TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Hi ladies.

Viv - argh, sorry about that person on the other thread. We have all been there with jealousy but please don't let her story get to you. Don't go on that thread no more i say.

Gin - what a lovely MiL you have and so nice for you tos peak to her and how great she will lend you more cash. Fab! I think you should definitely go ahead with a FET as soon as you're ready. Exciting stuff.

Buzz - what wise words to Viv. You should be this thread's life coach! Everything you say makes so much sense.

Lemon - when do you find out whether this IUI cycle worked??

Mrsd - your post was very eloquent and i feel very much the same way. I'm trying to see ivf as something we have to do. I don't want to place any hope on it whatsoever...which is hard of course.

Art - time must be moving slowly for you but pleased you have another scan next week which will make it so much more real. When are you passed over to the nhs or is this nhs?

Well touch wood i think i have got rid of this lurgy. CD1 yesterday so I went in for my blood tests. Call last night said i had to come back in for more bloods today as things weren't right. Typical, the month I want to start ivf. Cue me panicking that my fsh was over 10 - they don't do ivf until under 10. Went back in at 8.30am this morning for more bloods. Went up for scan and they have discovered a cyst. I've never had a cyst before so that's typical too. It was my progesterone levels which were too high apparently not my fsh. But high progesterone can affect fsh. Why do i have high progesterone after period has come and on a 10 day LP...something going on there. Might explain why my boobs started hurting the day before af came.

Anyway was told to wait around to be told my next instructions. Wasn't bargaining on waiting 6 hours. Anyway, have been told I've got to go in for a hysteroscopy and cyst drainage tomorrow morning under deep sedation.
I don't even know if i'm starting ivf this month - i will find out tomorrow but i guess they don't want to flare me up when i have a cyst. I hope today's bloods showed my progesterone has gone down, i forgot to ask.

I walked out of the clinic crying. I think i'm just getting so worried and anxious about every blood test result - i haven't even bloody started yet!

Gin - Me 34, Dave 33. TTC 2.5 years. Crap sperms - v. low count, poor morphology and motility. 2 rounds of mild ivf with icsi at Create in April and Nov, bfns. The last cycle we managed to get a spare embryo to blastocyst, which is now frozen. Planning to do a FET in the next few months and when if that fails, iui with donor sperm. If that doesn't work, adoption or baby stealing!

madness - Me 34, MrM 37. Ttc 2.5 years. tests started after one year. suspected endometriosis. lap scheduled but acute fallopian abscess developed before getting to top of list and emergency surgery last xmas. many appointments and tests prior to second lap 2 weeks ago today. stage IV endo diagnosed and left tube removed. on decapeptyl to shut down ovaries until ivf hopefully in the next 3-4 months.

mrsden - TTC 30 months. Me 31, DH 32. Started investigations after 11 months and no hint of a BFP. Discovered that DH has very low count and poor morphology. I was told I have pcos. This didn't surprise me because I knew from temping that I didn't ovulate every single month. We were told ICSI was our best hope but were advised to have genetics tests before to rule out any genetic reason for the low count. The tests took months to come back, but thankfully were all clear. We were supposed to start ivf this month but the scan at the clinic revealed I have fluid in my right tube. This DR said that the first gynae probably mistook the damaged tube for cysts because it looks like pockets of fluid. I now need to have a lap, and probably the removal of the tube before I can start ivf. Hoping lap will take place in January.

lemon and SB, both 33, unexplained, TTC since summer 2010, now 11dpIUI for 5th IUI, 4th IUI+SO worked, BFP in August, MC in Sept, couple of months off AC after, just started again in Dec.

Euro: 36, Mr Euro: 37. TTC 27 cycles (two year anniversary on NYE, let's hope I'm drunk for it). We're officially unexplained although our own investigations have shown high NK cells and two "hidden" infections. We've tried 3 x superovulation (Letrozole) 2 x unmedicated IUI and half an IVF cycle (stopped because I couldn't hack the downregging drugs - they gave me depression and anxiety). I've also tried 6 months of steroids to try to deal with the NK cells. We're trying natural IVF at Create next cycle.

