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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Sensible age to start trying?

55 replies

justausername · 12/12/2013 09:05

Hi ladies, I'm after some advice. I'm 32, and my husband and I are thinking of TTC at the start of 2015 (i.e. I would be 34.5 when giving birth, IF I conceive quickly). We'd like to have two kids so I'll be pushing late 30's by the time our family is complete (again, this is with all going smoothly).

I'm just quite worried that we're going to leave it too late. My mum had her menopause when she was in her late 30's, although my sister who is older than me has not had early menopause. I'm not sure we're ready now, but if it's a case of trying for kids now, before we're fully ready, or possibly not having them at all because we left it too late, I'd rather try now, after all there's nine months to prepare! Then I think that we'd be TTC in one year, which really isn't long in the grand scheme of things.

I'd just be really keen to hear all your thoughts as this has been on my mind a lot lately! Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 12/12/2013 09:10

Honestly? I would not be waiting.

If you were 22 I would say you had all the time in the world. At 32 I would say you are in a great position and if you are in a position to have a child now, go for it. I hear so many stories of couples waiting thinking they will conceive easily when the time comes, then kicking themselves they didn't try earlier when they struggle to conceive.

Trooperslane · 12/12/2013 09:11

Second that. Get cracking.

Nigglenaggle · 12/12/2013 09:17

We started at 32. At the time I caved to pressure from my husband and would happily have waited. We had been incredibly smug about the fun our friends who had their children earlier had missed out on. Our conclusion at the end of the first year was that we should have done it about 5yrs earlier. In short, don't leave it any longer!

Nigglenaggle · 12/12/2013 09:20

By the way, you will NEVER be ready :D no-one is :p Having children will turn your life upside down, ruin your social life and your sanity, in ways you can't even dream of. But you will never regret it.

Autumnleaves198 · 12/12/2013 09:23

Go for it now!! I'm 23 and have already been trying for 5 months. I thought it would happen super quick but seemingly not, and from reading the boards here it's clear that so many folk take longer than expected. So I'd say get going now and if it does happen quickly then that can only be a good thing and on the other hand if it is going to take longer (hopefully NOT of course) then you won't have wasted a year.

Fasterkillpussycat · 12/12/2013 09:27

We started when I was 37 and were very very lucky that it happened for us. I am now 6 months pregnant. It took 7 cycles, which I know is not long but it was a stressful time. I imagine that it is always stressful but I was conscious that my age was probably a factor and felt under pressure to look into more invasive tests, which I did not really want if they could be avoided. If you are in a position to do so (and I second that you will never be ready!) I would crack on.

Original poster

justausername · 12/12/2013 09:28

Thanks for your comments everyone - it seems very odd spending years trying not to get pregnant then suddenly panicking that it might not be possible! Will talk to the husband tonight about this, I suspect he doesn't realise that TTC can take time!

OP posts:

akachan · 12/12/2013 09:37

I'm 34 and only starting now but there were pretty good reasons for that and I think I only want one. Why have you settled on 2015?

I don't think there is a huge difference between your fertility at 32 and at 34 but if there is a problem you've got more time to try to fix it.

LastOneDancing · 12/12/2013 09:39

The main reason I would say to start trying now is your mums early menopause. Great news that your sister hasn't been affected but it would concern me.

If you're settled & know you want a family I'm not sure what difference a year makes to feeling ready, and you're gambling 12 extra chances (sorry to be clinical!). I wasn't broody straight after getting married but we want DCs and knew my age was a factor so didn't wait.

If you haven't already, I'd definitely recommend coming off any hormonal
contraception now & starting to record your cycles in preparation for when you are ready.

SoMuchFruit · 12/12/2013 09:39

I had my DS a few months after my 34th birthday, he's 4 now and we are currently ttc #2.

We were (I realise now) very lucky with DS1 and it only took 1 cycle but on cycle 4 now ttc #2.

If I had to start again - would I start younger ? Yes and no. Certainly not before I was 30 but I wouldn't maybe left it until I was 33 but that is purely because I maybe would have had more time to have more (I realise a long gap between DS and ttc now was my choice but it's how I wanted it!)

Preciousbane · 12/12/2013 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mattissy · 12/12/2013 09:53

The only warning sign I see is your mums early menopause. I had my dc at 34 and 38 after only one month of trying, BUT my mum didn't have the menopause until her mid 50's.

I wasn't ready for kids even at 34 but ds had other thoughts on that and came along as a surprise, I've coped fine though and I adore him. Good luck

Dixy30 · 12/12/2013 09:58

I would honestly say get on with it.

I am 30 and know of 4 other couples that should have had babies the same time as me next spring. But all 4 have had miscarriages. Some had been trying for over a year. The women are 32, 33, 34 and 40. The men are all older. All were told it will take longer ttc at this age range and that age could have been a factor in miscarriage.

