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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Waiting to try

76 replies

Kttowers90 · 11/09/2014 10:33

Hi everyone I'm fairly new to this but I have a bit of a scenario I was hoping someone might be able to help!

I have been desperate to have a baby for coming up to a year now, discussed it with oh and he wanted to wait until we're more financially stable (own our own house and I've paid off my student overdraft etc.) I'm nearly 25 and he'll be 28 next month. I agree with him completely and know what he's suggesting makes sense broodiness is doing my head I'm but it's just something I've got to cope with.

So last night he went to his mates house to help him clear out some of their sons old toys and stuff. He then comes home with one of those mats with the roads on that kids drive toy cars on and says it's for junior when we have one... I could have strangled him!!! I wouldn't mind if we are tcc but we've decided to wait (knowing it could take around 2 years) and now I don't know what to think, is he just thinking about the future? Or is he trying to drop a not so subtle hint? Or is he just a massive moron with no tact?

He knows I've been struggling with wanting to have a baby and what he's done, although nothing major has upset me quite a bit!

Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

Kate x

OP posts:

kavanaughkj · 10/04/2015 16:08

Hi everybody - I've been lurking around for a while reading but haven't found a thread I felt I could join until I saw this one!

I'm currently engaged to be married in January next year to a lovely fella (and looking forward to it big time!), which I'm pinching myself as I was beginning to think I would never meet anybody I would ever want to settle down with. Well, I guess my worries were unfounded as my fiance is super-lovely and will make a fantastic dad, when we get around to trying.

My fidgetyness now comes from the fact that I'm currently 36. I'd pretty much given up the idea of a hubby and family, and now it's a potential reality. Several of my friends are currently either pregnant or already have children and I've been really broody over the last couple of years ... particularly knowing that I'm at a crunch age as far as my fertility goes. I just want to be properly settled before we start trying - married, preferably with our own property. At the moment we're renting while we save for the wedding and a house deposit. I don't want to wish the time away but I've been getting increasingly twitchy about the wait!

I'm planning on going on folic acid in October in preparation - we've been living together for a while already so we've at least had that experience (and I figure honeymoon could be a great opportunity to start TTC). Fiance meanwhile would be happy to start trying now, but a shamefacedly old-fashioned side of me would like to be married first (and on a shallow note, I would rather like to fit into the wedding dress I've ordered!!).

Anyway hiya :-) looking forward to sitting out the wait here with a few people in the same boat as me!

JellyBubbles16 · 10/04/2015 16:22

DeeDee, well fingers crossed for triple the mess, love and laughter :)

I've tried to approach via text but OH has something against texts... maybe its because I have it in writing to bring up at a later date hehe.

He's not been well recently (nothing serious) just really run down and it seems to be going on and on. I'm just trying hard to be patient and stay rational but its hard when I remember that at the end of last year I had to stop him buying a baby outfit because I felt it was bad luck and now I just get mundane answers about his business whenever I mention TTC. I'm a woman... I need timescales haha!

Just for info OH is older than me and has a grown up child so its not a maturity, being too young thing.

JellyBubbles16 · 10/04/2015 16:32

Hi K, it is hard juggling all the different aspects of life isn't it - trying to be sensible but sometimes the broodiness overruling.

How are all of your wedding plans coming along? At least you have an exciting distraction to keep your mind of babies while you wait!

lucylou1234 · 11/04/2015 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JellyBubbles16 · 11/04/2015 18:15

I hear ya lelly on the baby brain.... and prams are my weakness im always looking at them online... nuts eh :)

lucylou1234 · 11/04/2015 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JellyBubbles16 · 11/04/2015 19:30

I feel excactly the same about buying things before BFP :)

DeeDee1981 · 12/04/2015 12:19

Is it bad that I have planned what the nursery will look like!!! Well I order to get the nursery next to our bedroom we first need to change a large storage room into a nursery - oopppssssssss!!
Oh well I do like to have things planned!!

