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Conception

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Original poster

Waiting to try

76 replies

Kttowers90 · 11/09/2014 10:33

Hi everyone I'm fairly new to this but I have a bit of a scenario I was hoping someone might be able to help!

I have been desperate to have a baby for coming up to a year now, discussed it with oh and he wanted to wait until we're more financially stable (own our own house and I've paid off my student overdraft etc.) I'm nearly 25 and he'll be 28 next month. I agree with him completely and know what he's suggesting makes sense broodiness is doing my head I'm but it's just something I've got to cope with.

So last night he went to his mates house to help him clear out some of their sons old toys and stuff. He then comes home with one of those mats with the roads on that kids drive toy cars on and says it's for junior when we have one... I could have strangled him!!! I wouldn't mind if we are tcc but we've decided to wait (knowing it could take around 2 years) and now I don't know what to think, is he just thinking about the future? Or is he trying to drop a not so subtle hint? Or is he just a massive moron with no tact?

He knows I've been struggling with wanting to have a baby and what he's done, although nothing major has upset me quite a bit!

Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

Kate x

OP posts:

JellyBean1990 · 12/09/2014 16:00

Hi Kate,

I'm so glad I found this, I'm in a similar situation. I'm in the middle of a PhD and so me and my OH decided to wait until I'm finished before we start trying (I'm doing chemistry so God only knows what affects the chemicals would have on a baby) which won't be for another 2 years. I'm broody as anything and people around me seem to be getting pregnant left, right and center!

I wouldn't say your OH was "a massive moron", perhaps he doesn't realise how difficult it is for you to wait and that seeing things like the play mat upset you. Tell him that it upset you and ask him what he's feeling.

Waiting to try is horrendous, I hope you feel better about the play mat soon.

JellyBean x

Original poster

Kttowers90 · 18/09/2014 18:46

Hi jellybean thanks for your reply it is horrible I'm in the same situation it seems everyone I know is either pregnant or had a baby recently and it breaks my heart.

I know we're doing the right thing by waiting but it's just so hard and I don't think he understands at all he's promised he's going to put it out of my view for a while. I can't help but wonder if I came home with something like that he'd go mad... Oh well here's to waiting to try!

Kate x

OP posts:

littleangel1006 · 22/02/2015 17:43

Is there any new posts of waiting to try'ers?

Beckieboop · 22/02/2015 18:47

So glad that I have found this thread!

Hey Ladies, Beckie here!

My and the OH have been together four and a half years, we are both 31 and currently saving towards a deposit for a house. We should be ready to buy the end of this year (fingers crossed).

Thing is I am super ready to have a baby now... Knowing that I am 31 now and as Kate pointed out it could take up to two years or more to actually conceive.

We have talked about it and he said he wants kids one day. When I asked about trying next year the response I got was no and that he is to young. TO YOUNG??!!! Like really??!! He knows how much I want children and ideally before I am 35!

I love him to bits, and couldn't see myself with any one else but I just wish he would understand how I feel! It's all driving me quite crazy! Glad I am not alone in this.

sophiabella · 22/02/2015 19:04

Hi Everyone.
Here is my story. I had a mc late last year and it was completely out of the blue, we weren't trying. We were shocked and scared as hadn't planned for a baby but when the mc came it made us so upset we realised we really wanted a baby. we wanted to start ttc right away so we did for a couple of months and we didn't have any luck.

We now have decided we should wait a while. My partner is having treatment which is making him feel pretty crap so we want to wait until he is better and we have decided during these months of waiting we will try t osave up as much money as we can so that when we finally do TTC it will be more comfortable.

Like you guys, I am very broodie. It is all I can think about. The waiting is driving me insane and I just keep thinking with every day that goes by that it's another day closer to trying!

None of my friends have babies yet and often make comments about how they are glad they're not tied down with children and it maks me bite my tongue as I would LOVE to have that!

Beckieboop · 22/02/2015 19:16

Hi Sophia, sorry to hear about your MC I bet it was all a big shock for you!

It is so hard to wait. All my friends have babies and I am one of the last bar one other. Thank goodness I have her or I really would be going crazy!! A lot of my friends had there babies in there early 20's so I feel so left behind! My younger sister is also due in May, a honeymoon baby. So that's the cherry on the cake lol.

