The Elderberry Pavlovas- All aboard the Berrycopter. Thread 14

[funkymonk]

The smallprint - Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 3+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot) and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooh we are strict...please note your house may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments lol

merk abroad is something to think about I guess. In my mind I'm thinking to try clomid for 3 months and then make a decision then based on fsh results at the time. I've just got a private consultation done but they can't see me until 24 October by which time I'll be on 2nd cycle of clomid.

sid how quickly did you get to see you private consultant? Did you say you were anywhere near London? Just thought I could perhaps see another one if it was going to be quicker. Of course I don't think you're being preachy - I'll take all the impartial advice I can get cos at the moment I think my head is going to explode!

Barking I miscarried at 7 weeks, after trying for 18 months. My world did fall apart but time does heal the pain and you start to pick yourself up. You will never forget the due date or the date you lost your baby (if this is really what is happening to you) but you think about it less. For me what helped was to try again as soon as I could. I did bleed for 4 weeks but not heavily. I got pg again on my 4th cycle after mc. Research suggests you are more fertile after it. I'm not sure if it is true but it seems to have worked for me.
My best advice is that you do need time to lick your wounds and pick yourself up. I have a very stressful job in a bank with lots of responsibilities and don't remember ever being off sick but with this I took 2 weeks off as I could not face the world. When I went back I decided to tell my team and that helped me massively. It's incredible how many people go through it and hugs from those who know exactly how you feel does help.
Finally don't beat yourself up and don't try to put on a brave face. Allow yourself to be sad and grieve for your baby.
Lots of love. I'll bugger off the thread again now

IIRC the appt was set for about 2.5 weeks after I called in; consultant was on holiday for one of those weeks, and since I was having a hycosy, it had to be done during a certain part of my cycle. If you want me to PM you this FC's details just let me know. I looked online based on proximity & price, & a personal recommendation tipped the scales. Another idea for you might be to have testing done at a FC that you might be interested in using for IVF, if the time comes. IE the place my NHS trust works with does NHS & private clients also, and it hadn't occurred to me til last week that getting them to do a hycosy might give me the chance to see how they operate, without being under the gun to choose a clinic for IVF without any prior experience, per se. (i've articulated that horribly but have a blinding headache so maybe it makes sense?)

Thanks sid yes if you can pm me the consultant that would be great. Thanks v much for your advice and you too other lovely berries.

barking we're here if you want to rant, chat, cry etc.

Thanks Bel, it really helps to hear from the people who understand. My concern is that I didn't manage to conceive until we tried clomid, and I won't be able to take it again until my cycles have settled and I know I can identify CD2 to start taking the tablets. Basically, I think the only thing that will help is to start trying again as soon as possible, I just need to get past the waiting to be able to start the tablets again.

Thanks Yorkie, I'm currently trying to list all the things I should be thankful for rather than the 'woe is me/life is unfair' list I was making earlier. I'm dreading the two weddings this weekend. There will be pg women and babies at both. But equally, don't want to miss the weddings.

barking it didn't take all that long for my cycles to settle after my mmc. I had my procedure in the Dec and started trying again in Jan and everything appeared back to normal (ovulating again). I didn't try and see if I was ov in Dec as I decided to give myself until Jan for everything to settle down. I think they suggest giving yourself a cycle to get back to normal but that's only cos it confuses them if you get pg inbetween and they then have no idea about dates etc. what time is your scan tomorrow?

barking as you know I had a mmc last year. I didn't have to deal with bleeding, which sounds so upsetting. But getting the surprise at the 12 week scan had its own horrific effect as you can imagine.

I think I dealt with it differently than a lot of people in that I felt very philosophical about nature doing what was best for that pregnancy if it wasn't viable. But I had only taken a few months to get my bfp and had no idea of the issues ahead- mostly thyroid related. So I can understand how your long wait before this has made it so much more upsetting.

Like yorkie, my cycles settled down quickly afterwards. In fact I got a period 4 weeks after the procedure and ovulated the cycle after that so there is no reason why it will take long for you to get back to normal if it has all gone wrong. And it is true that you are more likely to conceive in the 6 months following mc than other times- your body is geared up and ready to go.

With the emotional side of things you really have to give yourself a massive break. Stop feeling bad or silly or like you should be doing/feeling anything. Acknowledge this is an awful and sad situation and let yourself deal with that and heal. And yes, consider the next 2 weeks off work. I thought I'd be back after a few days and I tried and failed and felt like a failure. You need time and rest. Go steady and slow.

And there is absolutely no reason why you won't have that bump for your wedding my lovely.