rabbit - On paper we are unexplained, like a Miss Marple itv effort. But actually, my fsh is borderline, DH (hare) has morphology that fluctuates between 3-7%, I just turned 36 and had a right hoo ha with a supposed fibroid this year that vanished and my womb is retroverted. Added up like a sum I'd say we are probably reproductively challenged. Ttc for 2 years minus many months of ops and procedures and post op recovery. The longer I go on at this the longer and more tedious the story gets!

viv - 41 yrs, ttc one year, mmc in March, 3rd Clomid cycle.

joy - me 33, Roy 31, ttc 33 months that's like 40 cycles in my short cycle land. Bfp 2nd month of ttc. M/C 7wks - july 2010. Tried clomid. 2 x iui. hsg fine. lap/hysteo & another hsg - fine. AMH dropped from 17 to 3 in 18 months. All other bloods fine. Hidden C and some bacterial thing found - 1 month of antibiotics. Roy - sperm and sperm frag all fine. Chicago blood tests - elevated NK cells. Now on ivf roller coaster. Will be a flare protocol due to low ovarian reserve. Cyst found. Another hysteo and cyst aspiration now.

bloody hell joy but they are at least cracking on with things, impressed they are doing this all on a Sunday no reason why they shouldn't. Sorry you left in tears, but best they discover these things before you start IVF, interesting that your AMH dropped, I might get mine retested after I have done my 3 months on DHEA. Is this clinic doing your NK cells too??

Oh joy, I'd be stressed too! You've had a hell of a time with it already, but much better that they get the cyst now, rather than it mucking up your ivf. Do cysts secrete progesterone? I think they give out some hormone, so that may explain the high levels? During my ivf, they thought one of the follicles may have turned into a cyst, as it was huge and slightly cloudy. Dr doom and gloom made a big fuss, but then when I asked what difference it'd make, he said none and that they'd aspirate it in the EC anyway. Personally I think it was the follie I'd have ov'd from naturally that month but turned into a cyst as the antagonist wouldn't let it pop.

Your clinic sound super thorough and I'm beginning to see how they get their excellent results. I'm holding your hand tightly and will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Gin - Me 34, Dave 33. TTC 2.5 years. Crap sperms - v. low count, poor morphology and motility. 2 rounds of mild ivf with icsi at Create in April and Nov, bfns. The last cycle we managed to get a spare embryo to blastocyst, which is now frozen. Planning to do a FET in the next few months and when if that fails, iui with donor sperm. If that doesn't work, adoption or baby stealing!

madness - Me 34, MrM 37. Ttc 2.5 years. tests started after one year. suspected endometriosis. lap scheduled but acute fallopian abscess developed before getting to top of list and emergency surgery last xmas. many appointments and tests prior to second lap 2 weeks ago today. stage IV endo diagnosed and left tube removed. on decapeptyl to shut down ovaries until ivf hopefully in the next 3-4 months.

mrsden - TTC 30 months. Me 31, DH 32. Started investigations after 11 months and no hint of a BFP. Discovered that DH has very low count and poor morphology. I was told I have pcos. This didn't surprise me because I knew from temping that I didn't ovulate every single month. We were told ICSI was our best hope but were advised to have genetics tests before to rule out any genetic reason for the low count. The tests took months to come back, but thankfully were all clear. We were supposed to start ivf this month but the scan at the clinic revealed I have fluid in my right tube. This DR said that the first gynae probably mistook the damaged tube for cysts because it looks like pockets of fluid. I now need to have a lap, and probably the removal of the tube before I can start ivf. Hoping lap will take place in January.

lemon and SB, both 33, unexplained, TTC since summer 2010, now 11dpIUI for 5th IUI, 4th IUI+SO worked, BFP in August, MC in Sept, couple of months off AC after, just started again in Dec.

Euro: 36, Mr Euro: 37. TTC 27 cycles (two year anniversary on NYE, let's hope I'm drunk for it). We're officially unexplained although our own investigations have shown high NK cells and two "hidden" infections. We've tried 3 x superovulation (Letrozole) 2 x unmedicated IUI and half an IVF cycle (stopped because I couldn't hack the downregging drugs - they gave me depression and anxiety). I've also tried 6 months of steroids to try to deal with the NK cells. We're trying natural IVF at Create next cycle.

