TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

Morning (just!) all. I'm still a bit meh but not quite as grumpy as I was yesterday morning. madness you described it perfectly! Dave does like to take the piss out of me, which I normally find funny, but not at all at the mo! Poor Dave, even his breathing seems to annoy me. I agree with everyone that it's not the cyclogest. I'm just a bit surprised that I have pmt, as in previous cyclogest cycles, it seems to have staved it off. Maybe it is the cycle pressure (I was thinking about how unlikely it us that the cycle has worked) but that should have been much worse with the ivf cycles. Think I'm just a grumpy pmt cowbag ;) Anyway I'm going to try to be nice today hide in the bedroom

Hope you all had lovely Easter Sundays. I'm super impressed at all the baking going on. Ahhhh Paul H, the silver fox. I made some cream egg brownies from an Eric Langlard recipe - they're sweet enough to induce diabetes!

madness that's great news that you'll be starting stimming soon. Means that EC is only a matter of weeks away! A nice country hotel break sounds fab and do plan some nice treats for during the cycle too.

3 fanny candles a day doll? Blimey! I'm meant to do them front door but find the back easier, with less mess and not having to lie down afterwards even if it does feel like a backwards poo

buzzy at kayla's new look! Hope you had a lovely birthday.

euro hope you are still gorging on chocolate... Dave got me 2 eggs this year. I think they are sorry you had to spend part of Good Friday with everyone looking up your foof gifts.

Sambuca eh sar? Good work!

Hope you are ok pout. I think it is very normal to feel worn out after what you have been through - its so draining physically and emotionally. Hearts on san towels? Whatever next? Unicorns on tampax?!

grouch good luck for thurs. Hope the scone making went ok.

Waves to everyone else.

Lunch chez friends was nice yesterday and the baby was quite cute. It's odd, I don't even feel that jealous of tiny babies anymore, as I feel like it's something I'll never have. Even if we adopt, the kids are generally older. And tiny babies look bloody hard work! Lunch was comprised mostly as stuff I can't eat/drink in my embie on board state. It was actually quite funny, like a list of all the things faux preggos aren't allowed! I felt a bit fussy/ungrateful and worried they'd think I was pregnant when likelihood is I'm not. Ah well.

Right I'll stop waffling on now, as I see it is actually afternoon. Luffs to all.

Gin Mr Euro thinks every cream egg should come with a free syringe of Insulin. Maybe your brownies should come with 2?

I know what you mean about babies. I'm the same with preggos too - I look at them and it feels completely alien again, even though I was preggo a couple of weeks ago!

doll two a day of the bloody things was bad enough. I don't envy you three!

Madness not long now!

Can I join please?

Ttc now 10 mths since mc at 13.5 weeks in July.

Finding it difficult at times not be down heartened but keeping my faith up
[bugrin]

I'm back and Happy Easter to you all! I've had a lovely time in a crazy place with family, babies, ace food, masses of snow and a hangover - I forgot what they felt like! I have had a shelving of all things ttc, including the thread, but I felt it was important. I really have given up trying naturally and things are very much in motion for IUI in the next few months with a view to ivf later in the year. No thermometer felt liberating.

I've been reading back but have no chance of saying hello to everyone as I'm foggy with jet lag. But pout I am gutted not to return to a bfp for you, I'm so sorry my lovely. Hang on in there, there were a lot of good things about your cycle and icy poutlet is waiting for you. Huge hug.

Belated happy birthday buzzy!

gin sorry about the grumps. I'm off to look at cream egg brownies, mmm.

madness and critter good luck with upcoming multi egg laying. Am I going to be the last one on the thread to ivf? I will be in the company of experts.

joy euro and sar how are you all?

Of course big waves to everyone else. How will I stay awake til bedtime?!

Oh and welcome fizz sorry to hear about your mc and ten months. You are in good company here while you wait and hopefully it won't be much longer.

Love to grads too [busmile]

Welcome fizz. I hope you will find this thread supportive.

