Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

My lesbo crush is not at all shameful, Scarlett Johansson is gorgeous

My intro: I'm always evilgiraffe because I can't cope with change, but the BESHes call me draf. DH is HOTB (him on the bike). Both of us are thirty, and we are three years into TTC #1. We got a diagnosis of unexplained infertility last year and now at three years qualify for IVF on the NHS. However, I have a Mysterious Cyst and possibly an enlarged fallopian tube which I've been referred to the gynae for. That got discovered after going to GP because I've been having lengthy droids - it's now been seven months since I had a droid that lasted less than about twelve days. So all in all, a bit shit, but no actual attempt at drugs/AC to win a baybee as yet.

Morning. I'm sinky or some variation of. Currently I'm sat on my sofa after an epic fail at running (it's very cold you know), or, in fact, dressing today.

I'm 31. I have iron clad ovaries with many, many cysts. I'm one of those PCOSer. Which apparently is great because its the easiest infertility cause to treat... I'm on TTC 3 and a bit years. I've had ovarian drilling and clomid. I'm meant to be starting ov induction this month with injections, but have bottled it. I've just got a new great job and am a bit meh about TTC bollocks atm.

GHJ (ginger hairy jock) is the boy. He's fine. But a bit shell shocked to be told in dec that rather that his most recent SA shows 1% normal morphology. Apparently 4% would be totally normal, so not horrendous, but does mean I'll be getting icsi rather than plain ivf. I've been doing a lot of hair stroking, poor love.

*Bows respectfully to the BESHmasters

Lovely to meet you all, my sympathies for your uphill struggles and I hope you all get well and truly updiffed this instant.

Lemon i have brought the puffins. There they are on the picnic rug, scoffing all the fish paste, and pecking Timmy on the snout. Most recent lesbo crush was probably Emilia Fox. I feel no shame in that - she is hot even when cutting up dead people, which is most impressive.

Now i must concentrate on thinking up a good name for DH..
*munches on fruitcake, ponders, falls down secret smugglers tunnel

secret smugglers tunnel

fnarrr

I'm Jethro. 36. 3.2 years TTC. Just had first cycle of IVF. SSG ((spreadsheet geek) has a genetic chromosome issue & I have low AMH so unlikely to conceive naturally. Am currently 2WOOFling (2 weeks of obsessive fucking lunacy). Feel sick even thinking about a result so am distracting myself with Internet shopping & cake.

I'd forgotten about 2WOOFLing! What other BESHisms have we let slide? I feel we owe it to our ESHly sisters gone before us to keep these flames alive.

I'm Ariel, formerly Aries and the BESH call me Rie. 37, 38 in April . TTC for 3 years with not even the sniff of a diff. Have been on the List for a year now, after a diagnosis of Unexplained. MrA's swimmers are legion but a lot of them are swimming in circles. However even with the large proportion of them swimming in circles, that's sill far more than average swimming properly. I was dying to blame him, but clearly I am the Issue. Sigh. Was due to have started IUI in December, but it was cancelled on the day because of an ill consultant. Wanker. Then I was supposed to start again in the next few days, but they have again pulled the plug, saying they won't be offering any more treatment until I get allergy tested, as I had an allergic reaction to an Unknown Thing this week, and one last October. I am currently extremely mad about this, as they knew about this in the autumn and didn't say anything then. Currently going through parental hell with a dad who is slipping very quickly down some kind of dementia slippery slope, a needy (not blaming her for that) mother with no money, a pregannt sister and a pregnant SIL. My life is shit. Waaaaaaaah.

Sorry. I am usually more fun than this. I like to think so anyway

The BESH are lush. I have met some of my current best buds here over the last three years.

Oh yes, currently awaiting droid, to add insult to injury. I'd hoped for an ironidiffage this month. Have got to day 30 without even the hint of a tint, however have a grumbling womble and hurty boobs.

Day 30 Rie?

'lo. MIL is back in hospital with what looks like either a heart attack or blood clot on the lungs. HWCA is naturally distraught. I feel quite sick.

Day 30 out of how many normally?

And aries, even going through a very miserable and testing time, you are still one of the funniest posters I know!

WOOFling is brilliant, that had fallen out of use before i got here (about a million years ago).

And I vouch for all the other BESH being funny, luffly and bitter in roughly equal measures (although I'd suggest faif might get away with a bit more of the luffly than average).

And I'd like to remind the UNIVERSE that 2013 was supposed to be GOOD. Yea better send us some sticky wins soon, as the parental issues are all over the place. Meh. So sorry arie and twinkly about father and MIl respectively.

I am ready with some fish (dabs this time, also in RL :) ) to throw at menkulling types. But day 30 calls for peeing on a fiver. Clearly moll you've been using too expensive fake tests!

Don't eat the puffins timmy they're your new friends! Someone's got to eat the fishpaste

I second that norf (arie's remarkable funniness). And don't worry moll you seem more than funny enough (and they haven't thrown me out despite developing from a stiff upper lipped gentleman to a touchy-feely-in-touch with feelings half hippy as a direct result of my mc --and some counselling). Btw did I tell you lot I've been released into the community by the counsellor. She only suggested I come back for a bit of a top up if and when we go for IVF :) I am coping, apparently.

Oh and on ILs, apparently my BIL is going through a form of male PND, so we're a) actually seeing them and b) worried about the nephew :(

Complete failure on the old -- and ** there...

Twinks that's not good. It's happened before then?

She was in hospital last Friday with a DVT, and again on Sunday, but she seemed to be getting better. We're at home waiting to hear from HWCA's brother, no point in us dashing to hospital as we'll need to look after FIL tonight (the stress of MIL being ill has made his Alzheimers much more apparent, he'd wake up in the morning having no clue where she is.)

Rubbish twinkly and vv sad about FIL as well. Come on UNIVERSE give the BESH a break!

Yes, the universe is quite clearly Not Listening. We clearly need to swear more loudly at it.

Can't we do that Cosmic ordering stuff that Noel Edmonds does?

Sorry for ILs, Winks. Aren't they a worry? Keeping everything crossed for her xxxx

And I forbid anyone to look interested in my day 30. I have been here too many times before. And my womble is very achey:(

And your boobs, missy? Get your hand inside your liberty vest and give a squeeze report?

Sore. But normal sore.

Hmm.

I have eaten so much today that I am putting off having a shower now, as i can't face seeing my naked, massive stomach.