TTC no 3? Anyone just started / about to start / about to start thinking about it?

[bonzo77]

I am absolutely not going to go nuts about it this time like I did for no 2. Because my kids have each other and won't be alone looking after their ancient parents in years to come. But a 3rd would be a bonus. And part of me doesn't care either way, and another part cannot wait for a lovely little snuggly new born. And part of me is enjoying getting my nights back, and my body, and is worried about the money, the lack of bedrooms, the need for a bigger car, having another miscarriage, or high risk pregnancy, a 3rd CS, a baby in intensive care. But then 5 months of no contraception and nothings happening..... The baby is 11 months, and we said we'd start putting more effort in once he is 1....

Anyone in the same boat? Want to hang out and worry / pretend not to worry?

Hi all, I've been reading this thread for awhile now & have resisted the urge to post.......untill now.

Really hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread, but pls can I be added. I'm 32 and have 2 kids, 1 of each (4 & 6) We have been TTC no 3 since Aug 13, TTC this time has sent me nuts, I hate to say it but I feel desperate.

I fell really quickly previously, so just can't understand why not now ?? OK I'm a little older an a little fatter than I was b4 but not by much.

To make matters worse EVERYONE around us seems to be announcing there good news, an I happy for them, I honestly am but I want one too !

Done school run yesterday an 2 ppl said there expecting, and a family friend called today to say she is pregnant (although not very happy about it) an I tried but could not hide my feelings.

I feel blessed to have the children I have been given regardless if we have anymore or not, an wish all my pregnant friends the best but I feel like I'm running out of time (my mum and aunts all had menopause around 39)

I can't tell anyone how I'm feeling as no one knows we are trying, and hubby thinks we are trying on a 'If it happens, it happens' kind of thing.

Pls be honest am I over reacting ?? Or except maybe it's not gonna happen xxx

Hi Noodles, I was in a similar position to you when ttc dd2. It's a horrible feeling because on top of those overwhelming maternal feelings, I also experienced tremendous feelings of guilt: why wasn't dd1 'enough' for me? (dd2 took two years and 6 cycles of clomid to show her shiney face).

I don't suppose it matters whatsoever if it's your 2nd, 3rd, etc, child that you're wishing for. The crucial part of that sentence is that it is another child who you want to bring into the world. There is that feeling of incompleteness; of someone being missing.

Yet you might feel guilty about having those feelings because you're already blessed with 2 dcs.

IME, ttc for 5 months is no time at all. Most pregnancies occur within a year of ttc, so you've a good while to go yet before you should be concerned anyway

Good luck.

And fwiw, we were diagnosed with 'unexplained secondary infertility' and I was given clomid as it par for the course as treatment.

We were just about on cycle 23 of ttc when we went on a short holiday. I was just starting to come to terms with the idea of it just being the 3 of us - and was starting to feel comfortable with that (I'm an only child and my daughter being 'the only child of an only child' had played heavily on my mind). But I sort of forgot as much as I could about another baby because it just felt like it was never going to materialise, and that chasing it was ruining the goodness I already had.

I think I had reached a turning point.

Anyway, I must have become pg on that holiday Dd2 will turn 2yo in the spring. There is a part of me that would quite like another baby but I could never put us through what we went through to bring dd2 here. It changed me; it was so difficult. It was just too stressful. But I do genuinely understand those feelings of wanting, wishing, wanting ...

Hope it works out for you soon

I'd like to join too please. I am getting really broody for number 3, actually I have been for some time already. I have ds age 6 and dd who is very nearly 4. I planned to have all of my children 2 years apart but life (well mainly finances) have got in the way and somehow the time has just flown by. Dd is starting school this September and I am really struggling with the thought of no longer having a little one in the house. Dh definitely wants to have a third but he is adamant about waiting another year or two. I see the age gap getting bigger and bigger and want a baby as soon as possible. Over Christmas we dtd quite a few times without contraception after some booze, and I was so hopeful but sadly AF arrived this week=(

Hi Molotovcocktail

Thank you for your reply, you just seemed to completely 'get it' I feel I sound so ungrateful for the children I already have.

I am also an only child, an what you said did really echo how I feel. At times I no I'm completely irrational and stressing does not help things, but other times the longing takes over.

