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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC a girl. What would you do?

101 replies

NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 12:18

Hi,

I've been trying to conceive for a few months now. I track my fertility on an app and have been having sex usually a couple of days before ovulation up until the day of ovulation with no luck (although i'm not actually so sure how accurate this app is)

This month i'm using cheap ovulation tests, tested today and it's positive (according to the instructions this means I should ovulate in the next 24 hours)

Anyway DH and I had spontaneous sex on Friday night, didn't on Saturday night (too tired) but were planning to to tonight as we had our positive ovulation test.

The problem is, we would like a girl. We already have a Daughter. Our reasons for this is purely financial, it would be a lot easier due to hand me downs and I guess part of the reason is because we want DD to have a Sister, we figured she would probably grow to have a closer relationship with a Sister as opposed to a Brother. This could be a load of crap of course, but it's just out own experiences within our own family. I always said if I choose I would want either 2 girls or 2 boys. Never wanted one of each.

I know there'll be ladies on this board struggling to conceive at all, and I apologise if preferring one sex over the other is an emotive subject. I just feel a girl would be a better fit for us, although we would still be delighted with a Son if we are lucky enough to conceive at all.

Anyway, having briefly read up on Shettles method etc.. It appears the best bet for a girl is to not have sex too close to ovulation. I had sex two days before ovulation, and was planning sex on ovulation. Am I better off not having sex on tonight in order to increase my chances of conceiving a girl? Only thing is, I probably won't conceive at all if I only have sex two days before ovulation? Or do you think the best bet is just to have sex and leave it to fate?

OP posts:
WatchWithMerlot · 01/12/2014 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyboluna · 01/12/2014 11:50

I don't think people (including me) are getting annoyed because you say you have a 'slight preference'.

I think it's what you said in your opening post is completely different to what you're saying now.

In your opening post you say - "The problem is, we would like a girl. We already have a Daughter. Our reasons for this is purely financial, it would be a lot easier due to hand me downs and I guess part of the reason is because we want DD to have a Sister, we figured she would probably grow to have a closer relationship with a Sister as opposed to a Brother. This could be a load of crap of course, but it's just out own experiences within our own family. I always said if I choose I would want either 2 girls or 2 boys. Never wanted one of each."

The words "never wanted" and "purely financial" in reference to a decision for a girl or boy are completely different to what you say later on in the thread about how it's natural to have a slight preference and everyone does. And that is why people are getting angry and justly so. Don't try to change your argument and pretend you're being victimised.

goldvelvet · 01/12/2014 13:49

Ladyboluna what does it actually matter what her reasoning behind her preference as long as it's not sinister?

She's never said girls are better than boys or boys better than girls. I know plenty of people that would have liked two of the same and plenty who wanted one of each, for a whole host of different reasons be it financial (sharing rooms), their own childhood experiences, or a down right yearning for a son or daughter.

The op has said that she has preference for a whole host of reasons. Even if the top one is because she enjoys being a mum to a dd because that's what she has experience of and wants her dd to enjoy the experience of having a sister. I wonder if people would be getting their knicker in a twist if she wanted a ds?

What's so wrong in 'never wanting' a pigeon pair? Is it because we have grown up to believe that the perfect family is mum, dad one of each sex and a dog? So we must all 'want' this. Is it such a massive shock that some people like the idea of having siblings of the same sex?

Ladyboluna · 01/12/2014 15:08

goldvelvet she said she never wanted one of each, but always wanted two of the same.

The language in the opening thread - using words such as "purely financial" and "never wanted" are inflammatory. I do accept that we all have daydreams and ideas of what it would be like to have each gender.

But do I have a preference? No, I really really don't. Is the post inconsiderate? Yes. Is the OP delusional? Yes, sorry but yes. You can't influence it.

And the stuff about certain sperm swimming faster...? Jeez, what's next? Selling me some snake oil to cure all that ails me and gives me the desired gender?

goldvelvet · 01/12/2014 15:36

You: 'goldvelvet she said she never wanted one of each, but always wanted two of the same.'

