40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

Hello ladies, how is everyone? The saga continues for me..... Just to recap had 'period' from 5th to 8th November but found I was pg a week later. Think the bleed was start of mc though as had scan at around 6 weeks & no baby. Blood test showed hcg levels to be 31. Tested since at 38, 30 & 25.5 (last test was on Tuesday). My question is firstly why aren't I back at zero after 5 weeks? And secondly, if by some miracle I was to be pregnant again how quickly does it show in blood?
I know it's crazy & I would never say this to anyone who knows me & could actually have me sectioned ?? but when I first found I was pregnant my boobs became very sensitive & 'solid'. I knew when I had mc'd because they went back to normal. Now they're back & I feel pressure in my abdomen. I'm having another blood test on Friday because they are concerned my levels haven't dropped so I guess I'll know for sure then. Do you think there is a chance or do you think I'm a crazy old desperado??

Grizzer, you're definitely not a crazy old desperado. I'd be thinking the same thing. Alas, the only way to tell is to see if the hcg is doubling over 48 hours, I think. That's the best indication that a pregnancy is progressing. I hope the waiting doesn't drive you crazy. As for, why isn't it back to zero? It can take a long time, and there may be something retained.

Awomb, temping is very good as an indication of ovulation, but in order to have reliable temperatures, they say you need three hours straight (of sleep) before taking the temperature.

As for me, AF has been and seems to be gone again already (only a couple of days). I am well aware that I am practically infertile now. But I have also heard of good healthy eggs dropping in for a last hurrah at ripe old ages. So, though I am not ttc, I am certainly not TTA (trying to avoid)

This week will be my last week of term. Then I will have 6 weeks of holidays.. I can't wait! DH and I have taken the last two days of term off (he has a Drs certificate, I have TOIL - time off in lieu), so we are going to the city with the two youngest kids, to have a little pre-Christmas break - avoid all the end of year functions (which always wipe me out before Christmas). I am planning to take the kids to the zoo, do some shopping and go out to eat. We are staying in a lovely inner-city apartment, which is a treat for us country-bumpkins.

Grizzer, how's the daily exercise thing going? I have just done my weigh in and measurements. Bummed out that after 7 weeks I've lost barely any weight, but I have lost 15cm in total off my waist,hips and bust. So I must be doing something right. I wish the scales would reflect it, but I suppose muscle weighs more, so I should be pleased.

Thanks Gum. I think you're right, it is some retained tissue. I've just had a positive pregnancy test but think AF has arrived too. I guess that's a good thing because it should get rid of anything that's been left but I was so believing I might have a Christmas miracle!
As for the exercise, it's gone down hill I'm afraid. It's a terrible excuse but as there was the slightest hope I might be pg & the next Insanity session was all press ups & sit ups I decided to delay it until I knew for sure what was going on. No excuses now. Back on it tomorrow.....
I have just started a 3 week holiday. Not quite the same as 6 weeks, Gum but I am definitely not complaining. DD is at Lapland UK with Granny having the time of her life & I'm using the freedom to tidy up & get the washing & ironing done. Oh the joys xx

Grizzer, it must be retained stuff. Unfortunately if it has the tendency to hold on, even AF might not wash it out. reauest an ultrasound after AF to check, even if hcg finally does drop to zero. Because it may only mean that the tissue has stopped producing hcg, not that it has come out. With lingering hcgs I have often had retained stuff unfortunately. It tends to stick very hard sometimes, last time doctor said that She had really hard time cleaning all up.

Grizzer I echo what gum and jass said - this sounds like retained products. Did they scan you after the mc to check if anything was left? I think with the early/chemical mcs, it is sometimes difficult to tell. But if you are still testing pg, that seems to me a strong indicator for retained tissue. Could you call your EPU to see if they might be able to help?

Hello all - just a quick hello from me. Work is crazy and will stay so until I finish for Christmas on Friday.

