40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

I find it strange. Doctors can have this "not a chance" attitude towards getting pregnant in the 40s but on the other hand if you go to them seeking contraception they will want to keep you on it well past 45.
When I went to GP about my recent mc in the autumn I told her that I thought the pregnancy had already failed and that it hadn't been planned ( it was the case that we were not really ttc at that time to avoid due dates clashing with eldests exams).. She suggested that if I wanted to avoid another surprise pregnancy I should get a coil.
It seems to me that if you don't want to get pregnant you are at risk of falling pregnant unexpectedly, whereas if you do want to get pregnant your chances are rated very low.
The answer must be somewhere in between.

I agree, doctors' attitude can be unhelpful. I also find friends and family difficult sometimes. Whilst we do not discuss ttc I tend to say I would quite like another. Cue comments of "Oh, 40/45/whenever is wayyy too old to start again, I had my last baby at 25/30/whenever and that was hard."

Even better are friends who tell me that my DD will be an only child if I don't get a move on soon or maybe I left it too late already. Did I know fertility declines with age? I am so tempted to feign surprise with a "Really? I had no idea!".

Hmmm. What do peoe mean when they say it was hard with their last baby at whatever age? How is the experience bring hard linked to age? My hardest to manage babies were my first when I was 26. My easiest pregnancy and baby was my most recent at 39. I don't think age of mother and temperament of baby are in any way linked.

Sorry about typos.

Hi all, have been away for a bit but checking in as I am on the active phase of SMEP for this cycle (waves at joey my cycle buddy - good work!) Yesterday was day 8 and in spite of DH having a muscle injury atm all was accomplished satisfactorily so night off tonight then back to it.. It's feast or famine in this house. Since last run we've both been overrun with work.

Hello to our latest arrivals! I think doctors like to give an impression of being secure in their knowledge and telling you 'how it is' when it might be more accurate to say that no one knows for sure as fertility is such a variable thing. How can anyone tell you without any testing you will only be ovulating a few times a year? The fact is they have no idea, and that might be true for one woman at 43, but have already happened for another at 37, whereas a different 45 year old might be ovulating regularly still.

I also find people make comments about it being 'hard' to start again, do the baby years etc. Gwen Stefani puts it best: 'Life is short, you're capable' (in What You Waiting For - listen, it's all about wanting a baby..)

Hi fridge. I'm afraid that I might be letting you down at the moment. Day 8 yesterday but dh said he was too tired. He promised we would do it tonight, but I've come home to find him on the sofa under a duvet saying that he feels achey and shivery. Urgh - I will be so cross if he ducks out tonight, but part of me feels that I can't be too harsh if he is ill. If only we didn't have to rely on someone else to do this!! On the plus side my opk was negative this morning, so doesn't look like I am in the fertile stage yet, but I think that SMEP is out of the window this month

Hey, no-one's letting anyone down on this thread. We're all about the positive Plus you already got started early, so there may be resilient sperm hanging around - and your OPK says nothing happening yet anyway. Let's see SMEP as a useful tool, not another stick to beat ourselves with - there's enough of those. Hope your DH is feeling better soon.

Well ladies, my lovely natural gynae man (I'm on the herbs & acupuncture too, Daft) tells me to dtd every other day between day 10 & 17 so don't worry too much if dh isn't up to it tonight Joey.
Dd brought home a reading book from school today called 'there's a house in mummy's tummy' with a pic of a very pregnant lady on the front. It's definitely a sign. Totally pregnant this month .

I think daily action over months and years of ttc around OV time leads to general fatigue and maybe even more serious problems, if really not enjoyed. I'd better do it every other day and last through couple of years of ttc than give up after 4-6 mo. of trying because it gets too exhausting. But I have never needed more than every other day anyway....
I feel I am close to giving up. last month bfn was not a disappointment, but relief. That I do not have to worry about mc and then miscarry. I can not let the OV go past without dtd, but I am not really worried about bfns anymore. Guess this is accepting that chances at 45 are really low now:-)))

Chin up Jass! Speaking as a fellow '45', I'm keen to keep going. Or in my case, to get going again. After my MMC at end of August, I decided to take just one or two cycles out, for some miscarriage testing and to regroup mentally. It turned into a maddening several months out, as I then ended up having to have some interminable investigations for a totally unrelated health issue. But hopefully I've just had the last blah-blah-oscopy this week, and if the results are OK, we should be good to go early Feb.

Anyway, I was shirking doing my tax return last week (I'd probably rather clean the oven than collate stuff for my accountant - cue some excessive idle surfing) and noticed an 'Old Birds' antenatal thread. I remembered seeing a Not-So-'Old Birds' TTC thread which seemed mainly populated by 30 something year old whippersnappers worrying that they'd left things too late , but this graduates thread - here includes (20 Jan) a couple of 45 year olds posting news of their pregnancies, shortly followed by a 47 and a 43-nearly-44 year old (26/27 Jan). Many congratulations to them! OK its only anecdotal evidence that it can be done, but I do like a good anecdote!

I'm on cd 1 today. Af was 33 days this month, perhaps because I had a cold when I should have been ovulating. I said in my last post that I was giving up, but I mean giving up hope rather than anything else! We have booked a very expensive holiday for august so I'm thinking that if it does happen, great, but if not at least we have that to look forward to.

Sometimes I think I should make a bit more effort! I can't even be bothered with my folic acid at the moment. Having said that, I have just registered for the clearblue trial so will have lots of pots of wee in the fridge. I didn't think they would accept such an oldie but feel quite positive that they have!

