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Conception

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

TTC 10+ months Part 13

998 replies

buzzybee123 · 04/02/2013 11:56

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

OP posts:
MuddyWellyNelly · 14/02/2013 10:45

Fnar princess at being on her Grin.

We have been through this already gin. I will be last one. You have FET for a start!!

Eletheomel · 14/02/2013 12:46

Been lurking here since moving to the grads board last year, but just wanted to post to say a massive huge (and I mean enormous!) congratulations to Euro and Doll - you have totally made my day - it's just brilliant news - so so chuffed!

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 14/02/2013 12:57

Yay for the good news, again!! I am getting more tempted by the big guns now...

Thinking of you joy. Tomorrow is d-day, isn't it? Hugs, handhold and shortbread.

Nice to see all the oldies delurk for the double valentine's bfp. I would nearly be tempted to pee on something to give to SB (but it would have to be a real fiver, because I threw out all the out of date o- and p-sticks in a fit of spring cleaning).

rabbitonthemoon · 14/02/2013 17:09

princess thank you so much for that. It has been a really shit two years in the baby making dept and I tend to think I'm just broken. I am sure this is just a wacky cycle, I've had them before but it all feels so much more rubbish when I just want things to be Perfect. If calculations are right going on my iPhone app old data it will be a 6 week cycle and it does make me wonder what it is with me. I have not felt truly well for a sustained amount of time since the glandular fever either and it sucks that I'm having another flare. It's not bad enough to be off work, I just feel knackered and achy and it makes me feel I'm not physically up for the job of either ttc or ivf and I have put all these time constrains on myself which doesn't help. But thank you for your message as it really has lifted me today. I hope your ikea date went well, I am imagining doug as young and hot. Should this worry me?!

gin oh bugger about the cystitis. I am sure it won't have been the ivf but could it be that you've had a low level infection that has never properly budged maybe? It was a three week course and reading Angela kilmartins book that finally sorted me out, touching everything wooden I can see. It is a truly horrible, lowering and painful illness so I offer you lemon barley water and cranberry cookies and a hug. It will get better.p

sea the challenge hinges on if I'm doing treatment or not and if I'm well or not (see above). I so want to but I don't think I would if I was having ac, it just feels a bit hot? It also needs to be when I'm quiet at work, so Easter or summer. Did you double up some days? Eek!

joyce firm hand hold, you are in my thoughts.

Big old sloppy valentine loves to all 10 plussers. I am still situated in the tent as I just feel rubbish and trapped in a situation I don't want to be in. I don't feel well enough to conceive, or have treatment, I wonder if actually for the first time ever I'm a bit properly down or if it is just my hormones buggering about as I'm still bleeding. But my temp went down by an entire degree today amazingly so maybe whatever it is is going. I do wonder if to mention to the GP about my mood but I'm a bit paranoid that I can't really afford to have anything else on my medical records that might indicate mental health issues if I want to adopt in the future. Tricky. But, I am still working, smiling and just carrying on as I guess that is all we can do in the blips. I am off for a v nice tea tonight in a non valentine fashion. Madness I soooo want to know where you went.

ThatWayMadnessLies · 14/02/2013 17:16

Just popping in to say am still here and still Grin Grin for euro and doll. Only a few minutes spare though so will try to be concise.

rabbit and sea I have looked into this bikram challenge. It looks absolutely crazy!!! I like my pilates and circuit training but am no fan of sweating excessively (said by someone who turns puce and sweats copiously whenever exercising) so I don't think that would be for me. I can imagine that doing a class every day for a month would most definitely help me to zap the extra stone that I feel I'm carrying though. I know that I am not overweight (size 10) but officially 15lbs heavier than when I moved to Scotland and I am not happy about it. I have a month to shift it before ivf but the lure of snacks and expensive posh lunches full of butter and served with wine are not helping in that department. I keep swinging from wanting to feel better and healthier physically to wanting to treat myself to my favourite things to make me feel less sh*t about not being pregnant. Ah, TTC. How it messes with my head......

joy will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope that both you and Roy are holding up. You sound remarkably strong but I know that the way I come across on here is not what I am always like in rl ifyswim? Take care xx

Okay have barely mentioned anyone but have to dash. All of these positive results and visits from updiffed graduates is making me feel more optimistic about going for ivf soon. I am silencing the voice that says I'll be here last and I expect you to do the same gin and mrsd [stern emoticon]!

Waves to everyone else.

akuabadoll · 14/02/2013 17:21

rabbit I have no time now but wanted to come a give you a hug. I'm very sorry you are in this dip.

