TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Loads of stuff happening here! Handholds for your procedure today, joy I hope it went well.

Interesting to read the AGRC vs Create discussion and figures in general. I'm interested how you're finding your respective cycles at both!

Sorry about your journey through your thirties, viv. I did think buzzy and artemis points are very helpful and could form a focus for now.

I found out this IUI had not worked yesterday, by peeing on an ancient stick (from way back when I hoped it would be negative, it was). So AF arrived in all her glory this morning. Time to get my head together and clean the flat before our guest arrives later on today. We had a bit of a miz moment about it all, together, yesterday, but thanks to vanishing progesteron I feel fine today (if slightly hangover).

Thinking of you all. And waves. And early good wishes to the bestest 2013, and cheers for tomorrow night , I won't be checking in much for the next few days. Probably back in here with my first stab of the new year!

mrsd - i'm on the rose oil but doesn't seem to be effecting my skin. It's horribly dry all year round. Oh yes fsh goes up and down, sometimes by quite a lot i think. How lucky your insurance can pick up the cost of the lap. That's a relief.

Viv - what an extraordinary and difficult time you have been through. You have certainly walked in the rain. I think even if people know they have been given a second chance at life, the raw emotions that come with difficulties of trying to conceive, miscarriage etc can make anyone feel very empty and unfulfilled. I have read about a study which showed the stress of infertility is quite similar to someone battling cancer or HIV. I'm not sure how true this is and obviously this struggle isn't life threatening but it shows what an impact it can have on people's lives.

Lemon - oh i am sorry this iui didn't work. Now to look forward to the next one. It's so disheartening but at least you are doing something and you know it has worked for you before. Enjoy NYE.

Euro - yes you have to go where you feel comfortable. You had a terrible time with downregging so at least you can avoid all that at Create. I'm pretty cynical about everywhere as well - i want a baby and until that happens, i will think everyone is taking my money.

Buzz - i don't think anyone should look at someone's stats and say you won't be able to conceive without ivf. So many women conceive with less than perfect hormone levels. I read an interview with Mariella Frostrup and she was given a 0.0001% chance of conceiving. Yet at 42 and 43 she had 2 kids naturally. As for the argc, I have never felt rushed. At our initial appt, we had as much time as we wanted with the doc. But there is a lot of waiting around there. I mean 6 hours yesterday was a bit silly but now i know their timings can be off, i will go home in future. It is quite chaotic there. Incredibly busy with paperwork and files flying around all over the place. At 8.30am yesterday on Saturday there must have been 25 couples queuing up down the road waiting for blood tests. I think they have become a victim of their own success. Their prices look reasonable on their website but these costs are pretty off the mark. You have daily blood tests whilst stimming and maybe one or two scans a day for the last week - all of which has to be paid for. But I like the fact they really tailor it for the individual. Amount of drugs will be different every day and all blood results are looked over by the big man MrT. They also love their drugs and if someone gets pregnant they monitor you very carefully for the first 12 weeks.
It's intense i think and you just have to give yourself and your credit card over to them. Because their results are good, if you don't get pregnant, the fall can be pretty bad apparently. I'm fully expecting it to fail but I just need as good a chance as possible. It is a sausage factory and They don't do tea, love or sympathy but I don't need that in a clinic - i just want/need /desire results.

All went fine this morning. I wasn't even nervous. No tears in theatre this time. Spoke to the nurse before hand and she said sometimes it may not even be a cyst, it may have been a follicle growing but they can't do ivf when there is something there because cyst/or dominant follie will absorb all the medication and will grow more than the others. So that explains it. They measured my uterus and that is normal. And I've actually started ivf now! I did my first jab. I have to go in tomorrow for a teaching session on how to mix the powders. I just hope something grows down there now.

waves to eveyrone else.

Well done joy. You're getting to be a real pro at medical procedures. Was it ga you had this morning? Are you sore now? That's really interesting about how intense your clinic is, I'm not sure all clinics would insist on zapping cysts before they start? Did they say anything about your progesterone results?

