40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

I'm feeling frustrated this morning! I'm still coming out of a mc. Just before Christmas the doctor told me no further treatment was needed and to go away and wait for my period. Yesterday I started bleeding, so although it seemed quick I hoped it was a period (been a little over 3 weeks since I last bled with the mc).
Done a pg test this morning and it's still faintly positive, so this must be mc bleeding again. Argh. I was so hoping id reached the next stage. The weeks and months are ticking away.

I had the same Fromeast. I had positive tests until the end of my first AF after mc & continued to spot for a good week after AF should have ended. I still ovulated on day 14 though so you might find your cycle will return to normal even though there is still some pregnancy hormone showing x

Grizzer, that's very encouraging. I had no idea it could work like that. So far it's behaving like AF, bit more painful than usual, but doctor said first one would be nastier than average. I'm really hoping it's AF. I need to get more tests and hope for a negative soon.
I have had an odd mc. I never actually passed the sacs, they just shrank until the doctor said what remained was so little it would come out with my period. So I really want a period to clear me out so I can return to ttc with a clean sheet so to speak. Don't know if that makes sense really!

Hi Everyone, and Happy New Year! I hope 2015 will be the one that brings you all what you want so much: a healthy pregnancy and new baby.

I haven't been on for ages, so can't really address everyone personally. However, welcome to the Newbies

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable Christmas and festivity time. It has been very nice for me: relaxed and cruisey. We had a lovely little city break just before Christmas, then a quiet CHristmas with DH's mum and sister. We didn't even go to a New Year's Eve party, which suited me fine, just had drinks with friends and a not too late night.

I am now in the TWW again. Surprisingly, as I haven't been trying to time SWI. It just so happens that I ovulated quite late (day 20) - it is getting longer and longer, which I know spells the end of my fertility. But I am ok with that, I feel pretty lucky to have been regularly ovulating for as long as I have. I actually don't think there's much chance for a BFP, but at least, like you Grizzer, there is a chance. I've not had the usual sore boobs straight after ovulation which I have almost every month. But I don't how significant that is. I am pretty sure I did ovulate, due to ovulation pain and a positive opk. I am not taking my temperature anymore, so I can't say for sure.

Calibee - I am so sorry that the IUI didn't work out for you. I do hope you will be able to find a way to do donor IVF, as I know how much it means to you to have a baby with your lovely DH. I really feel for you. Come and talk to us if it helps. DId you have your DH home for Christmas?

Fromwest, I hope your miscarriage resolves soon, I know how awful all the waiting can be.It was a really long time for me after my second miscarriage, and I actually didn't have things resolve well for some time. If you're still getting + tests after this AF, I'd ask to have another scan to make sure nothing is retained. Hopefully the AF is all you need to sort things out.

I think it may be time for some BFP's folks! Bring them on

Nice to read your post Gum. I find it really encouraging to hear from anyone who is ttc #5 or above. It's something which I have been afraid will cause disapproval so I find it difficult to be open about, including with the doctors. I am fortunate not to have any particular health problems, but I'm very conscious that age plus number of children will bring negative comments. Wonder if others here have experienced similar.
With this recent mc we weren't actually ttc that month as the due date was June which clashed with eldests gcses, so I truthfully told the docs this time that it was accidental. Totally didn't mention that had we caught the next cycle instead it would have been on purpose.
At last appointment the doc told me to go back if I still had a positive test after three weeks. When AF seemed to arrive a week later I tested anyway! I will wait the further two weeks then take it from there.

Hi all, and Happy New Year! Haven't posted for ages, but had a catch up this morning.

I was thinking how encouraging it is that so many of us 40+ are TTC, so thought I'd attempt a bit of a stats list for this thread. Sorry if I've missed anyone or made any mistakes, but please do paste/correct/re-post this list if anyone would like to change/add anything?

