Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Said puppy now seems to have fleas... So obviously my report wasn't that good either!

Oh no popz! How frustrating! Do you have flea stuff? Can you use flea stuff whilst preggers?

Has anyone looked at Fertility Friend app today? It's gone all netmums with a silly strip across the top with a countdown and pretty picture of a field and flowers.

He was literally just Frontlined... so I'm fuming. Another thing to add to the list that doesn't work!! We've used it since he was tiny and not had an issue til now. Bathed him and been through his fur with a fine comb and hoovered the shit out of the house all day today. Washed all his bed etc. Hoping we've nipped it in the bud early. Panicking slightly... last time the cats had fleas it was fucking biblical...

God :( that's annoying.

Round my area Frontline doesn't work, which we only found out when we moved here, used Frontline like always and wondered why the cats still had fleas. We use Advantage, it knocks them on the head and never had problem since.

Popz get some Indorex, a household spray for the home. Frontline and other spot on treatments only ever kill the live fleas, they never kill the eggs or larvae and they can lay dormant in your house for months! So get a spray and spray the whole house, including wooden flooring and skirting. I bought two bottles from amazon this week (much cheaper than pet shops). Also fleas in the UK (assume you are in the UK) seem to be building up a resistance to frontline and fiproline, the active ingredient in frontline. Next time ask your vet for advocate. :)

Gaggia tell that witch to fuck off. Your my POAS buddy so you need to stay with me gal!

Welcome lemon :)

I massivly invoked LOS today viroids. I had lunch with clients who I get on really well with and had a glass of prosecco AND 2 glasses of wine!!! Oh and steak and a wild boar terrine! Lol!

FML!!

X post la :) advantage is also very good.

Yep. Hoping I can get something like that from vets tomorrow. Everyone's wearing emergency cheapy flea collars for tonight post bath... for all the good it'll do. Last thing we need right now really

Argh.

I need a pair of gloves. I'm doing sparklers with some kids tomorrow. I know full well I own hundreds of pairs of gloves (okay, not hundreds, but at least 5-10 pairs...) and I can't find a single one. I have however just found a pair of minnie mouse ears, a dog NYPD bandana, several bottles of nail varnish, a £20 note, a £10 book token that has possibly expired, a £14 Tesco voucher and the details for an old bank account that apparently still had £35 left in it back in 2008...

All I want is a pair of gloves damn it!

Sorry. End rant. I'll go catch up on the fred posts now...

What a job jelly, that must have been a long lunch!

That sucks popz, it was a bloody nightmare when we got hit with fleas too. Just everywhere. Plus you get to deal with grumpy pets who have fleas AND are being fussed over to clean them and sort them out. I get ignored for a whole night once a month when we put the drops on, just glares from under the table as she plans my downfall! Hope you get it sorted!

ainat - money and vouchers can buy many gloves!

Yes la all that hunting and shooting business. He enjoys it but I have told him I shall name the hawk CuntHawk cos I refuse to like it! Working animals aren't up for kitten style cuddles.
We live in a very Un stately home. We are more like the Dingles off Emmerdale

Ainat! Wow, quite a haul!

Awww, we've got a gundog gaggia and he's pretty damn snuggly Never done a day's work in his life though

Haha! I LOVE this fred! Where else would I be reading about being as dizzy as duck and about cunthawks???

Hello lemon! :-)

Dulcet I could buy gloves, but only if I either went out to the 24 hour Tesco now (I can't see that happening... It's cold and wet and icky) or going early in the morning before work... (When it's still cold and wet and icky and every minute under the warm duvet is precious). I do have 2 pairs of child sized gloves that I bought in Primark at the weekend to make sure if the kids forget theirs I have spares. I don't think I could squeeze my hands into a pair, but maybe...

On a more serious flea related point - I use advocate for my dog. It seems to work - he's not caught anything since he's been on it. Touch wood.

rpopz awwwww! That's the way to keep dogs! All cuddly and not like hired help. I'm pretty rubbish at being a country lass although I do like the clothes

Haha

Still no gloves, but the kiddie ones fit me just about... Maybe I can get by... What's the betting I'll get home tomorrow and find several pairs. Hehe.

I have just also found the paper part of my driving license and the brooch I bought my nan for Christmas. I actually bought it in the Isle of Wight when I was there in the summer and had misplaced it. Now all I gotta find is our wedding certificate and I think I've found everything I've lost in the house!

la my ff app has had that for a couple of weeks. you can customise it. I now have a kitten chasing a ball of wool through my cycle!

fleas yuck! this is why I skipped on hamsters, cats, dogs, horses and budgies right to babies all the good that did me at least it means I have an un-infested tidy clean house

not sure y results take so long (can't remember who asked). but I guess crimbo is in between. its only 11weeks in total so not too too bad really. I guess they have a lot of scripts to mark and limited markers. oooh maybe I could become a marker when I'm qualified. I think I'd like that!

ooo... results! I'm sure you did fantastically lil. We'll all have our gx for you!

thanks ainat

Any news any news any news???

Just to let you know I caved this morning and POAS. It was ic. I left it about 7 mins then looked.

There is the slightest small shadow of a suggestion of a line but it could be evap. I'm going to go and buy frer today.

I am not even slightly getting my hopes up or getting excited. firstly because of it being possibly nothing/evap. But secondly I think the reality has just hot me of a possible pg, so what that fertility lady said about me likely having another mc if conceive first cycle after mc is resonating round my head over and over. I'm petrified of going through it again. Terrified.

Gx for the rest of you and sorry for being so lily livered and caving!

So if I do get a line I think I want to not celebrate and just see how it goes.

*hit me

OMG la, excited! And yes, terrifying! Have you kept the wee for the FR later?? (Questions you only hear on MN!)

aina can you come look in my house? I've no idea where anything is!!

I didn't even think about that dulcet!

I think you can do frer any time of day. But I'll wait until tomorrow morning