Poutintrout · 14/02/2013 17:38

Happy Valentines ladies

doll once again huge congratulations on your wonderful news.

joycep I will be thinking about you tomorrow

Sorry not to do a proper namecheck post and to just steam on with me, me, me but can I ask our IVF'ers a question? I just started with my first injection this morning but now it looks like MrP has a urinary tract infection, full on blood in the wee, stinging the works sigh He's going to the docs tomorrow but it seems like he will probably get antibiotics. Do you think that this cycle will be abandoned because of this trouble in the, well, trouser department? I so could fecking scream and obviously this all came to light after 5pm when everybody has gone home and left the clinic so I can't even phone and ask them today.

EuroShagmore · 14/02/2013 18:03

rabbit I'm sorry you have some crazy sh1t going on. I am sure you are not broken. This is just an odd blip. Your body has been through a huge amount in the past year.

pout well done on doing the first injection! I think all you can do for now is carry on with the jabbing for now, but I think you should speak to the clinic as soon as you can. I suspect they might want you to wait, because eggs don't freeze as well as embryos, so you would need his contribution to be in good shape to give you the best possible chance. It might depend on the type of antibiotics and how quickly they clear things up though. If you are on long protocol, you are probably around 4 weeks from EC? Most infections clear up within a week or so, so you might have enough time to turn things around before his swimmers are needed. So bascially, that waffled means I have no idea, but I wish I could help! Blush

joy I am thinking of you, lovely.

doll how are things going? I had a bit of a pain/spotting panic this morning, but it all seems to have calmed down now. I am hoping it was just burrowing, but I still have no symptoms at all.

akuabadoll · 14/02/2013 18:31

pout I agree with euro talk to the clinic, just like I didn't do when Ken was taking a thousand meds for his back this round My guess is you will be ok, a week or so should clear it completely giving you enough time. A semi-educated guess, at best. Sods bloody law though, right? If it makes you feel any better, my first round we both prepared fairly well for the IVF before the cycle, this time we both drank like fishes over Christmas, didn't take supplements and Ken was on meds for the cycle itself.

nelly I haven't told me doctor yet (it's a holiday here today and I can't be bothered to find him for something that can wait). I'll see if he wants me to do bloods tomorrow. I'm fine with doing it but feel no urgency at all. euro sorry about the spotting, most likely nothing at all but I'm sure that you could do without. Honestly I feel like a bus rolled over me and am muttering 'what have I done to myself'

GinSoaked · 14/02/2013 19:13

pout I agree with checking with the clinic. Dave had a flu/cold type thing last cycle and when I asked, they said he'd have to be so ill he's hospitalised to affect the sperms! Having said that, he did have his lowest count ever but it didn't matter with the icsi and I think it was more due to the lack of er refreshing wanking, before EC, as he was feeling too ill. Well done on the stabbing! Was it ok?

euro I'm sure a bit of spotting and pain is normal, esp if this is when af would have been due?

doll such strong symptoms already! Did you have 2 put back? whispers could this be twins?

joy I'm hoping you are ok and thinking of you lots at the mo.

Awww rabbits, if your hormones are all over the place, it could very well be affecting your mood. And if you do see the gp, I'm sure depression is v common amongst those who can't conceive and go on to adopt, and wouldn't effect it at all. Re feeling rubbish, could you be a bit anaemic, with all the bleeding? I am sure you are well enough to do ivf. I think ET gave me the cystitis, as I had to hold me wee for several hours and it started the day afterwards. As you say, I think it gave me an infection that never went away properly, which I killed with antibis and which has now come back, as I'm run down post flu. Bloody illnesses!

madness size 10, I wish! Your * lunch sound ace. Mmmm.

princess was the kitchen designer hot or just the date?!

Gotta dash. Vally Day luffs to all.

akuabadoll · 14/02/2013 19:26

gin what antibis were you given for the cystitis. Getting a different one bit do the trick and knock it on the head.
On twins, no it was one, as I only had one. My Doctor was not holding out much hope as he "likes to see 3 or 4 back in someone of my age" Can you imagine my mental now had than been the case? of course I have googled id twinning and IVF

joycep · 14/02/2013 19:39

Pout - we did the month worth of antibiotics just before ivf. Both ROy and I were ill when we started ivf. It takes 3 months for sperm to regenerate so in theory this infection (how typical) shouldn't affect his sample....well this is how i've always thought it worked but worth checking. What a nuisance. I guess it's best to check though...Now how was the first injection?

Euro - spotting is unsettling but very normal...it's not what you need.

Doll - it sounds like you have morning sickness already..whcih is agreat sign.

oh Gin not cystitis again. What on earth causes it? can you get a dose of antibiotics to clear it up? I'm really sorry , it's not what you need at all. Bloody horrible.

Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit - I feel despair on your behalf. You have had a horrendous time and now you are going through all this. Have you had a blood test to see if yuo still have glandular fever? I have to say when I had it, I went in to a very dark hole indeed - different to what I experience with ttc but i think it's the nature of the illness. It just is debilitating. And also whn the body doesn't play ball, like all this bleeding you are having, it's going to really mess with your hormones. Poor poor you. It does annoy me that we have to watch what we say to GPs because they might take our kids away or stop us from adopting. But if it gets bad , you should try and speak to someone but it probably is illness related. In the meantime, we are here to hand hold. Come and write down how you are feeling...offload - if it helps. Have you got some things to look forward to? Big squeeze.

Well today was scan day. The doc did say 'good news, there's your baby's heartbeat' and with a lot of searching, he found another heartbeat (in fact Roy saw it first) on the other twin but it was very weak and the size of the embryo wasn't as big. But and there is a massive 'but', we discussed my beta levels. He did say levels not rising properly can be a sign of chromosomal issues with the baby/ies but to let's just wait and see what today's results bring and let's see how things progress over the next week.

Anyway we walked out of the scan kind of shocked, Roy was almost in tears of happiness. He did tick me off for having been so negative and writing it off. But by mid pm, I decided to snap out of it and think positive. I think my attitude must have been dragging him down but I have found it incedibly hard to have faith in this pregnancy...purely because of those stupid little numbers. Anyway my thought was, there were 2 hb's, that is great. Now just think this is going to work.

However, this evening I was called by the clinic with the results of my beta. It has been 3 days since my last test and they still have barely moved up. The doctor on the phone said "this isn't good news". So I went back to my desk feeling like someone had kicked me. I just want to scream. I've done research and from what I can work out, people who have seen a hb but have a very slow rising hcg don't generally have a happy ending. It can indeed be a strong indicator that there are chromosomal/developmental issues. Now not every woman in the world can fall in to the same pattern so I"m just hoping that I'm an extraordinary case with slow developing babies. I really really want to have faith that this is going to happen but I am finding it impossible. I know all I can do is wait and hope for the best and I never ever imagined to see little heartbeats but it now scares me even more of losing them especially after seeing Roy sniffling whilst looking at the scan. Seriously someone knock me out and wake me up when the outcome has been decided!

EuroShagmore · 14/02/2013 19:53

Oh Joy, what an emotional rollercoaster of a day! It must have been amazing to see the heartbeats flickering away, but then the wrench of the slow-rising HCG. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. I'm here for a hand hold if you need it.

Gin I missed your post about the evil cystitis being back. I agree with getting more anitbiotics - they are the only thing that has ever shifted it for me and after my first bout ended up in an horrendously painful kidney infection, I don't take any chances.

doll Shock at 3 or 4! Blimey. I prefer the UK's more conservative approach to these things I think!

Poutintrout · 14/02/2013 20:09

joy I can't believe how you are still on this up and down see saw. You are such a lovely, lady and this is so horrible for you. I am thinking of you everyday. It goes without saying that if you need to talk I am here and can ping you over my telephone number if you need a RL chat day or night. Big hugs.

My stupid ishoo seems so pathetic in comparison but thank you ladies for your replies and advice. I will phone the clinic tomorrow morning.

princess big envy face at new kitchen designing Grin

rabbit lots of hugs for you. If you are bleeding lots and glandular feverish it's no wonder you are feeling depressed. Any luck with a GP appointment? How is your lovely bunny today?

gin and joy the injections are going okay-ish though I'm sure that pulling a whitey and retching into the loo for 5 minutes afterwards is pretty pathetic of me Smile

Well off to tend to MrP (he's never ill so he's finding it all a bit much bless him. I had to talk him out of getting a locum out for a house visit!).

buzzybee123 · 14/02/2013 21:11

just a quickie post from me,

joy sweetheart I am so sorry, waiting is hell, I am still hoping for a miracle for you, super big hugs

pout are you now downregging or stimming??

gin sorry about the UTI

rabbit I would n't worry about the 'mental health' stuff if anti depressants can help you now then talk to your GP it, you health and happiness now is what is important. I am still on my happy pills too lazy to go to GP

According to the friend who has adopted, they expect people to have issues and aslong as you show that you have recognised and dealt with the situation they will be happy.
I don't speak to my parents/family, take happy pills and have a husband in temp work and I still believe that I am good enough to adopt. No one is perfect. You just have to put a positive spin on it all. You also have to believe in yourself.