rabbit - On paper we are unexplained, like a Miss Marple itv effort. But actually, my fsh is borderline, DH (hare) has morphology that fluctuates between 3-7%, I just turned 36 and had a right hoo ha with a supposed fibroid this year that vanished and my womb is retroverted. Added up like a sum I'd say we are probably reproductively challenged. Ttc for 2 years minus many months of ops and procedures and post op recovery. The longer I go on at this the longer and more tedious the story gets!

viv - 41 yrs, ttc one year, mmc in March, 3rd Clomid cycle.

joy - me 33, Roy 31, ttc 33 months that's like 40 cycles in my short cycle land. Bfp 2nd month of ttc. M/C 7wks - july 2010. Tried clomid. 2 x iui. hsg fine. lap/hysteo & another hsg - fine. AMH dropped from 17 to 3 in 18 months. All other bloods fine. Hidden C and some bacterial thing found - 1 month of antibiotics. Roy - sperm and sperm frag all fine. Chicago blood tests - elevated NK cells. Now on ivf roller coaster. Will be a flare protocol due to low ovarian reserve. Cyst found. Another hysteo and cyst aspiration now.

buzzy - me 39 but not for long and Barry 39, TTC for 20 months, mmc @6 weeks in June 2010, mmc @10 weeks in October 2010. Diagnosed with high nk cells. 5 x super ovulation and 1 x with IUI. Have been on a cocktail of drugs, progesterone, prednisolone, hydroxychoroquine, progynova, umpteen vitamins, acupuncture. Low AMH 1.1 considering IVF/IVM with my own eggs, moving onto overseas DE and then adoption. I know I'll get my baby

Blimey joy. We don't like to be straightforward do we? Would the cyst cause high progesterone? Didn't you have a scan recently? Can a cyst form that quickly? At least they're sorting it out straight away, better that than ploughing on and it causing a problem down the line. It must be really common, I'm sure all women get cysts from time to time. Good luck for tomorrow, I'm impressed they work on Sundays, they must want to crack on this cycle?

Viv, ignore that thread. Hide it. Sometimes I torture myself h reading all the oh no I'm pregnant and don't want to be threads, it's like picking a scab.

I'm feeling all happy today, it's definitely because I'm in the positive bit of my cycle when everything looks rosy. I just want to get on with things. Gin - my patience isn't through choice! You sound like you've got a good plan. How does mr gin feel about donor sperm? I haven't brought it up with mr den yet, I'm not sure if I'm keen because I want his child but that might change when ivf fails. Your mil sounds lovely.

buzz - It would be really interesting to know if your amh goes up after dhea. DrG wanted me to go on to that but i thought I would wait until i see what happens with ivf. Yes the clinic will treat the nk cells alongside the ivf.

Gin - i don't know whether cysts secrete progesterone. It's just a small one but i don't think it was there when i had my lap, i think they would have spotted it. Oh so they aspirated your cyst did they? it's not very nice thinking cysts are forming but it must be quite common when stimming. I'm very lucky to be going to this clinic and i hope it gives us a good chance if we ever actually get started there. Financially stressful but we have been saving for years as i predicted this day would come. They are quite strict about hormone levels so that does make me think that's why their results are better than other places. We can only try though. thanks for the hand hold. I'm pretty surprised they are doing it on a Sunday i must say.

When you say strict about hormone levels joy, do you mean they refuse to treat some women who don't have the right profile?

Thanks for doing the round up, we have a real mix of sorry stories don't we. But we havent lost our sense of humour. I'm so pleased to know you all, one of the positives to come out of this. It's so nice to see you on fb too. Such lovely women, and not one of us with two heads and barren stamped on us.

I've been on the mulled wine today! Please feel free to ignore. Y incoherent rumblings.

mrsd If we had 2 heads then we'd be Tasmanian Enjoy the mulled wine and have a glass for me :) If you did use DS it might not biologically mr dens baby but he would still love and care for it and be a great dad and the babys DNA won't matter as you'll have the baby you both want.

joy I was going to ask who you were with, do you mind telling me which clinic you are with PM if you like. My GP gave me the impression fobbed me off by saying they don't do much about cysts as alot of them come and go on their own
I'll try and find somewhere cheaper to test my AMH, its more for curiosity than anything else, DHEA makes my face look like a greasy teenagers though. But hell if its works. . . What time are you going in tomorrow??

mrsd - not sure how quickly cysts grow but quickly i presume. I'm pleased you are feeling positive. I know what you mean about wanting to get cracking now and you will be very soon. My head is fully there now. it wasn't a few months ago but I feel ready (albeit nervous and anxious) for ivf. Seeing what's happened to a lot of people on this thread, I feel there will be many curve balls and difficulties thrown in for good measure which obviously you can't prepare for. I cried when i left the clinic but by the end of the road, i had told myself to pull myself together. Doing something is easier than the waiting around year after year hoping for a surprise bfp.

