40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

I think it is because you have several children, gum, and are so knowledgeable about TTC, and generous with your knowledge - she has developed some grudge- maybe envious of your ability to post without being offensive and hurtful to others

I have lurked on this thread since I decided, last October, that I would be trying for a sibling for my daughter. You most definitely have spoken of your husband's repulsion at the idea since then. You have talked about how he is mid-fifties, with very ill parents, an exhausting schedule and how he would be miserable with a further child. This is what makes threads like this one disingenuous when certain posters insist upon obfuscating the facts of their situation and pretend everything is hunky-dory in the land of TTC. It isn't.

So, no...I don't envy this position whatsoever. It sounds horrible to be that desperate for a baby when your husband would be completely mortified if it were to happen.

I am not desperate for a baby. That is not how I'd describe myself. I would love it, yes, but desperate isn't the word I'd use.

Upthread I wrote this:"He is not involved with ttc - his involvement is simply that he doesn't care to use contraception and he believes it is impossible at my age anyway (of which he may have a point)."

I don't think that means he is "repulsed" by the idea. If he was repulsed, I think he'd be using contraception, or getting another vasectomy. A man who is repulsed by having a child certainly wouldn't have a vasectomy reversal, would he (as my Dh did)?

I would also love to see where I said, "he would be miserable with a further child." I may have said it might not be the best time for a baby, but I also said it would be lovely for us all after the heartbreak and loss we've experienced in the last year.

I still don't understand your need to attack me and my choices nor your desire to be on this thread when you are clearly upsetting others.

Yes chewy I was 42 and 4 months when I conceived DS! (Easily. We were lucky, as is anyone of any age who has no problems conceiving.)

fivepounds you must have been reading a different thread to the one I have been reading. I think there is a wonderful bunch of women here, and I am just sorry that I have been unable to post and support them as much as they supported me at a time in my life when I really needed it.

Also of great support are the women from the (extensive) graduate thread, many of whom I am still in contact with. Elderly we may all be, but what an amazing set of women who happen to be mothers.

Fivepounds included a yawn to show how disaffected she is- yet to post such a nastily inaccurate message one must care very much- why else extend such effort to be so unpleasant? I suspect she feels frustrated that there aren't enough details about other posters who dared question her views, for her to warp and toss back at them .

I am so sad to see how this wonderful, supportive thread is currently going sour - and I blame fivepounds for this. I also believe that this poster is the one that used to the 'goldengirl71' on this thread a while ago, and the one called 'Prambo' or 'Pramboqueen' (or similar) on the March 2013 antenatal thread that I was on for a short while. And I also remember the other names that someone listed above. She has been banned from MN a number of times, but keeps coming back, always continuing to attack and upset people. I have emailed the MN HQ to let them know of my concerns - reporting other posters is not something I enjoy doing, but in this case, it seemed the right thing to do.

fivepounds - I would strongly urge you to leave this this thread, as I don't think that we can offer you any of the things that you are after (whatever that might be). You were here before and decided to leave; this thread is still the same as it was back then, so there really is no reason for you to come back. I hope that your wish for another DC will come true and that you continue to be happy, but please leave us in peace.

I think we just need to ignore fivepounds here, then She will get no kick out of posting here and will go. She does sound like the person(s) She has been likened to (a long time lurker on many conception threads recognises the style and escalation of discussion). Whether She is or not is of no concern to me, but I mind our thread being turned nasty.

Also, being one of those who mc early pgs and knowing the issue is probably immune-related (with my track of mc they all cannot be chromosomal, I fall pg every few months, still do and have been doing so at ages 41-45), I am of the opinion that DE IVF is not always solution for recurrent mc. Nothing is "always" the solution, sorry.

And sometimes there even is no solution at all, we all know it, accept it and get going. Everybody seeking fertility treatment is supported here as is everbody not doing so. No questions asked, no accountability to anyone but ourselves. It is that simple, unless someone choses to escalate a stupid debate. The only way to manage such activity is to ignore. I will from now on, but come back to talk to lovely ladies here despite the nastiness of the moment. Promise.

I also think ignore is best. It would be so sad to see the thread killed by one aggressive poster.
We all have very individual situations. Fivepounds use of language and choice of vocabulary is not supportive.
I came here to meet others who would have empathy with my wish to have another child in my 40s and to share experiences.
I hope we can turn the discussion back in that direction now.

Well said everybody. I think we all need to agree to ignore and not rise to fivepounds goading. Hopefully she will go away.

So, in that vein.....tonight is a key night for dtd for us, and I feel like crap!! Feel sick, I'm cold and achey and I am already in my pjs with a hot water bottle. I'm really gutted as I've got loads of cm so I know this is a good time. I'm wondering if I can just manage a little energy!!! ??

