How do you stay positive month after month?

[AnnaKissed]

As the title says really. I have been TTC for a year or so, on and off, with no luck. We have a DS so not infertile and no problems showing up in medical tests, but every month when my period comes, I feel so down. Like I might as well give up TTC and accept that my son will be an only child. We wanted a small age gap and he's almost three already so every month the potential gap is getting bigger. Just had huge argument with DH as he thinks I am being too negative about the whole thing, but I find the monthly disappointment so hard to cope with. Any tips? Or sympathy?

Good idea passing idea of tests off as his own. Tends to work for me too :)

How is everyone else? Anna? Feeling? Mittens? Shoegal?

I'm still here, just been taking a bit of a break from these boards cos I find them depressing any worrying at times. Not this thread of course though .

I'm feeling pretty miserable too cos I remember thinking last NYE that I'd definitely love to be pregnant by this Christmas, and at that time I it seems like almost a certainty. However a friend of mine is suffering a lot this week as she was pregnant earlier this year and miscarried, and the baby would have been due now. So I feel that I have nothing to feel sad about compared to her: she's mourning a real baby, whereas our babies are just imaginary still.

Still waiting to find out if the first month of clomid had any effect. AF due today (or earlier due to the clomid, I'm not sure?) but no sign yet. Going out for drinks tonight so might just POAS to make sure I'm ok to drink and drown my sorrows!

Hi Anna, I agree, sometimes staying away can also be beneficial!! I don't post very often but at least it's nice to feel that you're not on your own :)

I'm on CD2 of a really horrible AF, starting very slowly so will probably last for ages with a couple of very heavy, painful days (sorry if TMI!) but I think it's due to stress, crap diet and more stress. I've just been to the library to get my Zita West book and straight away she's talking about the importance of a good diet, regular exercise, less stress etc. I read this whilst eating my pasty from Greggs and looking at all the boxes I still need to pack..... Zita has clearly never moved house just before Christmas!!

You're right, your poor friend must be really upset; I keep thinking that I know two couples who had babies unexpectedly in October, so this time last year they had no idea they'd have a baby by Christmas. (They did want the babies, by the way, just had had problems TTC!). That's helping me a bit, but mainly I am a big, grumpy, stressful monster. Oh and fat, the diet starts Boxing Day :(

Sorry, I did think I'd cheer you up a bit, but just read that back and it's not exactly positive! Sending you some Christmas hugs though :)

I've lost two babies in two years, it is hard TTC. My second took a year to conceive. I see my period as the start of a cycle (it is anyway) and not the end, that helps a lot and makes me feel more positive. TBH I just try not to think about it and for the first two weeks eat and drink all that I'm not allowed when pregnant. The next two are always cautiously hopeful but I don't allow myself to dwell. Plan something big, like a holiday. That's when I get PG, the one month I hope it's not that one!

BFN and I'm already on the wine (almost 8pm here!)

So no August baby, lots of eating and drinking over Christmas then a good new years healthy start. It's all good.

Maybe 2014 will be our year.

fackinell - so sorry to hear about your babies. I wish you lots of luck with TTC in the New Year, and I hope Christmas falls in the first two weeks so you can enjoy eating and drinking all you want!

Anna - wine!!! I would love a glass, hopefully will have some very soon!! Just finished my cleaning, flat is ready to be handed back to the landlord tomorrow. I am thoroughly exhausted BUT inspired by your words - we will indeed have a healthy start to 2014!

No 'maybe's though - 2014 WILL be our year xx

Thank you Ruby
Yes, I'm OVing on Christmas Eve so implantation wouldn't happen till at least NY. We are waiting on test results in Jan, six feckin vials the vampire midwife took!! Only one from DP. Been advised to not TTC until then but I wouldn't even be late and testing until Jan anyway. May have sticky blood but I am 42 so possibly chromosomal.

Yes 2014 is our year.