I am a bit mizz, today. Not only am I back in the office but all I could think about when mcing was wanting to get back on the horse asap, but with two very unusual sechsfails this week, we have missed my first egg. The good news was that post-mc, ov was only 2 days late, so I guess I am back to near-normal pretty quickly. Unfortunately, it means that ov #2 post-mc will probably be when I am travelling for work. ARGH. So that means IVF#2 will be in late May, which seems like a very long time to wait.

Happy Easter rabbit.

Pout - oh dear to heart print sanitary towels - not helpful, not nice - what self respecting designer would come up with such a thing???!! I hope the black cloud is starting to lift. A failed cycle is such a funny funny thing. You don't know quite where to put yourself. But what I do know is that one BFN is nothing to fear and you are only at the start of this jouney. Don't worry about the grading of the blasts. The fact that your best one was popped back and the other one was frozen suggests they were very high quality indeed. Only the good ones can go to freeze. This really was a case of bad luck - that's all. Thank you so much for asking after me. I am feeling miles better since our last BFN after the FET. That has been fully processed and accepted. However, I am feeling a little but 'strange' about what happens next. I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff. My upcoming appointments could provide me with an optomistic outlook.....I could be told that the surgery has increased our chances. Or, I might be told that 3 years and 3 failed cycles puts us in the poor prognosis catagory. And this is what they have already gently suggested. Our particular presentation of fertility issues are quite unusual and I think they have trouble deciding what 'box' to pop us in to.

Buzz - well done you with your bank holiday painting - I am very impressed!! Poor Kayla though - she does seem to get in to a few scrapes. But yours sounds like a fun and happy household. I hope your family get together was nice.

Joy - how have you been feeling this last few days? I hope the grotty emotions have shifted. But whatever you feel is what you feel ......and that is 100% ok. How long will you have to wait to get the test results back? Another thing I was wondering is has anyone actually tried to figure out why ttc naturally has been non-productive since your first miscarriage? Did they just throw you in to the unexplained box? Finally, I was also wondering if those infection antibiotics that you and Roy took prior to your IVF cycle would help with natural ttc at all? I wonder if that was the source of some of the issues? Sorry if I am talking rubbish. I just hope you are ok. My brother and sister in law reminded me of something last night.........thankfully we do have ovaries and a womb and tubes. And in cases like your and mine, there is always hope of natural conception. Yes, IVF can help speed up that process and get to the bottom of any issues but a natural bfp can happen. I guess we know that, but finding a way to live our lives allowing for that possibilty without menkulling every month is the holy grail. I for one have not craked that one. Anyway sweetheart, I just hope you have hope for the future and feel some peace after the exhausting winter you have had.

Gin - awwwww, so sorry you were feeling the blues. Did you have the same progesterone treatment last time? From memory, I felt a little more down with the 2ww when I was medicated than the stimming phase. Maybe the exciting and anticipation stage is over and now the uncontrolled bit is here it is harder to feel as good about things. Whatever it is, I hope it shifts soon because you don't deserve to feel like that. The 2ww with FET is really really hard. Incredibly hard. I wish I could say something to make it easier and speed it up. Keep thinking positive thoughts. It happens for thousands of other women, it could certainly happen for you. Oh and well done on the baby meet up lunch.

Euro - I was thinking recently about how calm you have been since your miscarriage. This is a good thing of course and enables you to get on with the next thing. I just hope that you are feeling mighty proud of yourself. You have soildered on amazingly well. I hope that holiday is booked???

Madness - you will be stimming around the same time as Critter? Am I right? If so, it will be amazing for you to both have cycle buddies. Once you start on the stims your ovaries are going to work amazingly well due to the treatment of the endo. They are not going to know whats hit them as they will be free to produce lots of lovely eggies without the endo bands adhesions things around and less endo toxins to worry about. The four poster room sounds amazeballs - have a great time.

Little - welcome. So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. We certainly understand about being down hearted. It is a very crappy and unfair process at times. Have you had any tests?

Well, I survived the sambuca evening without much of a hangover. But I have been at this game for long enough to know to drink plenty of water, eat snacks and drink cups of tea when you get home to avoid a monster hangover. It was a fun night and I got talking to loads of our neighbours. One has just had a hysterectomy and she was struggling to come to terms with this. We had a little heart to heart about our ishooos over a few wines and sambuccas which was nice. It has been a busy bank holiday but I guess distraction is key.

