We let our miroids tie us up, and pee while we're in the tub, and the grads often visit, so we can give their bumps a rub! We've a syncro pee approaching, so here's hoping, for a BFP filled JS No 42!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 41 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2334008-Were-sorry-about-your-fanny-here-have-a-balloon-We-might-use-cock-rings-and-ear-needles-but-we-definitely-dont-use-contraband-to-get-us-upduffed-its-Just-Shagging-thread-41?msgid=53430680#53430680" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2334723-With-our-swamp-fanjos-and-supermarket-jobbies-its-all-going-on-in-our-knickers-Its-a-wonder-our-men-agree-to-deliver-the-prostaglandin-injections-but-then-we-are-the-24th-Just-Shagging-Grads?msgid=53223726#53223726" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

5hell Wowzers - how long have you been upduffed for??

So according to contraband I should have iced yesterday making me 1dpo today, however just like last month I am still getting ewcm and last cycle my luteal phase jumped from 11/12 days to 14. I got ewcm at 2dop last cycle. From this I am assuming that I have not yet iced and contraband is lying to me! We shagged the last two days so may have a day off and get one in tomorrow morning - does that sound like a plan.

Next month praying it doesn't come to that I am tempted to ditch the contraband, I know my body now and ewcm seems to be just as good an indication. I will be a proper JSer x

Wow, daisy as well! Congrats!
2 BFPs in this fred and still time for some more??

What's all this cuntraband being bandied about the place all of a sudden! ignoring the fact that i uploaded my own chart here just a few days ago In fact I'm going to DTD tonight just because even though I'm twotting!

daisy smashing news!

jelly I think he either makes the changes anyway (and if he really wants a baby as much as he seems to why hasn't he already) or getting tested would spur him on to make the changes if results not good. the changes to make are so easy. you may both be 24 now, but if you had to have fertility treatment, you could be 26/27 by the time you even get there. in the 6months between seeing consultant and doing ivf dhs numbers went like this
count 88m dropped to 37m (still above normal of 20m and he was under pressure in the wank room so says volume wasn't as good!)
motility 4% up to 79%
morphology 3% up to 15% (not sure on this one but 15% is normal and his was back within normal)
that was through changing diet to high protein, taking 1000mg vit c, cutting caffeine out almost completely, losing a bit of weight as he was high end of good bmi, regular ejaculation (we always stopped shaggimg after ov and he has no drive so no wanking going on). I wish I'd known the difference this stuff could make and started when we first began ttc. instead we wasted 18months before we were told this (partly because dh wouldn't change things like caffeine) when if we'd done it from the start maybe I'd have my baby in my arms right now. sorry for epic lecture! I just feel so old compared to when we started. I was 27 that first day we ditched the condoms. I'll be 30 in less than 2 weeks. I have one ivf and a mc under my belt out of a whopping one pg in 2.5yrs and now time is not on my side. the system is fucked up.

oh lil putting it like that puts it all into perspective. I think his issue is he doesn't eat much veg, doesn't excercise much, though he doesn't drink much caffeine (a cup of tea a day maybe).

i'll have a talk with him though. It's just sickening that so many men (and women) have accidental pregnancies and think nothing about being in good shape for it and yet for people like yourself it needs so much work and effort to happen :(

lil

sorry that wasn't meant to be a woe is me post! its just easy to see some things this side of the 2 year mark that I know I didn't see at the stage some of you are at. and knowledge is power so I'm sharing the knowledge!

good that he isn't big on caffeine jelly, dh was 4pepsi Max and 3coffees a day. in the end I got fed up and switched his coffee at home to decaff without telling him. when he found out he switched the Pepsi to caffeine free diet coke! now he usually asks for decaff out too.
I'm not saying there is necessarily anything wrong with either of you, but if there is you'll wish you'd made changes earlier. I'm doing the 1000mg vit c a day now as I read it can help egg quality and I'm concerned the mc means I have bad chocolate eggs and I figured vit c can't hurt!

yeh we are taking the 1000mg of vit c plus he's taking a multi vit that has selenium and zinc in it. I think fizzy drink is his downfall, might start getting caffeine free coke

fizzy drinks are the drink of the devil!

Congrats to daisy and 5hell nice to see some bfp s going in.

Me and molten nips are just checking in really

Huge congrats daisy !!!

I might be out for this month. It's three days before my expected period, and I've never, ever had a cycle this short before. However, I've been getting cramps all morning, and just noticed a tiny bit of red/brown blood just now in the bathroom, so I think I'll be coming on soon.

I just can't believe it's so early. What the hell is this? a TWENTY THREE DAY CYCLE???? That's fucking ridiculous.

coughs implantation bleed coughs

Jelly if I got the books dh would kill me. I may have a few too many already....

Lil we are so lucky to have you!

My cat and I are having a debate. She wants to stick her claws in me and I don't agree. She is not impressed.

Have a fanjo plug in today. We'll see how it goes. Fairly nervous of being sat on my tan coloured sofa.

honey stick a pad on as well, then you won't worry about leaks.

And there's no such thing as too many books............

lil Thanks for the optimism, though I thought implantation bleeds were meant to be painless. Whilst I'm not in agony, I certainly have had my typical back ache and quite mild front cramps all morning :-(

I'm assuming the worst and will see if it gets any heavier.

I had back ache and cramps with my bfp. granted someone had shoved needles in my ovaries a few weeks before and a tube up there in the interim, but at least some of it was the bean/s as it got better then worse

Argh! I've run out of orange wool, with one "petal" to go. How irritating! Will have to do as much of other layers as I can and fill in gap later. Frustrating.

Ooh that is annoying honey!.

I feel your pain honey!

We've not had any pissy sticks that require staring for a long time so I thought I'd oblige. Now I know this isn't positive but I also don't think it's definitely negative either. I'm only 10dpo bad jser so I know what I need to do is wait a few days and then test again, but everyone loves a squint on a Saturday afternoon!.....

Can you see anything on it JC? I've got everything crossed for you!

I see something JC. We're cycle buddies! 10dpo here too. When u going to test again?

Can see something jc!

There's just something there. Don't know what yet...... Probably tomorrow lil my will power is terrible! Monday if I can wait though. What was yours like?