It looks as if another 2ww is nearing its end - massive temp dip this morning Just as well that I have another counselling session tomorrow.
I think I will ask if I can continue to have sessions - they have been so good and helped me so much, I'd be happy to pay for them. Just a little life-line...

And I have now finally plucked up the courage to make the appointment with the gyn/mc consultant that was recommended to me, to discuss the 'hard facts' - 8 January.
Now wondering if I should take this opportunity to have a ttc break until then (wouldn't be a long one, only one more try before that date anyway) - but it's my birthday on the 3rd (43!), and I am already panicking about the booming sound my biological clock is making...
Strangely enough, the fact that I now have this appointment has not calmed me in any way or made me feel more positive - in fact, I am suddenly so scared. I think I might have to be prepared to hear some unwelcome truths...

Thanks all, I have definitely got AF & it is slightly heavier & more uncomfortable than usual so hopefully that is a bit of a clear out. I have another blood test at EGU on Friday so will ask them to scan me while I'm there.
15cm Gum! Very impressive. I think that's better than weight loss. Are you in a smaller clothes size?
Good idea to keep up the counselling sessions Cloud. I'm tempted by a small break too but know I won't manage it. I'm just a little fed up of worrying about that cup of coffee or glass of wine. Would like just to be able to enjoy it without thinking I'm damaging my already not very good eggs!

Grizzer, certainly request a thorough US after the bleeding stops. I hope you get the cleanout you need.
I still feel rather disappointed that I had retained rpoducts from heaven knows how long, I guess now from my second mc. Since that I had bleeding in the second half of cycle, which I had never ever seen before. And only after last ERPC it is now back to normal again. i had been told hundreds of times that this bleeding is indicative of hundreds of things, but not retained products. Nevertheless, knowing that the last ERPc doc was seriously astonished w how strong the tissue was attached, and that after She took it on and got it out, all is back to normal. I fear I have lost 3 good years in teying to get and stay pg, ,hopelessly. Of course, if this theory is true my next or one after next pg should go to term - mc risk being 50% anyway at my age. But will I even get these pregnancies now when I am almost 45....

Hello all, AWomb here under my Christmas name change.

Bloody hell, jass, you must feel so upset about what could potentially be lost time. Grizzer, hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

cloud, I hope you don't mind me asking but is your counselling centred around you accepting that you won't have another baby? I'm wondering whether I should look into that.

I got my Day 21 results back today, a score of 24, so that's low. Should I now be asking for Clomid? The doc left the result on my voicemail, so I don't have any other figures and couldn't discuss it with him. Very nice of him to ring me with them, though, my surgery don't do that normally.

noroom Hmm, that's a tricky one! Does your consultant think you are ovulating at all? Those results are low, but you still might be ovulating, and it is 'just' your progesterone levels that are an issue - for which they would give you -well- progesterone. Low progesterone levels would mean that you would struggle to sustain a fertilised egg (I think it is required for womb lining, amongst other things.) Can't remember the cut-off levels or at which point they would conclude that you are not ovulating.
I'm not familiar with Clomid, sorry, but others on here have more experience with it!

Sorry to hear results aren't great noroom. The voice mail results are really useful aren't they?! I wish they would at least add on a 'we will need to talk about this tomorrow' or 'no need to worry too much' type sentence to give you some clue as to what it all means. Hope you get to speak to your consultant soon.
I have a non TTC question for you all....
We do alternate Christmasses (!? Does Christmas have a plural?) at my mum's & dh's sister's. This year is dh's turn. It's not awful but it's very different to my family 'traditions' & it's getting harder to explain the Santa differences to dd. My biggest annoyance is SIL doesn't wrap Santa presents. The kids get up, go in to the lounge & their presents are all there in separate piles for each child but not a scrap of wrapping paper! She says she can't be bothered!!
Last time we were there dd was 2 so it wasn't too much of an issue. I had already wrapped everything & then got told at 11.30pm on Christmas Eve to put out some presents unwrapped. The family presents are wrapped & given in the afternoon.
This year dd is 4 & I think the joy & excitement comes from opening presents not opening the lounge door & just seeing everything at once. Dd has seen Santa twice this year & he has given her a present WRAPPED!
Do I insist on wrapping dd's & offer to wrap sil's dd's too if she can't be bothered. Or do I just accept that Santa is lazy at the in law's?