BFPs on order for 2015:

10000Fireflies: 45, TTC #2, DS age 2
Allthefours: 40, TTC #4, DS 19, DS 18 and DD 14 from first marriage, and DSD 16
AWombWithoutAFoof: 44 (only just!), TTC #2, DD 4
Bernad105: 41, TTC #1
Berriesinautumn: TTC #2, 1 DS, (MC at 20 weeks)
Calibee: 44, TTC #4 (first with DH), 3 DC's aged 24, 20 and 17
ChewyGiraffe: 45, TTC #2, DD 17 months
Cloudjumper: 42, TTC #2, 1 DS age 3.5
Cobbler1: 43, TTC #1
Crispiecrunchie: 41, TTC #2, had DC #1 at 40
CurlyJay 44, TTC #1
Druscilla: 41, TTC #1
FattyFishwife: 43, TTC #6, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4
Foggywytch: 40, TTC #3, 2 DD, 9 Angels
Fridgedooropen: 41, TTC #2, DS nearly 6
Fromwesttoeast: 42 (and a half), TTC #6, DC#5 is 3 years old
Grizzer: 42 (only just!), TTC #2, DD age 4, (MC at 18 weeks)
Gumblossom: 48, TTC #6, DS age 23, DS 21, DD 17, DD 14 and DS 6 (had youngest DS at 41 and 9 months)
ICallHimGerald: 42, TTC #2, DS 6
JassS: 44 (45 in December), TTC #5
JessieMcJessie: 41, TTC #1
LastMinuteMother: 42 (almost 43), TTC #1
Londongrrl: 42, TTC #2, DS 4.5
Mummy23Monkeys: 41, TTC #4, 3 DCs - DD -8, DS1 -5, DS2 -2
Notsoold: 43, TTC #4, 3 DC's - DD age 20, DS1 15, DS2 11 months
Pessimoptimistic: 40 (almost 41), TTC # 2, DD 3
Puppydogstails1: 40, TTC #4, youngest DC age 6
Rosiejo1: 43 (just), TTC #1
Rhootintootinboo: 39 (nearly 40), TTC #1
Sicksquid:
Stupidhead: 46, TTC #4 (first with DP), 3 DC aged 16, 14 and 13
TheCSLibraryPree: 42 (43 in a couple of months), TTC #1
TheGrinchWearsStripes:
TheHappinessTrap: 42, TTC #1
Trumadison: 45, TTC #5 (first with DP), 4 DC's
Wiltingfast: 40, TTC #3, DC aged 5 and 3
WipsGlitter: 44, TTC #3

And here are some thread graduates / cheerleaders!

I actually noticed that NewEra had posted her BFP on another thread - congratulations - but hope she won't mind me adding her here. Of course anyone else who could add to these positive stories would be more than welcome!

• Diege: had DC #6 at 43, 'unexpected' natural conception
• Frecklefacedgirls: had DD (DC4) at 46, natural conception at age 45+5
• Greenlizard: 45, DE IVF, perfect scan at 20 weeks pregnant on 3 Nov 2014
• Kiwibabe: 45, natural conception, 14+ weeks pregnant on 21 Oct 2014
• Littlepink: 44, 5DC, had 2 in forties; DS 3 + DD 9 mths conceived with SMEP. Older dc are 17,16 + 15.
• NewEraNewMindset: 39 and three quarters, DS 22 months, BFP 22 Dec 2014

Wow Chewy that's some pretty impressive work!!
Happy new year everyone. Let's get the ball rolling with a January bfp

Well done Chewy! Nice to hear about the graduates.

I hope 2015 brings plenty more.

Have any of you made New Year's Resolutions? I have thought and thought, but always seems to be the same thing every year: you know, lose weight, exercise regularly...but despite making those resolutions year after year I seem to have the same struggles with weight loss. As I have aged, it has gotten harder.
Anyway, other resolutions are:

1. to be less of a drama queen at work: to be less reactive and more proactive - to think about things rather than just reacting instantly.
2. I'd also like to do better at keeping my house tidy and ordered - it always seems to get out of control and chaotic before I am compelled to do anything about it.
3. STOP impulse buying,particularly clothes (that I really don't need), and instead,pay off the credit cards.