If you and your OH feel ready then that's fantastic! I'm sure the time for you to TTC will be here before you know it. I understand the wait is hard though. Maybe you should plan some trips or events to try and take your mind of it. I'm trying to distracted myself from it all. May try and get my butt back in the gym. Before I do something silly! :/

sophiabella · 22/02/2015 20:00

Do your friends know how you feel about it? None of my friends know and I find it really difficult as it's in my mind all the time but not saying anything is difficult! It must be really hard when all your friends already have babies and families :(

We have got a weekend away booked to help brighten up the spring whilst we wait. Everything I do though I think about babies. There was a sale on in Sainsburys and i really wanted to buy a load of baby clothes and had to hold back!! I never thought I'd be like this !

Beckieboop · 22/02/2015 20:21

Oh gosh... Yes I work in Sainsburys and that baby sale has been a nightmare... New born babies everywhere adding to my broodiness!

My friends have no idea... No one does! I'm always someone that keeps things in. It's hard to talk about isn't it? Especially if people are not on the same page as you and would really understand. I know they would just criticise my OH for not wanting the same as me and honestly I don't really want to hear it from them.

A weekend away will be just want you need! I really want time away but saving for a house this year so can't do it... Yet again the OH gets the final say!!

How long will you be waiting in till you start TTC again?

sophiabella · 22/02/2015 21:05

Do you think that once you have your house your oh will feel ready? Thing is do men ever feel ready?! There are always obstacles in the way and it been as not ideal yet...

we are going to wait until June or July depending on when my partner is well enough and we are saving up like crazy for all those baby things!

wil you bring it up again with your oh do you think and have a serious chat?x

Beckieboop · 22/02/2015 21:17

I have been keeping on at him a lot lately and think I am really doing his head in. But I can't help how I feel and he just doesn't 'get it' he wants to wait... He is 31 going on 19 and thinks he is not old enough to have children. We have had serious chats which ends with him agreeing to start trying next year and not telling anyone... And then When I bring it up a week later he denies saying it! He always says it won't be the right time... In his eyes it'll never be the right time.

June or July will fly here. You just wait and see... To think it's March the week after next already! Ah all the lovely baby bits! Would you find out what you were having? My friend had a baby last year and I went OTT on the baby cloths for her. They are all so lush!

CarrieB86 · 22/02/2015 21:32

Hi ladies, so glad I saw this thread! Thinking of you all!

Kate - I can relate completely. The one positive I'd take from this is that he took home these toys knowing one day you will have a family- at least he hasn't ruled it out completely! I don't think he's being a moron although I'd really try and sit down again and discuss when is best for BOTH of you.

For us we have been married 6 months and together 11 years (got him down the aisle eventually!!) I am SO broody. We On my way! our own house and have a good bit of savings . I'm 27 he's 32. In December he dropped the bombshell of 'not sure when he'd ever be ready but did want'. After countless tears we have agreed to try in July!! Financially it makes sense for us to do with my work. I should be grateful but a work colleague has just announced her pregnancy and I am so envious! I should be delighted for her although I can't help thinking 'what if we try and it doesn't happen'?!

sophiabella · 22/02/2015 22:20

I think men worry a lot and often don't feel ready, its different fot them at least he has said he will try...even if he does deny it after!

i cant think ahead i am too scared that it just wont happen or it will be a mc again.

Carrie, it must be hard with others announcing pregnancies around you x

littleangel1006 · 25/02/2015 23:02

Hi everyone.
i'd take it as a good sign he saved it, it shows he wants a baby just not now. Its a man thing to do, he thinks of it as a good gesture without thinking about how there would be a sad side to it for you.
Im in the same waiting situation and a similar time frame and it sucks.
I have been with OH for 4 years and we both want to start trying but know i have to finish uni first.
His sister has a 1 yr old and another one on the way and being around them just shows me how much i want it. I am going to be one of the birthing partners which will be amazing but also a bit upsetting i think.
I have wasted so many hours looking at clothes and showing the things i like to her.
We have a house together and he has a well paid job so neither of those aspects are a problem.
Sorry to hear about the mc, i can't even imagine :(

aletea · 26/02/2015 19:43

I think there's never a perfect time, there's always something to save for, more money to be earnt to make you financially secure, another event to get through with one last piss up.... While it may sometimes be judicial to wait, bear in mind that if you wait for the perfect moment then you might MISS the perfect moment!

Original poster

Kttowers90 · 08/03/2015 22:18

Sophia so sorry about mc! Terrible thing to have to go through and I hope you're doing ok!!!

