TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Hi sea we had a post coital test (PCT) as part of NHS fertility investigations. You have to have sex 12 hours before the test at the time of ovulation, then they do a speculum exam and take some of the mucous to look at. They test the Ph and look at the numbers of sperm and their quality. My mucous had killed almost all my DH sperm! They prescribed the oestrogen the thin the mucous and clomid to help with my egg production. As it was too late for the drugs that cycle the nurse suggested the douche. 1tsp of sod bic in a pint of lukewarm water. 50ml syringe. Douche just before sex. Not the most romantic night of passion but who knows maybe that's what made it work that month. There are also lubricants that help with mucous I think it's pree-seed and concieve plus?

Freedom, I do hope you don't get ripped-off. I am so sceptical about these alternative folk, but you are not me and I hope you feel encouraged after your visit. Would you consider donor sperm?

Lemon, you totally make sense to me. I am terribly afraid of looking back in my life simply because there are very few fond or inspiring memories there. There is a lot of pain (parents' dysfunctional marriage - father a sex addict), blackness (depression and anxiety) and despair (alcoholism). Much of what I see in my past was a direct result of rubbish choices and my incessant search for pleasure rather than happiness. I was the ultimate hedonist and it has brought me nothing but misery. So..I have learned to live in the present - the future is too scary (childlessness, being unfulfilled career-wise) - however, that leaves me little room to 'escape' when I cannot bear being who I am and where I am right now. I have so much to be eternally grateful for - I have literally been handed back my life - and yet I don't remember feeling so horribly unfulfilled. I am loved and cherished by Michael and my amazing family (whom I betrayed and tormented for so long as an alcoholic) and yet I feel as though I don't belong to anyone. I tell myself, in my bleaker moments, that, because I am nobody's mother, I am quite pointless.

This philosophy is skewed - I can see that - but I don't yet know what to replace it with. I am aware that, as time rolls by, this ttc journey is becoming pathological and all rationale and hope dissipates as we begin to weave stories about who we have become and who we may never be. I find it horridly disempowering to feel this way in my forties; to feel crushed month after relentless month. It's almost shameful, to me, to be enslaved in this manner. Sorry..I'm starting to not make sense..

I'm back!!!! I had just the best time and had a total break from thinking about TTC which was amazing. Down to earth with a bump though as my period arrived in the departure lounge on my way home. No honeymoon baby then. Oh well.

So what did I miss?

welcome back muddywellynelly sorry about no honeymoon baby but glad you got back safely.

viv hope I don't get ripped off too. Interesting quesion. I don't think I would consider donor sperm no. I want to have a child with DH very much. I would also consider adoption. But I don't think donor sperm would be for us. I don't know why adoption is ok and donor sperm isn't. I will have to have a think about why that is.

viv please don't think you are pointless. You partner and family and friends love you. You have supplied comfort to some of us on this thread. I am sure you have friends in RL. I am sure you make a difference to people who you don't even know about, inspired by your story, who you smile at in the street, who you say hello to.

It has all got very deep on here!

Nelly I hope you had an amazing time. It looked stunning from the photos. It's sad that there was no honeymoon baby but at least you were able to enjoy your time away without AF visiting.

freedom I feel the same. I think it is perhaps the inequality of the donor issue?

nelly!!!!!!! Welcome back you have been missed. Sorry af greeted you with a post honeymoon hello. Glad you've had a brilliant time.

nelly you're back! We are still here as you see. Glad to hear you had a great time minus the period gift.

freedom and euro I guess I always thought about sperm donors in the context of baby-making in a man-free situation, donor eggs I didn't even know about until recently, donor embies was a new one on me a few months ago.

WELCOME home MrsNelly! Great to hear you had a fab time.

Viv you really need to work on not making TTC the sole purpose of your life. You have yourself, recovered and functioning, that should be priority 1. Then you have your family and Michael, there is your second focus. Maybe you volunteering can give you meaning too. Being crushed every month is anyone's idea of hell, and frankly I think you've done your time in hell by now. So yes, live in the present, which means with your man, enjoying the snow (is it still snowy up there?) Finding meaning and stop beating yourself up about your past. Your post to me makes even more sense in context. But besides living in the now, you might want to find some happiness in the now.

Sorry to have gone all deep. I have done no work, and been napping half afternoon. I went down to my parents (who weren't there) but the cat was very happy to keep me company. And I am now so happy to be in our own flat. With SB coming home in a few hours.