On Wednesday we have our appointment with the private consultant who is Mr Fallopian tubes himself (apparantly). I will get half an hour and pay £200 - gulp. I am not sure what he can say / do in that time but we shall see. Everytime I look at my lap report it tells me everything is normal, my left tube is normal and my right tube is stretched and sacculated but both open - not too dissimilar to what Heart was told. I can't understand I wouldn't be in with a shot post lap. Why would my consultant be so negative? Maybe she thinks I would have got pregnant via the left tube at some stage in the last 3 years if it was going to happen. Maybe she thinks that we are now technically in the unexplained catagory. . I have a theory that the right tube (although not blocked) but stuck down to my bowel with adhesions was creating a back flow of liquid in to my womb the way a hydrosalpinx does. I am hoping that problem is now cured. But I guess only time will tell. Sorry, I am just pratteling on, but I can't help but theorise. Right, we are going for an easter walk - really need to shift the sambucca, wine, burger, easter egg and trifle podge which is developing. Hope everyone here is ok. Luffs luffs luffs. x

X-posts

Welcome back Rabbit -wow I want a slice of what you have got girlfriend!!! I am delighted to hear how fab the holiday was and how well you feel. Bottle it up and march in to IUI with an open heart. xxxx

Euro - sorry for the sesh faills. Does it have anthing to do with Barry being a little bit sad still part post mc and everything? I know its is shit when all you want to do is put right what has gone wrong. I know you have recently talked about the SA and possibly something else that needs to be checked out with Barry, but did you know that tomato juice is super duper for the swimmers. I know it cant cure all ishoos but for those who are borderline it can tip things back. We noticed a difference in test results when Chumba tried it. A glass a day or a bowl of tomato soup - its the lycopene. Also if quantity is an issue then every 2- 3 days is better, if quality (morphology and / or motility) is an issue then every day is better. Sorry if I am preaching to the converted. Weirdly, I feel like I am going back to basics in some ways. Too much useless info rattleling around my brain, I tell ya.

Welcome back rabbits! I was well jel of your holiday snaps on face tube. And well done for managing to ignore all things ttc

Sorry to hear you're a bit miz euro. They certainly do work you hard! Are things gonna quieten down soon? I would wanna get on with the next cycle too. Waiting a couple of months must feel like an eternity especially after all the months of ttc, but it can work for you and it will work again. I prescribe lots of non-ttc friendly things in the next few months to distract you - booze, dangerous sports and raw meat.

Not long til your appointment with Mr Fallopian tubes sar. That's exciting and hopefully he'll be able to give you some answers and suggest a way forward. Well done on lack of hangover. I suspect 2 glasses of vino would give me one these days!

Welcome fizz.

Today is my last day of lazing about googling, boo. I tried talking to Dave about what we'll do if this doesn't work (I like to have a plan), but he refused to discuss it and said we can't afford any more treatment. He's said this every stage and we've always found the money, mostly thanks to the bank of the in laws. My concern is whether the embryos aren't sticking due to my womble in which case further treatment is throwing money down the drain, or whether it's to do with faulty sperm making faulty embryos. Anyway, depending on the clinic's advice, I've decided we'll do iui with DS and somehow find the ££s. It's pretty pricey where we are but I'd like to stay where I feel comfortable and by the time we'd had the tests done elsewhere, I don't think the saving would be that much.

Right must detach myself from the interweb. Is anyone else addicted to house porn? I like to torture myself on rightmove, looking at all the lovely houses we could afford outside of London...

Morning ladies,

Welcome fizz. I'm sorry that you find yourself here but hopefully we can be of some help. Have you been to your gp yet? I know it can be difficult since you did manage to get pregnant once but after ten months i think they might be willing to discuss investigations, assuming you want them done of course!

gin I love house porn . We live in an expensive city and i spend most of my time looking at the pretty pictures of houses that we'll never be able to afford. MrM doesn't get it but i like to dream....

Welcome back rabbit. Sounds like a lovely holiday and glad you have shelved the thermometer and obsessive ttcing. your plan sounds good to me and nice to have it mapped out.

sar you seem to be doing really well. I really hope the fallopian tube doc can give you a different perspective. i think i will be stimming with critter. The anticipation Ian getting to me. Just need to get started.