The GP did say we could redo the tests, so we're looking at a sample of two, not one, so I think I'll take advantage of that.

Sorry? There are other issues in the world apart from TTC? Does not compute... Your SIL is curmudgeonly and must not be humoured. Wrap your DD's presents and offer to wrap her DD's too. If she wants her DD's to be spoiled unwrapped can you say something to your DD like the elves had wrapped hers because they know that at her house the presents are wrapped?

I've just told dh that I'm wrapping dd's Santa presents regardless of what anyone else does - he looked at me like I was mad! Apparently Santa presents weren't wrapped all through his childhood either so it's not a rubbish tradition started by SIL. He doesn't care either way though (as he's not the one wrapping them) so I am sticking to my guns & will wrap until my fingers & eyes can take no more of trying to find the end of the sellotape
Oh, I am also taking some fizz for morning Bucks Fizz. None if this cup of tea nonsense on Christmas morning! I will make them change their ways & do Christmas my way if it's the last thing I do
If only they took a turn to come to us I would accept that I have to do things their way but travel at Christmas?? Oh no, only crazy people do that!

Ah, yes, Grizzer, the dreaded traditional differences...My Dh did Christmas very differently to my family, but in the end I seemed to have given up all my traditions for his. I have no idea how that happened...perhaps because I was always so tired with all my little ones, so I just let the strength of DH's mother and three sisters take over. In my (Italian) family,there was no such thing as stockings - Santa left our goodies (all wrapped BTW) at the end of our beds, and mum and dad gave us 1 large gift (like a bike, or barbie doll - whatever we'd been gasping for all year). In DH's family, the children may have a stocking until they are 13, then it's all over I have largely ignored this tradition, and my kids still get a little something from "Santa", as my youngest still believes and would never understand why they didn't get something.

My MIL also likes a big Christmas Eve dinner with carols etc, whereas I prefer to celebrate on Christmas day: Champagne, chocolates for breakfast, a swim in the ocean (weather permitting), seafood for lunch, afternoon snoozes, a stroll on the beach...lovely.

I am hoping for a lovely quiet Christmas. We did the massive big one last year with the entirety of DH's family. So this year, other than seeing his mum and sister, it will be just us, and perhaps drinks with our friends on the beach.

It is my last day at work today.Hurray! Though I did lie awake last night thinking about all the stuff I should do today. It won't be the end of the world if I don't get it done, and I will have a couple of pupil free days before we start next year.

I hope everyone is okay. It has been quiet here. Some of the oldies haven't come back, and I always wonder what happened to them. We never did hear back from Kiwibabe. I PMed her, but no word. I hope that doesn't mean she lost her baby, but it does seem likely My old mate Diege hasn't been around for ages - I hope all is well for her and her brood. I wonder how Calibee's fertility treatment has worked out?

Must run. I have to take DS to work. He has had early starts all week: 7.30 am. He works in the cafe at the Leisure centre, so I have been swimming to start my days this week. I love it. It requires super organisation the night before, but it is so worth it. I arrive at work with a spring in my step, feel more awake all day, sleep like a baby at night (with the exception of last night).Although I won't be driving into the leisure centre every morning (it is 20 mins away from home), I will try to keep up exercise in the mornings. If I wait til later in the day, I always feel too tired and lazy. I also have to take a yoga class today at work, so that will give me some bonus exercise. I will be the picture of calm today, I hope!