The last one is my biggest goal I think. I am useless at it. And I know if we are to do some of the things we want to do in the near future (50th birthday trip to the Maldives, a year teaching overseas in the UK, perhaps buying a house in the city for my kids to live in while they go to Uni), then I must reign in the spending I do on frivolous stuff I just don't need. It gives me a pang of pleasure at the time, but later I feel guilty and silly for wasting the money.

My post has nothing to do with TTC, does it? I suppose I am just going to carry on as now - maybe having sex around ovulation time, but not getting precious about it. I have done it for long enough to know that I have tried and it is very unlikely to happen.However, if it were to happen, I'd be one happy camper!

Fromwest - I used to worry about the stigma attached to having a large family, and when I was pregnant with number 5 I got some really rude and hurtful comments. When I got pregnant after him, I thought I would tell everyone it was a happy accident, rather than the truth, which was it was a very longed for child. As it was (and still is) I haven't had to announce another pregnancy. However, I've talked to colleagues and friends and without making it obvious that I'd like one last baby at my old age, I've learned that most people think that having a baby at this age is wrong and perhaps even irresponsible, and adding to a family of 5 kids is also wrong.I don't agree at all, each to his own, and I think if I was lucky enough to actually have to make a pregnancy announcement again I'd be brave and say what I really think and tell the naysayers all to F-off! A person's fertility is their business. Not the general publics. As far as I am concerned, every baby is a true miracle (I know now how hard it is to get pregnant and stay pregnant) and we should all celebrate each and every life.

Ok, off my soap box now. Time to run DD to work.

Thanks for the stats Chewy, very encouraging.
Gum, it's so refreshing to read your views. I agree with everything you said, including the sad reality of majority views. I am fortunate to have several friends in rl with big families, so know I will have happy responses from them should I get good news of a healthy pregnancy. But wider society, not so much. Also I fear there is a big stigma should any of us oldies have a child with special needs. Society sees that as selfish too, older women wanting babies then having babies with problems. I also find this wrong, and any child should be supported, loved and welcomed and the mothers should not be criticised.
I just wanted to get that out there! These are thoughts I feel I have to hide usually.

I love your new year resolution to be less of a drama queen Gum. Don't do it!! You be a drama queen & let everyone know it! Much more fun that way
I have also made the better diet, more exercise one but found myself tucking in to peanut butter ice cream tonight. Oops!
I am definitely going to shop better. Boring but true. We waste too much food & money buying things & never getting round to cooking them! Organised shopping for me!
It's terrible that we worry so much about what others think. I squirm even when my dd asks my age because I don't want her to talk about it at school in case I get pregnant again & everyone judges. Every pregnant woman I see I scan her face in the hope that she looks older than me! I'm upping the face cream use so that I get younger instead of older lol x

Thanks for the stats, it looks very comprehensive. I think I can also qualify for the graduates list in this sense that my DC4 was born when I was just shy of 40:-). Thinking of it this way makes all the later mc somehow easier....

Hello everyone - newbie here. I've been googling through frustration and came across this thread, where I see many people in a similar situation to me, and I felt that I wanted to join in! My situation is that I am 44. I had my son when I was 41 and he is now 2.5. We started ttc #2 when he turned 1, and since then, absolutely nothing has happened. Not even a sniff of a bfp. So it's been about 18 months. I've had various tests and there don't seem to be any problems - apart from my age!! I appear to ovulate regularly each month. I'm getting very frustrated now and starting to panic as I will be 45 this year. I really want just one more baby!! It would be nice to share experiences on here. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Welcome Joey. I don't know why it seems so hard second time round. It's weird that we can get pregnant once & then nothing. I had a 20 month drought & then an out of the blue bfp last month. Sadly it didn't last but it gives hope that it can happen even after such long time. It just takes that one good egg & one strong sperm. Job done. Easy......