Must dash now but big waves to euro and all the rest xx

sarlat we tend to go for every other day in the run up to ov usually, and that has been fine over the past two and a bit years (I don't think we've had more than two sechsfails in total in that time). It's volume that is the ishoo. The quality seems to be ok. I actually think it is a fluid rather than swimmers problem, so maybe there is a little blockage somewhere. He has an appointment next week I think to have some investigations. I think that is stressing him. That's on top of the mc, the stress of getting rid of his sh1tty conniving tenant and work shizzle. It's not really surprising that it has all got on top of him, but I am very sad about missing my egg.

Gin I'm a complete housep0rn addict! We've been in our place for almost 5 years, and I am getting itchy feet. I spend a lot of time on zoopla! We just need to get Mr Euro's flat sold, and then we can start looking seriously. I can't decide whether to stay in London or move out for more space though. Hmmm.

Hello ladies and welcome fizz I was so sorry to read of your MC.

rabbit welcome back. So glad that you enjoyed your holipops. It sounded lovely. It also sounds like you have made some decisions about going forward TTC wise that you are comfortable with. Brilliant news!

gin Sense of humour failure is definitely at work here in the house of Pout too! I think because I feel like a failure TTC wise I see everything MrP says as a slight.
The progesterone is a weird thing. It actually made me feel better in myself. I felt very emotionally distant and cushioned and it stopped my post ovulatory migraines which was bliss. I was thinking just yesterday how I feel back to my old anxious, emotionally unstable prickly self and it's not nice.

We have been thinking lots about what next. Our options are very limited because of financial constraints but I'm so not ready to give up & believe that given enough goes IVF really could work. I had hoped that the IVF would help me to draw a line under things but it has had the opposite effect & like you euro I'm chomping at the bit to get on with FET. I really am leaning now towards looking into donating my eggs to help fund another go for us. I never thought I would be okay with this in a million years but it is the only thing that has given me any comfort over the last few days, just the thought that it doesn't have to be game over.

Oh yes at property porn. I love looking at other peoples houses and looking at their decor. I have had to stop watching most of the programmes though because I feel sad that we rent and can't do any major renovations and just have to try and work wonders with pictures and soft furnishings & work around other peoples choices!

sarlat Good news about your appointment with Dr Tubes. BTW you are not prattling on. I totally understand the need to get out what is going round your head. Hopefully your appointment will provide you with some answers.
I know what you mean about the strange feelings following a failed IVF cycle. I thought that I felt okay but had a massive slump yesterday. Like you all the possible "reasons" for failure were whirring round my head. I am now really concerned that MrP's morphology is a bigger problem than we were led to believe. On the paperwork at the clinic we saw that they had done ICSI which had been floated as a possibility but not confirmed beforehand. If his morphology is that bad then I feel pretty despondent about a natural BFP which initially, given the fact that my eggs didn't seem so bad, I had renewed faith in. Yesterday I just felt angry that we are having to deal with this crap.
What you were saying about the cliff edge resonated too. I so hope that you come out of your appointment feeling positive.
Ohhhhh Sambuca. Evil stuff remembers hugging the toilet and asking MrP whether I had made it home

euro I'm sorry that you feel a bit down. I can't believe that you and MrEuro are going through other shitty stuff on top of your recent upset. Sorry about the sechs fails too. I am dreading the au naturel SWI and am seriously contemplating the baster/syringe method to take the pressure off except I don't have the first clue how you actually do this

madness I am jealous of your four poster. I've never slept in one. Going away is a fab idea and will make you all relaxed before your imminent diffage

buzz did you finish your decorating? I am terrible at choosing paint. It NEVER looks like it does on the little sticker on the front of the tin.

