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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC a girl. What would you do?

101 replies

NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 12:18

Hi,

I've been trying to conceive for a few months now. I track my fertility on an app and have been having sex usually a couple of days before ovulation up until the day of ovulation with no luck (although i'm not actually so sure how accurate this app is)

This month i'm using cheap ovulation tests, tested today and it's positive (according to the instructions this means I should ovulate in the next 24 hours)

Anyway DH and I had spontaneous sex on Friday night, didn't on Saturday night (too tired) but were planning to to tonight as we had our positive ovulation test.

The problem is, we would like a girl. We already have a Daughter. Our reasons for this is purely financial, it would be a lot easier due to hand me downs and I guess part of the reason is because we want DD to have a Sister, we figured she would probably grow to have a closer relationship with a Sister as opposed to a Brother. This could be a load of crap of course, but it's just out own experiences within our own family. I always said if I choose I would want either 2 girls or 2 boys. Never wanted one of each.

I know there'll be ladies on this board struggling to conceive at all, and I apologise if preferring one sex over the other is an emotive subject. I just feel a girl would be a better fit for us, although we would still be delighted with a Son if we are lucky enough to conceive at all.

Anyway, having briefly read up on Shettles method etc.. It appears the best bet for a girl is to not have sex too close to ovulation. I had sex two days before ovulation, and was planning sex on ovulation. Am I better off not having sex on tonight in order to increase my chances of conceiving a girl? Only thing is, I probably won't conceive at all if I only have sex two days before ovulation? Or do you think the best bet is just to have sex and leave it to fate?

OP posts:
Purplelilly · 30/11/2014 19:55

To be fair on NewYorkDeli, I think many people have a slight preference for one sex over the other. That doesn't mean they do not want a baby of the other sex, would be unhappy with it or any less loving of their child!

When people hear of these methods of increase the likelihood of one sex over the other, they often will try to tip the odds in their favour. That doesn't mean they're a bad parent to a child of the other sex!

When I'm around my nephews I always imagine how wonderful it'd be having a boy. When I'm around my nieces I crave having a girl. I feel that way even though I genuinely just want a baby, I don't have any preference for either sex. I don't think that makes me a bad future parent. If I were to bd a day earlier, believing it would increase my chance of a girl I don't think that would make me a bad parent either. I'd love them just the same (I'm not following any of those methods btw!)

I have known a couple of women who did have a strong preference for a girl. I do think they felt their boys were a disappointment and it is horrible to sense that. I think it is disgusting parenting. Saying that, I've had several friends and family express a preference for one or the other (such as they would love to 'complete their set' etc). None of these friends or family have loved or adored their child any less due to their sex. Once they find out they are just so happy for a healthy baby.

Sorry for the long post, I just don't want to direct a lot of negativity at someone for asking a question. There was no mention of not wanting a boy in this post.

Changeitplease · 30/11/2014 19:55

NewYorkDeli -

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong in preferring one gender over other before you have conceived and actually know the gender. Everyone has that preference and it is absolutely stupid of people to bash you saying you are ignoring or disrespecting anyone...you are not.... It's your life and you ha revert right to ask a questions. Bollocks to anyone who tries to preach you!!!

Go ahead try your best ...

MediumOrchid · 30/11/2014 19:57

As others have said, if this method works at all it will only change your chance of getting a girl from 50:50 to 60:40 at the most. Just one anecdote, but we dtd 2 days before ovulation (dh was ill on day of ovulation) - we conceived a boy. Definitely not a reliable method!

Changeitplease · 30/11/2014 19:57

BB113 - most women do have a preference ... Don't you find people asking pregnant ladies 'would you like a boy or girl'... What's wrong with that??? Eventually everyone loves their child but that doesn't mean they can't have a preference before.

fififolle · 30/11/2014 19:59

What an inflammatory thread- it would be ripped to shreds on AIBU.
If it really is light hearted, I'd ask for it to be moved to chat to avoid pissing off the majority of posters on this board.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 20:00

Ladyboluna I posted because I have a slight preference for a girl, I didn't say i'd love to have a boy equally. Although I assure you that if i'm lucky to conceive a child at all then a boy will still be loved more than life. But yes, I have a preference.

I do wonder would I still have these responses if I already had a son and was hoping to conceive another? As I have stated a couple of times, I would always choose two children of the same sex if it were up to me, boy or girl.

OP posts:
MiddletonPink · 30/11/2014 20:02

OP go to Ingender.com.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 20:02

Thank you kindly to those posters that have expressed that they see my point of view. Xx

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/11/2014 20:03

Of course you would, dear. For practical reasons, we know...

Pusspuss1 · 30/11/2014 20:08

I second Ingender.

sallyst123 · 30/11/2014 20:10

I think some of the comments are a bit harsh
I'm not a scientist but I don't think there is anything you could do to guarantee a girl & as a pp said it's all dictated by the sperm! & I'm sure that of you got a boy you would love him just as much as your daughter. After 2 girls I remember being terrified when I found out I was having a boy (how do I change a boys nappy, I hate football I couldn't name any ninja turtles & never heard of Ben 10)
5 years later even though my poor son is forced to watch barbie & frozen (he is constantly outvoted) the girls will go outside & play football I still can't tell you all the names of the turtles.. but our very full of girls house would not be the same or complete without our funny kind handsome boy.
I'm sure you will feel the same no matter boy or girl

