Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

I had a witty and hilarious idea the other day. Obviously I've forgotten it now. Because I'm a girl. Julian would never forget.

Aunt Fanny is back from being spread very wide indeed. Surely "Stirrups" and "Speculum" must be two of the most terrifying words in the English language? KFZK came in. I'm sure he'll be fine, after some counselling.

Barry is on board. He was a grade one (KFZK's chest puffed up when they told us that and he was very proud of us getting a First). Only 2 cell (they expect 2-6 at this stage). I have a picture (v odd). Come on bazza!

ET was fine. A lot less traumatic than EC. I had a nightmare getting there though. Just as I was leaving Waterloo they cancelled all trains due to someone being hit by a train. ARGH! (I mean, awful for whoever it was, but ARGH!) So a £45 cab ride later, over every pot hole and speed bump in South London, I made it to the clinic only about 10 mins late. To find out they were running an hour late. I was going a bit cross-eyed with the full bladder by the time they finally got to me. Frankly, I doubt even seeing a BFP one day could trump the pleasure of my post-ET wee.

You should wear a badge now saying Barry On Board.

Well done

Sozzles, Rie. I didn't mean to scare you. I distracted myself by laughing at KFZK's silly theatre hat. Cos let's face it, in those circumstances there was no way he was going to take the p1ss back!

The Barry thing is quite amusing because although we have never been able to agree on a girl's name, within about 2 mins of discussing it, we had a boy's name, and one of the short forms of it is Barry.

Bugs - get stitching on your new line of "Barry On Board" stock

Sunny! 1!1!1!!!!!!!1!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations lovely, pliz to enjoy this nekkid dance. Sorry about the hairy legs/ hoo ha

What? Who is this new interloper?

Right now, in the style of the annoyingly diffed, should I put a picture of Barry being shot out of the end of a catheter into my womble on Facebook? (It looks a bit like the photocopier went wrong and smudgy.)

(FAOD, in case anyone is in a bad mood, this is a joke.)

I have to say, with all our nicknames for each other we do sound like a bunch of public school kids, or something out of Jeeves and Wooster

I know a woman known as "Podge". She's actually a Victoria but no one calls her that

Podge? Wasn't she one of Rupert Cambell Black's grooms? He shagged her in the meadow.

OH! Let's have a Jilly Cooper fred.

Oh I want to be on the Jilly Cooper fred.

I would have been Taggie.

Jilly Cooper could be fun. And would give me a good excuse to reread that trash when we are on the post-trasfer sechs ban

I wonder if 100 years from now people will study Jilly for A-level?

My dad is home from hospital!

And my allergy appointment has come through for next week! though this could be a mixed blessing if they find out I am allergic to baybees or something. That was quick, wasn't it?

Massive congratulations to Jezzer - well done sweetheart!

Who me arial? it is me, bitey. as previously mentioned up thread and someone's not paying attention

Or are you talking to someone else? in which case sorry and all that

If I was on a Jilly fred I would be Janey Lloyd Foxe- she has all kinds of fun

Well I'm going to call you Bitey still

Unless you are scared you have been outed?

I want to be Amber Lloyd Foxe.

Which would make you my mum. Bit weird.

OK Tabitha then. which would make Rupert my dad. Even weirder.

Fuckit, I don't know! How about Appasionata, the violinist?

Oh rie i was not aware of FC craptitude. Is a proper head fuck, sorry for not being around more for support and shizz. It's lovely to pop back in and see the thread is still going strong though.

If I was on a JC thread I would be one of the teenagers sporting black eyeliner and stripy tights whilst acting like I was in a Blur song. Really, I would.

How do you actually remember anyones names except for Rupert? Its been 20 years since I read them! Perhaps shpild remedy that

I haven't read Polo or Rivals which apparently makes me a JC outcast.

Why would you have been aware of the FC craptitude? I don't gas about it on FB! But fanks anyway.

many congratulations Jeff! ! Been lurking sometimes and was crossing things for you!
Hi everyone else go Barry! !

No just fancied a change, you may call me whatever you like!

I have hair envy over Amber Lloyd Foxe's glossy mane

rocket JC abandoned all that Apassionata crap and has gone back to nags. I'm currently reading Jump. Which I bought before Pickle was born a year ago. :( JC is great reading for mums. Each chapter is approximately 6 pages long, uncomplicated and everyone knows who Rupert is - the remaining characters are interchangeable.