I feel its not something most ppl understand because we already have 2 kids, who are boy/girl they assume were 'done'

But in truth my children are my world an can not help how I feel, my hubby is 1 of 9 (most live abroad) so he is happy if we have another an happy if we don't as he knows the pitfalls of a big family, although I don't wanna go that big -Lol

Like you said its only 5 months, maybe I need to chill a bit.
Thank you again xxx

Hi Bonzo77 - wow we really are quite alike lol! Ages the same etc. hope it's good news for you! X

hi noodles and busy.

Just popping in for a me me me post because AF has come, the BITCH. Really late. Seriously, I'd got my hopes up this time. I really should stop doing that. I've never TTC'd for this long. Starting to wonder if it will ever happen.

Oh no bonzo. That's utterly rubbish.

Have you been to gp?

Sorry to hear that bonzo . How long have you been ttc? Previously I had a really relaxed attitude to conception but this time it's all I can think about. As it took us years before I suspect it'll be the same this time round as well though. I should be ovulating this weekend so of course I've had to catch ds' s cold. Nothing sexier than a runny nose ;-)

AF came for me too bonzo, on Friday - at least I am not being irregular now!! noodles, it is so frustrating isn't it! At least you have age on your side, I am 38! I find that the more hormonal I am, the more I want a third - the less hormonal, like right now, I start to think "we are happy as we are, do I really want to go through it all again". But come 10 days time and I'll be desperate again!

It's so annoying bonzo, when AF is late - has happened to me twice now over the summer, as I think I said - two 34 day cycles!! Ridiculous and really got my hopes up.

I think the best advice I learned when ttc dd2 is to wait 10 days past the day that AF was due. That saved me a lot of time with wasted tests and the heartbreak of negatives.

* That comment is general and not directed at anyone, btw *

I meanwhile am feeling very conflicted. The house we are in just about accommodates the 4 of us. I think I can just about handle 2 children yet the thought of just one more is at the back of my mind.

We would definitely need to move house, which is do-able but still an upheaval; I like my body as it is and it would need to recover from anoher pg and ELCS ... I'd need to conceive in the first place.

But I like the idea of pregnancy again, especially if it just happened. I'm torn between 'two's company' and 'three is the magic number'. I'm worried about affecting the dynamic we have. I'm worried about having another ELCS. I'm worried my body won't recover after a 3rd pg/2nd ELCS. But when I see a young baby I go gooey: would it be good to give my two girls another sibling to dote upon?

I'm definitely using my head more than my heart this time, but I suppose I should as we already have 2 very wanted, utterly perfect children.

I would like dd2 to be at nursery (or fast approaching) as I loved having just that time with the baby last time. I have from about summer to winter to make up my mind as to whether I would like a 3rd (I'm too aware of cycles for any pg to be accidental) ...

Gosh, sorry for the Sunday ramble! It does help to clear my head, though, as DH is clear he would like another, whereas I am on the fence.

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Sorry bonzo! I'll probably join you on Friday when my AF is due, I'm already getting the pms spots. Lovely.

Dh is on nights now so that's that for this month. Fingers crossed.

Ok I'm already losing the plot. I'm talking myself into pregnancy symptoms with at least another 2 weeks til af due. Good thing my job is mad busy as that provides a distraction at least. Genuinely my uterus is achy (result of a emcs with dd) but I honestly can't say if it normally aches during this part of my cycle as I'm crap at noticing/remembering stuff like that. Hence the reading into everything. I may need a good talking to!

It doesn't help that I know a few women who have recently given birth - 3 in the last month and one good friend 7 months ago.

DH also keeps saying 'when can we have another?' and 'we have 2, we might as well have 3!'

I'm pretty sure that I don't want to become pg before dd2 turns 2yo. I haven't become pg quickly or particularly easily, especially with dd2 before ... but surely thoughts like this must mean that I'm maybe not 'done' yet?

All I know is that I was desparate for both dds. This time I don't feel desparate (yet, anyway), and that's confusing for me. I don't know if I really want another baby, or like the idea of having another baby, iyswim.