Well I phoned the hospital today to confirm the cycle bust which made it feel more real. We have to make an appointment so we can have a stewards enquiry then I have to have a couple of periods before doing the FET. I want to do it NOW!!!!!!!!

euro we went through some tricky patches in the past and I am sure that it was just too much pressure for MrM. I tried not to let on when it was the most important time for things to work but I am sure that he could sense on some level that I was anxious. I think knowing the problems are all on my side has helped MrM and the fact that he cannot possibly get me pregnant at the moment with my body in shutdown so I think it's reasonable to think that the imminent appointment will be playing on MrEuro's mind, especially after the trauma that you've both been through recently. It will just be a blip and if he's able to look at it that way I'm sure you'll be back to normal soon. But i am frustrated on your behalf that work travel appears to be badly timed for next cycle.

pout I feel your pain about renting. I rented for a long time and while I enjoyed being able to ring up the landlord and demand that things were fixed or replaced makes me sound much more assertive than I actually am it is great to be able to make changes that suit you and not worry about anyone else's incomprehensible choices. Sorry you've been feeling low. It's totally understandable. It will feel like ages now having to wait a few months for the fet but the time will pass quickly and it will be best for your body to rest and recover before you try with the frostie. Remind me of this advice when it is my turn please .

Thinking about free today and hoping that everything is alright xx

Just a quick hello. Been reading as always, but no time or peace to post!

Sorry about all the added stress Euro. I am sure this is just a blip.

Welcome back Rabbit!

Pout and others, its weird how for some people (me included) the first IVF leads you to wanting to do more ASAP; but for others they can't face it again.

Hello fizz. Sorry to hear if your MC.

Talking of which, I better phone the clinic as AF due in the next 2-3 days. No spotting as yet which isn't fuelling the mental at all so hopefully it arrives nearer to Friday, which leads to better timings with work. And now that I've said that, I will be spotting next time I go to the loo

Talking of work, I should probably do some.

Been researching egg sharing and I'm too bloody old. FFS. I thought that at least they would look at test results rather than blindly going by your age. Why is this all so difficult with hurdle after hurdle?

Euro ? that?s great your cycle is back on course. I quite understand the need to want to get on and just do another cycle. I remember that feeling after my first m/c, I couldn?t bear the thought of losing just one month. I know it?s further away than you hoped but it?s now next month and hopefully it will come round quickly. Still it never feels like that does it. And working on bank holidays? Poor you!

Pout ? i was told by my woo doctor that lack of progesterone can cause migraines so it makes sense that the extra supply of it helped yours. It sounds like you have a fighting spirit which is fabulous and egg sharing sounds like an excellent plan. I don?t know too much about it as my amh is too low to egg share but i think it?s definitely something to pursue for you.

Rabbits ? welcme back and pleased you had a fab break.

Gin ? i?m sorry to hear that Dave doesn?t want to discuss a plan. It has been exactly the same with Roy and I had to be quite stern with him last week when I wanted to hear his thoughts. It was the first time ever he muttered what he thought we should do. Is Dave ok as well as he can be about DS?
Oh and yes was looking up house porn most of the long weekend. I like to look at houses we cannot afford and then I wonder why i feel depressed....durr house envy and baby envy is not a good combo.

Sar ? what a lovely message thank you. I?m not sure when we get test results back. I have been sent 2 hospital appointments. One for this week and one for 2nd May and I?m not sure what they are for. The one in May says we may be required to do blood work so I wonder if that is the month we get our cytogenetic testing from the m/c. The karotyping should be back within the next month or so. And no , no one has tried to understand why we can?t conceive naturally. Unexplained is so frustrating but to conceive easily at the start just makes it more perplexing. I guess it?s the same for you and wondering how you ciould get a silent infection after an early m/c probably goes around your head a lot. I guess there is always a slight hope in the back of my head that it could happen naturally again but I don?t believe it will. And I?m getting a very strong feeling that pregnancy just means miscarriage for me. i know i?ve only had 2 but when things start to go wrong more than once , you begin to associate pregnancy with a bad thing. And to think that from 13 egg and 11 embryos which is a year?s supply of AFs , not one of these were viable, I can?t believe it can happen naturally. Anyway I do think we had some kind of asymptomatic infection going on which i hope the antibiotics cleared up but I?m not sure there?ll ever be a miracle bfp. Do you have hope?
And I really hope this consultant on Wednesday provides you with renewed hope and advice. It will be interesting to hear if you get more information or different information from the other place you have been. On paper after your lap it sounds like you should be able to conceive naturally now and actually you haven?t had much chance to try yet have you? I hope he has a thought on this. Have you prepared a lot of questions? How have you been generally?