Yes, Lemon, Buzzy, Artemis and now Joy have given me more than a little perspective. Thank you, I appreciate it.

Joy, I love reading your posts. Congratulations on starting IVF. Glad this morning went well. How long does an IVF cycle take from start (first appointment) to finish?

I am at 7DPO and this morning I gave my thermometer to DP to hide until I'm 11DPO (at which point I can tell from my temp if AF is on its way). I feel rather proud of myself!

joy well done and yay to starting IVF, that is what was said to us which made me think they gave mor of a shit about my money than me I don't expect these people to make me feel special and to candy coat the truth but as I am paying ££££££ I do expect to be treated with respect and I do expect them to be responsibly organised and to give me the time and information I need. I also expect a good bedside manner too. At the end of the day I want a baby and its in their interest as a business to make that happen wherever possible.
I have to say at NLC they treated me well, they were never rushed over booked etc, it had a nice calm atmosphere, yes there was waiting around when we did IUI but it had a nice clam waiting room, I like Shehatas approach and I felt he was polite and honest he also took into consideration that everything cost money, he and his colleague explained why they felt a hysteo would help but didn't rush it and in the end they decided that it was unnecessary, say with IUI he suggest the one and then to speak to the specialist about it instead of getting us to sign up to 3. Shehata always advised me to get my blood test on the NHS to save costs. Barry was impressed by him, we were doing IUI on a Saturday and even though Shehata wasn't working he had come into the clinic, he still took the time to come over and talk to us and wish us good luck. I walked out of there feeling good. I felt useless inadequate and depressed when I left Create.
I'm just curious as to what % each clinic will give me, if they are really low then due to our money situation we'd be better off just going for DE.

lemon sorry IUI didn't work this month

Lemondrizzle, I omitted to say how sorry I am that IUI didn't work. Do you know where you will go from here?

Hello people. I've been relishing in the first day with no family commitments. I am still in patchwork quilt mode. I cut out a set of practice squares and dug out the sewing machine from the loft only to discover that in the move a vital part has sheered off . It is a hand me down from the 70s but I am sad and craft thwarted. and now obsessing over want new one I might like madness what machine do you have?

But enough about me and my un ttc ways. May I remind you that I've almost fulfilled my not talking about ttc to you lot or hare (bar a teeny microscopic wobble) til 2013. But prepare for me to unleash on New Year's Day! Not really, I have nothing to report.

lemon sorry this go didn't work lovely. But we know it can for you and fingers crossed for the next go.

viv bfp envy is rotten. Step away from that thread and park yourself here. I never go on bus like threads as it is like slapping myself around the face with my own infertility. Oo it's cycle 2 and my boobs are hurting at 3dpo, do you think I could be? I don't go on those either. But anyway, reading through your story made me want to give you a big squeeze. You've had a tough ride and well done on arriving at a place where you are stable and in love. Inevitably for most people, when all the pieces fall into place it feels right to make a family. And once that decision is made, there is no turning back and you want to crack on with it straight away. Like NOW. When it doesn't happen straight away it is excruciatingly difficult. The one year mark is utter poo. But for me, I've had to find strategies to keep going and to keep feeling like a functional human that can smile and do stuff. Loosely categorised these are;

1. Distraction - I joined Goodreads and got reading again. Have read 52 books (nearly!) this year after a real drought. When I feel inclined to torture myself with infertility horror stories I try to read a book instead. The cinema and box sets are useful. Shopping is good (no baby gift buying in real shops) meals, walks (with my pushchair blinkers on) cocktails, pub quiz, plays, football (not for everyone and rather a secret) and generally just trying to make sure there are things to do.

2. Creative Outlets. So I haven't yet made a baby. But cooking and craft things have been useful. So I have mastered the macaron (whilst discovering I don't actually like them) mastered pasta making, almost finished a rug and about to make a sodding massive quilt. And when my lazy baby finally gets here I will have weaved and sewn a lot of ttc memories into them and can remind them if this when they are being a vile teenager. See this patch!? This is when I was taking clomid!

