TTC number 1 - Hubby can't cope with the stress/pressure :-(

[Bunnygirlie]

Hey ladies.

We've been trying 7 months now with no luck, I think our problem is DTD lots at the right time of the month. After 7 years together we're not exactly at the at it like rabbits stage anymore and don't exactly do it very often normally.
Hubby is feeling the pressure and being affected by it if you know what I mean, I'm trying not to put pressure on but when you need to DTD at the right time of the month it can be difficult and I don't know what to do. When it doesn't happen he gets annoyed with himself and then i get upset

Anybody else in the same boat? Have any advice?

Hi sorry you're having a difficult time. Is it possible to not tell your DH when you're ovulating? Instead try to initiate sex regularly through the month especially, but not exclusively, when you know it's the best time.

Been there . I definitely agree with bourbons. I stopped telling DH when I was fertile and went with a regular approach to DTD. Ideally you should have sex three times a week, every week. That's more than we'd previously have done it! enough to increase the liklihood of hitting the right time. Fwiw according to my dates I conceived pretty early on in my cycle compared to when I saw what I assumed were my fertile signs so I definitely stand by the advice to start having sex as soon as AF leaves.

Try to take the pressure off the sexual scenarios. One thing that really helped us was massage. We got sensuous oils and would do back rubs. It provides skin to skin contact that can be stimulating. We had a proviso that massage did not automatically mean sex but it often lead to us dtd. Definitely worth a try. Another option is to see if he would JIAP jip in a pot that you can then add sperm friendly lube and insert using a syringe. Not as romantic but functional. They reckon liklihood of conception is increased if the woman orgasms so I would suggest you ask for a treat afterwards!

You're not alone bunny and neither is your DH. My DP suffered performance anxiety a few months into TTC. I started changing our "routine" with a few new bras, a silly little skirt or two and a bit of "bad language" in the bedroom. We always make sure I'm "happy" so I suppose the focus is on enjoyment and if there's any pressure it's to satisfy me not make a baby. I don't mention fertile times and have managed to dtd at least every 2-3 days since. Still TTC 15 months in but at least we're enjoying it

Echo what has been said above. I have tried to keep all the "technical" aspects away from DP (OPK's, Ovulating,Temping, Sperm friendly Lube, HPT's etc) and so far he is just aware that we are having a lot of sex (which he is enjoying ) we talk about wanting to conceive but not in relation to the having sex bit (if that makes sense).

I have managed to get quite a lot of underwear out of it too....DP has enjoyed shopping for it so maybe that might work too? Ask your DP what he would like to do or try? They are sensitive souls aren't they? Us womenfolk are clearly made of hardier stuff.....

Good luck bunnygirl

Thanks ladies.

December was a failure for us I think because hubby was getting the lurghy I'd just had so hopefully it's just this lurghy clinging on and we'll have better month this month

All good advice. I've been in your situation too. I'd definitely keep quiet about the technical stuff, and just try to dtd 2-3x a week. If you know when you ovulate, don't tell him! Keep shagging until at least 3 days after you think you ovulate, and ideally until AF arrives. It puts him off the scent, will make him feel less "used" (stopping shagging after ovulation may make him feel you are only after him for his sperm, which might well be the case but it can't feel nice for him), and I think it improves your chances. I got BFP twice after doing it later in the month.

Definitely spice it up. I'm sure our youngest was conceived on the stairs . I would definitely try to approach it as a chance to explore stuff you've thought of and not tried, believe me there's much less time for that once you have a baby!