The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

driz ick to needing root canal treatment. Did the ovary scan show anything interesting?

Molly how are you today? Sorry you had a shitty time yesterday. Is the anger really so bad? Maybe he's managing it already, if he doesn't take it out on you, which is the most important thing. Or maybe I'm talking out of my arse.

Nothing exciting here, HWCA has refused to shag me for the last 11 days on the basis that me coughing my guts up, coupled with the risk of positional asphyxia, is somewhat the opposite of alluring. He may have a point.

euro how's SuperDroid now?

Fishslaps and Friday Gin to everyone else.

Necks some gin, ta twink. Any exciting weekend plans? Grrr about No Shagging. And clearly a male shag-refuser never has a point.

The ovary scan showed some ovaries , phew but not much going on. But it's only cd8 (according to me, the clinic thinks cd7, due to their random cut-off at 11:30am), been stabbing for four days. Back on Sunday lucky me. I did go for a nearly six mile run in the woods behind the clinic

So I have been struggling with the whole wakefulness working from home.

Well done on the running, Drizz
Working from home has many pitfalls, as pointed out by

Twinks get shagging well soon
BE is basically suffering from mental illness/depression that he never gets round to dealing with. It turns him into a giant toddler, so upsetting or difficult things result in him having a full on temper tantrum - I mean really, actually rolling around on the floor screaming and flailing. It's kinda frightening when he's 5'11 and pretty stocky. He has absolutely no idea how to deal with strong emotions. I sometimes wonder if he's not slightly autistic or something. He's been on the NHS waiting list for CBT for months, and before that was on a waiting list for a counsellor to contact him, but no one ever gets in touch, and I can't chase them up because of patient confidentiality. He can't chase them up because he's a wreck.

In the good news, my wounds are healing nicely, just had the dressing changed and can't believe how tiny the laparoscopy incision is! They really do mean keyhole. It's right in my bellybutton too, so completely invisible.
Better get some trainers in anticipation of my C25K fresh start..

Twink superdroid has thankfully fucked off. Just in time for the non-start of my IVF.

moll I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. I was just left to get on with it after my lap. I didn't have a clue what to do, so I soaked off the dressing in the bath. Luckily, it didn't get infected or anything. Mine does look like it was sewn up by the surgeon's 3 year old daughter though. It's a fecking mess. I'm glad your surgeon did a better job.

Have I mentioned my latest pile of shit on here? I got home last night to find a letter with my smear result. It's abnormal again. Only mildly, but they are referring me for colposcopy. It knocked us completely sideways last night. I am just not sure how many knocks I can come back from. So we called the clinic and left a message cancelling the IVF - I was supposed to have the first scan this morning.

Anyway, today, I got on with finding a gynae (i'm going private to speed things up) and sorting insurance. I have managed to get an appointment for Monday. I am hoping that will confirm that there is nothing more than a mild abnormality. If that is confirmed, I will just go ahead in June. If it is more serious, I guess I will have to have treatment, and that will waste a lot of ttc time.

This is an exact rerun of what happened last May when I got my first ever abnormal smear result while I was in the middle of downregging. It's like Groundhog Day.

I'm just not sure how much more I can bounce back from - infertility, miscarriage, 2 abnormal smears and a weird fucking lump on my face. FFS. I need a break. I'm a fairly resilient person, but I think I am pretty close to the point where I go and sit in the corner of the room and rock slowly back and forth.

The universe is dealing you a massive pile of arse at the moment, Euro. I have always admired your stoicism and strength and that's the truth. However I wouldn't blame you at all if you lost the plot after all this shit. I'm so sorry. At the risk of sounding soppy, we are all here for you xxx

And that sounds very difficult re your other half, Moll.

If I was the praying sort, I would be praying for some nicer things to happen to us BESH and very soon.

Welcome back, *Drizz8. Luffly to see you.

Boldfail.

