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TTC after MC - nice people in crap times, full of posifrickingtivity

982 replies

WillSantaComeAgain · 02/04/2013 13:49

Welcome aboard ladies (though obviously sorry you have to be here). We're a friendly bunch so come in and plump up a cushion for POAS Fridays and lots of posifrickingtivity. With a few (gentle) fish slaps thrown in for good measure.

OP posts:
fod27 · 09/04/2013 23:25

Thanks so much mummy, Aly and Thunder for your replies, I think I'm just convincing myself that it's not going to happen ;( even been looking into adoption.....lost my posifrickintivity

blackholes I stayed well away from Facebook and eventually removed anyone that was pregnant or had recently has a baby from my news feed which worked out great! Until an insensitive mare that I work with was invited out for lunch with the team ( I'd organised it as a bit of a giggle) we all organised sitters for our kids and she has decided to bring hers along! If course everyone will be ooooing and arghhhing over it and now I feel pushed out of the very event I'd organised....insensitive bitch!

Fingers crossed for blackholes symptons
my two hope your ok, it's devastating it really is but I promise the pain will lift - it never leaves you and you never forget - but it does her easier with time
weasel my thoughts are with you, the uncertainty is a horrible thing to bare, your just left feeling stagnant

I'm sorry if Ive missed anyone

Sal1977 · 10/04/2013 00:09

Welcome back MrsExcited I was thinking of you on your holibobs last week!

I asked my MW mate about weight gain after MC/ERPC and she said its likely to be hormonal and comfort eating during the shitty time. I'm gonna give that 5&2 diet a go, have heard great things about it!

Welcome to newbies, sorry you're here, mat your stay be short and sweet! Xx

ChocolateCremeEggBag · 10/04/2013 07:16

Good morning all

Weasel good luck with your scan this morning, hope you get answers as to what is going on.
mytwo - hello (waves)

tins v interesting on the CBFM - think I will give mine the boot after this cycles weirdness.

liesl & Blackholes - will join you on Friday to POAS I think. Just did my last 3 tests impatient for BFP and got slightly stronger but still feint line on the cheapy stick, v feint line on the Sainsbury stick and a "hold it at an angle and you can almost see a faint line" with the Tesco stick.
So still don't really feel able to say I have a BFP yet. Feeling a little in limbo

alyant79 · 10/04/2013 08:44

choc how confusing for you Confused I hope you get a nice strong line on fri.
blackholes and liesl Fx those symptoms are real and not imaginary!

weasel I hope your scan this morning has come up with some answers.

fod that bitch is super insensitive - although if it's a little baby perhaps she wouldn't feel comfortable using a sitter? Anyway that's not an excuse! Try not to feel left out though. You'll still have a great time

sal let me know how the 5:2 diet works out. I've also heard very good things about it, and been tempted myself. Not tempted enough to actually try it though Wink. How about running? The weight always comes off me pretty easily when i start running more. Also I hope everything does come out by itself and you'll be back ttc in no time.

hi mytwo big hugs for you in this difficult time

Thundercatsarego · 10/04/2013 08:52

Hi everyone.

Who was talking about putting on weight after mc? I feel that pain- its just another slap in the face isn't it?! I have been so much better in terms of exercise and healthy diet since then and still put on. Damnit!

weasel guess you are coming out of your scan any minute- really hope it went well....let us know!

choc limbo is a horrible feeling- hope you get the good right answer on Fri.

tins how are you feeling?

blackholes FB is evil when things like that happen. I get nervous now even meeting up with friends who may 'announce' at any time. Just don't know if my face would behave when confronted with the news.

Off to blood test now, hoping to get results later in the week. Come on blood!

Sal1977 · 10/04/2013 09:01

Been thinking about you Weasel, let us know how you got on!

Aly - running? I'm like a hobbit with big knockers...not built for running, might help with getting rid of the last of the gunk though? (Sorry, grim thought!)

I'm a beauty therapist and just about to move into a rented room in a sunbed salon. The other girl in there does Shrinking Violet Wraps (google them) and they are supposed to be great. So my plan if I don't miraculously slim down in 8 weeks is to squash the fat with a few wraps and have a couple of sunbeds as we all know tanned fat looks better than pasty fat before the wedding!

It's also good to know that my other half also has a streak of dark humour as he piped up "maybe people will feel sorry for us and put extra cash in a card"! Haha....every cloud and all that!!!

Choc when is/was AF due?? I'm getting frustrated with your feint lines now...Wink

alyant79 · 10/04/2013 09:42

haha sal if it's help with geting rid of the last of the gunk, how about a trampoline? ewww Wink

oooh thunder I hope your bloods give the right result!