I do go rather gooey over all these new babies

Hi there, please can I join?! We've been ttc #3 since Jan 2013 and I fell pregnant in September but had a mmc in November at 12 weeks. My periods since my miscarriage have been irregular which is really worrying me. However, I realise I was very lucky to conceive my DS (8) and my DD (3) practically straight away. I am trying not to obsess about it, but its really hard when most of my friends are currently pregnant or have gorgeous babies!

Just checking in - sorry about AF bonzo - hope you're feeling a bit better a few days on

I'm a week into a new diet (nothing fancy, just 1600 cal a day limit) as I figured I'd try and lose a few pounds before pregnancy to make the weight gain a bit more subtle third time round.

I am so so hungry, and therefore feeling quite grumpy. Have been a bit of a shouty mum last week :( hoping this week will be a bit easier

TTC from April, so was thinking about starting my folic acid this week - does that sound about right?

Hope to hear of some more BFPs from you all soon

ps. Hi Teresa - so sorry to hear of your MMC, hopefully you'll have some happy news very soon. It's hard not to obsess about it, I'm familiar with that - keep busy and then you'll only dwell on it as you go to sleep (has kept me sane so far)

Sorry to hear that Teresa.

Just realised that we have people staying (again) when I'm going to be OVing - ARGH!!

AF arrived yesterday so I'm out for this cycle. Welcome Teresa and sorry about your mmc. I had an early mc in nov and my cycles are also very wonky but thankfully on the shorter side at least.

welcome teresa and sorry for your loss. I had a mmc between DS1 and DS2. I was pg pretty soon after, but did have some wonky cycles in between. I found vitamin B6 helped with that. it is hard not to obsess.

snowpink sorry about the bitch. I do like to take the opportunity whilst definitely not pregnant to do all the things I wouldn't if I were: reckless horseriding (I always have a go on the scary horse when I'm on ), drinking: massive piss up for DH's 40th last weekend and buying clothes that will definitely not fit past 16 weeks or so (my fave skinny jeans have just ripped so i've been to New Look today. Cheers me up anyway.

mrspuddle I wish I had the will power. I'd love to lose half a stone (but I know that it'll fall off if I get pg due to morning sickness). I should probably get on the folic acid too, and the B6 as I mentioned above (it's also meant to help with your mood, which I definitely need), and the vitamin D. The pregnacare really did not agree with me, so I got into the habit of taking lots of supplements instead. During my last pregnancy I was rattling with vit c and d, calcium, galfer (ferrous fumarate, better for my bum than iron tablets), omega 3, baby aspirin, omeprazole.

max seriously, sign up to the VIP membership at fertility friend. You can chart every single symptom and obsess and compare with previous months. it's great. I'm just using up the last of my membership left after getting pg with DS2, then I will renew. I looooooove it.

orange i've not been to the GP. I think I'll leave it till september. that will be over a year of trying in earnest, DS1 will be started at school, and DS2 will be 21 months. I'm not sure how much sympathy i'd get, what will they do? I'm going to really try to chart temps as that's a good way to check if I am actually ovulating. DS2's sleeping is pretty good now, rarely waking in the night and sleeping till 6.30 most mornings, so that will help make charting more accurate.

bonzo, going to the gp will start a cycle of fertility investigations. You will be referred to an NHS infertility clinic; your and your dp will be asked a series of questions relating to your sexual health, sexual habits, previous pregnancies. Your dp will be required to provide a semen sample in order to examine the motility, mobility and morphology of sperm.

You would be subjected to more invasive tests: a cervical smear, a trans-vaginal ultrasound scan to check the ovaries and a HSG x-ray. This is an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes to check for blockages/scarring/anything that may be preventing a pg. It's extremely invasive and involves a radio-opaque dye being flushed through the uterus and fallopian tubes whilst the x-ray takes place.

A diagnosis will be made upon the results from these and only then would you receive treatment (this is how it worked for us on the NHS in late 2010/early 2011).

It's a means to an end and if you are desparate, you'll do it. If I was to give myself advice back then, however, it would be to have counselling. I didn't have any - I was in denial of how much it was all affecting and me and if I'm honest, the fact that we were struggling ttc as well as having all of these invasive, cold, clinical tests, took a toll on my mental health.

It can take 2 years for a healthy couple to conceive a child naturally. This means fucking shit when you're desparate to carry a baby but, it's worth thinking about before you start upon the path of fertility investigations.