You and Hare both have good jobs, a home, supportive families/friends, interests and hobbies and so much to offer a child. That is what you need to focus on.

Well I got to see the delightful young Ricky again today and show him my bra Grin Barry went off and had coffee with some other woman Grin

I have decided no more ov sticks, I have better things I can spend my money on, I have also decided that I am very happy and contented with life as it is. I have filled that 'need' and now feel a total peace with it all, no more fighting the situation what will be will be :)

OP posts:
MuddyWellyNelly · 14/02/2013 21:41

Oh Joy. My heart just goes out to you. I don't really know what to say. I wasn't expecting you to say that there were heartbeats, so I guess in that respect today was good news, maybe? As of that moment, they were both still there, still fighting. But the HCG news must just be so horrendous. In ordinary circumstances I'd say "enjoy the moment, you are pregnant today" but with the worry about chromosomal issues hanging over you, I can see that might not be so easy. How on earth you aren't quivering in a corner I have no idea - you have my eternal respect. I wish you and Roy all the luck in world and hope this turns out to be the miracle we all want for you. Fingers so very tightly crossed.

Rabbit - you are not permanently broken. You are just in a blip. It will all sort itself out, fear not.

Euro and Doll I am still Grin for you both.

OK it's taken hours to type that, better post!

seaviewasia · 14/02/2013 22:56

Joy I read your post and I couldnt not write straightaway . I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine what you and Roy are going through. Life can be so unfair.
All I can say is please take good care of yourself, try to eat and sleep well. Go to Ana Maria for a session to try calm your mind and help you breathe. And know that everyone on here is cheering for you and the twins. I hope all the love and sheer no of people here that want this to work out for you will make it a good outcome. Extraordinary things can happen. If not, know that we will be here to support you. I was always told to expect good things but prepare for the worst. I don't know if that is any use. All I know is I'm hoping with all my heart this is going to work out well. Big hand squeeze and hug xx

akuabadoll · 15/02/2013 05:10

My thoughts are with you joy in these very difficult times. We all here to support you.

GinSoaked · 15/02/2013 08:49

Oh joy! 2 tiny heartbeats. Gawd I felt like crying when I read that, I can't imagine how you and Roy must feel. I so so hope this works out. There is still a chance right? I have no idea how you are managing with the constant anxiety. It must be tough trying to be realistic but not too pessimistic. I would b a wreck and wouldn't know how to manage it. What happens next? Is it just a waiting game? I kinda assumed that argc did the chromosome testing of the embryos before they put them back. As Pout has said, you are a lovely lady and totally deserve for this to work out x

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 15/02/2013 09:41

What a mixed bag of news joy. Massive HURRAH for the heart beats. Big sorry though for the hcg-numbers. Keeping stuff crossed for a mirable, but understand your concern.

Waves and tail feathers!

EuroShagmore · 15/02/2013 10:29

Thinking of you joy. In fact, I was thinking of you in the wee small hours this morning when something I had read when googling about low HCG levels (mine were right at the lower end of the range) came back to me - sometimes a HCG level falling or the rise slowing in a twin pregnancy could be the failure of one twin and the body adjusting from making HCG for a twin preg to a singleton preg. Maybe that could explain what is going on? I know that is not exactly ideal news, but it could be a possible explanation. I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but as it was on my mind I wanted to throw it out there. I hope that's ok.

You are being enormously strong, but don't feel that you have to be, iyswim. Take the day home and take yourself to bed and have a good cry to let it all out if that is what you feel you need. Don't feel that you must soldier on regardless if it is not doing you good.

pout what advice did you get from the clinic?

doll how are you doing?

gin are you feeling any better?

I am still struck by insomnia (awake at 4.45 this morning), although that does mean I am making rapid progress on my book... I weed on another stick this morning - the line was darker, so I am taking that to mean that my HCG levels are rising for now. I am still terrified though.

buzzybee123 · 15/02/2013 12:13

euro I too wondered about the twin thing, I had a bit of bleeding at the beginning of my second pregnancy, you'll be having your scan next week so when you see a heart beat you'll hopefully feel better about it all

joy still thinking of you

I'm at home after having the mother of all migraines :(

OP posts:
joycep · 15/02/2013 12:16

Ladies, you are the best and always full of lovely things to say. I do find your kindness overwhelming & people offering their phone numbers ? you are truly a wonderful bunch. I made a decision last night not to let this bother me (haha) and have booked in to acu (thanks Seaview for prompting me). No amount of worrying can change the outcome and Roy said last night he was still happy so will try and take a leaf out of his book. What will be will be and anxiety won?t be helping.