Carrie we are saving to buy a house (money keeps flying out the window as always) so I'm looking for a new job to help us along a bit so trying now isn't really practical (life getting in the way again!) and I can't help that feeling of 'what if it doesn't happen' either!

I've recently been put on a new pill by Dr which has eased my hormones a bit (blasted things) but I still want to raid the baby section every time I'm near one :(

Everyone seems to be having babies around me and it's so unfair but my time will come I'm sure as will everyone's but I'm hoping I won't have to wait to much longer! Good look ladies!!! Xx

OP posts:

luna40 · 27/03/2015 14:26

Hope its okay that I join this thread! We're waiting to try for DC#3, after having first 2 so close together hubby wants a much larger gap. Plus we just bought a house so lots of paying off debts and saving planned for the next few months. I feel like others have said above though that theres never a perfect time...theres always going to be SOMETHING, right, to make us push it back.... would love to hear other stories of those waiting to try, whats making them wait, etc. good luck to us all! x

SweetCicely · 28/03/2015 21:22

My husband and I are thinking about TTC at the end of the year once I've qualified for enhanced maternity leave at work. Our maternity pay isn't great but 13 weeks at full pay and then SMP afterwards is better than the statutory offering I'd get if we didn't wait.

lucylou1234 · 10/04/2015 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JellyBubbles16 · 10/04/2015 13:56

Hello all... it is such a relief knowing that there are others out there like me and I am not some crazy person who's brain thinks about babies pause typing to think about babies some more literally 24/7.

Isn't is hard struggling between doing the sensible thing with regards to jobs, finances, houses etc. and just jumping your OH and saying oooh but it will be so beautiful :)

Last year me and my OH seemed to be talking babies non-stop.... then recently every time I mention it I get a one word answer like yeah but in a tone that makes me think he's talking about a long time in the future or potentially never.

I feel like I am driving him up the wall brining it up all the time and that in turn is driving me up the wall.

I hope all you ladies are well anyway and enjoying the sunshine TTC or not x

DeeDee1981 · 10/04/2015 14:22

i have just posted about waiting to ttc before seeing this one!!!!!!!!

Hello to you all, me and DH have just had the 'big talk' about ttc #3. As a lot of you have said i think men worry more about money and timings and other things (yet they never really tell us do they??)

I will talk to him again about coming off bc and then -my plan- is to start ttc june time. I would then take a break from ttc Feb, mar & apr as i do not want another xmas baby!!!!!!!!
x

JellyBubbles16 · 10/04/2015 14:37

Hey DeeDee.... How old are your two?

Men do seem to worry more (although I think they're less proactive at addressing what they are worrying about) and I don't know if it is just me but I always seem to end up with more questions than answers after one of those 'big talks' haha.

I would like to start TTC in June too :)

DeeDee1981 · 10/04/2015 15:24

Hi Jelly,

DS 1 is 6 and DS 2 is 4.

I have explained to DH that trying for a 3rd just feel right, its something we have to try (and if it doesn't happen then we have 2 great boys) but i will greatly regret not trying and if that happens i will then resent him for not trying and i don't want that.

I feel so excited about us trying, its daft i know but its exciting!!!!!! x

DeeDee1981 · 10/04/2015 15:25

is anybody starting to take vitamins yet? I need to look into it to see whats out there. any recommendations? x

JellyBubbles16 · 10/04/2015 15:42

Awwww you have two lovely boys :)

I haven't started on vitamins yet but I am about to start healthy eating and a bit of exercise to be as healthy as poss - will probably incorporate vitamins at some point though.

Any tips on approaching a further 'big talk' (the last one ended with some vague comment about his business) with OH that doesn't make me feel like a lady possessed with baby craziness hehe.

DeeDee1981 · 10/04/2015 16:06

Jelly, my boys are double trouble double the mess double the noise and most definitely double the love and laughter!!!!!!!

I find 'talking' to DH via text is best, i get to have my say (without sounding bitchy) and then i get to read what his concerns or point are, and i can then think about my response. His concerns were that he sometimes struggles with the boys - i told him i thought he was a great dad. (i didn't tell him that he can be selfish and thats why he snaps at the boys, ie wanting to watch a film in peace with DS1 asking whats happening every 30 seconds EVEN tho is DH that talks through films when we watch them!!!!!!!!!!)

i find that his way neither one of us get mad with the other that way. x

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