Joey, a paracetamol might help maybe? First things first, do not miss the opportunity! Go woman, go!

I am thnakfully in 2ww and you know what, it is quite good place to be. i do not like to dtd much anymore, I make the effort for having a chance of pg and during 2ww I really can not be that bothered. Which means DH is in fact lucky we are still trying for number 5, otherwise I am not sure any action would happen at all!

Oh that's bad timing Joey!
How are you monitoring your fertile times? Cm and instinct? Or more technical? I just go on instinct mainly, somehow I just can tell when I feel I could get pg. I've been right the last three times! Unfortunately my instinct does not extend to knowing if it's an abnormal egg or not. So last two have been mc. There is a small benefit of age, experience and thereby knowledge! When I was younger I had no sense of my body like I do now. But back then I didn't need to know as accurately.
Sorry, bit of a ramble there!

O dear, so sorry there was so much poison spewing about earlier, hope everyone has moved on I'd recommend an injection of but I suppose would be more sensible !

And thank you so much for including me in the list! I was really cheered by it! Esp the graduates one :)

Technically in tww but I can feel the witch tightening the screw in my lower back so I know I'm out. Cycles been getting shorter over the last few months which I think messed the ttc up a bit but caught the +opk this time. Used the preseed which is certainly the cough nicest lubricant I've used but obv no magical fix, ah well.

Otherwise I second JasS Joey and say take a paracetomol and take your dh to bed heh heh.

joey, were you able to muster the energy? I hope so - though I do understand how difficult it is to even consider DTD when you are feeling a little worse for wear.

wilting, the lower back thing, could it also be a symptom of pregnancy? Sometimes, AF symptoms and preggo symptoms are very similar.

I know that ignoring inflammatory posts is the best course of action - but so hard to do when the vitriol was clearly directed at me. I lost sleep over it actually,and she has succeeded in making me feel quite awful. However, that's the last mention of her, I won't rise to the bait again. This has been a wonderful thread, full of support through some very difficult times, I won't let the nastiness spoil it for me.

Hello all, still here and glad you all are. What a strange little episode that was! See ya, fivepounds :)

I'm in the 2WW at the moment and getting all kinds of symptoms I am paranoid are low progesterone. also starting a bad cold which doesn't help! grr. It's only Tuesday... is anyone else finding the whole back to work thing a nightmare?

Happy New Year everyone!
Gum hope you're ok, I remember the whole Goldengirl episode well and agree this sounds like the same poster, ignoring is the way to go, though it is difficult when it becomes so personal. You have been such a positive influence on this thread and so supportive to others (me included!) I hope it won't spoil it for you.
Hope 2015 brings BFPs for you all! x

So glad to see that we are going back to normal here

I'm in the 2ww, too! 6 DPO, so still a while to go. And if I'm honest, I don't rate my chances very high, as we only managed to dtd once - but it fell right on ov day, so there is a small chance it could happen (managed getting pg with one attempt once before, DH was so proud of himself ).
So who is going to test when? Monday at the earliest for me...

joey Poor you, I doubt there is a worse scenario, trying to muster the energy for dtd when feeling rough! Hope you managed it. I hate how dtd has become more of a chore these days.

daft I feel as if I have never been off work! Right back to a difficult project with a very tight deadline, as well as a million of other things that I thought I could finally do after Christmas. Not.a.chance. Really wishing the day had more hours, but I refuse to stay longer at work, as this would mean even less time with DS in the evenings.

Right, lovely ladies, I am off to bed now, trying to get a bit of reading done - my book group is next week, and I have only just started the book!

And..a big sigh of relief...! I hope that's the last we hear from fivepounds.

Thankyou Freckle, for your kind words - I too would love us all to get bfp's this year. I am happy to take on the honour of being the oldest bird ever to have a baby ('cept we all know that's not true - plenty of other ladies older than me have had pregnancies and healthy babies).

I am also in the tww, though not thinking too much about it. 9 dpo (I think, on rough calculations), no testing unless I don't see AF by 14 dpo. Which would be Monday too, cloud.

I have just been to the movies with DS, we saw Penguins of Madagascar, which was fun. DS managed to get chocolate bits all over my black linen pants and black T-shirt, so now I am off to do laundry.

BTW, what's the book, cloud? I have just finished the second Outlander book and I'm starting the third. Just loving the series - Jamie Fraser has to be the most yummy, sexy, gorgeous man I have ever read. I'd have him

I really ought to be preparing for school (starts in three weeks for me) - I have chosen to teach e.e.cummings to my Lit class, but I've just had a look through the poetry book and I can't understand most of what he's written Oh Bugger, looks like I'll either need a crash course in e.e.cummings, or will have to change to a more accessible poet. Seamus Heaney perhaps?

