We let our miroids tie us up, and pee while we're in the tub, and the grads often visit, so we can give their bumps a rub! We've a syncro pee approaching, so here's hoping, for a BFP filled JS No 42!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 41 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2334008-Were-sorry-about-your-fanny-here-have-a-balloon-We-might-use-cock-rings-and-ear-needles-but-we-definitely-dont-use-contraband-to-get-us-upduffed-its-Just-Shagging-thread-41?msgid=53430680#53430680" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2334723-With-our-swamp-fanjos-and-supermarket-jobbies-its-all-going-on-in-our-knickers-Its-a-wonder-our-men-agree-to-deliver-the-prostaglandin-injections-but-then-we-are-the-24th-Just-Shagging-Grads?msgid=53223726#53223726" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

gouda that deserves a swift jab to the balls.

sky hope you feel better soon. Flat lucozade might help?

honey if it were anyone else I'd be throwing a friendly gentle hooyah their way, but I know you're not normally one for major symptom spotting. So I'm going to have to ask: do you have any other symptoms?

scribbler do quite a few rude cards (we buy lots of cards there e.g. H is for Hoebag) and i think they'd def be up for selling the JS brand, they even have a couple of acceptable ones already...
www.scribbler.com/baby-cards/vigorous-copulation
www.scribbler.com/baby-cards/shit-you-must-stay-away-from

Lol Tink not really, except a serious lack of energy this week. I don't think I'll bother testing, not due till Thursday. Does mean that I am hesitant to book a spa day though.

Its our anniversary soon but we're poor and not overly romantic. Any ideas?

Hope you feel better soon sky

Haha those scribbler cards are awesome 5hell I rekon wev got a good shot at a serious business with these cards

Just got back from footbal, in one peice albeit muddy. We won 6-3 though.

Had some sharp stabby pains afterwards on the right side of uterus body.

honey piss on weds with us :)

honey it was until at least 6 weeks because at both my early scans you could see the CL and they said to me that would explain the pain I was feeling. It was quite sore, very like icing pain

For the second time this weekend I think I'm out, red spotting now. Not surprised after yesterday's brown cm. really sore boobs too which apparently is caused by progesterone so looks like I did definitely ice 2weeks ago! So cause for relief, even if it is a bit disappointing to make it to cd35 and not get a bfp. Ah well, on to cycle 4567 or something!

honey what about a picnic, I know it's unseasonable but if it's dry and you get wrapped up it can be really romantic. Poas with jelly and pickle later in the week, tomorrow will be too soon. (Easier said than done I know)

Aww tink could still be ib? I really hope you are not out.

My boobs are less sore today :( a sign of impending AF for me.

Thanks La, I'll keep an eye and pee on weds.

So sorry Tink. You're so good at finding the silver lining in the pile of shit. Picnic you say.... That's a lovely idea! Will check the weather forecast!

Happy almost anniversary honey I agree you should join pissy party. I too have shat myself on occasion. Bloody norovirus gets me everytime. I once shat myself at my best mates house on my 15th birthday due to a sudden and violent case of food poisoning not at all scarred for life

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am making a slow but steady recovery and have ginger beer and cream crackers on the way.

We should totally have JS greeting cards.

Bloody hell, 7 pages in already...

Niff
33
No DCs
TTC June 2014 MC March 2015

I was at a wedding yesterday so no time to catch up... In super exciting news I got a flashing smiley on the Clearblue ovulation sticks this morning. Hoorah, things might be getting back to normal...

Whilst I was researching pissy sticks on the CB website I noticed they're doing a clinical trial for TTC - I think for pissy sticks, maybe some new and improved ones? Anyone else signed up and know more about it?

Hi niff some people on the buses are on the trial. They aren't allowed to talk about it so all I know is that it involves storing and sending your wee and you get lots of shiny sticks :)

kato did that trial, we dubbed it "piss by post"

Highly mysterious night! I'm thinking I'll give it a go. Both my sil's have got pg first month since I started ttc, and frankly I'm going to get really fucking cross if I'm not at least s little bit upduffed by the time they pop..

Go for it! I would but DH would have got cross at me storing my pee in the fridge

...so anything that might help would be welcome.

Though mailing your own piss does sound a little ??

Would love it if the post office asked what you were sending

Hmm, hopefully they send a courier van maybe. Obviously it will be largely pointless because at some point this week I will ice, get knocked up with dh's super-sperm and have a trouble-free 9 months.

That's the plan anyway and I will cry if it doesn't work but no harm finding out more.

You need to post it via royal mail niff. They send you a box with lots of plastic vials, you need to enter details for each day about shagging, bleeding, and other info, and pee in a pot and store in your fridge and send off after about a weeks worth i think.

I signed up for it but sent it all back, it was too much contraband hassle.

Cramps are here :( :( :( :(

No Jelly!

My body is seriously fucking with me. Yesterday I couldn't find my cervix. Today I could. Just checked before my bath now and can't find it again.

Cramps have gone but aching all over though that could be from the 90 minutes of football I played earlier.

Boobs still hurt.

I just want my LP to be more than 9 days :(

I think you've just got to wait for red witch if she comes. So many symptoms of PMS are also symptoms of other things, or just normal responses.

Yeh I just really don't want her to come tomorrow. If I can hold out one more day I'll have a "normal" LP

Oh booo Jelly, is tomorrow 9dpo or 10dpo?