Drizz.

euro no-one can blame you for having a bit of a moment after all you've had to cope with. It's perfectly natural. Flip the world the bird, have some nice wine and let it all out. X

Greetings BESH, slightly hungover Rasp today :/ When will I learn that I am allergic to red wine? Its such a shit thing to have a sensitivity too

Hugs for Euro, that its shit. I wonder whether the treatment might be causing the fluctuations in your smear tests? I only say that because I remember a nurse explaining that the reason they stopped doing smears on under 25 yr olds was because their hormones hadn't settled down and so it caused more abnormal results. Well, if you are being pumped full of hormones and stuff then that might explain it. They would probably be aware of that though.

How you feeling today twinks, hope you stop wheezing long enough to get back on the shagwaggon!

moll that sounds difficult, is there no way you can get some help on his behalf? When my mum had a very depressive stage and came off antidepressants and was generally just heading downwards I rang and asked to speak to her GP. The GP didn't tell me anything, I just explained the situation and said how worried I was. Mum then got a letter the following week for a 'routine' health check and check on her medication. She went after some pushing from my dad i.e. being shoved in the car and driven/walked into the drs but it got her sorted out that time although she does still have blips.

Hello everyone else!

I'm now on day 37 of my cycle, I thought it might be a long one and my tits are starting to hurt but I was hoping not to have a 40 dayer :( I've had an acknowledgement from madam at the hospital following my complaint and she's said that it will be passed on to the relevant person. Haven't heard anything from the FC though :( Do you think I could ring them to see if they have received everything?

rasp I don't see any harm in chasing the FC.

moll how are you feeling?

hest when do you start stabbing again?

As for the reasons behind the dodgy smears, I think in the case of last year's, it was down to the immune suppressing drugs I was on for the 6 months before that. I didn't realise until I got the result, but corticosteroids are a risk factor for cervical abnormalities. It makes sense, because most people have been exposed to the HPV virus (which causes most cervical abnormalities) but it lies dormant, suppressed by their immune systems. If you start messing with the immune system, it can gain a foothold. As for this latest one, it's possible that the mc could have messed things up. Normally, they won't do smears within 3 months of an mc. Mine was done after less than 2 months, because of the impending IVF. So I can hope it is that, but it might just be that my body can't manage to kick the virus.

Thanks for the supportive huddle, BESH.

euro, what a pile of pants. Do you have a date yet for the colposcopy?

CD28 today, and I had a solitary shag a fortnight ago. I really can't be arsed with a menkul of any sort, to be honest.

Monday, norf. I spent yesterday doing no work at all and just calling insurers and various hossies, trying to get in somewhere next week, and about 4.30pm one rang me back with an appointment for Monday evening! That's great - means if they want to take a biopsy or anything, we should have the result before next AF so we can decide whether to go ahead with IVF next cycle (there will be a wait if they want to treat tho).

I know what you mean about not bothering to menkul. I'm just so over this ttc shyte now.

BESH - only welcome if you CBATM.

Next fred?

I vote yes for that, in honour of Noks, who so couldn't be arsed to menkull she didn't notice she was 5w gone. She has set the BESH bar high.

Definitely wins my vote.

Why thank'yaw. I could, however, be bothered to drink lots and puff away on my electric cigarette as i had absolutely no idea AND was plunged into a dark pit of depression because of ivf epifail. So, no menkulling but lots of staggering around drunk and wailing. So, we need to see lots of CBATM and SADAW please.

I can totally SADAW. If it didn't involve getting out of bed, I could even start now.

I'm clearly being fick, but SADAW? I get CBATM.

Yes, what is SADAW?

"Sloshed And Drinking All Week"?

(Hallo, loverly laydees)

SADAW -staggering around drunk and wailing

hest you may need to leave your pit briefly to stagger around but you can do the drinking and wailing bit there. Will you be dressed for the occasion ?

Reckon I might do a bit of SADAW to Eurovision tonight. I'll just look like one of the acts.

Two blokes I know are moaning on Facebook about kids and early mornings. One of them said "I hate hate hate it" and the other one said "Six years on and it still feels like a punishment". WIBU to say "SHOULD HAVE WORN A CONDOM IF IT'S THAT AWFUL, YOU DICKHEADS"?