Best of luck to everyone

Crap crap CRAP. Having a totally screwed up cycle, no feckin opk+. NONE :(

Keep forgetting my vitamins too.

Didn't have any sex at remotely the right times just on the off chance I just missed the surge

My granny had my mum at 42 and my aunt at 44!!!! What the hell is wrong with me?

AND what's with all the Nigerian banner ads??? Is it just me? Why are they following me all over mumsnet....?

fridge and grizzer thanks so much. You have really helped. I have gone from being angry and disappointed to just accepting that it's not going to happen tonight but it's not the end of the world. Dh was really quite apologetic - bless him!! Onwards and upwards..... Xx

What's the clear blue trial Gerald?
Wilting could you just have missed the +opk? On the off chance sex is often the best kind. You never know.... Hope you're ok anyway x
Pregnancy spells? Now that's a step too far even for my very desperate self

How much do temps go up by when you have ovulated? And does the temp rise begin when ovulation begins, or does it happen after ovulation? (Sorry, I know I could Google but I have more faith in explanations from you ladies here) I tried temping last time around but it didn't really work - think I got a crappy

..make of thermometer then (bought a second one and had the same problem) where I kept just getting very low temps. Technically I think I should have been dead with the readouts I was getting

Oh and morning all! Hope the weekend ahead promises good things.

Hi everyone! Can I join? 39 years old but 40 in a couple of months. DS 10 and DS 7. Miscarriage at 6 weeks in November. Really would love number 3, been trying since last August, hope I haven't left it too late. MC really knocked me for six. DH is 48 and I just about talked him into trying for another one. I know he'd rather leave it as it is but he is willing to give it a go for me. I've read the whole thread. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories.

Welcome, See! 39 is admirably young in the terms of this thread! here are many who have given birth,around 40, more of our long time struggles come at somewhat later age:-) you have a really good situation, one mc matters nothing, it was most probably chromosomal. Good luck!

Thank you Jass. I'm relatively new to al this opk,temping ect. I rather naively, back in August last year, assumed that I may fall pregnant fairly easily due to the fact that DS1 was unplanned and DS 2 was failed contraception (failed withdrawal method) some years ago though! This is the first time I've actually actively tried to conceive. Oh well, I'm 4 dpo so well into 2ww. I hope everyone's had a peaceful weekend.

grizzer for the clearblue trial I have to provide lots of wee samples! I'm not sure what else I have to do. I've been accepted but just waiting to get all the information. Have a quick Google and you can find the details

I vowed not to let this thread fall off my Threads I'm On, and lo and behold, it did today! [ shock] Fortunately I found you all again.

wilting I keep forgetting abut taking vitamins too. Someone suggested attaching it to something else I do every day, like washing my face, and put the tablets with the washcloth or something. I might try it, if only out of forgetful desperation!

Joey we've missed the right time a couple of times too, (I have always known when I ovulate, as it feels like someone is punching me in the ovaries)l I have to admit to crying the second time . It felt for a while as if we were not on the same page about ttc, but we have had a talk, and things are much better, so we are up and at it again! It was partly because DH had the wrong idea about when and how menopause happens - he thought that it was a tap turning off at about 44, so there was no hope at all - I put him straight!

Wow, there seem to be a lot of us 45ers here (waves at fireflies in case she is lurking). Good luck to us all!

Welcome see

Hi can I join please, I'm 41, DS 23, DD 18, DD 12 and mc 24/12/14. Using cbafm and had my 1st peak so Dtd when other half gets home. Ttc was never this hard with ant my other pregnancies.

fridge For me, the temp shift at ovulation is usually around 0.5-0.6 degrees, over the course of 2-3 days (ie. the temp starts going up the day after I ovulate, keeps rising for a few days and then stays up until my progesterone either dips again, which means AF is on the way, or it continues to stay up, which (in most cases) means that I am pg... So with temping, you can't predict ovulation very well (unless you have reliable cycles and/or also monitor your cm), but it really accurately pinpoints your ov day once is has happened. It takes a while to get your head around it all, but I find it very useful (I use OPKs in parallel, just to make sure I don't miss ov, as my cycles have changed in the last year and I often ovulate earlier than expected).
Regarding your low readings, where do you keep the thermometer when you take your temp? I read somewhere that the best place is under the tongue... I regularly fall asleep again while I take my temp, which often results in the thermometer falling out of my mouth... Oh the glory.

Welcome all newbies, glad that you have found is, the more the merrier!

I had the appointment with the consultant last week about my recurring miscarriages - and encouragingly, he never once even hinted that I am mad/stupid/deluded trying to have another baby at 43! He did agree that time is not on my side, though, which I completely agree with.
It was very good to talk through everything in great detail, he was very matter of fact and down to earth, which is what I wanted.
As expected, nothing can be done to prevent the chromosomal abnormalities from happening. However, in spite of having had 4 mcs now, he was still very positive that I have a decent chance of a healthy pregnancy. Plus, he was very interested in the fact that I have a very big fibroid - this was discovered when I was pg with DS, but has never caused any issues in that pregnancy, and everyone always tells me that due to its position, it also won't affect any future pregnancies. The consultant, however, really wants to look at this in more detail - apparently, fibroids can cause mcs, and mine is substantial (10 cm). So now I will be getting an MRI scan to get a better idea about this.
I felt very reassured after all this, no miracle cures, but I didn't expect any. But at least something is being done, even if it's 'just' another box that will be ticked.

I am in the 2ww, though, 9 DPO today, will be testing on Saturday or Sunday... Honestly, after this shag-athon, I better be pg!