Oh Yeah Grizzer... easy peasy! It should be that easy shouldn't it? But alas, not when you get older.

Welcome Joey, like you I had my DS at 41, and have been ttc since he was about 10 months old. I actually didn't have fertility return until he was about 18 months, and have fallen pregnant (four times in 6 years), but sadly, my eggs (or DH's sperm) haven't been quite up to scratch and I've yet to get a THB (take home baby). I've sort of given up ttc, but still hope. Many women - quite a few on this thread have been successful at 44 and 45, so hang in there and keep trying.

Grizzer - we also seem to throw out quite a lot of food. I have a thriving compost heap as a result, but, it's an expensive way to feed my plants ! Most weeks I do a menu, look up recipes, so the shopping list and then shop online. This has really helped with waste, but sometimes it all feels too much and I ignore the menu and order in Chinese!

As for being a Drama Queen - no, I really do have to reign it in. I get it from my Italian half, but it doesn't come across as professional at work, so best kept for home I think

Well, the sun is shining and it is a gorgeous day, I think we'll head down to the beach very soon.

BTW, have any of you travelled to The Maldives, or The Seychelles? I am planning a tropical island escape for my 50th birthday (which, sadly, is just around the corner), and not sure which would be better. The Maldives is closer to home by about 8 hours.

Welcome Joey. I'm a newbie here too.
Just wanted to mention that I have a rl friend who had 4 children between the ages of 39 and 45. All naturally and I'm assuming no mc (when would there have been time?).
Amazing things can happen!

Hello. Thanks for the welcome. Sorry to hear about the recurrent mcs Gumblossom. That is my big fear if I do ever get pregnant. I had a mc before having my son and I really don't want to go through that again.
Sorry, not been to the Maldives or Seychelles - would love to go though!!

Hi fromwesttoeast. That's a great story about your friend. At one stage I thought I could maybe squeeze 3 out before turning 45!! Ha ha - that's clearly not going to happen!!

Sorry to hear that your bfp didn't stick Grizzer. It's such a shame that it has to be such hard work :(

Hello all, mind if I join you?
I'm 43, no children, had on MC at 39 (6 weeks) one MMC at 41 (14 weeks - Trisomy 13) and a chemical MC last May.
have gone through an awful time just thinking it was too late and it's never going to happen - but - it's the New Year, time to try again and be positive...
So, I've just started acupuncture and charting my temp for the first time. It looks a bit like a mountain range. Def temp rise on day 13 but temp now all over the place...eek. am sure I'm reading too much into it

Hello, this is for daftgeranium. If you have no children and you are 43 (and you have around £5k to spend) I strongly suggest you fly to a clinic called Gennet in Prague where donor egg IVF is massively successful (their fertilisation rates are in the 90% range). I have a ten-month-old daughter who was conceived using my husband's sperm and the egg from a 24 year-old donor and she is the most gorgeous and loved baby in the world. I cannot tell you how irrelevant a biological connection is! She has completed me, and I wouldn't waste a single moment longer in trying to conceive yourself for the first time at 43.

Please don't be fooled by anecdotal stories of women popping babies out at 45. They are the tiny minority and it really is extraordinarily difficult to get pregnant and stay pregnant at our age. My IVF journey was a blast - a great adventure abroad and a way of getting closure if the treatment had failed. Please feel free to pm me if you have any questions (that goes for anyone here who feels donor egg IVF could be for them). I tend to evangelise quite vociferously about this treatment and this clinic because they have the best embryologists in the whole of Europe. A word of warning, though: they are producing lots and lots of sets of twins at the moment (I am still a member on the forum for women cycling there as I am hoping to cycle again for a sibling for my daughter very soon).