Mad ? wow, you are starting stimming soon. It?s a great idea to get a break away before hand. Do you feel alright having been down regulated for so long? And impressed you did 2 batches of Paul Hollywood?s buns. Mine didn?t rise at all. They were really just hard rolls. I?m thoroughly disappointed with my effort!

I?ve had a terrible few weeks of eating crap food and far too much sugar. Serves me right as I now have thrush...I think I?m going to do some anti-candida diet to try and banish it. I feel so flabby and uncomfortable. I still have hard progesterone lumps in my back as well which hurt when i run across the road so am going to try and do a mild jog tonight to try and shake my body up a bit.

Waves to all.

Argh Pout - just seen your post. FFS - that is Just crap. There are just do many hurdles with this it's just horrible. Have you been looking via the nhs guidelines? Could you Egg share abroad or does that mean you still have to pay through the nose?

afternoon ladies,

pout its crap that they stop you sharing at 36 instead of looking at the quality of the eggs, I wonder if there is an age limit for donating sperm Kayla has survived the DIY for this week, still a bit to do but I am hoping it will help keep me occupied over the coming weeks.

nelly ooh does this mean this is your IVF month then??

madness Wahoo to stimming

euro can relate to the sesh fails, it is frustrating when you really want to catch that egg

sar I hope all goes well with Dr Tube

gin sorry that Dave isn't in the talking mood, Barry could be a bit like that, it just takes them a bit longer to get to where we are, interesting that they suggested IUI, they told us not to bother I think we paid £720 at NLC but they did a 3 goes for £1500. Will you do SO with it??

joy I think the egg sharing age is universal, well maybe European wide. Could be wrong though, boo hiss to thrush, and at progesterone lumps. Are you having the karotyping done through the clinic or the NHS??

Well I have informed my colleagues that it is all systems go this week and that they all have to be nice and gentle with me over the next month and that I apologised in advance for any weird behaviour me being an emotional cow
I still need to see my GP who I can never get through to and Occ Health.

We have now booked our accommodation and are looking into things to do while we are there. I also need to start the wheels for adoption rolling, work is rather quiet so might be able to get a few calls made this week plus Barry is now unimployed so I suppose he could too.

free thinking of you

mrsd how are you, hope you are ok

waves to everyone else

A house porn lover here too.

Free - I hope you are ok?

Euro - about this shitty work timming....is it possible that they could let you off the next work trip and put you on one later in the year instead considering everything you have been through. I understand that you may not have told the boss people what has been going on. I just feel that you deserve a break in more ways than one? Also, (again, apologies in advance if this is something you already knew) preseed type lubes can act as the liquid for the swmmers to swim in to where volume is low. I conceived my pregnancy with the help of preseed - more due to the the over activity and needing a little comfort (sorry tmi) but I really rate the stuff.

Pout - I am sorry that the DE appears to be a no goer. But it is exciting to here the enthusiasm that you have for this and that relentless energy can be what gets you there in the end. So, what are the options for futher IVF if needed (remember you have a pretty little frostie) - overseas IVF? or could you look at borrowing from family / the bank, or making some stuff to sell on ebay (sorry last one might be a crap idea). Or could you look at volunteering for research with IVF which might make some meds etc cheaper - I don't know how you could look in to that. Aw seetheart, I am sorry you have to wait for the FET. But if someone said would you like the best option or the second best option for your next fertility treatment, you know which one you would choose. Will it be a natural FET cycle? If so, a strong reliable cycle is really important. Don't give up - you will get there. It is just so irritating when finances are a barrier as they simple shouldn't be.

