How do you stay positive month after month?

[AnnaKissed]

As the title says really. I have been TTC for a year or so, on and off, with no luck. We have a DS so not infertile and no problems showing up in medical tests, but every month when my period comes, I feel so down. Like I might as well give up TTC and accept that my son will be an only child. We wanted a small age gap and he's almost three already so every month the potential gap is getting bigger. Just had huge argument with DH as he thinks I am being too negative about the whole thing, but I find the monthly disappointment so hard to cope with. Any tips? Or sympathy?

No tips, but HUGE sympathy. I TTC'd for 4 yrs to get my DS, and I don't think those monthly visits ever got easier really . I used to try to think of fist day of AF as the first day of my new cycle. It sort of helped.

We're also trying for number 2 now, like you on and off for about a year too.

It's miserable, isn't it?

I struggled to conceive DS, needing IVF in the end and am not trying for a second, but I do know how you feel.

However, I would say, after a year of trying, a trip to the GPs might be worthwhile as there is such a thing as secondary infertility and they might be able to give you some help.

It's very hard not to get negative about it though - how old are you?

It's just fucking shit. That's what it is. It took us 12 months to conceive our 2nd (first was a surprise baby) and each month was harder, we both found it a really bleak time by the end and we had a few massive rows along the way.

What I found helped me was reading lots of old wives tails and throwing them in each month. It made me feel like I was doing something positive to help. I changed my diet to a low carb high protein one. The month we did get our bfp I ate pineapple core from dpo1-5 and had acupuncture either side of ovulation.

I spoke to a fertility clinic along the way as well (I'd donated eggs a year back so called them for advice). She told me that it's very unusual for a man's fertility to change from good to bad so it was extremely unlikely it was a prob with dh. If my cycle was normal and regular (it was) then I was almost certainly ovulating. As if hadn't had any invasive procedures during dd's birth and had donated eggs fine afterwards it was unlikely there was anything wrong with me. So she advised to give it time. Which we did.

But I didn't really enjoy a minute of the last 8 months or so. So you have my sympathy and I hope it happens for you soon

Hold onto some new glimmer of hope that this time will be different for whatever reason lol

I'm on 24th cycle and every month it's very upsetting but then I focus on some new goal.

A healthier bmi weight which apparently effects fertility

In April/May this year I stopped drinking coffee completely ( from my usual 5 cups or so a day)

Recently started again to just one a day.

I've pinned my hopes on ovulation test

And watching closely the consistency of mucus.

Too dtd every other day

To avoiding tuna because of the mercury

I'm sure I've missed loads of stuff I've tried to concentrate on

Trying to be more relaxed ( booking little breaks away)

Paying no attention to dates in the cycle and trying the relaxed approach, when in the mood lol

Some how I always know what day it roughly is within my cycle

Including that moment of knowing ur now beyond that point in the cycle of making any difference to the outcome.

I 'celebrate' by having all the things I've denied myself for the last 2 weeks 'just in case'!

I am currently writing this with a glass of wine, and a MASSIVE bag of chocolates

It's just crap. Let yourself have a cry. Talk to your partner. He may not understand totally. Tell him you don't want a solution, just a listening ear and a cuddle.

I'm always here if you want to talk to anyone in the same boat xxx

Ha ha yeah I can sympathise with the glass of wine whilst being on and being a bit sad over failing yet again lol.

Don'tCallMeDaughter you are so right it IS just fucking shit!

Now to make matters worse, after thinking my period was starting Friday morning, it still hasn't really turned into anything but spotting. And it's about a week early. Definitely not going getting my hopes up about implantation bleeding. Oh no

On the plus side, following the mega bust up, my DH understands how upset I am and has been for the sperm tests. (Wanking in the doctors surgery toilets - poor guy!) I've only been asking him to since September.

I'm 'only' 33 so there still time (I hope) but I'm just impatient!

I am involved with lots of toddler groups and classes which are all full of second time pregnant mums! And I hardly even dare open my facebook page as it is full of baby photos.

Oh well, I'm off to google that pineapple core thing, it's a new one on me...!

Thanks for the sympathy, appreciate it a lot.

Wine. A big glass of wine when AF arrives.

It's truly bloody horrid, isn't it.

DC2 took nearly a year. I was utter distraught by about month 6. By month 9 I was on the phone sobbing to DH when AF arrived. In that time everyone was announcing or having babies. The comments from other people who didn't know we were trying where upsetting.
'You're not getting any younger' I'm 31 ffs
'Gosh you'll have a very big age gap if you don't get cracking'
fuck off I'm trying

DD was a one hit wonder! We spoke briefly about starting a family and boom I was pregnant. Just didn't happen with DC2.

In the end I stopped using the sticks and started DTD from day 6 of my cycle, so as soon as my period finish. DC2 due in Jan.

I know in the bigger picture we didn't have to wait long for a BFP but it is soul destroying.

Good luck to everyone

Reading your story, daughter, it just brings home that no matter what our age/situation on here, we all know that feeling.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been ttC number 1 for about a year now. I also have that damn personality flaw where if I decide I want something then it has to happen straight away! Lol! So it's been rough that it's still not happening. Also starting to panic that we might never be able to have kids.

My husband works away 2 weeks and then 3 weeks home and he has been away the last few times I have ovulated. I still seem to think it should be happening! Trying to relax and not think about it.

Sick of hearing about another damn pregnancy, seeing scan pics on Facebook, hearing comments like 'oh they are having a baby, think they were trying for ages too; 6 months I think!" Or "it wasn't planned" Argh piss off!

