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The Elderberry Pavlovas- All aboard the Berrycopter. Thread 14

993 replies

funkymonk · 03/09/2013 20:23

The smallprint - Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 3+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot) and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooh we are strict...please note your house may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments lol

OP posts:
CatsCantFlyFast · 10/09/2013 10:37

I'm so sorry lovely. What a horrible time for you. There aren't really any words that will help. I hope DH is wrapping you up in cotton wool and going through this with you xxx

SidneyBristow · 10/09/2013 10:55

Oh barking, I am just so sorry. It's one thing to expect it but another to have it confirmed. Please take care of yourself. You and your DH have suffered a loss and it will take a while to get your equilibrium back. Sending lots of warm thoughts your way, take as much time as you need, we are here for you if you need to talk about it, or about anything else if you'd rather Thanks

yorkiebilb · 10/09/2013 10:58

I'm so so very sorry barking Huge hugs to you both. About to meet my boss but I'll write a longer message later. Take care.

Original poster
funkymonk · 10/09/2013 11:03

So so sorry barking. Even though you expected the worst its difficult to not cling on to the hope that all is ok. Cuddle up on the sofa all day with dp if you can. A hard time for you both. Thinking of you xxx

OP posts:
Thundercatsarego · 10/09/2013 11:05

barking I'm so sorry too. Sending you a massive hug, it is so hard. You may not be able to see it now but there are bright things ahead for you. In the meantime this is your time to be exceptionally kind to yourself and take it all very steady. Flowers

MotherOfCleo · 10/09/2013 11:08

Sending lots of hugs your way barking. I hope you are getting lots of support on what must be the worst of days. Take time to rest and recuperate. Thanks Thanks

I know this is the last thing you want to hear as you wanted 'this baby' at 'this time', but it does prove that everything works and you and your OH can make a baby, at least try to take a little comfort from that. You will get their.

Just shut yourself away from the world today and concentrate on getting yourself better. Happy to provide Brew Biscuit Wine Cake or just a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on.

Gillster · 10/09/2013 11:19

So sorry Barking, thinking of you. I can't add anything to the lovely comments and advice given by the berries. Take care of yourself. X

Cavort · 10/09/2013 11:35

So sorry to see your sad news Barking. It seems there are some wise Berries who have been through this who I hope you can lean on for support along with your OH xxx

katatonic · 10/09/2013 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppySeedBun · 10/09/2013 11:48

barking I'm so sorry - not the news you wanted, however much you were expecting it.
As others have said, MN is here for you if you need it, but take yourself away if you prefer.
When you're ready, there is lots of very sane and helpful advice here too:
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
Hugs and Flowers

BlindKitty · 10/09/2013 12:15

barking I'm so so sorry Sad. Was really hoping everything would turn out ok. Thinking of you loads xxxxx

rumisyum · 10/09/2013 12:17

I'm so sorry, barking. Expecting horrible news doesn't make it any less horrible when it comes. I hope you and your DP can look after each other today.

barkingtreefrog · 10/09/2013 12:21

Thank you all. Just managed to snap at mum on the phone who was trying to say the right things but failed miserably Sad.
DP has bought me lots of fruit and chocolate and is going to feed me lunch then go back to work for the afternoon. He's hurting lots and needs to keep busy. I'm in no fit state to leave the house yet as I keep bursting into tears, but as you've all said, surely this has to be the worst day. I know all the bumps and babies are going to be 100 x more upsetting at the moment, but nothing can come close to the woman turning the scan screen round and just saying 'I'm sorry'. I've hit rock bottom, it's all up from here, right?
DP and I are in agreement that we don't want to keep it a secret, so we're going to tell the people who would be likely to notice there was something up. I've just spoken to the deputy at work and asked her to tell everyone what is happening. If I end up running out of the classroom in tears, people need to know why..... With colleague's bump growing daily, I can't imagine it's going to be easy Sad.

barkingtreefrog · 10/09/2013 12:28

kitty you have a pm.

ladybunnikins · 10/09/2013 12:39

Nothing really to add Barking, just so sorry to hear your news.