Grizzer Please do wrap the presents, if you want to! Nothing like the excitement in little faces when seeing a present they can unwrap themselves

NoRoom The counselling I am having is part of the follow-up from my last miscarriage - it was a second trimester loss, and my hospital very generously offers people with those up to 6 sessions with a trained counsellor specialising in pregnancy, miscarriages, stillbirths etc.
For me, it has been a god-send. Never having had counselling in my life, I was a bit sceptical, but I cannot express how helpful and supportive these sessions have been. I had my 6th session yesterday, and I have decided that I will go back for more, should it be necessary (I have a feeling it will be at some point, in particular once we have seen the consultant), I'm happy to pay for it.

Cloud, I am so glad the counselling has helped you. I imagine that a second trimester loss would feel so awful that there was no comfort to be had, so having the counselling and having it help is good.

I hope your consultant visit will be helpful.

I had a dream, that woke me, along with a hot flush (another nail in the coffin of my fertility ) at about 3 am, of a positive pregnancy test. Oh my gosh, it was so real, it is so cruel of my mind to do theses things to me! I wish it was a prophecy, but I am far too cynical to believe that!

At least these days I am much more able to accept that I won't end my fertility with one last baby.It is likely that my fertility will fizzle out and that will be that. However, my beautiful little boy, whom I have such a close relationship with, has made my life so full and happy, I realise how lucky I was to have him at 41.

Ok, better run, still have some packing to do before heading to the city. I am a bit worried that it is forecast to be 37 degrees (celcius) tomorrow - that's very hot for us southerners (it hardly ever gets that hot where I live). I hope we don't melt!

Just a very quick fly through to wish all of you a very happy Chrismas and a great and fruitful New Year.
It's been such a rollercoaster of a few months. IUI failed so was stopped...despite a great response from me first round, DH's sample was found to be one of the rare ones which doesn't freeze well . After deciding to use more samples for a better chance on the second go, my body just failed to respond and on day 30 of the injections (exhausting) they cancelled the cycle. At this point I was told there was nothing more they could do for us. I'm gutted. My 45th birthday is fast approaching. Donor IVF is our only option but the money just isnt there. I have been trying to come to terms with "this is the end" for the last month or so but its not sitting well. Sorry I couldnt pop up with more positive news. x

Can I join ladies? Am 40 and ttc now for 1 year. We are v lucky as we have 2 dc already. I had a mc in May and no pg since.

Am thinking of trying pre-seed or similar but I am a bit worried it is a gimmick?

How do you decide what supplements etc are worth taking? Have tried to keep TTC low key as I don't want us to be stressed about it but feel now I am running out of time... the first two were conceived v easily.

Hi there. I've been reading through the thread, so many lows, but highs too. It's been amazing to see some others on here I can identify with.
So, I'd like to join please!
I'm 42 (and a half), another one still hoping for DC#6. DC#5 is 3 years old and there is a big age gap between him and DC#4. I've been hoping to give him a sibling buddy since he was a baby. Instead I had a MMC in august 2013, picked up at 12 week scan and now I'm going through another mc episode, this time anembryonic twin pregnancy.
This miscarriage is not over yet, it's taken the hospital a long time to confirm the mc due to the sacs being below the 20mm guideline size. I'm hoping to get things sorted out by mid Jan and then try again.
I know it's a long shot at this age, but it's still possible!
I don't know anything about the technical side of ttc, all this talk of opk etc has me baffled! I tend to just know when I'm fertile, last three times I've been right! But those fertile days are not so often these days, and then there is the small matter of staying pregnant after conception.....
Best wishes everyone

Welcome wilting & fromwest. Sorry to hear about mcs fromwest. It's annoying how they can drag on when every month counts. I almost don't allow myself time to grieve because I'm so desperate to try again because I'm panicking about my age. I had mc a few weeks ago which went on for a while. I've now had a week of AF when normally I'm only 4 days. Thought I would be ovulating in next couple of days but now I'm not sure where I am. Will be at inlaws from tonight anyway so not sure how willing dh will be to dtd!
I've tried preseed & conceive plus wilting. Didn't work for me but I've read lots of success stories. I only take folic acid at the moment but have started with a fertility dr who is sending me a herbal fertility supplement. The treatment is all based on acupuncture & herbs which I'm sure many would dismiss but I am a big fan of Chinese medicines & prefer to try natural methods. He also says dtd every other day between day 10 & 17 is enough so we don't need to put too much pressure on ourselves.
Nice to hear from you Calibee. Sorry you haven't had better luck. It is hard to accept it might be over. I'm so tired of the 'obsession' I feel I should stop but I keep adding on another month, then just one more.....
We are flying to Ireland this afternoon for Christmas. Struggling to get all the presents in to the suitcase. Might have to wear the same clothes for a week! Have a lovely Christmas everyone

