Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Well you don't have to go with him lil, there's your own mindset to consider separately from him. It's great if you can go together but don't rule out doing it for you.

looking, if you know when you ovulate then you can count the days until AF starts and work out your LP roughly.

So sorry about your miscarriage lil. It's positive that your first round of IVF was successful but of course the cost is ridiculous let alone the emotional side. Good to hear your dh's speed is back to normal level currently though. Fingers crossed that it all works out for you xx

sky sorry to hear about your dad
I also dont think i will get anymore ics. They seem to give too many lines!

I honestly think those IC's are a load of crap. They give way too many false positives for my liking.

IC contraband also seem to encourage too much early stick-pissing!

having a teeny bit of brown spotting...trying not to panic

I've never had a bfp on an ic in the 2 years before my ivf so I dobtvthink mine was false positive. I think it was cp.

Brown is fine 5hell don't worry impossible I know if it's red or painful then get to the hospital.

You think you've had a cp. lil? I think we have had 3 people in the past few months with positives on IC's that later turn out to have AF (correct me if I'm wrong but just and sky had it?).

I'm weirdly very twingey on my right side today which makes no sense as not due to ice for a week. Also I'm going to be on holiday during the TWOT this month. Joy.

lil has you're ERTD arrived?

Im not sure, i had positive ic last month and this month. Very confusing stuff.

5hell im sure its fine, try and relax

I think my brain is frazzled with all the acronyms that aren't familiar to me! I added the acronym list to my faves for easy checking ;)

fluffy will soon become a second language

I struggled with french at school but oh I hope it doesn't take me long to pick it up. Hopefully going to actually DTD tonight without DH being an arse again.

Whats for dinner tonight? I've been craving chinese all day after the convo from yesterday, but its looking like garlic, onion and peppers stir fried. mmm

Lasagne here, boring but a fave

I LOVE lasagne. I have a raging headache so dh is going to cook

Chicken and leek pie here.

Love chicken pie, got one i made in freezer, actualky thought i was having that tonight but turned out to be lasagne

Fluffy I'm so familiar with all the acronyms that I nearly use them in RL

I'm currently sat at an airport flying away for a few days of work. I will be having a Burger King for my tea

Hey viroids!

Lil my friend got pg on 3rd round of ivf - do you think he could be talked round? I'm really hoping your af stays away - gx. Ivf is such a huge emotional upheaval to go through, no wonder your emotions are all over the place. Talking to someone might help and going through options with clinic?

Carrot have you tried the GI diet (more lifestyle change than diet)? I started it after years struggling to lose weight and it worked and I've kept weight off until I got pg with a baby who likes sugar and fat

Just - boo to bfn! Not out til witch zooms in. You might just be too early?

Sky sending hugs about your dad :( I hope you're ok

I've always found ics accurate but false positives are utterly possible, although very cruel!!!

5hell as the others said brown is fine don't worry, it's leftover blood. Come say hi in grads thread whenever you're ready.

I used acronyms in text to sil last night. She told me I make no sense!!! It takes too long to write the words out ffs

I hate GOT...there, I said it!

Got to go to exercise class now then watch obem. Ouchy

well v light brown spotting got redder and I just 'felt' like I was getting my period, left work in a rush and managed to get the last Drs appt at my surgery. Dr v nice, but did nothing except told me to rest and not to worry unless it gets v heavy or v painful, then go to A&E. next stop was tesco for sanitary pads - I looked a right lemon trying to decipher which to buy -haven't bought them in at least 10 years I reckon. why are there so many?!!? now lying on settee with hot ribena and flapjack trying to 'relax'
DH gone to germany for 2 days :(
feel v v bloated

rant over

La I'm also watching obem...coz that'll make me feel better!?

5hell how do you feel? Cramping? How many weeks are you? I'm here if you want to talk.

Is it still just spotting 5hell? Thinking of you, make sure you rest

:( big hugs 5hell

Aww 5hell, poor you with no DH to look after you! It's really really horrible not knowing what is going on, but the only thing you can do is whatever it takes to relax. Gingers and everything else crossed for you x