Also on the technical side if you tell your boss you had a miscarriage they have to register the sickness as pregnancy related which means it can't be used against you for triggers etc.
what time is the scan tomorrow? Maybe I'll hover over here a bit longer if that's ok

I completely agree with thunder on the emotional side. I went back to work two days after and poo-pooed any suggestion of taking more time off. In the end I ended up 'working' from home for a week as it had more of an impact then I thought so please please give yourself time to deal with it all. The hardest thing was learning to say no to stuff that I wasn't ready for but thought I should be e.g. Meeting a pg friend or going somewhere where you know they'll be loads of children. You need to be a bit selfish for a while. I know you mentioned the wedding this weekend but if it does get too much then leave or go somewhere for half an hour for an escape and a good cry or chat to us berries.

Yorkie so sorry things are confusing for you at the moment

Barking you've had some great advice from Lol (lovely to see you by the way, welcome anytime!) and the others so I won't say anything more than take all the time you need, look after yourself and allow others to look after you too

Kitty sorry about the BFN but its not over yet!

too for everyone being visited by AF

Sad times at Berry HQ . Gonna have to start re building that yellow brick road!

Hi happy thanks for the welcome. Ever since I got booted last time I've been a bit shy about coming back!
Yeah tough times however they always tend to be followed by exciting times ahead
Keep us posted barking x

Scan is 9am tomorrow.

I'm really torn on telling work. I don't want to officially admit I'm ttc as I know it will affect my opportunities. Although I'd love to believe I am still pg/will get pg again quickly, I just can't, and if the head knows I'll possibly be going on maternity at some point in the next year she will treat me differently (I'm witnessing proof of it right now with the teacher who has just announced). She'll probably be waiting for it after February when we're married (both the pg woman and the other on maternity were newly married) but I don't want to give her a heads up we're already trying.

I'm also torn on the time off. The last 5 days have been killing me, endless time with nothing able to sufficiently distract me. However I'm physically weak and in pain at the moment, so going back to work probably isn't an option in a physical sense until I feel stronger. I guess I should just wait for the scan tomorrow and then take advice when I have a definite answer.

I never told my work barking and I'm glad I didn't. My doctors note said 'gynaecological operation' and that's all I said. But I preferred to deal with it at home and with close family and friends- I know others would rather share it more openly.

Like everyone said you need to see what you think will help you most. If you wanted to tell them you could say it was a happy accident and you won't be trying again until after the wedding. But some people like thunder prefer to be more private. I'm a blabber mouth so talking about it helped me process things in my own head.
First things first though. Lets get through the scan tomorrow. You don't need to decide now

Hey boom how's the view up there in the copter?

yorkie sorry to hear your appt was confusing, I haven't started the whole process yet so no advice here I'm afraid. I guess the question is, can you afford to go private?

kitty hope the ic is wrong!

barking been thinking of you all day. I bet the not knowing is the worst thing, I just don't know what too say honey x

boom sid thanks for anniversary wishes. Had a crappy day but we are off out for a nice meal in a bit, then we might watch a bit of the wedding DVD when we get back

Good to see you lol how are you?

Barking my mc was very early at 5 + 3. I have an excellent sickness record but took a week off. The bleeding started on a Monday so I went home that lunch time. Even though I wasn't in any pain and it was just like a normal period but with a few tiny clots, I couldnt face trying to be normal in work when I knew that what was coming away from me wasnt 'just a period' but the beginnings of the baby we had so dearly wanted. I sat it out at home until I could have a scan on the Friday to confirm what I already knew.

I decided to tell my colleagues (no risks of it affecting career progression as I'm the only one who does my job and not possible to move up the pay scale in this current post) and have been quite open to my friends as most of them are either pregnant, on mat leave or have toddlers. I wanted them to take a bit of time out from them as being with them made me sad.

From telling people I found out that I actually knew sooo many women that had been through miscarriages and it really helped to speak to them and not feel so alone.

As mine was so early there wasn't really anything to come away and my next period came exactly when it should have. My friend who had a miscarriage at 8 weeks (found out at dating scan) had a period 33 days later which was pretty much normal for her too. The Miscarriage Association website does say that it is thought that women are more fertile after miscarriage as well.

I still have a little cry now and again. My friend is struggling and started counselling just last week and her mmc was in March. I guess everyone copes in their own little way.

It is impossible to not focus on due dates and I think it's normal to start planning things for the future from the moment you get your bfp. I really hope that tomorrow your fears aren't confirmed.

Sorry about the long post...

