The Elderberry Pavlovas head into 2014 which will be full of ivf, berry babies and BFPs!!! (thread 17)

[Bunnygirlie]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 6+months (preferably 12+) NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

The 17th thread, wow! This had better be it ladies, time to get off the Sofa of Pity onto the Pouffe of Positivity and beyond!

What is it you're struggling with sid? Do you not feel ready for IVF? You don't have to go through with it if you're feeling so negative about it, maybe put it off another month and see if you can get some counselling to talk through it?

Feather I love the dress! So romantic.

Pip congratulations, it all sounds really good!

Sid, I hear you on the wobbly; I had one right before Christmas because it all seemed so unfair: I'm fit, I'm healthy, I've always looked after myself, we are financially stable and in a great position to bring a child into the world, and yet here we are month after month. Hugs.

Hugs Sid hope you're feeling a little better this evening.

sid a wobble is completely understandable. It just doesn't seem right or fair that this is the journey ttc has brought us on, but as you say - it is a step further towards being pg - and that is the main thing to focus on. I hope you feel better today x

because I feel exactly the same. I am struggling with the constant stream of pg announcements and baby arrivals amongst my friends. My two closest friends are 6 and 7 months pg now and that is hard. I'm delighted and excited for them but it makes me feel very alone as I'm the only one who can't seem to get pg.

feather it was a couple of years ago now but minna had a little studio in Brixton in an old church (I think you said you were in London) and I went in and tried on every dress I liked and they were very friendly. A total antidote to everywhere else I went to try on dresses - just relaxed and down to earth!

Heading off to yoga in the hope that will clear the cobwebs!

Hope you're feeling better today sid

I spent last night with my closest friend who really doesn't 'get' it. She was talking about wanting what you don't have - I'd said DP and I were going to France to watch the last week of the Tour de France, which she would like to do but she has two young children. We were also talking about another friend of mine who is taking a sabbatical year and travelling round the world with her DP. My friend then said "I can't imagine anyone wanting my life." She then looked at my face and said "I suppose you'd rather be pregnant than be going to France and I'd rather go to France." I almost burst into tears! She has two wonderful, gorgeous kids, a beautiful house in stunning countryside with a close knit group of friends on the doorstep all with children of the same ages, and a lovely husband. She works part time in a job that gives her loads of great opportunities. What's not to want?!?!?

Today will be mostly spent avoiding lesson planning . Expect a post from me around 9pm berating myself for not having started earlier. I never learn .

Omg barking how did you not throttle her?!?!?

Barking I saw your post on a thread about adoption, that's really interesting to hear about your experience with adopted children. I've been thinking vaguely about adoption (trying to be realistic about the chance of IVF working) but I didn't think I could adopt from this country because of only being able to get an older child, by which time the damage has been done by the birth parents. I watched that programme (Finding Mum and Dad) and it did open my eyes. I brought up the subject with DH yesterday and he is dead against the idea of adopting unless we can get a baby. I'm not going to push the idea for now but I've left the programme recorded in case he wants to watch it. I know that I can't force him into it so might just have to accept being childless.

I think the main thing I can say from experience lady is that lots of the time (not all the time, but more than you'd think) although the child looking for a family might be 4, they could have been removed from their parents at birth, and have spent that time with experienced foster carers. If the care placement is voluntary children can be 'ready for adoption' sooner, but if social services have to build a case against the parents, go to court, wait for appeal etc, the process can take a very long time, but the child is not being 'ruined' by the parents while this process goes on, they are being cared for in a loving home. Obviously it's harder for the children to move on the longer they have been with the foster carers, but as you saw in the programme, the children are aware (as much as they can be at their age) that this isn't their permanent home. This is far less damaging than suddenly being ripped away from everything you knew.

Basically, in my usual waffly way, I'm just trying to say that older doesn't necessarily equal more damaged, or that they've spent longer wih the birth parents.

Most of the foster siblings I have had went on to form strong attachments to their adoptive parents (the one exception being the child that came back who my parents then adopted). One child that I was particularly close to actually visited my mum recently. She's now 19, in a stable relationship with a supportive family and has just had her first baby ( ).

How are you doing today, Sid? Better, I hope.

What about everyone else? Quiet weekend in Berry HQ. I've been up to my eyes in marking. Seriously wondering whether I want to stay in teaching much longer. It's becoming more and more thankless every week...to the point where I'm almost looking forward to my date with the dildocam this week, just because it means I get a morning off work...

That's fantastic news pip! One step further to pg land.

barking it's my experience that no-ones problems are ever bigger than your own, and the grass is always greener. My friends with kids often used to covet my footloose and fancy free lifestyle (and, despite being a bitter old witch these days) I can still appreciate the positives of being able to go out when I choose, go on holiday when or where we like etc. Doesn't mean I wouldn't trade it all in a heartbeat tho.

My pg SIL was over today, she's about 10 days behind where I would be if it hadn't been for the MC - haven't seen her for about 1 month. She's approx 20 weeks now, sporting a lovely little bump. Was pretty gut wrenching but I survived - just!

Waiting for AF - due today/tomorrow.

Can I ask you lot for your opinion? So, we were ttc for 18m with all the usual tests after 12 coming back clear. Conceived naturally but then lost it, so nhs no longer interested in our fertility woes. What would you guys do? How long should we wait this time before seeking help again? I know I am being impatient but I feel like we're literally back at square one.

boodle what's the dildocam for my lovely?

parsley its crappy but I think you have to wait again, so unfair

What's up with everyone? Good weekends?