Joy - I relate to so much of what you are saying. I don't think 13 eggs in one IVF cycle can be counted as a typical years supply. They are deliberatly grown in large numbers in the hope a couple might be ok. The fact that so many are competing for nutrients within the ovaries means that they aren't given the chance that they would normally have if they were growing on their own - does that make sense. So most months, the eggs your produce probably are ok. I read an article recently that talked about tubal hydrotherapy for people with tubal (not blocked) fertility problems and those in the unexplained group. There was success post treatments for all groups. This suggests the unexplained group may have unseen tubal problems too. I am always being told how even though my tubes look ok to some extent (on the left) there is possibly microscopic damage as well as the damage that can be seen. I don't know why this isn't considered with the unexplained group too - i.e. that there may be mocroscopic damage. Anyway, what I am trying to say in a round about way is that is why I belieive IVF could still work for you as the miscarriages (at this stage) can not be classed as anything more than bad luck. You have a very receptive womb - that is a hurdle that some can't jump and does provide you that potential. But I do understand your mind set with pregnancy leading to miscarriage. I know I may well react the same way. But objectively, there is no proof that mc would happen again. You are right in that I haven't had much chance to try naturally post lap. There was one attempt (which I guess you could say I was still healing) then the FET and now I am halfway through a second natural attempt. I swing between feeling this will happen and then to it never happened before , why would it now? I am intrigued by what Dr Tubes will say. I hope I don't get boxed in to a treatment plan - I want an in-deapth discussion about what happened and what might happen next etc.

Nelly - I hope that spotting gets the hint and stays away for a good 9 months. Hugs hugs.

Buzz - I think you are wise to seek support from your colleagues. You work hard and deserve a bit of consideration from others. I can't believe how close this is. Best of look with the jabbing - were you going to ask your nurse freind to do it?. How amazing to combine all this with sighseeing.

Gin - I lkie your plan, I think you are a wise lady who WILL get her baby.

Well we got bad news at work today. Our contract has been pulled which is a NHS subcontract. A service will still be run (it has to) but we are being tupped and my job (recent new job and promotion post lap) is underthreat. To be honest, after 3 years of ttc woes I am not at all upset as it doesn't touch the sides. But from a financial point of view things may get a little hairy.

sar sorry to hear about the job worries, I am surprised that anyone has time to even think about changing services yet. I don't think my area has any idea about what is going on, one of the GP's we deal with is now a GP commissioner so will put in a good word for our department. I feel that alot of silly decisions will be made then regretted.

there are a few nurses where I work so I am hoping one of them will do it for me. I work with some nice people so I feel its only fair that they know there could be tears over the next month ad why, helps stop the gossip too.

that is so infuriating about the age limit for egg donation pout. I didn't know women with unexplained could donate though, I assumed it was only where the problem was male factor. I heard some fertility dr on the radio saying that age is too arbitrary a cut off for ivf, women of 41 could have better quality eggs than someone of 39.

gin how is the pmt today? I hate it when I feel like that, and it's very hard for men to understand.

joy I hope you get some answers at your upcoming appointments. When you had the genetic tests done, did the counselor plot out your family tree? Ours did so that she could see if there was any history of disease or disability or m/c. It was interesting but a little sad for me seeing how there really is no history of problems and how we are just the unlucky ones.

buzzy it's getting close for you now. It's nice that it will also be a little holiday. Will you be getting immune treatment too?

nelly are you starting ivf soon too?

I'm on CD26 so had my pre ivf scan this morning. All looked good with no sign of cysts, phew. He only did an abdominal scan though so I'm about how much he could really see. He was pointing stuff out to me on the screen but I can never make anything out. Except there is no baby hiding in my very empty looking uterus. So, I'm ready to start ivf eek. The clinic has reserved me two gonal f pens from what sounds like a dodgz back street pharmacy . It's a pharmacy that sells drugs close to the use by date so at a 20 - 30 % discount. I was lucky that I could get them because they only had 3 pens left. Does anyone know how much a gonal f pen costs so that I'm prepared for it when I have to go and pick them up? It says I need 2x Gonal F 450IE

I have to start injecting on day 3 then go in for a scan on day 7. Does this sound normal? They said to inject about the same time each evening, I think I'll do it at 9 every night, does that sound ok? They were a bit vague about how to do the injection so I'm feeling a bit panicked about that. I've been waiting to start for so long but now it's here I feel a bit overwhelmed. One day at a time though. I caught a glance at our notes and saw that someone had scribbled E N G L I S H in a big red pen that made me , I wonder if they think we're anatomically different?

sar I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with job stress on top of all this. It's not such a good time in the public service in the UK is it? I wish people would wake up and realise how valuable the work is.

pout I also think the egg donation limit is silly. I guess it's all about getting a bit enough egg haul to make it worth sharing, but there are no guarantees at any age, and if your AFC and hormone levels are good at over 35 there is no reason why you shouldn't come up with a good number of eggs.