ChocolateCremeEggBag · 10/04/2013 10:10

Sal - based on my normal 30-31 day cycles AF should be due today. I am not sure as stupid CBFM missed my peak this month.
I have been perusing the Fertility Friend website's gallery of POAS tests. People have posted pics of their daily HPTS and you can see lines developing.
It is not healthy and I need to STEP AWAY.

There was a DailyFail article a few weeks back about someone losing 2 dress sizes round her middle in 6 weeks. She basically cut out all the good things in life (sugar, alcohol, bread etc etc) and exercised everyday to do it. Which while I know I "could" do, in reality I know I will never manage it.
Bread is my problem - if I cut it out for 2 weeks, I can lose 4-6lbs without trying. But I can't keep it up - I love toast too much.

Sal - do you have a forgiving dress? If you did lose half a stone, will it still fit? I like the idea of the wraps. Apparently Epsom Salt baths are also good as a last minute temporary inchloss measure.

Plus of course a good pair of spanx like knickers - on my wedding day mine started under my bust and ended at my knee. Were hell to get on and off, was very glad DH was too pissed to care at the end of the night Grin

mini28 · 10/04/2013 10:18

Hi ladies, mind if I join? I went for my 12 week scan on 28th March to be told there was just an empty sac :-( Decided to go down route of medical management - had oral pill Monday and due in for the pessary this afternoon. All a bit grim at the moment.

I recognise some of you ladies from other threads and you all seem so lovely (I've been lurking last few days) and so I thought I'd bite the bullet and join.

So sorry that we're all here, and hugs to everyone who has been through this crappiness. It sucks :-( Here's to lots of well-deserved positivity for us all!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 10/04/2013 10:30

Welcome mini. Im very sad to see another face here. Im sorry you are going through this. Try and relax, take lots of time for yourself, and remember that things take time. The huge black cloud of misery will lift eventually. This is a great thread, the people are lovely, and the MC board on MN is amazing.
Sal Ive been considering 5:2 for ages. One part of me read your thread and wanted to start today, another part is so fed up I want to go eat the contents of the fridge! Confused
Im having a shitty day with DS17 today. Sad Ive decided that the sole reason I want another baby is because I hope that the next one might actually like me! Sad

fod27 · 10/04/2013 10:38

Thanks aly for confirming my feelings, I will try ;)

alyant79 · 10/04/2013 10:49

saggy you have teenagers, right? don't they hate everyone? I'm sure it's not just you.

welcome mini, that's exactly what happened to me so I know how cheated and awful you must be feeling right now. It's so, so sad to get so far along, be feeling pg and getting fat and everything, all for nothing Sad big big hugs for you
I hope it all goes smoothly for you this afternoon. Remember to ask for the painkillers when you think you need them - I found that after the back ache started it only took an hour from then. If someone is going with you (hope that they are), get them to massage your lower back for you. But it really isn't too bad, so try not to stress.
Also make sure you take spare knickers - you might need them!

fod27 · 10/04/2013 11:37

Sorry to see you here mini
choco I'm so excited for you and your lines! Spanx are fab! I swear by them, also started drinking boiled water and lemon juice plus green tea....lost a stone! Can't believe it..although it may just be agree related lol

ChocolateCremeEggBag · 10/04/2013 12:39

Hi mini - also sorry that you find yourself here, hope everything goes as quickly and painlessly as it can today/next few days. It really sucks doesn't it. Take care of yourself

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 10/04/2013 12:48

Yes aly they do hate everybody. Just me particularly! Sad

WillSantaComeAgain · 10/04/2013 13:12

Hello everyone Smile

Not had a chance to log on at a PC for a bit but have been following on mobile devices - I'm with baking in losing the will to live if you have to write things on ipads/iphones, particularly when I can touch type!

I think the last post I did I said I was waiting for DH to come and DTD... rest assured, we haven't been doing it all this time (feels faint at the mere thought of DTD for two days straight).

So, apologies if I miss a few things or seem out of date but:

CBFM someone asked some questions about it. So far I've used it on two months (once after 4 cycles trying to time it right, once after 2 cycles of seeing what happens) - both times it worked first time. The peak showed and we DTD that day and the next. I've just used it again this month so wondering if its going to be 3 in 3. However, I've stopped POACBFMS immediately after getting the peak, as I can't see the point. I really can't believe its going to tell me much more if I keep peeing for the next four days other than that the surge of progesterone/LH has ended and I'm back to low fertility.

Announcements Totally with you in that FB is a nightmare for announcements. And I dread being confronted with the news face to face. However, what you have to try to remember (and I think it does help) is that people are not being deliberately insensitive - most of the time they are actually trying to do the right thing, but if they've never been through it themselves, they just won't have a clue. Its hard for us that have been through (and are still going through) the pain of a mc and the stress of ttc again, but for everyone else, it really was just a "thing" that happened to you, and a bit like a broken leg, as soon as the plaster is off (or you are back at work following an mc) people forget that you're still damaged/ hurting inside.

