Giddy, I am now wondering how many fingers you actually have..
Miss, bastard spotting! Leave us all alone! 
Sammy, I was like that 14-yr-old girl! When I was 30 I had a one-night stand with a vague acquaintance after a night so fuelled by alcohol and cocaine I most certainly was not capable of consent. I only knew sex had taken place when I awoke Christmas morning in a strange house, fully clothed, to find the crotch of my burgundy jeans awash with dried spunk. I conceived that night after twelve years on the Pill, having come off it in recent weeks because my new boyfriend had had a vasectomy. We were on a break
I had an abortion at eight weeks because I had just started lapdancing and had bought a very expensive sports car on HP. Stupid, stupid girl.