Oh the clinic mrsd is strict about fsh and now i realise progesterone as well. So they will delay starting cycles for women if their fsh is over 10 for example. I get their point, if fsh fluctuates, it's best to do it when hormones are looking good. However, the argument is, this manipulates the figures and makes their figs look better than other places who take on people with difficult hormones. But there are some clinics who will just let anyone cycle, and do cycle after cycle and i'm sure some of those women will get a bfp but what percentage i wonder? I will still want to do ivf though even if my hormones are out of whack. Women just want to give it a go at least.

And we have a real mix of stories on here and you girls have been a lifesaver over the last few years. Very annoyed I'm not on FB anymore , would love to see what you all get up to in your spare time...but I can't face ever going back on there. i prefer living in la la land where i am unawares about old friends and old house mates having babies now. I'm on LinkedIn though if that's of any use!

Buzz - the clinic is the argc. You see i don't know how many clinics would actually say a small cyst needs aspiration before ivf. My cynical side wonders if it's necessary but Roy and I are literally putting our faith and trust in them...everyone who goes there has to have a hysteo anyway because they say that it helps implantation.
uum dhea to grease up the face sounds good for me. My skin is so dry , it is like sandpaper! I'm in at 7.30am tomorrow.

You have to put your trust in the clinic, they want it to work for you. Do you have to pay extra for tomorrow's procedure then? I'm happy that our insurance will pay for my lap even though I'm have g it at a private clinic. The cost of ivf is eye watering and I'm angry that we have to pay for it. I don't know why it's not considered a medical procedure. Although, having said that we only have to pay half for up to three cycles so I shouldn't complain. It's a bargain of it works but if not it will feel like money down the drain.

I didn't realise Fsh fluctuated month to month. I've had mine tested twice and it was 7 the first time, 8 the second. I'd assumed it was a sign it was getting g worse. What is the flare protocol? How is it different to short?

Buzzy, I've had a mug for you. We spent most of the afternoon camped out in the market with friends. Was a lovely way to spend the day. Lots of wine and I also had a waffle and two crepes. Sod the no sugar pre ivf thing.

Sandpaper skin sounds like no fun joy, have you tried rose oil? I've been using it and it is very good, leaves my skin much softer. Although, the Xmas diet of chocolate has not been good for my skin and I've had a bit of a break out on my chin. I have one that is worthy of its own passport.

I'd like to thank all of you who have been kind enough to respond to my meltdown yesterday, especially as I am new here and really shouldn't be bringing this kind of baggage to your thread. Artemis, I read your post three times to really soak up the simple truths within it - things I was already aware of, somewhere deep beneath the fog of yearning, which I really needed to hear. Thank you. You certainly were not being patronising when you spoke of appreciating what is great in our lives. I have learned very richly the true meaning of gratitude in the past two years of sobriety and this is why I am pained by my yearning for a baby. I am lucky to be alive after alcoholism almost claimed me on two occasions and ravaged me for five years. I lost everything: my family, friends, car, job, home and (abusive) boyfriend. I was homeless for two months and spent many weeks in and out of hospital with liver failure, gastritis, suicide attempts and bleeding of the oesophagus.

I remember begging the nurses not to chuck me out of hospital when I was well as I had nowhere to sleep that night. Luckily for me, because I was known to the police via their domestic violence team I was offered a place at a women's refuge at a secret address. The joy of staring up at a ceiling whilst sleeping in a real bed is one I shall never forget. I was kicked out of the refuge after three months when I couldn't hide my alcoholism from them any longer. I was back on the streets for a short while until a further admission to hospital saw me being admitted to rehab as an emergency (I had been on the waiting list for over a year). I was in rehab for nine months and emerged a brand new person in June 2010. I had met and fallen in love with Michael (my DP) whilst in there are and we now live together. I cannot believe the grace I have been shown in finding him and being loved so massively.

