IVF, Adoption, keep trying? Even some breastfeeding in this one...

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

This is the post I wasn't going to post but crowd sourced is the way forward and Mumsnet knows best. I'd just like some views...

I am 40 (December 2012). Dd is 2.8 (May 2010 and conceived the old way). Dh is 36 - just to provide all relevant info

We have been trying for #2 since af returned in March 2011 so nearly 2 years. HOWEVER I was bf on demand up until March 2012 and nightweaned dd in September (she was fully weaned in December).

Have had infertility testing from very uninterested consultant. She says there's nothing wrong (me or him), it's probably the breastfeeding - hence the weaning. (prolactin was at 600?) But of course age could be the issue.

Have thought about adoption but agencies say we should wait a year or so otherwise the gap will be too close.

So the question is:

Do we keep trying naturally? For how long? Or do I blow non-existent money on expensive IVF at ARGC? Or do we do one then the other? And for how long how long how long? Is there anything else we should consider?

I cannot ask anyone I know as they are, almost to a woman, pregnant. And that would be too painful for me. Maybe stupid but there you are.

So Mumsnet WWYD?

Very tough one, but I can let you know what we've decided and that was to put a time limit on it. DH 41, me 40 have been ttc #1 for over 3 years now, unexplained. 1 failed nhs icsi at the end of last year. Self funding at argc now, initial consultation next week.

We decided that we'd give ourselves 2 maybe 3 (depending on what happens during our next icsi round) more rounds of ivf and then will look into adoption. We're hoping we can get the next 2/3 rounds in during this year and then if still unsuccessful move onto adoption next year. The thing is we've always wanted to adopt even if we had our own natural kids anyway, it's a shame you can't do both processes at the same time. Putting a time limit on it helps I think but only the 2 of you can decided what that is. Also ivf is emotionally very tough as is long term ttc, I guess you eventually come to a point where you say enough is enough. At this moment in time DH and I want to give ivf the best possible chance so that when we look back we have no regrets.

Considering your age, if you really can afford to I'd probably go for an initial consultation with argc for a second opinion and see what they say but still carry on trying naturally as a lot of the testing takes time anyway. Also i guess it depends on how desperate you are to have another natural child as then you could start to pursue adoption after a year, not sure if this is correct but do some local authorities stipulate that you should not have been trying for your own kids for 6 months maybe a year beforehand?? You'd probably need to check that. I could be talking rubbish though Not sure if that helps or not but good luck x

Thanks for sharing this Solars - not desperate for our 'own' children no - would like to be parents rather than be pregnant iyswim? It's a long term game this parenting lark innit? But we do need to wait until dd is old enough so a year seems about right.

I would be so interested if you were able to share anything about your initial appointment at ARGC but completely understand if that was none of my business not

Good luck to you

Hi Namechange, I don't mind updating you on our initial appointment, it's not until Thursday, will write back on here then.

Thanks Solars.

Would love more feedback.

Mumsnet are you there?

Have I posted in the wrong place or is it 'cos it's secondary infertility?

Hi namechange

I recently has a consultation for ICSI and I said to the consultant that I had only just stopped bfing DD. She didn't think it was a problem as my period had returned nearly 7 months ago, so I am ovulating normally.

If your periods have returned then you are fertile again, theoretically. Did you have your FSH tested and ovaries scanned?

Also, is your current partner your DD's father? If not then it would be worth getting his fertility checked, don't assume that he is ok because he is only 36. My DH was only 31 when we started ttc.

Yes dh is dd's father and he's been checked - motility good, count good.

The consultant said she'd ruled out everything else and it had to be the bfing. She bloody would though because IME there's virtually nothing the medical profession hates as much as mad hippy 'e' bf. Sorry - mini rant.

Anyway so yes have had a battery of tests - don't remember FSH particularly though, and been scanned through a cycle, also had the dye test thing. She said even when ovulation returns prolactin can impede conception. She wasn't very clear on how and she was obviously irritated by the conversation. Her attitude was 'You need to stop breastfeeding, stop now, what's the problem?' SO it wasn't overly satisfactory but I believed her - mainly because it could be couldn't it?