I think some people have this false idea that good health and uni education and perfect home shields them against the unpredictabilities of fertility and pregnancy problems, it's a bit like people see 40 as the danger point when really it's younger

freedom2011 · 12/12/2013 09:59

I started trying at 31. I am now nearly 36 and It is still work in progress. I hope it works out how you want it but I wouldn't wait. You are correct in your awareness that it might not all go exactly plan. Good luck.

sebsmummy1 · 12/12/2013 10:05

A compromise would be coming off contraception and not actively trying, ie don't start analysing right timings and things like that. Just continue to have sex when you fancy it. You may fall pregnant immediately (i did but am struggling to conceive no.2) or you may find in 6 months time nothing has happened and suddenly both of you are more keen to get pregnant straight away. At that point you could start taking a little more notice of your fertile signs and timing sex more accurately.

Good luck xxx

Flibbertyjibbet · 12/12/2013 10:21

You simply cannot work on the basis of 'if everything goes smoothly'.

Even if you get pregnant straight away there is increased chance of miscarriage with age, and a loss can set back your plans by months.

Why don't you feel ready? How long have you been married? Do you have lots of debts or something?

Even if you manage one quickly, sometimes another can take a very long time. There is no planning with babies, they come when THEY are ready (ime).

Eletheomel · 12/12/2013 10:32

I wouldn't wait - if you're in a secure relationship now and have already decided you want kids, I'd go for it.

I started ttc when I was 33 (and my mum had me at 39, so I had no worries about conception at all - I'm the youngest of 5) and I was 37 before I had DS1, i've just managed to have ds2 and that was at 41 0 much older than i ever wanted to be to have kids.

You could fall first cycle (many of my friends did) but you might not...

Mrsden · 12/12/2013 10:50

I wouldn't wait, we started ttc when I was 28 and I'm 32 now and still no baby. We had no reason to think we would have a problem. If you do need fertility treatment then the it's a long, long process and outcomes are better the younger you are.

eurochick · 12/12/2013 11:06

With an early menopause in your family history, I really wouldn't wait.

We started ttc when I was 34 (husband was not ready before that). I'm now 37, 38 next month and still trying. We are on our 4th round of IVF and it is now highly unlikely we will end up with the two children we both want. We will count ourselves very lucky if we manage one at this point. We are both in good health and there was no reason to think we would have a problem. Our infertility is "unexplained", i.e. all tests are normal, it's just not happening.

erilou38 · 12/12/2013 13:31

Start trying now!! Iv'e been TTC for almost 18 months and still not pregnant. I'm 38 and perimenopausal. Unlikely i will ever be able to have another child now. With your Mum having an early meno you need to get your skates on NOW!! By the way, i believe i started meno around age 34/35.

moggle · 12/12/2013 13:42

I think coming off contraception but not "really trying" is a good idea for a little while; obviously though you need to be ok with the idea that it could happen first month! Like you said, it is so hard going from "absolutely CANNOT get pregnant" to "really want to get pregnant" in one month. I wish we'd had a bit of time in between! Obviously that's with the joy of hindsight and knowing it is taking us a while... 6 months of half trying, then maybe step it up a notch- obviously depends on how often you shag as to whether you need to step it up!!! ;-)

moggle · 12/12/2013 13:44

PS my consultant said the best current evidence says that a 30 yr old has an 8% chance of falling pg each month; at 35 yrs it is 5%. That's across everyone so obviously some people have a much lower chance and some will catch first time even in their 30s. Compares to about 25% up to about age 25.

kawaii · 12/12/2013 13:49

I started trying at 31, pregnant in 6 months and baby at 32. If I am honest I wish i had waited a bit longer. A lot of the mum's at the hospital (London) were 38/39 with first babies! I felt like I could have had more fun before being tied down with a baby.

But I remember that panicky feeling of hitting 30 and feeling like what if it's too late! It is a relief to have had a baby and time to have more if I want. So sensibly you should try now but if I were you i'd wait until 34.

GoMommaGo · 12/12/2013 14:09

I agree with other posters, stop the contraception (clearly with both of you aware!) and just proceed as usual!! Then re assess in 4 to 6 months time if nothing happens by chance. We started trying at 27 as I was so worried about it not happening (no reason medically at time I was aware of- just me paranoia) and it happened straight away, I went part time after and dh has quite a good job so it worked out fine, then we went for dc 2 about 18 months later, again very quick all fine, then got married moved house etc etc, busy busy and began to try for dc3.... I was 33 by then, house move very stressful (no surprises there tho!) and it took longer, I think I may have had one very very early mc but never did a test so you never know and then made a concerted try to get preg effort and it happened that month, due any day and I turned 34 a couple months ago. I guess until you try you just don't know if it will happen and as someone mentioned up thread, it could happen fairly quickly but if you hav a mc then that will add to the time it takes over any 6mnths - year. Don't worry unnecessarily but it's realistic to think now may be a better time than in two more years, I agree with someone else that fertility isn't always that much worse at 34 than 32 for eg but it's the time you run out of if you wait till 34 to find out if it works or not.

sebsmummy1 · 12/12/2013 14:09

Kawaii I can absolutely assure you that if you'd started trying at 31 and hadn't got pregnant for over 24 cycles not trying would have been one of your biggest regrets right now.

There are women all over the TTC forums who would give ANYTHING to have a healthy child. You really just don't know what you've got until it's gone.

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