Gin ? the Argy don?t do the chromosome thing unless you pay and it costs from 2500 or something horrific. That?s PGD and Array CGH. I think i just have to sit tight. Next blood is on Monday and then i guess i would get another scan next week at about 7.5wks where they will reassess things. Their scans though are really crap and it seems the docs really struggle to see things properly ? i?m sure they have the cash to invest in a bit more high tech equipment. I?m wondering whether to call my consultant on the nhs to see if she would scan me ? the nhs scanners are much better. How are you feeling?

Seaview ? lovely message thank you.

Euro ?thank you , i have heard exactly that and thought that was what was happening about 10 days ago. So it was a quite a surprise to see a second heartbeat albeit weak but perhaps it is manipulating the hcg. I?ll take any explanation as hope! I?ve spent a lot of time looking at the misdiagnosedmisscariage website where people have had wacky figures, missing heartbeats, embryos the wrong size and so many people told it would end in m/c yet people do defy the odds. And you know plenty of people have low hcg levels to begin with and it can take time for them to take off so don?t worry if they say there were at the low end. Implantation could have been later. Some people?s levels just rise really slowly. So the record low for my clinic which resulted in someone having a baby was an hcg level of 8 at 15dpo. I am also waking up at 3/4am every single morning and not being able to get back to sleep. I wonder if it?s the steroids. It?s bloody annoying as i start falling asleep at my desk in the pm. It?s natural to be terrified. We have all been on this road for so long, we just are desperate for it to work out and be plain sailing.

Buzz ? am in awe of your attitude. If things go wrong with this pregnancy, i?m going to have to see some kind of coach and get a bit of what you are having.

Pout ? it?s not pathetic to pull a whitey after an injection. However, you?ll be surprised how quickly you?ll get used to it. you?ll be a competent junkie before you know it.

mrsden · 15/02/2013 13:19

joy I can't believe that you're having to cope with all this uncertainty. You are amazingly strong. I had a lump in my throat when I read about the two heartbeats. There must be a good chance if there is a heartbeat surely? I am hoping for two miracles for you.

pout I'm sorry that mrpout is ill. I hope he feels better soon (and it doesn't affect ivf, although I'm sure it won't.)

euro my friend said that she found it impossible to sleep in the first few weeks of her pregnancy. Perhaps it's a hormone thing.

rabbits I feel Sad about your little rabbit. I hope he's doing ok. I'm also sorry that you're feeling blue. Glandular fever is evil in the way it can keep coming back. Please do go to the GP, I know noting about adoption but I find it hard to believe that they get a GP to disclose all of your medical history. Or am I naive about this? I know you have to have a medical but isn't that to check you're not about to drop dead?

I think I need some space in the tent. I've been feeling a bit meh for the last few days. I don't know if it's ttc related or just a general fed up and feeling sorry for myself phase. Work is annoying me at the moment, I sometime day dream about being on maternity leave and then I remember that that is still a very distant prospect. It is still stupidly cold, and our boiler seems to have packed up. No hot water this morning has put me in a very bad mood. I hope DH has managed to sort it by the time I get home.

I had the post lap check up this morning at the fertility clinic. The stitches are out, hurrah. It's amazing how well the skin can heal itself. You can't see the wound where the drain was at all now, the tummy button wound is barely visible. The two on either side of pelvis are looking good. I still have a little bruising on the right but it's not too painful now. I think that's where she had to poke around to get to the cyst. Anyway, the ivf Dr is very happy with me. He did a scan, although abdominal not internal which makes a nice change, I was all ready to whip my trousers down. He said everything looks beautiful. He slipped in that my AMH is very good. I didn't even know I'd had that tested. I don't know if he means good for my age, good in relation to other women at the clinic but whatever it made me feel better. He said because it's good I don't need to worry too much about timescales, he said there is no rush. I will be on the short protocol because my AMH is good and also he said that I have a large number of follicles so I have a higher risk of ohss. We agreed that I'd start the cycle after this one which will mean going for a scan in the middle or end of march to check that there are no cysts, then I'd start on cd 1 or 2. I won't actually believe it until it happens though, because I was supposed to start before xmas. I feel like there will always be obstacles in my way. Positive mental attitude is needed. If you find one, can you send it my way please.

buzzy hope the migraine does one soon. They are the most dreadful things, totally debilitating.

buzzybee123 · 15/02/2013 15:01

rabbit you have remember that with adoption they want people who can handle situations, if you had a perfect life and never had any drama or trauma then they don't know how you will cope, so its actually best to have a past that demonstrates you can cope.

mrsd sorry you are in the tent too

joy I can pm you the website to my life coach

my head still hurts :(

OP posts: