The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

Oh, nice! I'm looking forward to visiting my parents next month and playing at ponies. We're going about 3-4 days after the laparoscopy - I'll be fine to ride for that week, right? I can always go slowly, I suppose.

Twink I've never completely dropped mine, but I have caught it and sprayed the contents around the place a bit...

draf that sounds lovely. I wish I weren't stuck in the office.

Hest I also hope that you get to be spotty and grumpy rather than having the polypectomy.

draf that might be a bit ambitious. I was walking very gingerly in the hunchback pose (my stiches pulled if I stood upright) a few days after mine.

Is that what it's called then?

Sounds like the extraction of a parrot.

FUCK :(

Oh hest, don't google. Never google. To be fair, you'll be knocked out for the horrid part, then it'll just be like having a manky period, so maybe it won't be that bad? I scared myself shitless before I had my gallbladder out, and that wasn't too bad, really.

"Never, Ever Google" is the second rule of BESH Club.

Glad you've got a resemblance of a plan Hesty, and hoping you don't need the slice 'n dice.

I'm just finishing up my latest assignment, more examination of the horse breeding industry. If we got alf the medical attention these darn mares get we'd have all been diffed years ago!

Can't remember if I mentioned before, but our furry addition(s) to the family is still on hold. The potential-mum cat is barren . She's been mated on 3 consecutive heats and has been empty each time. Apparently it's very unusual, hence me now assuming that I'm contagious

Contagious barrenness? Actually I take perverse comfort in the fact that there is another species besides mine which can be infertile. Springtime can be so depressing with all these bastarding cute lambs, calves, kittens, baby birds etc.

I asked about anaesthetic. She said you don't have one. Surely this can't be true?

Also, I will ringing the clinic tomorrow to find out why they will be upping my dose of everything, when I responded well last time, producing three ripe follies. Surely they don't want more than three?

Frank what's the first rule?

The first rule is Don't Talk About BESH Club

Sorry about the crap friend Bugs. I hate it when people do that

(Jeffers, surely it's "no one talks about BESH club?")
(Or maybe it's instadiffers will not be tolerated?)

X post, soz Frank

Lesboerotiviolence is encouraged tolerated.

Love the rules Bugs. Good to hear you are feeling more hopeful again

noks, you are hilarious and have cheered me right up.

I too am now trying to think of igloo names. Helga. Possibly.

1. Forgetting the BESH rules once diffed means an instant slap with a large kipper will be applied.
2. The word 'relax' is not to be used in conjunction with TTC.

Baybeedust is allowed but strictly for snorting through a rolled up twenty

Those should be the rules for the next fred.

The instadiffers is a tricky one. We've had a few of those. I guess it's not their fault if they conceive. But we should still shoot them

And how insta is insta?

And do we allow people with one child already? We always used to, but only as long as they were extra bitter and twisted and barren next time round. Some of the finest BESH have had their first baybee and were struggling the second time not as fine as me, obviously, I mean OBVIOUSLY

I don't mind them being insta once they are here. But I do mind if they rock up and say they've only been trying a month but they just know something is wrong because their saliva isn't ferning or something, then get a bfp two pages later. That lot can fuck off.

Omg I just looked up saliva ferning. I never knew examining your slobber was a thing.

Good rules.

10. You shall all be given bound editions of my 'No-one gives an arse' series. Bound with the skin of instadiffers and insensitive cuntbags.

hest heehee funny girl. Have you been listening to k d Lang again ? Sorry to hear of your polyectomy woes. Don't google fanjo ops, just play Constant Craving and watch an episode of Ellen.

cap'n a cheeky lap'n'dye eh ? Poor mini moll.

norf I am glad I made you smile. Sounds as though you have a plan though, which is brill after droid hell.

franks I want your job. I love horses but I have no idea how they work.

raff I aim to please . Are you ok ?

twonks sounds as though you had a nice ride. Are you an Essex girl then ??

euro I totally forgot about moon cups. Though all this talk of trimming and dropping them makes them sound less like a fanjo gadget and more like a pet.

bugs love the rules. There's lots of random shooting suggested, which I fully endorse.

jeff hello !

Sorry if I've missed anyone off. Can't go back to the previous page. Grrr.

I went for a run. An actual run. I did the first one of this C25K devilry thingy. I hated it. Yet felt brilliant afterwards. I shall go again on Friday. I saw my neighbour and her mum in their car. Luckily I had just finished.....she called me over to talk and I dripped sweat all over their shiny new BMW. Classy. I can feel myself seizing up on the sofa so I may have to get the WD40 out before beddybies.

Norks x