I wish all you ladies were real life friends You're all lovely. xxx

boom yep, was clearly broken

yorkie yes you can get ohss but they told me that I didn't respond to the clomid as although it might have produced more follicles i still didn't mature my eggs (my lh and fsh had too many follicles to work on effectively). Hence my reasoning for scanning during a clomid cycle. Having said that, I do also agree with thunder with spending money on ivf but at least monitoring you on clomid will help the fc understand you better, and therefore enable them to provide better ivf ultimately.

barking really hope Thursday comes quick but I'm guessing it won't

merk yorkie ivf abroad is cheaper but bare in mind you'd need at least 2 weeks there (scans start day 2 to about day 14) so you'd need to factor in hotel and travel costs. That time doesn't include consultations and if you'd need to down reg. having said that Gail/mike came back preggers from ivf abroad so can't be all bad

Hello berries. Popping over from the 'hovering' graduates thread to say hi (not believing that my BFP is real until I see something at 8wk scan...)

barking just thought I would throw in my 2 pennies on MC. I was TTC 2.5 years when I got PG with first round of Clomid in Feb/March. I then had MMC, identified at 9 wks but had stopped at 6. Fortunately, I had a scan v quick after bleeding started, and then next day ERPC, so didn't have to go through more than a few days of bleeding. But I did take two days off work (which got me to the weekend) and then took me a while longer to feel normal. Like thunder I was quite philosophical in a 'this one wasn't meant to work' way, which helped a bit.
I didn't tell work - fortunately they are very flexible so I just said something vague about needing to have a
minor operation. In some ways I think it helped not to have to answer questions when I went back, as that might have sent me over the edge. But I can see that in some ways it would have been helpful to talk about it (and when I mentioned to my boss this time that was PG, but with previous MC, so not telling anyone else yet, he said his wife had had more than one MC too).
After that, we waited for cycle to come back - I think it was about 5-6 weeks - and resumed Clomid. I am now PG again with cycle #4, and hoping this one sticks.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but firstly, a really large proportion of people get bleeding, even bad ones, and are just fine, so don't lose hope completely (the Miscarriage Association has some stats about bleeding in pregnancy, as well as really excellent articles on how to deal with MC). And if the worst happens tomorrow, give yourself time to grieve properly, and take it seriously, and know that this is sh*tty luck but that there's nothing you could have done differently.
And also know that this proves the Clomid works, and you can get pregnant, which means there's no reason at all to think the wait will be as long for another BFP.
Final note - there are lots of helpful ladies on the PG after MC thread who I'm sure will have advice too.

barking just following on from what bellisima said, again, not that you're defo miscarrying but my friend got pg the month after her mc (took about 2 years to get pg initially).

bell how come you got the boot lol? were you one of the ones who were chatting about prams haha?

No I wasn't chatting about prams but we all got booted at once and I was pg by then so got the message
I'm fine, my little girl was born on 27th July and my life as I knew it is now over. But I won't talk about it or ill get booted again
I'm really hoping for good news here soon. I'm a sucker for a sop story!

I'm really sorry that everything is so hard for you right now barking. There is nothing I can add to all the advice and support you've been given, I just hope that whatever comes tomorrow, you are able to come and talk to us about it, even if it is difficult to share with people in RL.

bel haha I really don't care if you do talk about pushchairs but can't vouch for everyone! Nice to see a berry success story!

Thank you funky and Poppy for sharing. It helps to hear other's experiences. Poppy did you contact the fc or just continue with the clomid you already had? I realise bleeding is common, and I had remained positive for the first two or three days, but then the lack of heartbeat on the last scan, the heavier bleeding, the bad cramps and the amount of red blood and clots and other matter and the googling have pretty much destroyed the hope I had left.

Thunder I'd rather be open with a limited number of people so that pg friends and those with babies/small children would know I'm finding it difficult to be around them rather than think me rude/ignorant, but I need to check with DP first as I don't want to share without checking it's ok with him. Also, there's a side of me that doesn't want to share as I don't want people speculating about whether that's why we got engaged (even though we didn't know at that point).

Thanks Haycorn, I think you can expect me to be filling up the thread again tomorrow sorry berries, this is currently my 'safe place' .

I'm going to try and stop thinking about it now ha ha so I'll drag myself off mn and come back to update after the scan tomorrow. DP doesn't know I'm on here though so I'll have to be discreet!

Hi all,

Sorry blind I didn't acknowledge your pimp earlier. Arse with the bfn but its not over yet. Will this new jabbing routine affect your cycle length or anything?

barking I was totally the same with telling close friends, especially the ones with babies. You'll know who you want to tell and who not- I think that will feel pretty natural when the time comes.

Everyone else ok? Need duvet and chocolate tonight?