JellyBubbles16 · 13/04/2015 16:41

No I don't think so at all DeeDee... We recently got a new house and my mum keeps pestering me about why I haven't done anything with the spare room (I got married young and it didn't work out so I think she's sceptical about anything that involves me being tied to someone)... I can't wait to start decorating it all cute - you'll have to share some pics when you get started hehe :)

kavanaughkj · 14/04/2015 10:58

Hi Jelly :-) Wedding planning all going well and actually there isn't much left to do - I've been super organised for the most part and have done a ton early, though I still have a pile of save the dates to send out which I keep putting off. Still have flowers and bridesmaids' dresses to sort, and have been enjoying picking through bridal magazines and being generally girly. :-) Have you had a chance to talk with your hubby properly yet?

I'm trying NOT to look at anything baby-product related online at the moment as I almost don't want to get my hopes up too much, though I've been looking at ovulation kits and hmmmming about them - there are some expensive looking tools which look impressive which I've been tempted to buy, particularly because I'm older and conscious I'm working on a smaller time limit than most first time mums - but at the same time I'd like to try the natural approach to start with and not drop £80+ on a piece of kit I may not even need.

Also we have no potential nursery at the moment! If I somehow did fall pregnant before the wedding despite birth control, the baby would be sleeping in our room until we could find a new place - which I would definitely not prefer! But then I also don't want to be pregnant while house hunting as I hear that's a bad time to be looking - so much pressure to find the perfect place. Argh!

JellyBubbles16 · 14/04/2015 12:38

Hi K.... I'm glad to hear that the wedding planning is going well... what's your theme? January is going to be here in no time you know :)

Have you considered reducing some costs on the wedding to save your house deposit quicker?

I am not really trying very hard to look up baby things. Yeah I've had a look at ovulation things since coming on here... I never knew it was all so complicated. Knowing my luck I'd buy the fancy kit and then cycle one BFP!

OH is still under the weather and worked most of the weekend... however it is his birthday Thursday so he is having a full weekend of relaxation and being pampered and god help him if he tries to go into work... so hopefully he might be in the right frame of mind to start discussing properly. I feel really selfish like I'm pushing him but I just feel like I'm in limbo considering last year we were all set and now I don't even get a rough time frame :(

kavanaughkj · 15/04/2015 09:46

I don't think you're being selfish, Jelly - not knowing would drive me nuts, too!

No real theme for the wedding yet, though if there is one at all it'll be geek related! We're both gamers with a bunch of nerdy friends

JellyBubbles16 · 15/04/2015 12:35

Thanks K .... even if he were just to say 'look it's been a difficult year so far let's just get through the next couple of months and then talk again' at least I'd have something to focus on.

I love the idea of warm colours with added sparkle :) What sort of venue are you having?

It is stressful moving house but if it meant you could start trying as soon as you've walked down the aisle it may be worth considering?

Although like you say we have these grand plans and then it always ends up differently but I am a great believer in what will be, will be x

kavanaughkj · 16/04/2015 10:05

I think we're still planning on trying as soon as we've made our vows, whether we have a house or not. If push comes to shove, baby can sleep in a Moses basket in our bedroom until we find somewhere, and I'm not willing to wait any longer while my fertility plunges rapidly downhill ... though I do think you're right. I have a Scottish friend who tells me 'what's for ye'll not go by ye' and all the way through my life that's proved to be the case. :-) I just hope at least one baby figures into that!

Wedding will be in a gorgeous little country church with a duckpond out the front, and reception will be in a beautiful barn location immediately next door to the church, so we don't have far to travel from one to the other! Helpful when it's likely to be rather cold :-) The barn won't need much dressing up - they already have it covered in fairy lights, so just a few flowers for the tables should be enough. It's amazing how much is involved in planning one single day though ... I keep remembering things I'd forgotten! Just sorted deposit on hair and makeup for me and the bridesmaids - it's all tremendous fun but bloody expensive.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 16/04/2015 18:06

I'm so glad theres others waiting to TTC. We'll be TTC number 2 in the new year and I'm already so broody!

