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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

March bus..let's get this mad March hare going.....

998 replies

PetiteChouette · 04/02/2014 20:11

Hi everyone, I'm taking a plunge and starting our folicking March bus off to a start.

OP posts:
PolytheneGirl · 23/02/2014 21:21

Haha, I can't see the knitted tree one but am in stitches over the fire breathing dragon penis! Wtf!!

I hope I'm not passed our on the settee from the wine when DH gets in. I'm going to text him orders to wake me up!!

picklebum2011 · 23/02/2014 21:22

PS ant and Dec rock, did anyone see sat night takeaway? Loved their challenge def a pants pooper!!

barmybunting · 23/02/2014 21:23

Why am I the only person to see the knitted tree/naked lady combo?? I haven't had that much wine!

I have now googled naked lady hugging knitted tree but it just brings up a woman wearing a long tree trunk shaped knitted tube! I can still see my image when I search under colour of fertility though. What the heck have I done to my internet history that it has conjured up this image! I can also see the naked lady in the field. I would prefer a baby in a field!

I have no idea what the colour of fertility actually is. But I am off to visit wacky blue haired reflexologist lady on Tuesday again, I reckon she would know.

Sarara it was idyllic for many years. Sadly it is no longer a country I could return to after many things which have happened there, but I have so many blissfully happy memories and have been very lucky to have been able to resettle in the UK so easily. My parents are from Scotland by birth anyway, so we used to visit fairly often when I was a child.

The PJ&Duncan dance is brilliant!

mama31 · 23/02/2014 21:23

Poly or even worse...passed out on the settee with the laptop on with a picture of a fire breathing dragon penis....

PolytheneGirl · 23/02/2014 21:27

Haha mama. I don't think anything would surprise him anymore! I just don't want to miss the tipsy dtd. If it works you'll all be on the wine all month next month! The drunken fumble plan!

mama31 · 23/02/2014 21:28

I'm up for the drunken fumble plan! Must get the wine in!

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:28

Loving the happy vibes in here tonight! We'll have to pop back to these pages when we're all stressing in the tww later!

Barmy, you're missing out! How did you not know about PJ and Duncan?! Stop googling fertility colours now and get on to YouTube! And I will indeed get lots of cuddles from the twins, I've been pre-warned that I won't want to leave Grin, if DTD every day hasn't worked by then I'm sure it'll kick start the old ovaries too!

Wow. Overdoing it on the exclamation marks, sorry. I shall be more sedate from now one...

This is our month ladies, everyone knows that spring is all about babies Wink

I'm one classy laydee.

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:28

Barmy, maybe it's down to what your mum's been googling on your computer?! Lol Grin

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:34

Evidently signing up to the drunken fumble plan by accident.

So, that's Koala cycling, fertility pom-poms, softcup, always orgasm after DH, always DTD drunk...

How the actual fuck does anyone get upduffed by accident?!

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:37

According to this my chi is all wrong anyway. Not a hope of conception if I keep parking my car at the front of my house Hmm

barmybunting · 23/02/2014 21:38

picklebum, welcome to the Mad March Bus! Grab your pom poms, and join us in some ttc madness! As far as exercise goes, I don't think it has too much impact as long as you are a healthy weight from what I understand. It is meant to make pregnancy and labour much easier though! By the way, you have a brilliant name! Picklebum is very funny! Is there a story behind this?

Oh goodness, that fire breathing dragon penis is horrific! If you google those words exactly, you will see many dragon penises, worth a look...

I have now started on the horlicks but it does not seem to be having much of an effect in comparison to the wine!

retro exclamation marks are the way forward, especially after wine.

onelife do you know my Mum? Are you my Mum?? Because what you are suggesting is actually possible! I was in a farm shop with her yesterday, and found her cackling away with some other random woman she had met two minutes before looking at a calendar of naked men riding tractors! They were comparing the months naked options! My poor DDad was standing outside watching the goats because he said he had looked in the shop and couldn't find us!

My Mum also phoned me up very embarrassed one night to tell me she was concerned as she had given her laptop to her brother in law for him to fix it, but he had phoned her up to ask if someone had hacked into it because the internet history showed some dodgy searches of naked men etc, her brother had told her about the websites when he was looking for a new man, and she decided to take a look too!

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:40

Ooo I'm going buy me some green sheets then retro Hmm Won't go with the decor but who cares!

barmybunting · 23/02/2014 21:41

Both the green pom poms and the fire breathing dragon penis are based in feng shui! Brilliant link retro! See below for info... (this is from the link retro posted)

"Go green

Sleeping on green sheets will heal any malady or remove any energy blockages that might be preventing conception from occurring while also allowing for a healthy pregnancy to implant.

Add company

Place a small image or statue of a dragon on the same side of the bed that the husband/father sleeps on to help harness his energies."

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:42

Whitehurst recommends displaying enhanced fertility symbols such as pomegranates or even baby animals. "One really interesting and pretty easy feng shui cure for fertility," Whitehurst shares, "is to allow several little children to jump to their heart's content on the couple's marital bed, thereby energizing it with necessary conception shui and energy."

Now, can anyone lend me several little children...?

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:42

Yes barmy, I am your mum

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:43

Ha ah ha!!! (Extra exclamation marks for retro) I actually wish I was, she sounds a legend Grin

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:45

This is too funny, I'm so buying a pomegranate at sainsburys tmrw and putting it by the bed. See what dh says about that!!

barmybunting · 23/02/2014 21:45

onelife Hi Mum! If you are actually my Mum, I am a tad worried that you have taken matters into your own hands - she keeps asking when we are going to produce grandchildren for her! She did also phone me about 5 years ago (when I was 23, I am an only child) to tell me she was pregnant with twins. She hung up on my when I suggested that she was winding me up as I knew she was in fact going through the start of menopause and was 58 at the time!

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:45

Yes onelife, I actually luffs you!!!

I emailed my mum a picture of naked firemen today. She'd get on with Barmy's mum Wink

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:46

Think they've missed the point somewhat retro, we don't have the small children in the first place....

onelifeonechance · 23/02/2014 21:46

...hence the need for pomegranates Grin

EnglishGirlAbroad · 23/02/2014 21:46

Jesus! I don't check in for an hour or two and I've missed a pom pom shaking, oh and Duncan party!! Attempts a few cheerleader style jumps and declares this Magic March!!
Passes round some of the cream egg brownies I made earlier.... Before I eat the lot!

RetroHippy · 23/02/2014 21:47

Pomegranates don't bounce so enthusiastically though...

SaRaRaRaRa · 23/02/2014 21:48

I like this bit:

Then stop cleaning

This is the last time any sort of under-the-bed cleaning should occur. Nix vacuuming there during the entire time you're trying to conceive, are pregnant and even for the first few weeks after baby is born.

Any excuse to ditch the housework. Am sure it applies to whole house, not just under beds Grin

barmybunting · 23/02/2014 21:49

Do you know when you google fertiliy pom poms (I tried this first before the colour of fertility) it changes it to fertility pomegranates! I am off to buy one with you onelife, please make sure there are enough there!

Retro your Mum sounds brilliant! If she partakes in the odd bit of wine drinking, my Mum would very much like to meet her!