3. Calming Things. Yoga is excellent for soothing. I went to a meditation class and got the giggles, tried counselling and didn't like the lady and found an acupuncturist that I gladly part with 39 pounds every month because she is a fertility wise owl and makes me feel at peace with things. Not convinced about the needles but never mind. I don't do these things to get pregnant anymore but they do keep me sane.

4. Understanding Support. Here. And friends who have tried for 10 months plus. I don't have too many of them, but they are best.

I realise that is long and hope you havent fallen asleep! amd im sure you've tried some of this stuff and have developed strategies etc But a year ago this very day, I felt like I was having a total and utter nervous breakdown, like I was actually going a little bit mad. I'd had a horrible diagnosis after a lap with no apt until feb and was besides myself. I don't feel close to being like that again anymore but it does take a lot of considered effort to keep on the straight and narrow. I've still not mastered how to accept pregnancy announcements gracefully. But I'm trying to work on it.

joycep another massive bravery medal to you. Wow. I am in constant awe and admiration at your analytical approach to all of this. I'm sorry there was a cyst. I'm sure I get them some months, indeed clearly I did have a MASSIVE one at some point. But if we weren't ttc, I guess we'd be none the wiser? But I'm glad they are being so thorough, all this prep just has to be upping your chances. Congratulations on starting ivf! Exciting! How long will it go on for?

gin I like your zest for cracking in with it. Where can I get me some of it? I'm still massively in denial that I've got to get on with it. I'm going to need massive hand holding just to get into the hospital car park.

It is time to make tea. Spicy lamb flatbreads in chez rabbit. Massive love to buzzy art euro pout doll mrsden (when's the lap?) madness and all other 10 plussers and extra squeezes for sar we all miss you, if you're reading.

Mrsd - it was deep sedation and i felt fine when i woke up. I've had terribly painful cramping this pm after the paracetemol wore off and now they have gone after taking more. Just been asleep for 3 hours. They didn't mention the progesterone but it must have gone down if they have started me.

Viv - well done for giving the thermometer to dp. That's a good step in the right direction!! I am on the short protocol for ivf and so I think i stim for about 9-14 days. Then may be add on 2 to 5 days on to that for EC and ET. So I think you are looking at 2-3 weeks. But if you are on the long protocol, then there are 2 more weeks or so to add on top of that...i think.

Buzz - yes you need respect and politeness. No rudeness etc. there have been some damning articles written in some of the papers by people who went to the argc and i think people have very different experiences at the same clinics. When it comes to % for you - isn't it best to look at the overall % for your clinic rather than asking specific to you?? I am interested as to why you are looking in to DE first. Is it because you think it will give you a better chance? From memory I thought your bloods were pretty similar to mine. FSH fine, low amh and your afc was ok wasn't it?? Considering you have got pregnant twice, i would have thought your chances were pretty good especially if you are treated for your immunes at the same time. And are you looking in to other places for ivf as you didn't feel positive about Create?

Rabbit - i can't tell you how much i love your lists of strategies and how you categorise different facets of ttc. i always read them and think 'ah i must do that'. Bloody impressed by how many books you have read this year. Wow!
yes apparently cysts are very normal and many months they grow and then disappear by the following month.

Rabbit, I want to echo Joy about how calming and just so readable your posts are. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I think I am at the point you were at last year - I am starting to question my sanity a little. Worse still, I have quit my antidepressants and that familiar tightening of my chest (as though some fat-arse is sat on it) is returning. However, on the 14th of January I begin voluntary work at Addiction Dependency Solutions (ADS) in Manchester and will be working with drug addicts in their homes; those whose lives have become so chaotic they have dropped out of the programme. I am already imagining the liberation of turning my gaze away from myself and towards others whose lives have fallen apart. I hope I can be of help. This is not entirely altruistic: I am hoping this work will stop me worshipping at the altar of fertility quite so feverishly and, by offering myself to others, might the universe give something back to me? a baby would be nice

Viv you have been through so much and very much deserve to win your baybee. I so admire that you are going to use your experiences to help others. I keep thinking about doing some voluntary work, but then get all lazy when I'm back at work and remember how knackering my job/commute can be! Hang in there lady. You will get there.

Wow joy you deserve a super duper bravery medal! Did you enjoy the sedation? I quite liked it during EC :) And well done on the first stabbing. Are you doing them yourself? I have everything crossed for you and this cycle.

rabbit I really enjoyed your post too. May have to check out the book website. I find reading distracts me nicely too. I'm reading a book called The Snow Child, which does have a couple who can't have kids in it, but is very good - anyone else read it?!

buzz I found it important to pick a clinic I felt comfortable with. We all have different reasons for liking different ones. Are you tempted by create cos they are a bit cheaper? For me, like euro, their protocols were what attracted me. Plus it's pretty near us, has parking and is a lot cheaper than argc! Now I just feel comfortable there can't bear to have anyone else look up my chuff

lemons so sorry about the iui. It must be hard after the crappy xmas. Hope you have a good NYE and hangover to match the next day!

mrsd your mulled wine posts made me :) I agree with what you said!

Dave and I went for a walk today (not too far away from where I think pout resides - I hope you are ok pout?). We had a row about his lack of waterproofs and he sulked a bit, but it was nice to get some exercise and work off the Xmas diffed look. Am feeling a bit meh. I think it's due to lack of treats in Jan. Our calendar is empty, much to Dave's delight! Also it's difficult to plan when we don't know when the FET is, how many scans it'll involve etc. Must secure that follow up appointment.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to try to make a bouche de Noel (or whatever the French is for Xmas log) to take over to our friends for the NYE buffet we're attending. I can see it going horribly wrong, but it'll at least occupy me!

Arguing over waterproofs gin? That has made me chuckle, it sounds like the sort of thing we argue over. Good luck for the Buche de Noel.

We've had a love,y weekend, and still a couple more days off work. I know what you mean about empty diaries gin. I always think jan is a bit of a nothing month. And feb isn't much better. We're the same, in a limbo because I don't know what's happening with Lap and ivf yet.

Rabbit, you sound so grounded. I'm impressed with your reading, I have o many books waiting to be read. More reading less mumsnet ting for 2013!

evening ladies, well thisis my third night in five that I have over indulged, and I have to go to work tomorrow :( although I have loved ctaching up with friends I am looking forward to a bit of quiet.

joy it depends on who is looking at my results, one says they are ok the other says I need IVF my last FSH was 9.2 which is the highest I have known it, my E2 was 170 AMH 1.1 and my AFC was according to Create low, 6 in total I think?? I'm more interested in my own % as that is based on my own stats, I'm not that interested in the clinics as they don't tell me how many actually had the same results as me the % might look good for the clinic because the women in my age group all had better stats.

gin I found the price of ARGC very similar to Create, not that much in it. NLC offered me the same protocol, I wouldn't do LP anyway. Yes for us cost is an issue as Barry still does not have a job, although inlaws have offered some money, it has materialised and they have now bought a property overseas so I have no idea what their finances like, if we spend £4,500 at Create we will be struggling to do DE overseas as its £3600 + flights and accommodation. That would take most of our savings which would be risky in our situation. So if they are offering 15% with my own eggs and 52% with DE then I'd have to chose the latter. I haven't actually tried the immune programme on a pregnancy which is a bit of a worry as I don't really know if it will work and help the pregnancy or not, IVF is an expensive way to find out.

I'm more than happy to do DE I have chatted to alot of women on FF who have been to the clinic and had success and to those who are waiting. If it means I have a baby then so be it. I don't need a child to have my DNA for me to be a loving mum. I really feel my best chance is with DE. I'm not in a position to try IVF more than once, I would be struggling to do FET.

Well I need to get some sleep ...........

Buzzy, I would jump at the chance for donor eggs - and not just because I'm 41 (my eggs are okay-ish, I think, with an FSH of 8.5?). I don't care what the origins of my child are; I just want to be a mum.

