Eggcellent Egg Buddies - a thread for those IVFing in November, December and January

[eurochick]

New thread. Welcome back to all the regulars. Welcome to all the newbies - please come and join us if you are IVFing or thinking about. The regulars are a mine of information at this point!

Do you realise that this will take us through a year of egg buddy threads? I believe Karbea started the last one around Xmas time last year for those cycling in 2013 and I immediately jumped on it as I was about to start my first cycle in January. Blimey.

Beetle your news is so sad, life can be so unfair

Hey pip good to see you over here

Oh tame that's rotten,enjoy the wine and dirt

cupcake vallinna thank you for the offer of ICSI advice, I may take you up on that.

I have read talk of a scratch, what is it? (I know so little)

Grrrr, how annoying. Can you talk to them about short protocol so you can skip the whole downregging part?

Mmmm, dirty food. And wine.

Bunny the scratch is something a lot of clinics are offering to people with failed implantation cycles behind them. On the cycle before you do the IVF, they literally scratch the inside of your womb. No one seems to be quite sure why it works but it might have something to do with the inflammatory response to the trauma and the kind of cells that produces within the womb. I had it done last week. It wasn't too bad.

So last cycle we ended up having ICSI rather than straight IVF. It seems that DHs chaps were not up to the job as much as they had been in the past.
When he had his last SA his results were so good that the consult said to his student (they always seem to have a student) that this was an unusually high result, just the sort of thing he said that is rarely seen.
Then when it came to the actual 'money shot' they were just not up to it.

Any advice ladies? Anything that might up the count?

PMSL tame - room in your oven for two? Gotta love the gallows humour that IVF brings.

interested to hear you went gluten free. Do you have an intolerance or was it a get-fit-for-IVF thing?

Well I am awake at stupid o'clock following an argument with DH about booze and drinking in the run up to jan cycle. He just can't do moderation. He genuinely said to me moderation was 6 or 7 glasses A NIGHT! Maybe it was in reference to the Christmas period but really....it upset me on so many levels. It's less than two months until he spunks in a cup again. Just because his swimmers were good this time

pip if your DH's sample went from abnormally high to ICSI worthy was it discussed that maybe there had been an error with the sample testing? I know that you can do plenty to try to improve quality (and that lots of things decrease quality) but your story seems quite extreme. Not that there is anything normal when it comes to this process.

Morning all.

I have booked today off work at short notice because I felt so wretched yesterday. I have been awake lots all night, thinking things over.

Yesterday was only a small set back, we can cycle again in the new year but I guess I feel upset for all of the bad stuff that happens. Like it accumulates over time?? Then a small set back is the one that cracks you. FFS, I've been at work when my period has come after a cycle and when a miscarriage has started and I have just carried on working. But yesterday was horrid. I felt like I was being crushed by sad news. And all I had been told was that my estradiol was a little too high so probably wouldn't down regulate in time for Christmas break?? I need some wise words to shed light on this. I can't make sense of why this has hurt me sooo much

Xxxx

tame walks in an holds tames hand.
You were geared up and ready for a cycle. You haven't been thinking about it for a few weeks you have been 'in training' for over 3 months. The build up is immense, everything is in place (work, child/care, holiday etc), then your body doesn't play ball. In fact, you've probably already worked out possible test date, due date, how that will work with maternity, how many paycheques, how old dd1 would be, how it would work with school. Will it work/won't it?

And then suddenly... BANG without warning its all dragged away and you are left with that huge void as infertility has already sucked in every part of your being.

After such a huge build up you wouldn't be human if you wasn't crushed and if old wounds didn't suddenly bleed again.

Do you feel that you have spent months keeping yourself under emotional control?

I was supposed to have a FET in Oct but I had to have another mock transfer and hadn't realised this would cancel the FET. When I found out I cried for 4 days straight. For my lost baby, lost fertility, 3years of frustration and bitterness, my useless body, for a life constantly on hold and for the injustice of it all - I shouldn't need such medical interference to do something that normally happens thoughtlessly.

This flood of grief overwhelmed me badly it took 4 days to compose myself to go to work and believe me - I tried.

But I am grateful for it. When the flood of grief past I was left with a sense of calmness and clarity and I hope you are too. I now know that I could not have done the cycle in Oct as I would have been a wreck.

What you are feeling must be normal if I have described it accurately here (because I am normal and sane ).

Hopefully what I have described above sheds light on your feelings. You can send my therapy cheque through the post .

New year, new plan.

Fish.x

Thanks euro it does sound nasty but I guess with all the poking and prodding we go through its just another thing!

vallinna lol at gallows humour, weird isn't it, sometimes something will make me really upset, sometimes I surprise myself and laugh at something, DH and did laugh when we were watching tv a few months back and I said 'great even the f-ing Argos aliens are having a baby!'

fish wow what a post, I haven't even begun my ivf journey proper and I already feel like an emotional freak half the time. It's just so unfair that so many of us get to this point.

tame wishing you a good weekend and hoping you feel better soon ready for another go in the new year

Tame, what Fish said! She's spot on lovely, sometimes you really do just have to let go. You've always been a strong one so give yourself the opportunity to have a massive blubfest/howl at the moon and we'll all stand by you holding your hands or stroking your hair. Xx

To be honest this thread seems a bit more down and anxious than normal (wry smile), and I think I've just worked out why.

Every christmas/NYE period we've probably all imagined the christmas day announcement, last adult christmas, baby stuff next christmas, this time next year and all that. We are flooded by family ad's, those who have had miscarriages imagine what would have been (xmas is cancelled in the fish household this year), some of us have to buy baby/child presents, there's the gluttony issue (to drink or not to drink). It's shit.

Its another milestone isn't it. Bringing the same shit into the next fresh year.

Recognising the reason behind difficulty/anxiety makes it a lot easier for me, so I thought I'd share the above in case it helps anyone else.

Hello ladies. You all talk a lot of sense on here. I especially relate to the stuff about Christmas. I am due to start injecting on Dec 13th (same day as you, Pipbin!) and when I told mum about this she said 'we'll, that's not very convenient - I don't want our Christmas ruined by you being upset'. I feel really wounded by that. Christmas Eve will be one year on since I lost my first pregnancy and left tube through my first Ectopic pregnancy and had I not had a miscarriage in April, I would have been due at Christmas this year. I think I am probably entitled to feel a bit shit this Christmas, IVF injections or not. My DP also went out with the NCT dad's last night and two more of their wives are expecting but hadn't told me. I feel horribly jealous of them and feel like a bad person for feeling that way. That is, of course, why nobody told me. Sigh. To top it all, I am sitting in the doctors with a red eye like The Terminator looking like shite. I am meant to be going to my DP's Xmas Party tomorrow and had a total meltdown this morning when he said I should go, but wear an eyepatch like Pete Burns. Reading this back, it sounds quite funny, but I was crying! I then went into school and moaned so horribly about my eye that they told me to come to the docs, so here I am.

Sigh. Sorry about the rant, ladies, as you say, it's the little things that set you off. Tame - I am so sorry about your cancelled cycle. Life is bloody awful sometimes. Can you do the short protocol next time? I haven't even started IVF yet, but am finding it mentally tough already. If my doctor asks me how I am 'in general' in a few minutes, I might burst into tears or punch something. Sorry again about the rant. You are the only guys I feel I can rant to without sounding like a crazed loon. X

Fish you have totally summed it all up. Often it's the 'small' things that break the camel's back and open the floodgates.

To just compound last night I feel worse today. I have an achy cold type thing. Had to cancel acupuncture as I can't bear the shower touching me, let alone people.

Ahhhh - Vanillapod - I have also fallen out with my DP over the booze issue. He doesn't go out often, but when he does, he always had about 5 or 6 pints. I keep having to nag him to take his conception vitamins as well. He even said 'but it's not me who has the problem', meaning fertility wise. I think he regretted it immediately, but it still stung. I agree that Xmas makes things harder. I've never been a huge fan, to be honest. Bah humbug!!

Beetle - I am taking your advice and have booked a spray tan for this afternoon. Perhaps the orange hue will detract from my red eye (she says hopefully.....)

pip we've talked about the volume issue and lowest count with the consultant at the clinic we were thinking of changing to, and he mentioned that the amount produced can depend upon how aroused a man is (probably not hugely, stuck in a broom cupboard with a selection of mags while he is thinking about a roomful of strangers peering up his wife!). But if the overall volume was fine, that might not be an issue.

tame I reckon taking the day off sounds like a plan. Sometimes it does all get too much.

Sorry that so many of us are feeling down. I have the day off, have just bought some new boots and am feeling reasonably chipper.

My scan was fine - I have a few follies on each side, although some are so small I suspect they won't do anything. But hopefully we will get a few eggs out of this round.

Good news Euro always amazes me the difference between a Day 5 and a Day 10 scan so you could be pleasantly surprised.

Fish you are a very wise woman. Tame you are completely normal. I cried when the Dr said I should wait until I've had the immunology tests, I was really hoping for a nice Christmas BFP. Oh well, it'll just have to be a January or February one instead.

Sorry everyone is feeling so down, it is the time of the year, I think.

Well done on your scan euro

tame when I didn't down reg properly I think it was partly because they were trying to do a day 1 start as AF had arrived early and messed up our day 21 start. I always did short protocol after that.

Just had our day 3 update and all looking very good. 3 embryos at 8 cells and 1 at 6 cells . They are taking them to blastocyst gulp can't believe it

Glad you posted this morning choco! I thought I'd killed the thread!

Right, onwards and upwards. Today I'm doing a big shop because we're having friends round for lunch tomorrow. I might even put up some Christmas decorations! We're probably going to have a paella, and maybe some kind of sausage casserole thing. Sounds like an odd combo, but there's a few of us so a choice of dishes.

That's great news choc!

val I'm sure it will be fine. I'm used to one mature egg, so any more will be a bonus. And I am still oddly disinterested frankly. Whatever we get, we get.

Morning all!
Sorry to hear how low everyone is feeling This thread is a wonderful support & it's so great that as soon as someone expresses their down feelings, others come on & share their own feelings & experiences. No-one is alone in all this bollox.
Fab news on the embies choco is it looking like a Monday transfer? Exciting!
Glad to hear the drugs are doing their thang euro
Hi to everyone else

Afm I'm still as cold as a damp squib... We have one of our nieces coming to stay over the weekend so have some nice things planned. Hopefully I can spring back into the land of the living....

Hey all,

choc that's so fab!!! You must be so pleased!

euro embrace the disinterest, its made my life easier although I'm still by it. Looking good and don't knock the small follicles - as someone said a few days makes a difference. Get a ruler and have a look at the measurements we are talking. Its minuscule really and perfectly feasible!

tame how are you? Please let me know you are ok even if you are still struggling.

AFM - nothing to report. I am getting a little scared/anxious now but keep reminding myself that only time has the answers.

badhair . I've been told some shocking things by my folks and it keeps repeating on your mind doesn't it? Don't worry hopefully it's well meaning and don't forget that if we cannot understand our feelings/thoughts allowances need to be made for others.

Going pretty much no contact has worked for me, but I have told them why. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel wounded. Personally I wouldn't go over at xmas for self-preservation reasons but that's me.

Evening all
Tame hope that you are feeling a bit better today. We're all here for you
Fish wise words. I really think that you have hit the nail on
the head. And I completely agree that trying to find some sort of rational reason certainly helps. Especially in the situation that we are all in that has so many questions marks.
beetle really hope that the pampering helped
badhair hope you are looking all sunkissed and bronzed
Euro brilliant news! Things are sounding promising
choco am so excited for you
brooker hope you are feeling loads better
Hi to nobeer, pip, bunny and vanilla and waves to everyone else

About the man thing. We had ICSI due to MFI. But before we got that far we tried an IUI and was told that the sperm count was so low it would be a miracle if anything happened. Turns out though that he was really really nervous on that day. After that all his other samples were lots better but still not great . Just wanted to say that stress plays a huge role in how things turn out on the day.

AFM still popping the progynova like sweets. Start on 4 a day tomorrow. No real side effects but feel a bit tired and bloated has nothing to do with all the cake I'm scoffing obviously. Went for my first scan on Friday and things are how they should be. Back on Tues to see if we can set a date so am assuming we will be good to on the 6th or the 9th. Yikes.

Sorry to hear that everyone is so down at the moment - I'm blaming on the weather and the obsession with Christmas before it's time to be christmassy. I love Christmas btw - just in it's own month!

I think it's time we talked food instead. Sod the calorie loading, think lovely winter warming, egg maturing, womb lining plumper comfort grub Nobeer I too made a sausage casserole last night and damn good it was too - pork and apple sausages, onions, parsnips, baked beans, kidney beans, tinned toms and chicken stock. Yum!

Afm, the funeral isn't until 10th December now so once we've had the rev over for a chat about the service with Mum on Tuesday I shall be going home to my DH for a few days - yippee I also haven't yet had AF for 6 weeks now. If anyone remembers I had that query about taking the pill for 9 days then coming off and no bleed? I checked with my clinic and they said to date it from the last day of pill but that was 28 days last Tuesday....bfn yesterday so will see how I go and test again on Tuesday coming if no AF has appeared. Typical huh!