Me: 'What's so wrong in 'never wanting' a pigeon pair? Is it because we have grown up to believe that the perfect family is mum, dad one of each sex and a dog? So we must all 'want' this. Is it such a massive shock that some people like the idea of having siblings of the same sex?'

I'm aware of that and so would you be if you read my post a pigeon pair is one of each.

Ladyboluna · 01/12/2014 16:32

goldvelvet - You missed the point I was making all through this thread and you're just debating semantics now. This is my last post.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 17:18

Ladyboluna No, actually, I don't believe for one second that is why any of you are getting annoyed. You're all getting annoyed because it's clearly taboo on here to express a slight preference, which is absolutely ridiculous.

My reasons are mainly financial and for practicality, such as sharing a room. That is one of the main reasons I wanted two of the same sex, so actually what I said originally is what I meant. I also wanted two of the same because I believed they may have more in common as they grew older.

I'm not so sure people would be getting their knickers in a twist if I had a slight preference a DS goldvelvet There seems to be a stigma on here for wanting a DD in my experience.

My reasons make sense, they aren't reasons such as "to go shopping with" or "to have a close Mother/Daughter relationship when older" I have enough friends and hobbies, although actually, anyone who felt this way wouldn't be judged by me.

I don't need to justify myself as to my reasoning, but i'm certainly not changing my argument and pretending to be victimised. I couldn't care less if people don't like the fact I want two of the same sex, and they can voice a negative opinion about it all they like.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 17:24

Thank you WatchwithMerlot You make some valid points.

goldvelvet I really appreciate you seeing what I mean.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 01/12/2014 18:09

In my experience sharing a room with that kind of age gap is a nightmare - and I speak both as someone who had to do it as a child, and someone who does it with her own dcs. Mine have totally different bedtimes, they wake each other up, and want different things out of a room playing-wise. As soon as we can we'll be getting them a room each! Just as my dsis moved into her own room the minute she got the chance to!

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 18:12

Iggi I can imagine. I've left way too big a gap.

OP posts:
GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 01/12/2014 18:14

Your OP is deeply offensive. I don't think you should be trying to conceive at all. Seriously.

fififolle · 01/12/2014 18:24

You are being incredibly inconsiderate.
We're all getting annoyed about your arrogance in even considering to post this question.
Do you not realise that you are posting on a board when numerous posters/watchers/lurkers ARE HAVING PROBLEMS CONCEIVING A BABY (of either sex) OR WHO HAVE (recently) SUFFERED A MISCARRIAGE

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 01/12/2014 18:25

Yes, it will be the age gap not the sex that makes room sharing, games etc tricky. And that can't be changed so try and chill about the rest.Smile

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 18:47

I really don't understand how anyone can be deeply offended when it states in the title i'm TTC a girl (if possible) DON'T READ IT IF IT WILL OFFEND YOU.

My heart goes out to anyone experiencing difficulties, it really really does, but I still feel that my OP is not offensive, infact, I even apologised in advance in case the subject was too emotive for someone who couldn't resist taking a look.

I seriously cannot get over how pathetic it is that this much offence is taken at having a slight preference for the reasons I have stated. If you don't like it, don't read it. And as for not trying to conceive at all for having a slight preference, get a grip. PATHETIC.

OP posts:
GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 01/12/2014 19:27

Yes. I'm just rebuilding my life after a very recent and traumatic loss of a baby and I'm offended that someone would be as ridiculous as to post here about having a gender preference.
Yes, I should just get a grip. Thanks OP. I feel truly enlightened.

How about you THINK about the potential audience on these boards before you post here?

And for the record, even if I hadn't suffered a recent loss, I would still be offended by your attitude. Trying to conceive one particular gender is just ridiculous and idiotic.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 19:40

Whilst it's horrendous you have suffered a loss of that kind and I genuinely hope you find yourself with a beautiful healthy baby soon, I don't feel that me havinga slight preference warrants you saying I shouldn't TTC at all.

The title said it all, if it is something that is too emotive for you or any others, then you and the others didn't need to read it.