Can you explain what E2 and AFC is, please?

I dearly wish Michael and I could afford IVF but, having only recently secured a job (him not me; I work freelance for very little money) since leaving rehab I cannot see a point in the near future when we would have whatever it costs to have IVF with donor eggs (if we had only one shot at IVF I would choose donor eggs due to my age - who knows how decrepit mine are?). This is why we are having one shot at IUI - we have saved exactly £1000 and there is no more money to be found.

Can I ask, am I never to know the true state of my eggs unless I have IVF? Will I automatically get an AMH test when I go for IUI? If not, how can I get one and what would it cost? Will I ever know if I have immune issues if I don't have IVF?

viv you may well not even need ivf. My acu is always reminding me that when you are 35 plus, it can just take a lot longer. The volunteering sounds great. I've been thinking of doing some volunteering myself to kind of give back support as I'm only here and alive because I had so much myself in my twenties. I too go through phases of beating myself up that my past actions are directly responsible for the predicament I'm in now but it is gone and past so I do my best to let it go. Staying in the now is such a hard thing isn't it? A for amh and all the other bits, I choose to stay with my head in the sand. You can get amh on the nhs for a price, about fifty pounds I think. I figure ill find out st some point and just presume my figures are shocking.

lemon and nao I forgot to say, I use snippets off YouTube for fertilty yoga. It is pretty woven lentil but actually I'm enjoying being friendly with my womb as I'm sure hating that bit of me isn't a good thing! There is a woman who does womb yoga. Am I off my trolley for wanting to try it?! If anyone wants to go with me... Oh and lemon was it advanced ashtanga yoga? I've never heard of yoga that isn't compatible with pregnancy and if there is a more hardcore one than bikram I want in on it! Compatibility with being updiffed pretty low on my priority list.

joycep I felt sad reading you were back in the paracetamol cramping post procedure place. I do feel we have all been through enough and it is time, very soon..

gin ha about the waterproofs. We had a row about the Christmas Ham . My calendar is also looking bleak. And I'm having a DRY January. Yak and double yak, but it is rabbit tradition. I need to plan some things.

Well it's the last day of 2013. I'd like to say a very big thank you to you all for helping me through what has been frankly one of the most (but not quite) challenging and hard years I've had. I was dancing in the bathroom this morning all wet after my shower and thought thank you mrsden for getting me started on that. And you have all supported in different ways - it would have been a very lonely road without you. This thread normalises what I'm experiencing and I hope we always keep in touch. And big fertility finger, 2013 is THE year if the 10plus change in luck. Or I'm warning you..

Oh and buzzy hope work isn't too grim.

Hi all, just popping up for long enough to wish you all the happiest of New Years and I really sincerely hope that 2013 turns out to be a great year for all of you. Big new year kisses to Doll, Rabbit, Joy, Sar, Gin, Artemis, Princess, Lemon, Euro, MrsD, Critter, Buzzy, Pout, and any newbies and people I forgot.

Raaaaaaaa!!!!!! Kim Kardashian is pregnant! Is there no justice in this world? Can't wait to watch her already-gargantuan ass become even more vast, though

Gin, I forgot to thank you for your kind words yesterday.

Cosmos you beat me to it. Have not had time to write, have read though. A very happy new year to all. Rabbit that was a nice message, it just must be your time after the year you have had. On to new adventures in 2013. x

I'll join in with the happy new year wishes and a massive thank you to the 10+ gang for being such a brilliant source of support, wisdom, hand-holding and occasional hilarity during the past year. Knowing you all is one of the good things to have come out of a difficult and stressful year and I am immensely grateful for it. Here's hoping 2013 brings the change in luck we all need. I've spent today in a panic that things are going wrong after the minimal symptoms I have had seem to have disappeared overnight, but pulled myself round this morning thinking about you lot and how much we have all gone through and how we are all still here and still fighting. One way or another it will all be OK.