I'm sorry if my post appears to be defeatist regarding natural conception in our forties, but the stats are, unfortunately, very true and I think a childless woman of 43 needs to really consider quite quickly alternative ways of starting a family

Daftgeranium, I forgot to say how sorry I am about your miscarriages, so, so painful. The fact that your luteal phase temperatures are erratic points to insufficient levels of progesterone. This is a huge factor in miscarriages so I would go to your GP and ask for the day 3 and day 21 blood tests.

May I also gently suggest you look very, very carefully at how much money you throw at acupuncture. Yes, it will relax you...but it won't get you pregnant.

Thanks for this fivepounds.... OH and I have discussed donor egg as an option and have decided that, given my previous recent pregnancies, we are going to try for natural conception for a few more months at least.

I'm sure you appreciate that the donor egg route isn't for everyone, but I'm glad it worked for you. However I think there are a few women on this board who are TTC in their early forties, aware that the opportunities are fewer, but that - despite the stats - there are opportunities for natural conception.

I have seen a lot of evidence that acupuncture helps with general health as well as conception. I may be daft but thought that to get pregnant you need lots of sex?

Hello all, and Happy New Year! May 2015 bring us all what we wish for... I've been AWOL for a while, it was pretty hectic over Christmas/NY, visiting family and being visited by friends, so only now starting to catch up.

Welcome to all the newbies (sorry for not name-checking, there are quite a few!) - you will find lots of support and hand-holding on this thread. May your stay here be short and sweet

Calibee Oh hun, that is so sad Hope you are holding up... When is your DH back with you? Sending lots of hugs, wishing you lots of strength. Do you think you would consider other options, like maybe adoption...? I feel for you xx

As for me - well, I had my birthday yesterday and am now 43 (gulp). And like so many of us, wondering how much longer I can/want to keep going with the whole ttc thing... My last miscarriage has really taken the wind out of my sails, and my/our ttc efforts since then have been somewhat... half-hearted. I really struggle with mustering the motivation to dtd around ovulation time. Nevertheless I am currently in the 2ww, so we'll see.

I agree that the stats are not in our favour and am probably living proof of it (the 2 of my 4 miscarriages that were investigated revealed the cause being chromosomal abnormalities), but I still believe that women in their forties can have successful natural pregnancies.
I've had loads of tests, DH has been tested, and everything is looking good. No issues with genetics, hormones, blood clotting, uterus fine. Yes, my egg reserve is low, which is to be expected at my age, but I am still ovulating, with regular cycles. Egg quality can obviously be an issue, and there isn't much that can be done about that - I am trying to boost it by taking supplements that are meant to help and otherwise be as healthy as possible...

Having said all that, I have an appointment with a consultant on Thursday to discuss my recurring miscarriages and ttc. I might eat my words above after that, but I suspect that he won't be able to tell me much that I don't already know. But it will be good to get some scientific facts and data to help us decide if we want to continue and for how much longer. It's a rollercoaster for sure!

hello everyone.
Im so happy to find this tread. Im new to this site and wonder if you can help me.
me and my partner are both over 40 and we are planning to have IVF treatment abroad due to the costs.
Are there any clinics you would recommend , and what are your experiences.
I would be grateful for advise please.
xx

hello ladies.
Hope you don't mind if I join this thread.
we are planning to have an IVF treatment abroad due to the costs, and I would be grateful for any recommendations. Has anyone had IVF done abroad, your experiences and views.
Really will ve grateful for any help
many thanks
xx

Daftgeranium, whoever gave you that idea? Lots and lots and lots and lots of sex makes no difference at all to a forty-three year old woman's chances of keeping her baby. Fertility falls off a cliff, not at the age of 35, in my opinion, but at 40/41. For a 43 year-old woman who has never had children there is no way of knowing how fertile you are. There may be polyps, adhesions, endometriosis, diseased or blocked tube(s), immune issues, sperm issues...

What I am saying is that lots of sex is the very tip of the iceberg for a 43 year old. I would be looking at getting tests for all of these things so you know what you are facing. Good luck.