TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

Thanks euro. It shall be my mantra as well from now on. Think I felt a bit cheated that, with a "normal" amh and 17 days of high dose stims I only managed two . If there had only been two or three follicles then I would have been relieved to come out with any eggs at all.

nelly it never occurred to me to do a preg test just to see the positive! I have such high hopes for you that you'll be getting a real positive soon.

mrsd an 8:15am phone call would have been much appreciated. MrM started calling me at 11:15am to find out if there was news. I am quite pleased that he was distracted at work as well. I know that he is totally invested in this ow but nice to have some confirmation

So, [drum roll] we have an embryo . It took 7 calls to get through to the clinic (either engaged or answer phone) but she said that one of the eggs has fertilised so we are go for ET tomorrow morning. I can go to work for one appointment and then leave for ET and return for my after lunch slots. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed that the bean keeps growing overnight!

I forgot to welcome froggy I hope your stay with us will be short and the BFP is just round the corner for you

buzzy great news that your donor is responding well. She must be a very special person to do this. Do you find out anything about her? Although I don't suppose it's important. Re. the performance issues, the clinic here was set up with videos, mags, bed, comfy chair etc so I imagine it's the same there. It's not like having to do it an a hospital toilet. I imagine the clinic will advise once they see the sample as to whether ICSI is necessary. More clinics in Europe are doing ICSI as standard now unless you say you don't want it. How will Kayla cope while you're away? She will be in such a grump with you when you get back if she's anything like my cat

I'm very ignorant about acu euro where do they put the needles when it's for fertility? nelly i know what you mean about more appointments adding to the stress. I found it quite difficult to lie to work when I needed a day off, to disappear for scans, blood tests etc. I feel like I've used all the excuses up now. I'm wondering if it might just be easier to take the ec week off next time.

joy have you been able to talk to any of your friends about the ivf and m/c? Infertility is so bloomin lonely, and I think it's impossible to find people who truly understand. I wish I lived in London so we could meet up for coffee, cake and a natter. euro it's interesting that so many of your circle have had fertility struggles. I know one couple that have been trying for 3plus years (the mixed race couple I mentioned to sea), they haven't sought any sort of help though and I do wonder if it's a problem that could perhaps have been fixed by now (I suspect she has pcos), another couple had an ectopic then waited 6 months before trying again she's now 20 weeks. I know one friend of a friend who got pregnant after 4 attempts at ivf but that's it. Everyone else has got pregnant easily and I know this for certain based on them being very open about it or based on their wedding date. I must be in a fertile bubble.

That's brilliant madness! We also got two eggs (although one was immature and they really shouldn't have bothered) and one fertilised, and was transferred on day 2. Woo hoo! You have made an embie. :)

wonderful news mad everything is crossed for you.

mrsd the main fertility points are in the lower legs and feet. At certain cycle points, you also get them in the belly. She also treats me for the eczema that seems to have developed since the fertility stress started so I get a few extras.

I'm going to take EC as holiday next time. I took it as sick leave last time, but if I keep doing that, someone will guess. I'm lucky in that I largely organise my own time, so slipping out for appointments isn't too difficult most days.

Woo hoo Mad . I will keep everything crossed. It's such a nerve wracking time.

Euro/MrsD I grinned to myself when I saw the line even though I know it's a false reading; because it proves my body at least absorbed the hcg and I'm not dead. I was thinking Friday should be white then I will do a Mon/wed/fri onslaught next week. OTD is next Friday, although it should have been Thursday but couldn't make it. I started bleeding before my last test, though I'm guessing the extra progesterone will stop that happening, so I don't want to be unprepared. I would much rather see a stripe free stick in my own home than a surprise bad news call at work.

I think I might do a test on Sunday, if it's white then at least I can kid myself that it's just too early

My test day will be May 13th. I'll definitely test in the morning with MrM rather than wait for official results.

madness I did that. I couldn't face being phoned with the result while I was on my own at work.