My sister was one of the "insensitive" people who did something that really really upset me immediately post mc. Because she was my sister, I could tell her so, and she was mortified - she said she just never considered that angle. So I think we have to take responsibility for our own well being and tell people if they are doing something that hurts us. If they're a true friend, they'll understand and if they don't understand they can fuck the fuck off so I think a true friend will understand if you say "I'm really happy for you, but [please don't surprise me news that you're pg face to face] [please understand if I find it hard to see you for the next 17 years few months] [can we make it a child free occasion]".

Also tell yourself its not your baby they're having. And there is no limit to the number of women who can be pg at anyone time. And you can go home and stuff your face with blue cheese, rare steak and red wine while they just balloon up like a michelin man.

OP posts:
fod27 · 10/04/2013 14:00

Has anyone else suffered extremely painful cramping post ERPC? I'm not due AF til the 28th but I'm in agony....plus I'm out to lunch with the family so having to put a face on it (no oscars for me)

GuffSmuggler · 10/04/2013 14:57

Hi all,

Can I pop my head round the door? Am 2 weeks post ERPC so won't be able to try for a while but thought I'd check in.

Just had a MMC (blighted ovum) which showed up at 12 week scan. I've got a 2 year old DS who is getting me through so I'm lucky there.

Am still bleeding slightly from the ERPC but it's getting lighter. Am so desperate to try again but I know I need to be patient. Looks like I'll be waiting a while for AF to show up judging by others experiences.

Lieslvontrapp · 10/04/2013 15:02

Sorry fod I didn't experience any cramping after erpc. I just had a 10 week wait for af. Hope the cramps stop.
I've had some spotting again today. Not sure if it's af (sorry tmi) it's brown not blood red. I guess time will tell. Trying to not think about it but that's easier said than done.

Sundance2007 · 10/04/2013 15:17

Hi ladies - okay if I join? I'm relatively new to mn....originally looked into it to start 'researching' all things babies as I was approaching my 12 week scan on my first pregnancy.

Obviously jinxed it as I had a mc at 12+3, quite possibly the most horrific experience ever, though I'm sure so many of you will sadly understand that too. :(

So...after 2 weeks of bleeding post ERPC, then 2 weeks of nothing, AF finally arrived and I'm still waiting for her to bugger off so we can crack on and try again.

Feel like we went two steps forward finally getting pregnant and then ten steps back...oh, and then metaphorically kicked by insensitve comments from the sister-in-law who thinks I should be grateful that at least I can drink again! Tut.

Lieslvontrapp · 10/04/2013 15:22

Welcome sundance. Sorry you find yourself here. Unfortunately lots of us can relate to what you are going through. Hopefully your stay on this thread is a short one.

ChocolateCremeEggBag · 10/04/2013 15:22

Hi Guff - sorry that you are here, but you are very welcome to join us
Liesl - brown spotting could be start of AF or could be some old blood just getting it's way out from OV or (whisper) implantation. You can't take it to mean anything yet. But I am with you on the knicker/wipe watching. Each time I go to the loo I have to steal myself to look at the paper as expect to see that horrid red that confirms AF has got me...

Sundance2007 · 10/04/2013 16:08

Thanks Liesl! And incidentally, I had the same brown spotting on and off for a bit too - gp said brown is healthy 'older' blood, which eventually went away but the wait was so frustrating; she also said I needed a full 2 weeks of nothing at all between bleeds for it to be considered a proper period. (If that makes sense?!)

The waiting is the most difficult bit when all you want is to be pregnant again but it'll happen for all of us I'm sure.

That said, anyone else absolutely terrified of getting pregnant again in case you have to go through all of this again?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 10/04/2013 16:12

Sundance- totally!! Will reply more later x

alyant79 · 10/04/2013 16:42

sorry fod no cramping. I hope it passes.

welcome (sadly) sundance and guff
sundance sounds like we might be on the same schedule. got my first AF after erpc last friday. we can be POAS buddies :)

Yep, am terrified. We did ttc before the first AF arrived and I was so nervous...

santa you're so right about telling people when they accidentally say something insensitive. I think i wrote yesterday about my friend who'd upset me via email. So today I wrote back and explained (nicely, not bitchly like I wanted to yesterday) how what she had said was upsetting, and she responded immediately to say how sorry she was and that she hadn't really thought at all about how hurtful what she said might have been.
I'm really glad that I told her how I felt, instead of stewing over it for days.

lisel really really hope that's not AF arriving. FX

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