We let our miroids tie us up, and pee while we're in the tub, and the grads often visit, so we can give their bumps a rub! We've a syncro pee approaching, so here's hoping, for a BFP filled JS No 42!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 41 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2334008-Were-sorry-about-your-fanny-here-have-a-balloon-We-might-use-cock-rings-and-ear-needles-but-we-definitely-dont-use-contraband-to-get-us-upduffed-its-Just-Shagging-thread-41?msgid=53430680#53430680" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2334723-With-our-swamp-fanjos-and-supermarket-jobbies-its-all-going-on-in-our-knickers-Its-a-wonder-our-men-agree-to-deliver-the-prostaglandin-injections-but-then-we-are-the-24th-Just-Shagging-Grads?msgid=53223726#53223726" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Stealth shag fallen I'm back from pub a little tipsy and trying to hide it from DH so he's not pissed off at me - I need that shag!!

Happy Easter viroids! Lots to catch up on. Sorry to those caught by af?congrats to Mae on having offer accepted, flowers to cat but here's hoping it's nothing to worry about. Everyone else should be shagging lots this weekend! I'm sure I've missed out loads...

Congrats mae.

I'm driving myself crazy. Watching one born.

There is a couple on here who were ttc for 6 years before they got their bfp.

ain I'm on yr 6, they just roll into one after so many. Stop stressing, you have every reason to believe you'll be one of the lucky ones. And even if you're not, you'll cope, I do!

Sorry tink, I actually meant my last post in a 'they waited 6 years, it can be done even if you have to wait a while' kind of way.

Oh good, it won't take you that long

I hope not...
in the meantime I have a fur baby who is being extra soppy right now. Curled right up in to me..

fallen morning should be perfect timing, you sound like you need an early night.

Im making most of late icing by enjoying wine, got friends round, silver linings!

Just realised shouldn't admit to drinking in 2ww.....don't throw stones at me. Obv not going mad!

mae amazing! Congratulations! Getting our offer accepted when we bought this house was such a great feeling, now just got to fill these extra bedrooms we optimistically purchased!

epic catch up time..

Re smears and ttc, book it for pre ovulation is fine but try and avoid getting it done in lp. Think bleeding g has to have stopped for at least 24hrs, maybe 48 but not sure.

jelly you'd think if anyone would know the eight thing to say it would be me, but I honestly don't have the words. Its utterly shite but if I've learnt anything about ttc it's a waiting game and a rest of patience. I know me telling you that your body is still sorting itself out, not been long enough bla bla bla isn't going to help you right now, you've heard it before and you aren't stupid. I think if I were you, knowing what I know now from our journey, I'd get dh to have an sa, even if it means paying for it. If I'd known 2years ago that he had crap sperm we could've addressed that sooner. I never imagined wed be able to improve it but we did. Hugs for you x

ain we did Vegas for first part of our honeymoon. If u want to do grand canyon I'd suggest 5nights min. We had 4nights, 3.5 days and we didn't get to see Freemont street or have time to revisit our favourite things. Amazing place though. And cirque dh soleil was well worth seeing. We flew to Maui for a week after, it was heaven.

Sorry AF got you honey, cycle 10 is shit but your still the right side of the 85% line.

black my mum had a malignant melanoma on her leg, found our when she was pg with me all the way back in 84. If she and I survived then, I'm sure you'd be fine now. Ttc is hard enough already without pausing for every "could be" scenario. Hope it turns out to be benign and a simple removal for you

pickle get thee to a Dr to be checked out. Fainting is not OK.

fallen I'm rarely wrong :P I'd do another opk tomorrow, should be negative. Then don't do any more. Positive today means u will ice tomorrow most likely. Hope you got some shagging in tomorrow morning! Love how inventive you were with finding a ROC!

Oh country fucking previous occupiers and their stupid fucking nct magazine.

Congrats on flat Mae. We are hoping to complete our house sale/purchase 24/4! Shame we no longer have a need for all of the 5bedrooms!

just we have all had a drink in the twot, and some of us have got pissed in the twot too....

Afm I've had a day from hell, feeling super stressed and will be working/studying all weekend. Have decided the "symptoms" are stress related. They've gone today so can't be pg anymore, they went last time. hope everyone has nice things planned for the long weekend.

Thank you lil I just can't spend two weeks of every cycle depriving myself. Especially as in all likelihood it's in vain anyway. Was super disciplined in first few cycles but now I just think 'acting' pg just means it's more depressing when af comes

By the way did you put the lid back on the Vaseline afterwards fallen?

just I was wondering the same! I learnt very quickly during pregnancy that dry shampoo lids are a god send for collecting pee, how the hell they expect you to pee in those tiny tubes with a massive belly I don't know.

Thanks lil. I haven't thrown it out- I'm considering leafing through. Now that I've written that down I seem insane. I'll get dh to throw out

just I had a sneaky gin last night. I wouldn't worry too much. Can't put your life on hold. My osteo told me a wonderful story about how a friend of hers was abroad filming and survived on a diet of vodka and fags as didn't even know she was pg. baby now 18 and off to uni!

Arrrrgh molten nips!!!!!

Skittletits country?

Morning all,

Just did a test, but it was negative. I noticed on the box afterwards it said it was effective from the day of your period (woops). I've still three days before my period, and I'd bet that even if I am pregnant, my body would refuse to tell me until the last possible moment.

I'm actually beginning to wonder if I ovulated last month. I didn't get the cm, and I didn't go through my Queen of Grease stage either.

morning! happy Easter all.

CD30 and still no AF (previous cycles 25, 28 and 26) so think I may actually buy a test today (which will no doubt mean AF will be here by the time I get back from the shops!)

squeezed in an early morning shag just to keep in practice anyway

just horrific skittletits

Morning viroids.

Thanks for the kind words lil. I do feel stupid ranting at times especially because I'm not an overly emotional person but this has really gotten to me. I think I'll talk to DP about getting an SA done. Sorry you are stressed though. That's not good especially over Easter :(

gouda hooyah! Testing before AF is due! You know better than that!

5hell gx

I'm calmer today. Not thinking about work just focusing on trying to enjoy my weekend.

Morning viroids

Honey so sorry about the witch :( and jelly I'm sorry you had a down day yesterday. I know it's a total headfuck and so frustrating but jelly your af came back in nob and it's clear your cycles are starting to stabilise. Before they did that it's pretty difficult to conceive as your body is getting back to normal. But I would probably say that from now is when you're more likely to actually get bfp as it's settled down. Keep shagging because I do think it's a good sign!

Honey again I know it's so frustrating. It's meant to take the average couple a year to conceive and mainly that's because they don't shag enough or at right time. So as long as you're shagging I'm keeping the faith that you'll not be long before you get your bfp. Sending you both unmumsnetty hugs

All of you testing before af is due (or before 14dpo) gives stern look you know that it's too early and it just makes you sad when you get bfn or when af comes. Do try to wait - it saves a lot of disappointment

Pickle how many dpo are you? I've got good feeling about this...oh and I faint often too. Low bp apparently

Lil how many dpo are you now?

I drank day before I got bfp - I figured it would invoke LOS and it did

Gx to anyone testing!

Nov not nob!

Nob.... Hehehe...

Thanks viroids. Messiah lil I have a negative opk today of course! I will put them away til next month. So can I guesstimate 1dpo tomorrow?

Dh is off out with mil in an hour so I'm going to jump on him imminently.

Yes..... I did put the Vaseline lid back on after a rinse under the tap. I'm disgusting aren't I!? Hah.

Gx 5hell and gouda