Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

Jump is shit

I liked the one about the orchestra....would make a great theme.

I've never read JC. I'm guessing, horses, posh girls and dirty boys called rupert.

Am I close?

The great thing about having an ebook is that I can now read this stuff on the train without people sniggering at me. I must see if they are available for download.

Sinky, you have it.

I might like it....

This may sound strange as a horsey-sort, but I've never read a Jilly Cooper book

O M Freakin' G. I have missed quite a day!
Amazing news Jethro - I am on a train by myself grinning like an idiot. Have a tinned sardine to celebrate, old chap!

Still got everything crossed for Euro and EmBarryO

I have read 1 and a half JC books so am no expert, but as I understand it, the essential ingredients are lovely hair, lots of innuendo, horses, stupid amounts of money and throbbing members and - this is the weird one- obsessing over people "smelling of good (or bad) digestion".

Another ancient BESH coming out of the woodwork to say CONGRATS on the win SunnyJeff and best of luck with that juicy embryo Euro!

I'm a bit nostalgic now... and all that. Gin all 'round!!! Here's to a maaoosive cluster diff!

First stab is DONE! AMNH did it for me, and I'm afraid I giggled all the way through.

Now I want to know who islegrin is. Is that you MsFC?

Well done Norf, you're a brave little soldier

In all my delighted excitement this morning I've realised I never actually posted my congratufuckinlations jeff, was too busy sniffing in Aldi car park. Not glue,just snotty tears.
Much hooray for Barry too- legs and bits crossed in a most unJC like fashion for you, euwannashagmore (my eshlet was also known as Barry in utero, though after Manilow,not white,so its a v lucky and prestigious name)
Best of Beshluck to all other stabbers and stickers-you all rock Big Time.
(I believe islegrin is so named as she lives on that there tropical island, garamond, and the grin refers to thefact that she lives on a tropical island,and we don't.) ps brill news about your dad xxx

(yes I did)

Hurrah for the first stab being over, Norfy. Well done.

It's great news about your dad Rie. And I am very envious of your business. It definitely beats sitting in an office all day.

Thanks again for all your kind wishes. I'm farty bloated and uncomfortable this evening. I want a hot water bottle, but apparently that is a bad idea.

I liked Jump Alpy. I did! I liked it because it talked about where I live, innit?

Pleased to hear about your dad rie

Well done euro, have a lovely weekend, hope you feel better soon and fingers crossed for EmBarryO.

Where have all the old skool ESH come from, by the way? Is there a secret ESH win Bat signal somewhere?

madameboo I am about halfway through and I am sooooo bored of the lead character, what a drip. She needs a make-over and a damned good shag. All those alleged "friends" and not one of them has the gumption to say "your life is shit". Meh.

I believe islegrin is who was previously known as "HawaiianCuntShine* - although she could be a dirty faker.

Good luck Bazzer!

Old skool ESH do indeed have a group in t'other place bat signal. Luffly to see you all coming out the woodwork to celebrate jeffer's different ex-hags! :)

jeff how you doing? Pee on more fivers this morning?!

Well I've finally met the MIL! Very surreal experience. She is Quite Something. On her best behaviour of course but...it's hard to describe. Reading between the lines I suspect she has MH ishoos (very hard done by, all her problems are because of other people, world revolves around her, all or nothing) but I can't deny she's excited about our baybee and I can't deny her the chance to be involved if she can behave. Her H (MSB's parents are divorced) is a knob is not the most enigmatic of chaps. Happily his cousin and wife, aunt, uncle and other cousin are all luffly :)

I'm glad the family meeting went ok. Although I do see a future for you in which AIBU threads entitled "WIBU or was my MIL?" will feature heavily.

I'm loving the idea of an ESH bat signal. What shape would it take? A gin bottle, perhaps?

Well done Faith, hope it all continues to go well.

Scan is at 11.30 this morning so keep those follicle growing thoughts coming my way

euro Tis a good job she is 4 hours drive away and works full time! We have agreed the minute she starts misbehaving/playing up we will pull back but while she is trying we have to give her a chance. She was over familiar with the bump which I really dislike. Only MSB and my sister really have permission to fondle the bump!

Grow little follies, grow! Sending big vibes to you Frank,

Yes the ESH bat signal is the MN symbol on a bottle of gin :)

Your MIL who you just met fondled your bump? Yuck! I am very grateful that such a scenario would never present itself here. She finds it impossible to hug her own child - MrA - let alone touch anything else.

Blimey, HawaiianCuntshine!!!!!@@@1!1! She is such ancient BESH she predates even me. How lovely to pop in!

I'm chucking my nekkid be-tassled dancing into the pot too for another long awaited BESH win

Have these gin soaked twirls (and some potted meat sandwiches, ginger beer and a packet of chocolate from the picnic basket packed by cook. Most excellent thread Rie)

Shudder! You were very restrained not to clobber her, fifi. Or smother her with your mega buzzwams.

Yup groped twice and we were only there an hour. Fortunately Pickle was asleep because she has also said she wants to feel baybee kick We are trying to avoid seeing much of her! Over familiar much? But I think she feels like she knows me has been stalking me on FB and even shared a pic I posted Yikes.

Truffers! We are indeed honoured :)