Bunnygirlie · 10/09/2013 12:42

Oh barking honey, I have been thinking about you all morning and just had to slyly log on at work to see how it went, I am so so sorry it is the news we were all dreading for you.
Take it easy this week, you and DP look after each other, things will get better eventually, hugs xxx

Snowlily · 10/09/2013 13:07

so sorry barking you're in all our thoughts today xx

Thundercatsarego · 10/09/2013 13:22

Oh barking, having to deal with the staff's sympathy reactions is just awful. I will remember that myself from the time and j just wanted to run away and not have to look at anyone.

You have done the hardest bit now, I promise it is up from here. Of course it won't feel like it straight away but you will start to heal from now. Just don't rush it. And good idea- share with everyone you need to share with. There's nothing else to say other than miscarriage is so shitty and utterly unfair. You are not alone and anything you feel is fine and natural so don't fight anything. Just go with it and look after yourself and each other.

PoppySeedBun · 10/09/2013 14:27

barking yes, that is the worst part - that exact same moment with the scan is the bit I still remember most vividly, and is still the most upsetting. It's up from there, or at least it was for me.
We had some falling out with family as well - people can be so clumsy with their words, and don't know what to say. But they will get over it, and will hopefully realise in time what it all means, when you're better able to talk about it. But good idea to get a few people to tell others, so you don't have to have that conversation individually with everyone now.
+1 to keeping busy - it seemed to help my DH a lot to do some 'normal' things with his friends, and although I didn't feel like doing anything, my parents came to visit soon after and took me out for the day, which was a really good distraction.
for you and do whatever makes you comfortable today. Flowers

barkingtreefrog · 10/09/2013 15:24

I've spent all afternoon 'talking' by email to someone I know fairly well but see rarely as she lives a long way away. She's been great and I'm feeling a little calmer now.

I'm officially off facebook but I would like to hang around here and rant intermittently if no-one minds too much? I don't want to make the thread all doom and gloom, and I'll be back with some pretty lighting for the yellow brick road come end of October-ish when we should be able to start trying again. I've been reading through the miscarriage threads but I think trying to join one would make me wallow too much so I'd rather stay with the berries, especially as so many of you have already been where I am anyway and have been absolutely amazing.

What we need now is some good news to cheer us all up and make us only a tiny bit [jealous] as a berry bfp is always something to celebrate Grin.

Anyway, there's a spare seat for someone in the 'copter that I've left a lovely comfy cushion on and ev'ryfin.

BelissimaLol · 10/09/2013 15:50

Oh bark I've had shivers down my spine reading your post. I too had the "I'm sorry" scan and I will never forget it. But this is absolutely the hardest part and hopefully the bleeding will cease soon.
Look after yourself and hang around us Grin

Bunnygirlie · 10/09/2013 17:59

Yes barking hang around with us, come sit under the warm and comfy duvet with me x

thunder I didn't answer your question earlier, yes FC appt is a week today!!!

How are peeps today?

RevoltingPeasant · 10/09/2013 18:15

Barking, I tried to post earlier it for some reason my work computer wouldn't let me Hmm

I am so very sorry. I have no experience MC but thinking about grief more generally, I think you can bet it's not going to be smoothly uphill from here. It'll grab you unawares, but as long as you are prepared for that and let yourself grieve you will get there.

Also, you might want to not think about this now or put it aside for a few weeks, but one important thing is that now you know you can get pregnant. Your body can do that. You are not now facing the special bitterness of never. Not now, but not never. It is not impossible that you will have a bump on your wedding day.

Regardless, take care of yourself and don't think too far ahead, just getting through is important now. Flowers

BlindKitty · 10/09/2013 18:20

Well barking has threatened to out me anyway so for those of you that don't know my iui actually worked! After 2 1/4 years, countless years and bfns I finally have my bfp!!! Keep thinking I will wake up in a minute!

BlindKitty · 10/09/2013 18:20

*tears

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