLa - thanks for the letting off!!!

In other news, the puppy jumped over our (rather high) garden fence last night and was found attempting to play with chickens in a neighbour's garden. They were ganging up on her and about to attack. She was returned by the neighbour wearing a rather attractive onesie. I swear she looked at me and smirked before jumping over. I think a child would be easier in many ways.

Thanks jelly, I did say to him that it was great if he found stuff like that helpful, but for me it was just too stressful. He was making it sound like it's a fucking miracle the human race ever managed to reproduce in the first place, which is just not what I need to hear!!!

oh I took a test yesterday just to rule out for sure that my last period was anything weird, due to the fact it was so different from usual, and it came back negative. I'm not particularly bothered by it, but just wanted to make sure as I was still drinking.

Damn those pelicans gouda!

blood tests came back showing progesterone of only 5ng/ml, so looks like I'll be hanging back here for the foreseeable. the Grads were nice, but my trip there was evidently a bit premature. DH actually admitted to finding it a bit sad - a big step for a man who's not that keen to have a baby!

city what breed is your pup? secretly hoping dog talk can hijack this cat-obsessed fred sounds like you need to spy on her to figure out how she got out. one of ours ran off in the woods yetsreday, we were quite calm until he didn't come back for 4/5mins, then had to run around lookign for him. shokingly he wasn't in the nearest pool of muddy stagnant water. must have spotted a squirrel or something.

Oh no is that low 5hell? :( so sorry if it is x

I'm actually a dog person not a cat person but I own cats. Is that weird.

So sorry 5hell. make sure they give you plenty of information on your options and any pain management to help you if required. Are they monitoring the HCG levels too?