Nelly - keeping busy is a good thing. Of course you are going to have moments when doubts creep in but they must be banished. I always think it's good to have work or other things to keep occupied. I have some friends who are TTC and not working and I think they suffer more as a result. I am keeping everything crossed for you.

Mrsd - I think some couples don't seek help because they just don't believe that it won't work. In my own case, I had tests after 1 year but the very good results lead me into a false sense of security. I only really started considering AC seriously last Sept. I hope the wait until OTD is not too painful. Im thinking positive thoughts for you too!

Mad - Well done on the embie! Good luck for ET tomorrow. How exciting! Yay! Go embie go!

Euro - You are based in London aren't you? Who do you use for acu? I recently decided to stop seeing my lady who was good but I just felt I wanted to be with someone different. Am now looking for a new place. Would you recommend yours?

I have a question for you ladies that know about immunes. I got my immunes results today and was told that my cytokine levels are 38 (their cut off is around 30). They would like me to go on humira for a month. There were two other results where my levels was elevated but only borderline. I have no frame of reference but will be doing some research this week. Can anyone comment on these results and educate me based on your own experience? Thanks in advance lovely 10 plussers.

madness just popping in quickly to say amazing news on the beautiful fertilised embie! Hurrah hurrah! I bet you can't wait to have it safely snuggled back inside. Your test day seems ages away to me - May 13th! So much of this is about waiting. Lovely that MrM was so excited too.

mrsd and nelly I am squeezing your paws, good luck lovelies.

Bum injection was fine last night, MrC was shaking a little because he was so nervous, but we managed it fine and it didn't hurt badly thanks to icing the whole area. Massive needle though! Glad to have that over with!

sea I have PM'd you re: acu. I can't help about cytokines though. I've never had mine tested. Have you looked at the info on immunes over on fertility friends? That's my first port of call for the technical stuff.

I'm glad the injection wasn't too bad, critter. You're on the home stretch now!

Mad ? that?s great news. I?m stealing the lyrics from the Glee song and the slogan from the AC thread and will tell you, Don?t Stop Believing.

Euro ? a glass of wine sounds like a lovely idea. Will pm you.

Critter ? well done on the injection last night. Good luck tomorrow!!

Sea ? I have no experience of cytokine levels but I spoke to few people at the Argy who had their ivf cycles delayed because they had to take humira. In fact one nurse said to me that a number of people get pregnant whilst on humira so it would seem there is a link between infertility and high cytokine levels. You have the Dr Beer book don?t you? I think it covers it quite well in there. Sometimes it can take more than a month to get the cytokine levels down though. I?m sorry you have this, it?s a real nuisance. I wonder whether this may be an explanation for you and MrSea? Also I haven?t been to Acu for ages. It?s very pricey and I will definitely do it again if or when we do ivf or if my cycles are totally out of whack. How come you have stopped with Anna? Anything bad? The other place is cheaper mind you and just round the corner from the clinic.

Nelly ? i like your thinking with the testing. May the lines never disappear. I have every single bone crossed for you Nelly.

Mrsd ? i haven?t really talked about this ivf and mc with friends ? just a few know about it. It?s such a conversation killer and I?m very aware that it can make some people awkward. I?m not sure I?m particularly a friend who others would run to if they had problems (unless it?s infertility or mc) so it?s no reflection on them. It?s just so much easier talking to people who have been through infertility and know what it?s like. I have to say though my brother has been great and told me last night he hadn?t got over it yet so he doubted I had. Have you told anyone yet ? Your mum? I don?t know anyone who has had problems. One friend is in a state because she is nearly a year in and I totally understand why she is in a state but I?m sure she won?t have big issues. I can?t imagine having a friend who will end up trying for longer than us. I thought it was only 5% of the population who took more than 2 years. Goodness the 8th feels like a long way away. How many DPO is that?

Buzz ? that?s great your donor is responding well. It sounds like it?s incredibly well coordinated. Do you get to find out anything about them?

Ramona ? i love acu and it definitely sorted out clotty periods after my first mc. It was also great during ivf and after EC when i was in a lot of a pain. The key really is the practitioner. There are some very good ones out there and some rubbish ones. I don?t do counselling but to find someone I could chat to about my fertility crisis was very therapeutic. But for me I did need someone who has empathy and a lot of knowledge about fertility so I could discuss things. I prefer having a woman over a man and if I felt much calmer and positive after I had left, then that was a good sign.

Thanks for listening and indulging me yesterday after my little rant about my emotions. I am sure it will clear up!.

Hurrah mad, that's great news. Come on mini-mad, expand lots over night :)

Re testing early, I tested the day before the day a blood test could be done, which was about 13dpo and got a very very faint line on an Internet cheapy. On otd, I did a frer at about 3am and got another faint one and a more 'proper' one at about 10am. My clinic told me categorically not to do a hpt until 16 dpo! Soooo, no getting too upset about early test results ladies

nellie and mrsd I genuinely thought it would never ever happen for me, not having seen a bfp in all my 34 years and having had 2 failed fresh cycles. Hang in there, you just don't know when you may get the golden egg! Although I still don't really believe that this will work out for me...

I don't like needles, so acu didn't appeal to me. I found slumping in front of some shit tv my way of relaxing during cycles!

buzz I think you may be off tomoz or v soon? Lots of good luck! And don't worry bout performance issues, if Dave can do it, anyone can. He was essentially in some cupboard with granny porno mags. And do make sure Barry clears himself out a couple of days before, so his swimmers are at their best.

Am off to the gp's, to inform them of the bean. I hope they don't go through the whole palaver of making me pee on a stick again!

Thanks again ladies. You really are fab. I am quite anxious about getting to ET tomorrow but will try to keep calm..... I am surprised by how much I want to protect that little bundle of cells . It feels like it would definitely be much better off in me than it is in a Petrie dish at the hospital.....

joy I know lots of instadiffers but also several long term ttcers. There is one with male factor (with an icsi baby), one with endo like me who was refused ivf but managed it naturally anyway, one with an IUI baby after 5 years of secondary infertility, one who has adopted and another who got pregnant just as she was getting ready to adopt. Perhaps there is something in the water up here .

mrsd don't think I ever answered your question about ivf/icsi. MrM's samples have all been perfectly normal so just ivf for us.

gin this WILL work for you. We have had our fair share of disappointments on here. It is time for some happy endings.

Forgot to say welcome to froggy in my ivf self-obsessed stupor. I hope you find support here and your stay is short.

Time for a mini rant about my mother if you all don't mind? Was discussing the poorly thought out architecture at my hospital for making the infertility clinic waiting room overlook the door to the labour suite. This sparked a conversation about how long those women were likely to be in labour. My mum seemed to think that imagining the hours of pain awaiting these women would make us all feel better . I then said I would take a week long labour over three years of disappointment and ivf and she actually laughed and said that's only because I don't know what the pain is like . She backtracked slightly when she saw that I had started to cry but was only willing to accept that my comment was valid because I had gone through the pain of the abscess last year and said I would gladly go through that again if I knew that I would have a healthy baby at the end of it and no more TTC. I really wonder about her sometimes........ Thank you for letting me rant. I can now move on and not seethe at her whenever I see her.

Phone post on the move.

Yay madness on your embie. This is GOOD and I am doing the ioto chant for you.

Well done critter for braving the icy bum jab now I'm sorry to put this out there but did it bleed (it was phobia that said that not me )

buzzy I forgot to add how chuffed I am for you that all is great with your donor.

sea I'm interested in the humira advice. Do you just take that and natural ttc?

nelly oh to see two lines. Hoping beyond hope they come back fast.

My boobs have a life of their own this month. I'm 5 dpo and they are tearful painful and appear to have grown an entire cupsize as I have a four boob issue today! Two people at work have commented my boobs are no use as an am I pregnant guage. Some months they hurt loads, some a little and some none. The maybe bfp month there was no pain. Ladies updiffed - does boob pain mean a fail? I know the answer to this - there is no answer! I should start an annoying thread. It is curious though. I'm sure it must mean my hormones are inconsistent.

Mad - well you know how I have been irritable lately, well you mum's comment has made it surface . I was reading your post from this morning and I always forget what an appalling time you have had. Years of TTC, endo, tube loss, months of hormone suppression , ivf etc etc. years of worry, emotional upheaval. I know I would take a week of labour over that.. I always try to point out to friends who say there is just no pain like it that at least they get a baby in return. Apparently you forget the pain afterwards anyway! If it was so bad, why do people go through it more than once. One kind friend did actually say to me it would be a walk in the park compared to what we've been through.

You can tell your mum there is a poster that you can see around various nhs gynae wards and it says something like "there is only one more painful thing than having a baby and that's not being able to have a baby"

sea I know some people are using humeria and I know Shehata who does my immunes is giving it to patients, I think on the Super ovulation thread someone has had success since being on the humeria I think it might be Mel ??? Might be worth having a look or asking on there or maybe the pred thread?? Sorry that is about all I know

nelly you will get your stripey hob nob next week :)

lemon how are you :)

madness fingers crossed for your little embie, sorry about your mothers comment, a bit thoughtless, I have never understood the 'labour competition' bizzo, like you should get some award for having a long painful labour I did upset someone years ago when she was going on about how painful it was etc etc, I said maybe you have a low pain threshold needless to say we never discussed the matter again it does sound like a man had planned the layout of the hospital.

gin we had a nelly style insurance shag last night :) and plan another one for the end of the week, I don't go until Saturday

mrsd it is all anonymous in Europe but here you cn trace the donor. All I have been told is that she is 25, has green eyes brown hair and A- blood. I'm sure she is doing it for the money but that is fine with me

critter good luck for tomorrow :)

madness I completely understand that feeling. I felt very odd being separated from my embie.

Your mother sounds...unhelpful.... How did Mr Mad feel about her being there when he had to pop off to deliver his donation? I think Mr Euro found it difficult enough with a builder outside the window, let alone my mother there too!

rabbit you are so right - there is no answer! I normally get boob pain from ov. My BFP month, I got practically none. But then once they got going they were mega ouchy.

joy I look forward to hearing from you. It would be lovely to see you again. That poster sounds very insightful and far more sensitive than most of the NHS fertility process!

madness grrr at your mother's comments. I honestly think people don't get it if they haven't been through it. It's not a competition anyway. Totally understand wanting to be reunited with mini-madness. Good luck tomorrow.

welcome froggy!

joy sorry you're having such a horrible time. Am thinking of you. Hang in there, keep faith. You will get your baby!

buzz lovely news about your donor. Oh to have 25 year old eggs!

gin good luck at the GPs! I am so hopeful and chuffed for you.

sea sorry I don't know about humira - but your results being good at your tests has to be a good thing - will be helpful during IVF!

euro not long now til round two!

rabbit there was almost no blood - maybe a teeny teeny droplet. The muscle felt a little sore afterwards but that was it. at icy bum jab, sounds a bit rude!

All fine here - EC is at 7.30 am tomorrow. Will check in afterwards!

Thanks joy I knew you lot would understand. MrM says I must now take pleasure in the fact that it was me who caused her all of the pain of childbirth .

buzzy at insurance shags. I saw a woman on one of those shows about multiple births who had triplets after a single embryo transfer - identical twins from one embie and a natural pregnancy from unprotected sex during the cycle .

euro good god no my mother was not at the hospital!!! We were just discussing it as I had watched a very pregnant lady heading in to give birth while waiting for egg collection. MrM did have the sound of someone typing on the other side of a very thin wall though. He said at first he couldn't tell what it was and thought that another man was going to cause himself an injury

Cross post critter. Good luck for tomorrow!!!!

Euro ? thanks for the acu info. Much appreciated it. I will check her out for sure. I will also wander over to FF for humira advice.

