7 years with no contraception....

[Greta28]

Me and my husband have been using withdrawal method for 7 years we've been together. Couple of times we forgot to pull out (after few too many). We are both 28.
We have discussed to start TTC when we turn 30, however last weekend he confided he doesn't think we can have kids as it's almost unbelievable we haven't had unwanted pregnancy during all this time.
Do you agree it's slightly odd?
Ps. There is no way we can start trying for children now, in two years we can.
Thanks

*HE forgot to pull out

If you don't want to be pregnant for another 2 years why don't you use contraception?

NoArmani I don't want to get myself on the pills esp if withdrawal seems to be working..
Also coming off the pill it can take around a year for the cycle to return to normal, so it would basically mean I would be on the pill for only around a year..?

No, it probably means you're lucky. Withdrawal is a form of contraception, albeit unreliable.

I suggest that you use contraception to guarantee no unwanted pregnancies. But you already know that as an adult.

Condoms are a good form of contraception. It doesn't have to be the pill!!

Nonsense about "only" being on the pill a year. That's a long time when you don't want to get pregnant. Stop making excuses.

I am only allowed to take progestogen only pill (the one you take every day) because of my previous migraines and hence a higher risk of blood clots.
On this progestogen only pill, my bleeding was WEEKLY (irregular bleeding is one of the side effects) and I ended up almost constantly using tampons or pads. Having constant thrush is not fun..
With condoms ... I keep mentioning to DH, even bought some, he says he will but we never do..

Hi Greta

It's hard to say without you actually ttc. It could be that the withdrawal method is working well for you. Plus getting pregnant is so much down to chance so if you aren't actively ttc I would say chances are you haven't got any problems.

That said my DH and I had a fairly lax attitude towards contraception over a period of 5 years prior to ttc. We did use condoms sometimes but mainly relied on the withdrawal method. We never accidentally got pregnant once. Fast forward another 5 years of ttc, multiple ivf cycles and I am finally pregnant (very early days) with our first. We have unexplained infertility. I don't want to worry you unecessarily as chaces are everything will be fine when you ttc. I would just say think carefully about ttc, I wouldn't wait for the perfect circumstances like I did!

Ps definitely use protection if you really can't deal with a pregnancy now. We would have been happy with an accident which is why we were so casual about contraception.

Greta there is only a 20-25% chance of falling pg each cycle, and that's if you are trying your hardest and timing DTD to ovulation. so I wouldn't worry too much.

that said, as you haven't been on contraception, use that to play the system when you do start trying. you won't get a referral to a specialist until you gave been trying for 2 years in some areas, so after 6-9 months of trying I'd go to gp if not pg and lie about how long you've been trying so you can get blood tests done to confirm ovulation and get amh levels (day 21 test but actually to be done 7 days before AF, not actually always day21) and day 3 FSH/LH test and also get a sperm analysis for your dh. that will put your mind at rest if nothing else if it doesn't happen straight away.

fwiw after coming of bcp after 11years I would never go back on it, except next month when I have to before we do ivf. I also wouldn't put off ttc for perfect circumstances. I'm 29 and was 27 when we started ttc. we have male factor infertility issues so are due to start ivf in December, 12 months after I first visited gp for the referral. we have been ttc 2 years this month. I waited til my career was sorted, house, marriage, finances etc before ttc. now I still have no baby and have lost my job since we started ttc. there is never a right time.

Unfortunately we are in a foreign country on a visa it would cost literally thousands just to go through labour at the hospital., not including ante natal apps, scans etc.- just not possible. We are in a no mans land at the moment and have to wait around two years to become citizens..
We are building a good life here and going back to the uk would feel like starting from square one

ah! makes me appreciate all the NHS hoops I've had to jump through!

I suspect the major source of unreliability with withdrawal as a method of contraception is the inability of some (most?) men to be able to withdraw at an opportune moment! My husband and I used a combination of condems and the withdrawal method for 10 years before deciding to have a baby. I'm currently pregnant with our first child after 7 months ACTIVELY ttc.

Is he genuinely worried about your fertility or is this second thoughts about ttc? Seems early to be worrying if ttc isn't an option in the near future.

Good luck whatever you decide x

Well unless those times that he 'forgot' to withdraw were when you were ovulating then it's not really strange that you haven't got pregnant yet. Bit confused about the 'we bought condoms and he said he'll use them but it never happens'. Why wouldn't you just say 'it's not going inside me without a condom on'? Seriously if it would be a disaster for you to conceive now you need to use contraception. Would you rather be faced with the decision around whether to abort? A couple from my NCT group used the withdrawal method for 8 years before accidentally falling pregnant.

I saw a study on line somewhere which seemed to suggest that there were some men for whom the withdrawal method is effective, because their pre-cum does not contain sperm. And other men who have sperm in their pre-cum. If this is the case, I would imagine your oh is in the former category. Might be worth googling a bit.

I did not use contraception between the ages of 22 and 34. In that time I had two regular partners with a period.of celibacy from about 28 to about 32, and counted days, so not always withdrawing, iyswim. When my partner and I decided to TTC (I was 34, he was 38, we'd been having regular, no contraception sex for two years) we got pregnant literally on the first cycle. When we wanted number two, it was the second. I'm not telling you this as contraceptive advice but just to illustrate that it is possible to have unprotected sex for a long time without having fertility issues.

Perhaps.you and your partner could be checked out, if you are concerned about fertility and want start taking steps so that being pregnant in two years time is realistic even if there are fertility barriers?

Me and dp used withdrawal for a couple of years without a pregnancy - one time he didn't pull out -fell pregnant with dc1. Also was lucky enough to fall pg quickly with dc2.

I also remember reading that some men don't have sperm in pre cum though my gp laughed at this idea.

My husband and I have been using the pull out method for 5 years we decided to try for a kid and on the first try didn’t really try that hard at all either I do track my fertility on my phone and I try to avoid those days but other than that it seems very effective to me. But I assume it’s not as easy as it sounds to perfect the method.

There is no way we can start trying for children now, in two years we can
this is ridiculous. What happens if you do get pregnant because he won't wear the condoms, in this country you cannot afford to give birth in?

Me and dh used nfp for years. No issues at all. But tracked my cycle as well as withdrawal.

You're responding to a thread that's 8 years old, maybe you didn't realise.

She's probably got 3 kids by now!
Maybe she could update us.