TTC#1 and hubby has performance anxieties!!!

[Bunnygirlie]

Anybody else going through this or had similar problems?!?

I'm not saying this is a particularly emotionally healthy way of dealing with it...but I'm about to start clomid and you're meant to dtd lots (like with usual ovulatory cycles), and I was thinking maybe I shouldn't tell DH that or even talk about fertile times/ovulation signs and just pretend I'm feeling really sexy a lot of the time?! Just thinking the less he knows and the less I talk about it (even though I'll be thinking about it loads), the less pressure he'll feel? Good luck, it's hard not to let ttc affect things

We've had issues in this area for a few years now but amazingly I'm just about to have my 3rd baby.The problem is ED which means it has often been difficult to "finish the job."When not pregnant sex had dwindled to not v often because it was just frustrating and disappointing for both of us..don't know if that is a problem with you?DC1 though was the result of a spontaneous spur of the moment shag,DC2 after a drunken night at a party(but I was using ovulation sticks and took advantage of the opportunity and I think the spontaneity worked wonders).DC3 was conceived with Viagra and ovulation sticks,a very much wanted 3rd baby but both of us knew frequent spontaneous shagging was never going to happen for us.Personally knowing when I was most likely to conceive worked for me and as the previous poster said,you don't have to tell DH,just act on it.But if all else fails then I am proof that Viagra can help.I was very lucky to actually get pregnant quickly when we set our minds to it but can see that it would have become v frustrating otherwise,so I wish you loads of luck.

I think not telling is the way forward. For this to work you have to get into the habit of shagging at least twice preferably three times a week all month long (except your period if you don't fancy it). Otherwise it will be obvious that you are jumping on him because you have just pissed on an ov stick which has smiled at you. If you get used to shagging loads it makes it easier when you need to have sex. Talking about ovulation and fertility signs is something of a turn off really. I would save that for in case you run into problems and need fertility treatment. In that sort of case, you need to both be on board with the details. If you are still in the first year of ttc then just accidentally find yourself half naked when he gets home on a regular basis. I would find being in the bath worked quite well in an "ooh look I accidentally got nekkid" kind of way.
If you need to talk about ttc, do it away from the fertile time of the month and on a day you are not expecting sex.

He did a bit a while ago but I just tried to ignore it as DH hates talking about sex and it only ever makes him worse. I did try 'not telling him' but I only found he's say 'not tonight love' etc, kinda not what you need when you need to bd at a certain time!

Thanks ladies, been trying for 9 months now so think pressure is just getting to him. After 7 years together our sex life had dwindled to every now and then I think that is half the problem, we are out of practice! Need to build it up to 3 times a week but that is going to be tricky as hubby's mind and/or body is not playing ball

What about also trying to spice things up at other times? Our baby making sex really isn't anything earth shattering but we still try to have fun at other times, i.e. weekend mornings tend to work for us. That way we still feel desired by each other and enjoy sex. We've been together for 6 years (which just reminded me that we both forgot our anniversary of when we met last week, ooops lol).

Yep weekend mornings are our usual time too but didn't happen this weekend