Hi everyone, will catch up properly soon but just wanted to say thanks for the support. barking I would consider putting starting our IVF cycle off for a month, but at nearly 39 I don't feel I have the time to wait; my head will just have to catch up to things as we go. That said I might take advantage of counseling at the clinic. I just feel really sad over being at this point, bc to me it's an acknowledgement that we've given up trying naturally, and so all the little things that go along with the standard TTC/pregnancy sequence of events will just not happen the way I ever expected them to. I would elaborate but I don't want to put these types of grey thoughts into everyone's heads, especially with so many other berries on the IVF train. It's ridiculous bc I'm absolutely certain that everyone else will have babies/their IVF will work/shouldn't feel bad about it taking so long etc, but when it comes to me, I can't get it out of my head that it would be a miracle if it happens for us. Before TTC, I was an unfailingly optimistic person, and I just feel like that's been taken from me.

I will come out of this slump; it's probably a relatively normal reaction to someone coming to terms with a big thing in life (can't bring myself to say "infertility" bc as far as we're told, we're not - just slow to conceive, and so choosing IVF to just get on with things), and having the support of this group really means a lot . Nobody else really gets it. I truly think my mother thinks we're DTD in the wrong orifice or something bc after telling her about a specialist appt I had last week, she asked "Did she have any advice on how you could get pregnant?" it really took me aback and finally wound up saying "there's nothing else to try, Mother, except for IVF". The naivete, the simple belief that having sex will get you pregnant, whenever you want

Bunny, I'm not sure really! They warned me that they were going to do one before we got started on the process. I'm wondering if maybe it's just because it's been a while since I had any (ahem) internal inspection. (Last dildocam was a year ago and HSG was in May.) Unfortunately, I'm due on any day (I'm a whopping 8DPO...) and there's definitely the start of a bit of spotting. At best, I can hope for heavy spotting. At worst, it's going to be a full flow gore fest. Sob.

sid know the stats aren't as great as ivf but if you want to try one last stab at something less invasive before ivf, what about a cycle of iui?

Blind we considered IUI but the success rate for my age bracket was so low, we felt like the best option for us was to put our money and energies towards IVF. The whole thing is just a headf* and I'm just tired of the strain of it.

Parsley if you got pg naturally I imagine they are confident it will happen again. And fingers crossed it will very soon! My bfp was on clomid so although it's put us back a few months as we still have to get through the full 6 cycles of clomid before the next stage, as we didn't get pg naturally we're not back to square one not that they've been any use at all while not having AF or ovulation for 4 months I would say to give it another 6 months then go back and say you want the tests repeating in case anything has changed. Sooner than that they might just be telling you to wait for everything to settle.

Well done for coping with pg SiL, I'd have been around 6 months now, and have so far managed to completely avoid the mate with the six month bump.

Boodle I'm feeling decidedly jaded about teaching right now. Just not feeling the love!

Hello all..... Just checking in after a super lazy weekend! Today I managed to: get up at 11, go for a walk, go for coffee, and make packed lunches for the rest of the week. And that, truly, was it.

End of this week is shag week, but it just feels so unrealistic Somehow. I feel like we're shagging in the wrong orifice sometimes, to whoever said that!

However! It's January. It is normal to feel glum. By March, barking will be a respectable matron and I am betting we have two more bfps by then!

Just 2 rp? My money is on more than that!

It looks like I completely igbores everyone... When I replied Parsley was the last post, but then when I got a text and looked at my phone I saw it hadn't posted so I tried again. Obviously there were more posts in between!!

Boodle I briefly read that as 8 days late and got all excited on your behalf.... If it's any consolation after waiting 4 months without ovulating and then finally getting a temp rise and AF, Af arrived 8 days after possible Ov!! My cycle can be 40 days long but LP is still stuck at 8 days!!!

sid definitely use the counselling service if there's one easily available, especially if it's at the clinic as they'll be seeing so many other women in the same position as you with the same fears.

rp you are right. January is traditionally a miserable month. Here's to February and March and a bucketload of bfps, IVF or otherwise

igbores ??!?!

sid I'm sorry but I find doing it in the wrong orifice funny. How some people think its so easy for everyone just because it was easy for them drives me crazy. I've not had any comments myself but hearing some berry stories makes me grrrrrr
Hoping you get out of your slump soon Hun, it happens to us all now and again.

boodle when I had my ivf chat with the doctor I had to have a dildocam, maybe to just check things before they start?!? Hope it isn't a grim one for you.

kitty you are so positive and optimistic! Can you pass on some vibes to us please

Oh barking you are so igborant! Lol

I hate January being a glum month, my birthday is in January!

Well that is the one lovely thing about it, then :)

Thanks barking, you're right of course but it doesn't make the waiting any easier does it!! Agh, every time I catch myself wishing my life away like this I try to stop myself - there's more to life than getting pg RIGHT NOW, right? Right?!?!????

Hope everyone's Mondays go well!!

Sid thank you for your post last night; you have pretty much said everything that I feel but am too scared to admit to (sorry couldn't post last night; I couldn't get to my PC). The abject failure that I feel about not being able to conceive naturally is at times so overwhelming I don't know what to do, especially when all around you appear to get pg so easily.

Parsley well done for coping with pg SIL, I can't imagine how tough it must be.....

Please excuse me all but I do need to have a quick rant about DH - he is away on a training course for the next couple of days and whilst I don't necessarily want him with me whilst I am having my dildocam (no longer a dildocam virgin if you'll pardon the pun) a text of moral support would have been nice as opposed to 'So far so good. Nice choc chip cookies'. I mean - really?

Rant over; normal service resumed.

Hope everyone's Monday has not been too bad