BB113 · 30/11/2014 20:10

Point taken on board about title however posting this, you have openly put yourself out there in a delicate forum where you should expect a reaction. changeitplease I can honestly say I have never asked a pregnant woman if they would prefer a boy or a girl (it wouldn't enter my head) & should I ever be asked, I would be highly offended that somebody would assume me to be that ridiculous.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 30/11/2014 20:10

I can kind of see what you're saying op. When I found out I was pregnant with DC2 I though having another girl would be nice as that's what I knew, what I was used to, could re use clothes etc... However DH and I did not find out the sex of either our DC as it didn't matter to us one iota what they were. For "practical reasons" a girl would be easier, however we didn't "want" a girl. We wanted DC2. Well, kind of. DC2 was a gift of fate but as soon as the pee stick was dry we wanted DC2 not a DD2 or DS specifically

DC2 is a beautiful baby boy. He's my absolute world (as is his big sister) and I wouldn't swap him for all the baby girls in the world.

Youryour · 30/11/2014 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

goldvelvet · 30/11/2014 20:22

Lots of people have a preference it's entirely normal. And no child needs pity because there parent would have preferred one or the other.

If you asked a 100 men if they's like their first child unborn to be a boy or girl I be a £100 that boy would be stated categorically more than girl.

All these women bashing the OP get a grip.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 20:23

Youryour I think if anyone is being ridiculous, it's you. Are you serious? Millions of women have a slight preference, it doesn't mean they should be denied the chance to conceive a baby. There'd hardly be any babies if this were the case.

OP posts:
goldvelvet · 30/11/2014 20:24

Youyour - seriously how rude? You have issues not the op.

MiddletonPink · 30/11/2014 20:25

Quite ridiculous to come out with words like that YourYour. Most women have a preference to the sex of their child even if they only admit it to themselves. Of course if the baby born isn't of the preferred sex they go on to love and cherish that child. Your last sentence was nasty.

Original poster
NewYorkDeli · 30/11/2014 20:25

goldvelvet Exactly. Surely it's somewhat normal to have preferences as human beings. Preferences about anything and everything.

My question was in relation to Shettles method and hardly no one has answered it. Some people just love to create drama.

OP posts:
Purplelilly · 30/11/2014 20:31

BB113, I've heard a lot of people ask that question about preference. Whist you may find it rude, many people don't consider it so. That doesn't make it right of course, but as there are clear gender differences and some people will have a preference. That doesn't mean they would change the baby they have or are any less thankful and happy to get pregnant with either sex.

I think it becomes a problem when people would be upset if they had one sex instead of the other, or wouldn't treat them as well. That isn't what the poster has said here.

I work in a department which is very culturally diverse. I've been very shocked in the past when colleagues have told me that they want boys as they are considered more valuable in their culture. Sadly it happends. I think we are very luck to live in a culture where girls and boys don't have such a vast difference in value. We don't have men leaving their wives for example, because she has failed to provide a son.

We live in a world with vastly different opinion, thoughts and feelings. Just because we don't agree with someone else or are sensitive to them, does that mean they shouldn't be able to speak and ask for advice?
Would we exclude someone from discussing their religous or cultural beliefs on here because they are out of line with our own regarding TTC?

I honestly don't think the poster was trying to upset people. We should be able to have a discussion without it becoming an argument.

goldvelvet · 30/11/2014 20:33

Apologies for all the typos (I am literate I promise) in my first post but I hope I got my message across.

NewYork I have 2 boys and a girl and and I actively wanted a DD when TTC, I love my boys dearly but wanted to parent both sex's as did my DH (obviously very selfish of us Hmm)

To answer you question I would say no that it doesn't work. I don't think timing has much to do with what sex you conceive but diet has a lot to do with it I'll Pm you.

Twattergy · 30/11/2014 20:34

I don't think the 'methods' to affect baby's gender work. A friend did everything (diet, supplements, timing of sex) in order to get one gender baby. First scan suggested she had succeeded so of course she was convinced what she'd done had affected the baby's sex. Next scan proved otherwise. I'd save yourself the bother and just accept it is pot luck.

StuffedOwl · 30/11/2014 20:40

Unfortunately you have no control and no choice in this. There are 2 things you have no control over, life and death. Considering a lot of women would do anything possible to even get pregnant, it is laughable that you think you could have any input over the sex of the child you may or may not even conceive this month.

Newsflash, DTD on day of ovulstion, the day before, the day after, doesn't even guarantee a pregnancy, boy or girl.

Families and siblings that are happy or not depend on the views and values of the parents during their upbringing. My DH has an older sister, 8 years older. They are so close. If you have issues that a brother is not what your daughter wants, your attitude may end up with that being the case...

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/11/2014 20:44

These methods don't work. You have a 50% chance so lots of people will claim it did when it was chance.

Let go of the fantasy of two close sisters -I have lots of family with your kind of age gap. Do you really think a 12 year old girl has more in common with a 3 year old girl than a boy? What will be will be.

goldvelvet · 30/11/2014 20:53

I think a lot of time it is 50/50 but then you do get some couples that end up with 8 of the same sex and I believe that some people can't conceive certain genders together or miscarry them very, very early on as they aren't viable pregnancies (chemical pregnancies)

I also believe that the average Jo who the above doesn't apply to can tip the balance of what gender they conceive but only slightly 55/45 or possibly even 60/40. But it would be ridiculous for me to state that I thought doing XYZ would 100% guarantee you a boy or girl.