And breathe! Lol

I don't t.b.h with you. I guess it's just a case of getting on with things and not giving up. I had a c.p 6 weeks ago and sometimes I do think perhaps it was nature's way of telling me I'm not meant to have another child. I will freely admit though when A.F is here I get very very jealous of all the B.F.P's. No. I don't think it's so much jealousy more inferiority. xxx

VJONES sad but so true. Friend asked me for advice on TTC and I just said...Simple don't tell anyone until you need too.

God the pressure we put on ourselves is truly horrific when it comes to TTC.

Butler4 my sister has the Same problem as you about her other half being away for two weeks.

I also sympathise with your comments about being inpatient and wanting now and all the scan pics on face book.

The other day girl at work announced her few months if try with baby scan and I was on the phone and got a lump in my throat, it was horrible.

Hyland, its a total nightmare isnt it. I am so happy for people when they get pregnant but there is just a wee part of me that I cant control that gets annoyed. I think because its all I seem to hear just now as well, thats probably not helping.

It does seem that other people just need to look at their partner to get pregnant though! argh annoying!

Our time will come hopefully. :)

I'm really struggling annakissed approaching cycle 7 dtd all the flipping time using opks and now my AF is late and I just got a bfn. Nearly crying. It's turned into a total piss take. My dh feels the same as yours, he is very relaxed and doesn't know what I'm fussing about, this in turn causes arguments along with the general pressure I'm feeling. Things not to positive between us which impacts on dtd.
In agreement it's fucking shit.

Nearly crying? You're stronger than me, tears every month here. I blame the hormones!

I don't know wtf is going on with me at the moment: day 5 of spotting but no real period. About a week to early too. Fucker!

Just wanted to say hello and don't want to patronise you and give you advice because it is hard! Keep smiling because we do feel better when we smile. Take care xx

Cycle 26 here. Gone from coping well (first 25 cycles) to being a gibbering wreck for this one.

I'm telling myself I'm allowed to feel sad. I'm entitled to treat myself and DH is very understanding that I go from needing many cuddles to when I go off to clean like a mad woman in another room that's my way of giving myself space when I don't feel I'd be pleasant company.

Cycle 14 here. I don't stay positive. I'm a gibbering mess every month and bitter (privately) about others good pregnancy news. Rubbish isn't it.
We have a 3.5 yo dd but haven't been lucky enough yet to give her a sibling.

I know just how you feel, iv'e been trying for 16 months and nothing. I'm 38 so i'm really worried because of my age and that i might be in perimenopause.

Back for another moan :-( A friend has just texted me that she's pregnant. She already has a one year old and a two year old. So three children since I had my son. I'm just glad she texted me so I can congratulate her without her seeing my tears!

Comforting that others feel the same. I tend not to post on the boards here, find the jargon too confusing and can't keep up with the buses and everything, but I've appreciated the support and understanding here.

I've been to see a dr and I'm now on clomid so I do feel a bit more positive, but I'm also scared that getting my period next month will be worse than ever. I don't know whether it's better to think that it could happen and risk being disappointed every month, or to assume it won't and avoid the huge let down. Everyone tells me to think positive but it's so hard, and I think I'm subconsciously avoiding thinking that I could be pregnant again, and have another baby, in case it doesn't ever happen. Does that make sense?

I hope you all have good luck soon x

I'm on cycle 26 without a hint of a BFP. In my darkest moments I want a MC because I know then I can actually conceive, and would have experienced that BFP joy. Fucked up or what?!

I always said I wanted to have my first baby by the time I was 30, started TTC when I was 26 but will be out of time in a few months. I want to smack people who tell me I'm 'far too young to be thinking about starting a family.' Tell that to my body please!

I really struggle with keeping it all to myself. DH doesn't want to tell people we are TTC/referred for IVF etc which is fair enough. I am really close to my sister and mum and I'd love to talk to them about it but respect DH's wishes...

Oh well, to all x

Hey can I join this thread too please? Month 14 for me and we are TTC 1.

I totally empathise with all these posts as getting AF month after month really kills your optimism and then you always get some plonker who has not had to experience the long TTC path telling you to 'relax'.

We haven't really told anyone in our social circle we are trying but I did tell my mum and MIL about 6 months ago and it was the best thing as they backed off because they were comforted by the fact we trying.

I thought I may have been pregnant last month as I was 3 days late and started spotting which never happens. Thought it was a weird cycle but is happening again now. AF due today but have been spotting since 12dpo. Why is Mother Nature so cruel?

I am finding scouring these threads and the net generally for people who have been in a similar situation and then getting BFP helps.

I am trying to make little changes every month. I tried pineapple core and Acupuncture last month.

I have just read that female orgasm helps too - has anybody else heard of this as I don't usually orgasm when we dtd. It said something about the contractions helping the swimmers on their merry way?

Also I have started reading Marisa Peers book Trying to get pregnant (and suceeding). Has anybody else tried this or have any positive experience of using this?

Good luck everyone. It will be our time soon x

I wouldn't worry about the orgasm Shoegal, from what I read there's no evidence to show it helps at all. There is a section on the pride angel website about it (we got lots of info on that site because we ended up doing home insemination, dh couldn't match up to my demanding dtd schedule)

Same as stress/relaxing. There's no evidence that it makes any difference at all. So don't beat yourself up if you're not feeling positive.

I found the Buses on here too depressing as well. Lots of first/second cycle bfps. Grrrr.