We are a strong team - we pull together constantly and need no reminders of what lies ahead if we stray from the path - and I am truly blessed we found each other. I am telling you all this not for the shock value or to elicit sympathy; I am trying to explain why I feel tormented by this ttc journey when I know where real joy lies - and it's not the gift of a baby. Not for me, anyway. Real joy has already befallen me in that I have been given a second chance at life. I have well and truly been saved.

So why do I feel tormented, empty and unfulfilled?

joy that sounds like a pretty hardcore day! Are you feeling ok now?

I picked up some facial oil from Holland & Barrett, which I am using every other night (before hair wash day) under my night cream. My face does seem to be withstanding winter quite well, so that might be worth a go?

mrsd that sounds like an absolutely lovely afternoon.

Welcome back to wifi land Gin. I hope the funeral wasn't too hard.

joy Thanks for the info, I've just looked up ARGC, what are they like to deal with??, I do find Create a bit disorganised, the prices are similar, interesting though is that they both claim to have the best success rate Barry has said he has been looking stuff up and now has a list of questions

I have the rose oil, but I am constantly spotty and put it down to the DHEA

I hope you don't think I am on here merely to whine and that I don't read your posts - I do - and I have huge respect for all you Boudiccan warriors

The Assisted Conception thread absolutely worship the ARGC. I would feel incredibly fortunate to have those geniuses holding my dreams in their hands

viv no everyone has there crap days and that is what the thread is for, to vent how you feel

Yep, Viv, feel free to vent. We all do from time to time. It sounds like you have been through an awful lot to get to where you are now. You are clearly a very strong person and that strength will see you through this too.

ARGC does have amazing success rates, although I do wonder (like joy) how much their picking of patients influences this. Create kept stressing on the open day that they do not pick and choose their patients and their success rates are not as good as others. For me, the journey is important (as well as the end result) so the approach at Create suits me. I think. We'll see in a few weeks how I actually find cycling there.

Blimey. Very interesting to see how success rates can be skewed when a robust selection process is in place. Hmm...[strokes chin]

Euro, I am often referred to as 'strong' yet I do not see myself like that. I still think I was horribly weak-minded to have succumbed to addiction in the first place. I used to scoff at the notion of 'addiction' and wondered why some feeble creatures allowed their lives to become so unbearably chaotic. I never ever considered for a moment that I could descend that far myself - and further.

I think what I am struggling with at the moment is this feeling that I have no right to be all-consumed with having a baby in my forties when I so royally fucked up my thirties. If someone told me I had a choice between having a baby but first having to go back through my alcoholic years and rehab, or, not ever having a baby - I would choose the latter. Does this indicate a healthy way of thinking for me, then? Am I not as lost as I have been fearing? Am I acknowledging that there are, in fact, worse states to be in than being childless?

I'm beginning to feel lighter already...

I think all clinics massage the figures as at the end of the day its a business. My concern with Create was that on the open day not only were they running really behind so we actually had less than 2 minutes and I mean less than 2 minutes with Geeta who looked at the results I had, no AMH and good E2 FSH and LH, and according to her discussion earlier about the new SA results Barry had good results but she instantly said that we would not conceive a child without IVF yet I have managed to get pregnant twice and according to Shehata and Gafar my results were ok.
Then at the MOT Dr Doom and Gloom is telling me that I should have a lap and dye, when I asked why as I have been pregnant before and that I thought it would be an unnecessary and invasive procedure he then changed his tack, agreed and said I didn't need it

I'm more interested in how joy feels when she is there as I found Create rushed and stressed, I also think its a bit odd and funny that the staff there are constantly looking through key holes to see if a room is vacant. They just didn't fill me with great confidence, but will probably be the ones we use although I am thinking more DE as the chances will be better.

viv you've had a quite a journey, the past is the past and you can not change that, you need to make peace with it and move on, you have every right to have a baby as the next lady, your age doesn't matter. You need to concentrate on the now with your DP and make plans for your future

Mr Euro is sceptical about just about everything and he thinks they are all snake oil salesmen. He really disliked Shehata. He was quite scathing about some of the data presented at the open day at Create. But he will go with it because they offer natural and he hated seeing my personality change completely on the downregging drugs.