Big loves to all of you, hope whatever you're doing tonight it's good. Next year belongs to us xx

Try not to worry art. I know that's easier said than done. You are probably just at the stage now where symptoms do lessen for some women. You've seen a heartbeat haven't you?

I echo everything already said, happy new year, please, p,ease please let our luck change in 2013. All of us on this thread so dearly deserve it.

I'm already hacked off with new year fb statuses from pregnant people, all full of excitement for next year. I have a sinking feeling that this Is going to be a tough year of disappointments. Please let this not be true.

Enjoy the new year celebrations whatever you're doing,

2013 - the year the 10 plussers all got up duffed.

art when is your next scan, I did find that some of my symptoms, mainly the sickness came and went.

viv when are you planning to try IUI??? That does seem alot for just one go or is it 3??? You won't be told anything with IUI. E2 is similar to your AMH, it depends on who is dealing with you to which one they will use. Your E2, FSH and LH can be organised through your GP, as it it has been awhile since you were last pregnant and being of a certain age I am surprised that they have not offered you these tests. It might be worth seeing your GP in the new year. Your AMH you will have to go to a clinic and pay for, mine was £105 which is expensive, I need to look for cheaper places.
To get an overall picture you would need to go to a clinic for a fertility MOT where they check your blood flow to your bits inside and check that everything looks ok, they do and AFC which is a follicle count, that gives them an idea about your ovarian reserve. Not all IVF clinics do this and its not part of the treatment. I think it was £200 at Create in London.

Immune issues are totally unrelated to IVF, I had 2 miscarriages close together so I was sent to the miscarriage clinic at my local hospital where they did some blood tests and they came back with high nk cells. I think most places only do level 1 blood testing and you would probably have to go private for the other tests depending on where you live.

IVF here is around £5000 + It is actually cheaper for us to go overseas and use DE. £3600 + travel and accommodation. Also the waiting times are alot shorter. I think in the UK you can be waiting for 12-18 months and be paying £7000 +, although I have seen some places that say they offer options for people with cost issues.

It might be an idea to hold onto your money and do some research in your area, you're north I think??? Care Fertility?? you can always email a few places and see what they say.

rabbit work was easy and relaxed today, not much happening I was surprised at how good I felt considering last night.

Well I think my sore boobs are going so AF in the next 48 hours, then onto more blood tests and trips to the vet.

Thank you for all your support ladies, I have a good feeling about next year, whatever it may bring

x posts with mrsd don't feel dispondent by others peoples posts, i have a lady who is really a friend of a friend, she takes great photos, she also has 6 kids, twins last year, she posts all the time, especially at the moment,although I used to envy her life I now realise that from all her constant posting, life is not as wonderful as it might appear on FB, if you need to constantly tell people what you are doing and constantly need that attention then yes they might be posting about their pregnancies but they are also needy and most likely not entirely happy if they need constant reassurance. Ha ha I shall now be super vigilant with my posts Most are mine are from people overseas who have already seen the New Year in. I will say I have another sort of friend who had a baby when my first was due and she is super about not going on about being a mum and how wonderful her child is, not because of me and others that she knows have miscarried but because she is happy with her life and doesn't need to broadcast it all over FB.

So no more sinking feelings, besides you have me to constantly go on about cat, I'm sure I haven't put up a photo of her for more than 24 hours

Put a photo up buzzy, she's so beautiful. Her eyes are an amazi g colour. That could be your fabulous photography skills though. I love the cat and tinsel one. I never tire of looking at kitty photos. I know that's true about fb, and it doesn't usually bother me, it's just it slams it home that if you're currently pregnant the the new year really does hold excitement. Whereas I have a lap to look forward to, but I know there are many far worse off than me.

true, I'm feeling a little emotional that its another New Year no further forward than last I putting it down to my dropping progesterone level. You are having a lap but that is going to sort your inside bits out so you can have your baby, be careful what you wish for with Kayla, next year will have its ups and downs but as del boy would say 'this time next year' obviously I'd like to be a millionaire but I'd more rather be pregnant