TTC one particular gender and absolutely not wanting the other gender is ridiculous and idiotic, no doubt about it. Having a slight preference for one gender over the other is neither of those things, it's probably very common and very normal to many, many women.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/12/2014 20:51

New York but to twist it around the other way Don't create a public forum if you do not like people giving you their opinions.

Ladyboluna · 01/12/2014 20:52

Oh my goodness.

It's not a slight preference if you feel you need to ask how to get a girl. It goes a bit further than that. It goes from slight preference to wanting one more than the other to the point of changing your lifestyle to get it. And for stupid reasons like saving a little money on clothes and thinking they'll have a better relationship?

We didn't need to read it but you didn't have to post it.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 01/12/2014 21:06

People can give opinions, I expected that, of course I did, slightly annoying that it's majority of opinions as opposed to answering the question but there you go.

I'm not changing my lifestyle! I'm asking about Shettle's method, and whether there's any truth in it. I wouldn't have minded swaying my odds slightly if it was possible with timing, that is all.

Some people are totally twisting this. What the hell has it got to do with anyone if I or anyone else has a preference? Why voice negative opinions about how "disgusting" it is. IT ISN'T!

OP posts:
goldvelvet · 01/12/2014 21:30

To all these people objecting, go and ask your best friend, mother, sister, brother, husband and neighbour. If they ever had a preference of how many children they thought they wanted and if they wanted girls or boys. I will tell you now that some will say that no they didn't but a lot will state exactly what they had envisioned or had a preference for. "I wanted 3 kids 2 girls and boy", "4 kids two of each", "I wanted two kids one of each", "I wanted 3 boys", "I waned a boy first so that he could be a protective big brother to a sister" , yada, yada.

I've had this conversations numerous times with people at work when chatting about my bump when I've been pregnant over the years (they bought up the subject not me). Plenty of women have openly said they yearned for a gender they didn't have but were done with having babies. And light heartedly said if only you could choose.

I've chatted to mum's in the playground, life long friends to my mother in law and my grandmother about preferences when pregnant. It's perfectly bloody normal. And nobody got offended.

Do you all get offended by women who choose not to have any children and openly talk about not wanting kids. Even though they are perfectly capable of falling pregnant. But they have a preference not to? If they accidentally somehow fell pregnant would they not deserve the baby because they never longed or wanted a child?

It doesn't have any correlation on how you live your life that the op wanted to know if what time of the month she had sex would sway the gender. It's a simple question which I think it's fair to say most people have debunked but a few have said that it has worked although it may have been coincidence.

Iggi999 · 01/12/2014 23:05

I genuinely had no "preferences" when pg other than having a take-home baby, but that's what having problems will do for you, focuses you on what is really important I suppose. Idle speculation is fine, as long as we don't forget how bloody lucky we are to get any baby at all.

MiddletonPink · 02/12/2014 12:56

The OP can start a thread about such content without upsetting someone on the Internet.

I've seen women get more support on MN who have disappointment from a real live baby because it wasn't the sex they wanted and not just hoping their next baby will be a boy/girl.

Some of you need a word with yourselves.

Moraglebeaux · 02/12/2014 22:13

This is one of the stupidest things I've ever read. I don't think the Internet is the right place for you.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 02/12/2014 22:34

MiddletonPink I've also seen those threads. I think it's utterly ridiculous the way some posters have carried on, on this thread!

Moragle Stupid to have a slight preference? Stupid to voice it?

OP posts:
EnglishExpatUSA · 02/12/2014 22:56

Oh my goodness me, some of the responses on this thread are so over the top! Why are some people so angry? The OP asked a legitimate question in a diplomatic way. No-one forced you to read it. You would never call a person 'disgusting' and 'delusional' to their face in real life, so don't do it on here. (Oh and if that is the way you speak to people, I can't imagine you have many friends!)

OP I recently read a book by a renowned gynaecologist in the US which said the results of doing the OPPOSITE of the Shettles method have actually been proven to be more effective (although it only sways the odds to around 40/60). With this in mind I would just dtd as much as possible in your fertile window and what will be will be!