Critter ? hope it goes well tomorrow. Good luck at the early appointment!
Buzz ? thanks for the tip about humira. I will look it up. Im so happy that things are going well with your donor. I think you are travelling soon ? tomorrow?. Have a safe trip.

Mad ? Good luck for ET tomorrow. Im thinking good thoughts for you. I totally get why you are mad about what your mum said. I get comments like that all the time (mainly because I don?t tell people about AC stuff unless I know they are going though it). I saw a doc for a health screening recently and had to tell her about AC and she actually said to me, one day when you have a 6 mth old refusing to sleep you will be wondering why you tried so hard to get pregnant!!!! This was a doctor! Anyway? you just have to ignore it. I know it?s hard but you can always come here to let off steam.

MrsD ? Hope you are bearing up okay until OTD. The wait must seem an age?

Rabbit ? Sorry about the painful boobs. I hope they calm down soon. Re humira advice. My clinic have suggested I do 1 month humira, re-do the immunes test and if it?s below 30 I can do IVF. I would love to think that humira alone will get me diffed through natural method but my other immune results weren?t great either ? slightly elevated. They are saying they won?t worry about that for now but sort that later. Mr Sea has been reading up on humria and the side effects do sound horrible. I will go for it anyway as I have kind of given up control and just want to put this in the hands of the clinic. I have been told you kind of have to do that with DrT. Not easy.

Joy ? I hope you are feeling brighter. As we all said, it?s perfectly understandable to be angry after what you have had to go through. Please feel free to rant anytime. Yes ? well finally I have a bad test result. Mixed emotions really. I am relieved as the unexplained label was getting to me. I ?m guessing then that you didn?t have elevated cytokine levels when you had your immunes tested at DrTs? I think you had IVIg didn?t you? I actually thought that was for high cytokine. I really need to get my head around all these terms and things. I do have the Dr Beer book but I really struggled with it. I will try to give it another go this evening. As for AnaMaria, she was fine but as you said, very expensive. We didn?t fall out or anything but I found her stories of 10 IVFs and then getting pregnant naturally a bit too much ? it depressed me a bit. Also she never remembered anything I told her despite writing notes down. I know I?m probably being unreasonable but it started to get to me. I think she is a lovely lady but perhaps I need a change.

Gin ? keep thinking positive thoughts. Believe it. It?s your time. Sending sticky bean thoughts to you.

Waves to sar, grouch, ramona, lemon, froggy and others I have missed. It?s been a long work day so head is a bit forgetful?

Sea I know the feeling on long days - I've just logged off work now! Anyway I guess it's good to have some kind of action plan. I'm always a bit wary when people say they don't like to be unexplained; because unfortunately for me there is nothing I can do about my explanation (low AmH and terrible ovarian reserve). So be happy it's something you can treat :)

Critter massive good luck for tomorrow, hope you are not too sort afterwards. Fingers crossed for lots of lovely eggs.

Mad also huge vibes tomorrow. I know I got to the end of fertilisation day thinking "phew, nobody phoned and told me not to bother coming tomorrow". And then when I got to the clinic and they ushered me in and got me whipping my breiks off in no time, I was secretly high-fiving, knowing that meant my embie had made it to day 2. I am sure it will be fine, but I know how awful it is! Oh and I will reply to your PM once work calms down .

There are certainly some "feelings" in my womble area today. Nothing specific but like mild period pains, even though I am bloody sure it better not be about to arrive, what with the fanny candles and stuff. I am not letting this get me excited but on the other hand I'm using it as an excuse to talk to my embie some more. Of course I won't lie, I'm hoping that I am feeling my uterus go "oooh, hello embie, snuggle in here why don't you". Yet the logical part of me thinks there is no way you can feel it when it's microscopic. But this cycle I'm going all out on the crazy positivity, so I'll embrace the snuggle theory and prepare myself for a massive fall

Right, sleep as another mad day tomorrow. General waves to all.

Morning all, popping by quickly to say good luck today to madness and critter

Waves to everyone else, back later on