Back to my own name now, didn't really get to grips with the Xmas one.

cloud, really glad your counselling is helping, hope my asking wasn't intrusive. A second trimester loss must be just awful.

Hello to the new folks, and good to see you calibee. So sorry to hear about your failed IVF, you must be crushed. I know how you feel about lack of funds for IVF, we're in the same boat.

Another AF is here for me, plus a birthday. I'm now 44, and the inevitable seems a bit nearer.

Hello all, Can I join you please? I'm 42 and hoping beyond hope that 2015 is our year (for all of us...!) One DS (4.5yrs) but 3 miscarriages - inc, this autumn, an IVF miscarriage at 12 weeks, tho any baby had died loooong before, tho the bleeding that went on for almost 2 (!) months - had decided I cldn't cope with another d&c - but not sure my natural alternative was all that wonderful ; -) ug.
calibee i do feel for you.
My strategy from now on (not that I've particularly managed to implement it) is to try to get healthier. Hmmm... Green smoothie anyone? Well, let's see!

Hi, could I join too? I'm 41 and have a nearly 6 yo DS. Has been a difficult few years financially so not ideal for enlarging the family but we decided we really would like to so to go for it while there is hopefully some time left. First month trying, period came yesterday (merry Christmas!) and though I shouldn't have expected anything so soon, I am a bit down. One issue is that my cycle, while regular, is getting shorter - only 25 days this time. Is it agnus castus you take to lengthen your cycle? Anyone tried it or would you recommend anything else?

Hi everyone, welcome London & Fridge. Sorry to here about mcs London. Are you having any investigations to find out why? I had a recent pregnancy (a short one!) & had a blood test at 6 weeks & my progesterone was very low. I have bought a cream & been advised to rub a tiny amount into my upper arms during the 2nd half of my cycle just in case I get pregnant again. Not sure of the whys & wherefores but I'm prepared to try anything!
Don't really know about agnus castus Fridge. Thought it was if your cycles weren't regular that you took it?
I'm already out for this month. We're at in laws & sharing a room with dd so couldn't muster up the romance! Dh came off his bike on Christmas Day & is hobbling around covered in bruises so is definitely not in the mood for anything energetic! Only just finished spotting after long first AF after mc so will do me no harm to skip a month. I'd like to say it stops me thinking about it for a while but it doesn't! Hope people are still off work & enjoying a break xx

Merry Christmas and welcome to new ones. The crowd is constantly getting younger than me around here:-) I think when I joined I was around the average, but now....But no worries, I am acdepting I am more or less aout and quite OK about it.

Fridge, Agnus Castus does lengthen the cycle and bring forward ov so that you get a longer luteal phase. 25 day cycle in itself is not a bad thing at all, all my four Dc were conceived with cycles like that. Only if you ovulate late it can be a problem.

Very quiet on here! I hope that means everyone is enjoying the festivities. I have eaten & drunk far too much. Will have a few glasses of wine tomorrow & then will totally change my ways.....
I guess I'm in the tww. Despite my saying dh & were leaving it for this month I felt so bloaty the other day I decided to use an ov stick. Came up positive straight away. As I hadn't been counting days & had only just finished spotting after last AF I wasn't sure when I was due to ovulate so being the big ole crazy that I am, I took it as a sign that the one & only stick I pee on that month is positive. Managed to persuade dh to dtd once so very little chance but I'm still in!!