TTC post miscarriage - struggling

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

Just had another negative test. Had to test even though just one day late as going to a barbecue where there will be alcohol. I miscarried in December (it was cycle 4 of trying) and now I just feel like such a failure every month, my PMT symptoms have got even closer to pregnancy ones - my boobs have been tender for two weeks and down right painful for the past 4 days so I allowed myself to hope (foolishly).
How on earth do people get through this?

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage Doctor. I can't begin to imagine.

Ttc dd2 was one of the most miserable experiences I've had and put more strain on our marriage than any other obstacle we've encountered. It took us a really long time and the endless months of hope being crushed was awful. When I finally got pregnant I didn't even feel happy, just an enormous sense of relief.

There are many supportive conception threads here if you're interested. I found it quite nice to chat to people who understood.

Sorry for what you are going through Doctor. It is horrible and such an emotional roller coaster.

I had an early mc in January whilst ttc #2 and have struggled in since then. I've felt like I was going a little crazy with the symptom spotting every month, sobbing when AF arrived and the general craziness that determination to get pregnant brings. Plus every milestone that would have been with the pregnancy (scan dates, trimesters) I found my emotions got even worse. I take it that your due date would have been this month? I'm so sorry, that must have been really hard to go through. Mine would have been in September and I was already getting worked up about it passing but I got a bfp 2 days ago. Similar to what teenage said though, I am too scared to be happy right now. Relieved but still not confident that everything will be ok. Miscarriage really messes with your mind.

I spoke to a friend who had taken A long time to conceive and she recommended a book called "the impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant" plus a charting app called Kindara. The book was really useful for getting me to alter my view point a little. It's written by a doctor who has struggled to conceive so she reviewed the actual evidence that's out there rather than all the urban myths, I found it had a calming effect on me and made me realise that I was doing everything I could to get pregnant and that was all I could ask of myself (and DH!). I'd always thought that full charting would make me a bit crazy but it actually calmed me to be able to watch the patterns of what was going on in my body. Prior to that i'd just been monitoring my cycles and cm.

Have you seen your GP? If you think having tests would help you to feel reassured then I'd suggest going now to discuss it with them. They might be happy to do your fertility bloods and start the ball rolling even if you haven't been trying for a full year.

I hope things happen for you soon

Part of the issue is I have zero confidence in my GP. I feel that I have to tell them what's wrong with me and got some hideously wrong advice re:my Asthma not that long ago when he refused to put me on a preventative medication (against current practice). I've been hoping it would just happen and that I'd just self-refer to the midwives and ignore my doctors. Oh well.

Is it a GP practice or a particular GP that you're lacking confidence in? Could you ask to see a different GP? Some GP practices will have different GP's with specialist interests so it might be worth asking if there is a GP who specialises in family planning and ttc that you could see. It's tricky if you're lacking confidence in them but if you go with clear expectations of what you want (eg to have fertility tests started) then it's always worth saying that otherwise you might leave disappointed.

Hi Doctor. I just wanted to offer my sympathy. Your post really struck a chord with me. I don't have much advice I'm afraid but I just wanted to say I think I understand what you're going through, and also don't be hard on yourself for finding it hard, if that makes sense? I've been having a bit of a TTC meltdown this weekend ... So I'm trying now to be nice to myself and let myself have a good cry etc while also trying to give myself a bit of a talking to and make myself feel more positive, even if I don't really believe it.

DH and I have been TTC our first for 18 months ... two chemical pregnancies/early miscarriages so far. The second one was last month and so far AF following it is 8 days late (definitely not pregnant though). I just wish it would arrive so I could try to get back on track. The first time I've ever hoped for AF to arrive ...

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're finding it to tough. If it helps at all, you're not alone. This is so hard, isn't it? It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I had no idea. But we will get there in the end, and it will be worth it. I have my fingers crossed for you and I hope you can get a sympathetic GP if possible.