Next time I won't pick the poet based on one of his poems, which happens to be my favourite poem ( I carry your heart). What a silly billy I am!

Morning all. I'm afraid that we didn't manage to dtd last night. I felt too ill and Dh wouldn't go near me in case he got sick too!! Good news is that I'm feeling much better this morning and dh has promised that we can do it tonight. I hope it's not too late!!

Good luck to those in the 2ww. I don't do testing. Just wait for af. I've got accupuncture this morning which I love. It's great to be able to chat to someone about stuff, and I find it so relaxing.

Have a good day everyone - hope work isn't too stressful.

e e cummings good luck with that one! I really like Seamus Heaney. Alice walker?
I'm still not sure what's going on with me. I'm still coming out of recent mc. Having been told to go away and wait for AF by the doctor, it seemed to arrive last Tuesday, but is still here. I did finally get a negative test yesterday, which is progress. I'm still sticking with the theory that this is AF, but if it goes on much longer I may have to question that. Maybe it's mc bleeding instead. I never actually passed anything, the sacs just shrank away.
Anyway I'm going to have to be sensible and have a small delay in ttc. I've been having trouble with a wisdom tooth and was due to have it out when I fell pg in October. Dentist advised me not to go ahead while pg, but since the mc I requested a new appointment which has been made for the end of January. I really should get this sorted out before (hopefully) another pregnancy.
This mc seems to have dragged on and on, and the thought of using contraception even for a few weeks once this bleeding stops is really annoying. But it's what I should do isn't it. Sigh.

Ah Gum, that would be nice but I'm not holding my breath. This is how it always starts plus I've no real symptoms otherwise... Last month I was convinced i was pg the boobs were so sore. But witch arrived two days early instead :( then the boob soreness lingered even after my af was done which led to another lot of "Oh it was implantation bleeding!" >sigh<

Am worn out I tell ya...

Can I join you ladies?

TTC #3 and I'm 39 currently but 40 in 2 months.

I had the copper coil removed in 2013 but 2 months later DS2 became very ill. 6 weeks after that he was diagnosed with Leukaemia. That rather buggered our plans so as well as not being able to try and conceive a much-wanted baby, we faced the very real possibility of losing our son. Thankfully he is doing brilliantly and all results point to a happy ending to his treatment in July this year and so we've decided to now try for #3. I'm worried we have left it too late, but what will be will be. I am simply grateful for what I have.

We have DS1(6) and DS2(5). 3 m/c (all early) before DS1 but no problem detected. Have always conceived first month of trying though obviously it's not always stuck!

Currently in 2WW, but not hopeful for this month. We are simply not very good at having enough sex at the right time! Maybe I should try OPKs?

Reporting for duty here and here goes my details.....
Notsoold 43 #4 dcs 20, 15 and 14months

So after the awful mc I decided to wait for a month and now dtd like bunnies
But I also decided that there is only so much I Can take as heartbreak so if not pg within a determined time then we will stop. But for now I am here....

Welcome Twunk and 39 is not late at all.It is also very promising that you have a really good track record of falling pg. also,happy to hear that your son recovered - I think childhood leukemia is quite treatable luckily and can be cured, not only controlled. My friend has a child who is now 20 and they went through this 16 years ago.....

Ooh I've just got in to bed with a lovely hot water bottle on my feet. Bliss. I think I'm 11dpo but not due AF til Tuesday. Will wait to test because I never seem to get early positives & not much chance this month anyway.
Geranium I had mc due to, well who knows what, but had a blood test at what should have been 6 weeks & my progesterone was very low. I was recommended a cream called pro-gest which describes itself as 'a natural balancing cream.' After I ovulate I rub half a teaspoon of it in to my upper arms every night until AF (or pregnancy!) It's apparently a natural way to increase progesterone. I can't remember what the website was but I just googled the name & found it. It's about £11 I think so doesn't break the bank if it's a load of rubbish!
Fromwest sorry to keep harping on about my experience but I told dr I was still bleeding 7 or 8 days in to my AF & she said it would last about 2 weeks. It might be your AF but also a bit of a clear out so it's longer than usual. Definitely seek advice if you're worried though.
Twunk you definitely haven't left it too late. What I wouldn't give to be 39 again..... So glad ds is coming to the end of his treatment. What an awful time for you all.
Time for sleep now, my first week back at work & the alarm clock still frightens the life out of me when it goes off! Roll on the next holiday....
waves to everyone.