Hello ladies,

I hope it is ok for me to post here as I am really in need of some reassurance/advice.

To give some background about us, DH and I are in our 20's and have been ttc #1 since our wedding in July so currently on cycle 5.

Now I know that 5 months is not long particularly when I read some of the stories already on this thread, however the issue is that I (like another poster described) had that gut feeling that something was wrong/we'd struggle to have children etc so persuaded my DH to have a sperm test which came back borderline. Both the count and motility were slightly below normal although everything else was fine.

The only thing of note in relation to DH is that he has been taking sertraline (antidepressant) and from some frantic googling I've seen some reports that it can affect male fertility, although those results came from really small studies.

As far as I'm concerned, well my periods are slightly irregular - usually have a 30-35 day cycle - I assume I'm ovulating from looking for EWCM but don't use OPKs currently.

If you are still with me at this point then thank you. My question about all this is whether anyone has any thoughts about our chances of a natural conception? I am trying really hard to tell myself that it will happen and that it only takes one little swimmer but in my darker moments I convince myself that we will never have a baby to hold!!

I hope this all makes sense and any advice or reassurance would be hugely appreciated

X

Hello, just dropping in to offer my sympathies. It's bloody awful this Ttc malarkey. I have no wise words but as DH and I have been going for 28 cycles now, you can imagine I'm a bit jaded at times.

DH has sperm issues and we've been referred for IVF. Tbh it's hard but I got past a point earlier this year when I felt like I'll just have to take each day and week as it comes otherwise I'd go mad.

It is all fine, apart from other people. That's where most if my stress comes from. People can be so insensitive, rude and assumptive. I don't entertain conversations about babies with pretty much anyone apart from DH and medical professionals now. I cut conversations short and escape most things child related as it's too painful. Self-oreservation is key for me.

Last weekend we saw some friends all who have children now and we were the only childless couple. Came home after and DH started crying which just broke my heart, but then you have to pick yourself up again and carry on. I'm hoping for a Christmas miracle.

It's tough but don't lose hope. NHS guidelines say 90% of couples will be pregnant in two years. I'm just unlucky that we're not in that percentage. Good luck everyone!

Yes Bear my DH was visibly upset this month which was hard to take. Feel like I'm letting him down too. And my son.

Autunmleaves in your position I wouldn't be worried. I'm no expert on fertility, but you're both young enough that even if you need some kind of help, there is plenty of time. I conceived my DS while taking antidepressants, and having irregular periods and long cycles, so it can be done.

I find every month that the worse time is just before you get your period, which is what I'm going through now. No period, and BFNs. Wondering if the test could be wrong / too early / not fmu etc . I'm at least 20dpo today, which know for definite cos of all the scans I had around ovulation time, yet still no period! At least when AF comes, you know for definite but this uncertainty drives me mad!

In the new year I'm going to sell my old pram, book a massive trip home, and apply for jobs, just to tempt fate!

Sorry to hear that your OH was upset Anna. Mine isn't, well, not that he lets on - more just a bit confused about the whole thing!

Thank you for the sympathy Bear; it's certainly hard to stay positive in the face of all the smug statistics like the 90% one! The way my GP put it was that both myself and the OH would have further tests to rule out any biological issues, then if it seems like everything is ok in that direction, we'd get some help to bring sperm + egg together mechanically. I think my OH would like that, it's non-technical enough for him! Just have to talk him into going for another sperm test now.....

Autumn, sorry to hear about your feelings and I hope that you (and of course everyone else on here!) gets their BFP soon. Strangely enough I always thought I would be a mother, it wasn't until we started TTC that I suddenly began to worry about it, so maybe that has been counter productive?! Either way, I'm off to read my Marisa Peer book again to give myself some positive thoughts..... can't hurt!

I do wonder if this month I had a very early miscarriage rather than an early AF, for various reasons including it being very painful, but in a different way to the usual. I'll never know either way I guess but hopefully next month we will be luckier now the stress of moving is over