But your FET will work and you won't need to thnk about another cycle.

Madness Mr Euro has always been pretty dependable in that dept. Even when I was on Letrozole and we were doing "directed sh@gging" he had no ishoos. I guess everything coming together has been too much.

joy at least they are not making you wait too long for the appointments, although it would be helpful if they told you what they are for...

I know what you mean about pregnancy equalling mc. I've only had one but also those two weird chem preg/implantation failure incidents. If I ever get a BFP again I am going to be MENTAL.

I agree with sar that 13 IVF eggs can't be treated as a normal year's supply, because the ovaries are just not designed to produce more than one, maybe two in one go without having a month to replenish.

sar I'm sorry to hear about your added job stress - that's not what you could do with now.

I've tried preseed, btw. I might give it another go though. It's interesting what you say about the tubal hydrtherapy article and the treatment helping some unexplained folks. There is so much that we don't know about fertility.

Unfortunately my work trip cannot be put off to later in the year. It is a full group meeting (we are spread across three offices in two countries) so if I miss it, I miss it. I just have to hope my period is a day or two late so I don't lay an egg until I get back.

mrsd your comment about the English being anatomically different made me smile. It's helpful of your clinic to find you discounted drugs though. I've never bought the pens so I can't help re: price. It'll probably be completely different over there anyway! Your stabbing/scanning regime sounds close to what I would have had on my NHS cycle if I had got that far, from what I can remember.

gin how are you doing?

I think my mood is not helped by the fact that an old colleague who is at exactly the same level as me has just announced that he has got the only promotion that matters in our career. And in the announcement mentioned that it will happen just before his wife has #2. I didn't know she was pregnant.

May I join? I will look up all the technical terms and abbreviations. We started trying to conceive last March and my 12th period arrived yesterday, after we'd been soooo good about having sex last month. Sigh! Just waiting for my first fertility clinic appointment (GP first referred me 6 weeks ago... twiddling thumbs).

I guess the glass ceiling is still a reality in your field euro . How unfair and frustrating that he gets a promotion and a new baby. I feel your pain. One of our senior managers has returned from maternity leave this week and I keep thinking how unfair it is that she has a great job and a squishy baby. And no doubt an amazing house. I too get the property envy. One of my friends has married very well and has moved into an amazing house in Richmond, she keeps asking me to stay with her on my next London trip but I don't think I could cope with the jealousy. And she's pregnant and has been decorating a nursery that is deserving of the name nursery. Lots of photos on FB, grump.

Sar ? i hope today goes well. I agree about the microscopic things that go on. Apparently those hairs/follicles in our fallopian tubes that help push the egg/embryo down the tubes can be faulty and don?t do what they are suppose to efficiently . No one would ever be able to diagnose that but it could cause infertility. Ok I was told this by my old acupuncturist and I thought that was just another thing to worry about. I?m really sorry to hear you now have job fears. I had this last year and it wasn?t pleasant. I have to say so many people I know feel insecure in their work at the moment but I hope nothing comes of it.

MrsD ? i was completely ripped off with the GonalF pen and was charged £450 for a 450iu pen. This was for IUI. I gather you can pick them up in the UK for £100. I bet you get a steal. Injecting on day 3 sounds about right and a scan on day 4 is good as they should see movement by then. Are you just using GonalF to flare up? They should really give you a quick demo as to where to inject. It will only take them a minute. If in doubt, just find a video on youtube. It is surprising how normal injecting becomes. Having cried for several hours before injecting with IUI & thinking I would never ever be able to inject , I then worked out i had around 180 injections during IVF and about 80 blood tests and it all became habit!

Euro ? i would be almightily pissed off with someone getting a promotion and a baby. lack of baby just heightens everything else that goes on around you and it?s so easy to see the unfairness of it all . But your luck will change, it will, it will.