JellyBubbles16 · 17/04/2015 08:20

K.... at least wait until you're back down the aisle I agree with you about the house thing. Managing your little family in a small space you can live with but no baba is no good is it!

Your wedding venue and church sounds perfect. You will have to post some pictures on here after the big day so we can see. Can't wait to see the twinkly barn :)

I had a dream last night that me and OH had a big argument about TTC... I hope that it is not a premonition about this weekend. The plan is to go do some fun things in the sunshine for his birthday. I am hoping being relaxed and away from work might encourage a conversation about us starting our little family. FX!

Moomin welcome to the waiting room hehe. It sounds like you and K are likely to be TTC at the same time :)

kavanaughkj · 17/04/2015 10:30

I'll try not to jump my fella until the wedding night, Jelly, dw ;) Will be crossing my fingers for you this weekend. Enjoy some time out in the sun!

Hiya Moomin - you're definitely not alone! It'll be nice to have company early next year :)

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/04/2015 10:42

Ooh a TTC buddy for next year

How's your wedding planning going? We're aiming for January 2017 to get married so if I get pregnant first month, I'll be planning a wedding alongside being pregnant

DeeDee1981 · 17/04/2015 17:24

Hi all, I'm back from a week away with my boys.

When we got married (April 2012) we got married, sorted a mortgage 2 days before the big day and moved into a rented property a couple of weeks later!!

The sale of our house went though a couple of months later, where we bought our house, got a builder in and renovated it inside 3 months- while both of us worked full time and with the boys and the dog!!!

It can be done - it's bloody hard work but can be done!!!

K - wedding sounds lovely, just remember to take a big breath and look around and take it all in.

Hello to the newbies!!

And I loved whoever called this the 'waiting room'!!!!!!

Well I spoke to dh today about renewing my pills, he asked for me to get another 3 months . When we spoke before I told he how I felt and I didn't really get a response back from him, I know he is hesitant about a 3rd, but I didn't want that response. X

JellyBubbles16 · 18/04/2015 12:47

Hi Dee hope you had a nice break with the boys

It definitely is the waiting room isn't it.

What is with these men?!?! It's like they're happy to play along when it's chatting about 'wouldn't it be nice if...' but when it actually comes down to it they pretend like it's never been discussed and you've just made it up!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/04/2015 13:06

Grr men!!

Thankfully my DP would have one tomorrow if I'd let him! I'm keeping him at bay with the thought that this time next year I could be pregnant

JellyBubbles16 · 18/04/2015 13:08

Well that is exactly how my DP was last year.... now I'm in limbo of not knowing when it'll be time

DeeDee1981 · 18/04/2015 13:10

Tell me about Jelly!!!

He's acting all stressed out about it, I tried talking to him about it properly a few this ago but he didn't really respond so it was like a one way conversation!! Now he's saying he doesn't want a third but well see!! Mixed messages!!

He's says he won't cope with 3! He makes it sound like he's does all the childcare!! With my youngest it was me who got up in the night for the first 2 years!!!(even though I worked full time too and had to travel an hour each way to work!!)

He rarely has both boys on his own for long (the odd over night when I'm away with girl friends and my mum), I changed jobs so now work part time and he works 4 on 4 off. So it would be me who would have all 3 children on my own when he's at work at weekends!!

But I don't mind being on the pill for the next 3 months as I really don't want another winter baby!!

JellyBubbles16 · 18/04/2015 13:57

Awwww Dee had you talked before about having number 3? Is it one of those conversations that happened a while ago and now it's come down to it he's freaked?

You should have seen DPs face last night when he saw me taking folic acid

Vap0 · 18/04/2015 14:43

I haven't read all of the posts so apologies if it has been said already. Have you made him aware that it can take years to conceive? I thought I had made it clear to my OH but clearly not enough. We are now 19 months ttc and still not ovulating and have 2 months to wait before being prescribed clomid so will be a minimum of 2 years at the earliest I would think. He thought we would be caught quick. Wish we had a more thorough chat about it before we did.

Best of luck

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