As to donor eggs/sperm. No question of that yet. And I might be tempted by my sister's uberfertile egglets, although she's not offered yet I would feel a little disgusted at the thought of anyone's swimmers up there beyond SB. We have been chatting about adoption a fair bit. I think it is different in all sorts of meaningful ways to me. But it is HARD, sadly. I must say doll's tales of little doll have made me more enthusiastic, so thanks for that!

Hello all and welcome back nelly! Glad you had such a lovely time on honeymoon.

Hello to seaview, you've found a wonderful set of ladies here.

becks congrats on your baby girl, the time has flown since we last heard from you!

lemon aw honey I am so sorry you've been so blue - you are managing this brilliantly. It should also be said that January in the northern hemisphere is probably not what you need right now either. It sucks that you've been so sad. You will get there in the end, but this is a rotten train to be on.

Sorry not to namecheck more - am thinking of you all - especially those ladies in the IVF eye of the TTC storm.

joy, am wishing your little embies all the luck in the world.

euro, happy late birthday. Can't believe you're so close to D-Day! It's amazing, I am cheering you on.

doll hooray for you taking charge and at the Christmas tree. Good for you for going for another round. You are my hero!

madness glad the downregging is going well and the pastries sound yum. February is just around the corner.

viv chin up my lovely.

princess yay! I occasionally sneak over to the preg thread to see how you and the other lovely 10+ grads are doing. So nice to see you back here, with wise words as always.

Waves to rabbit, sarlat, den, buzzy, freedom and gin. I am back from one of the best weeks of my life - made all the better by the fact I didn't think about TTC at all, really - or if I did I didn't feel sad. I was in Florida doing a poetry workshop in the mornings and then drinking margaritas all afternoon with a group of amazing, funny, kind brand new friends (all poetry geeks like me, plus MrCritter, who tagged along for the sunshine and the beers) in the afternoon. 80 degrees, creative stimulation all morning, fruity drinks all afternoon. Karaoke and silliness. It was bliss. And made all the nicer by being very un-child-friendly. I have come home absolutely glowing. No ovulation yet but that isn't unusual if I am going to have one of my days of yore 7 week cycles, and I don't feel stressed about it - I just feel really happy. Cheery tail feather wave to all, and a homemade tangy and creamy key lime pie to those in the tent.

wow critter sounds brilliant, I'm happy to hear you sound so full of life and energy. My job is a right pain in the arse at the moment and I just finished moaning to Ken the minute he got in the door from his stressful work that is connected to mine so I feel free to let rip. I have now released him into to the kitchen to see if Little Doll is still on hunger strike, so I can play on iPad. Glad I saw your message. x

Ah I'm sorry doll. I think a huge part of my happiness at the mo is also related to not being on hormones. They mess with our moods so much, as does the stress of another IVF cycle looming. Be kind to yourself right now. You are always so strong here but what you're going through is no picnic. Thinking of you.

Doll, I never thanked you for recounting your ttc/adoption story. Thank you.

Critter, what a wonderful week you've had - good for you (I am so in awe of poets)!

Muddy, you don't know me but I am also pleased you had a great honeymoon - and generally that you're married (marriage seems so grown up and fabulous, to me).

Freedom, very kind words, thank you. Re-reading my post I can see I come across as a bit of a frantic, depressed nut-job. I promise I am not. I am, thankfully, aware that I am a blessing to those in my life whom I love and who love me. Lemon, you have hit the nail on the head, really, I just need to find a way out of this ttc madness; the all-consuming, pathological bit and try harder to find real fulfilment elsewhere. The voluntary work is my attempt to do just that.

Interesting to read different views on donor sperm/eggs/embryos. I would take Ian Brady's if he was willing..

Ctitter - that sounds amazing. I'll take a slice of that and a slice of pie.

Free - this absolutely could happen, seeing an alternative therapist is a great idea.

Viv - you are very worthy, this heartache won't last forever my lovely.

Den - how are you?

Lemon - sorry for the down times but you are very self aware and that will help you. I feel that I have learnt a lot from ttc about myself. I now know to expect a sad or funny patch 3 months from now in reaction to me having an operation and starting a new job within a week.

More later.....

Lemon - I also think miscarriage and general ttc grief comes in waves and stages. There is a physical loss initially, I think there is also a stage of mourning the loss of innocence of the wonder of conception and babies and the grief of the imaginary family we didn't even know we had until ttc troubles strike. And it runs very deep.

Princess - lovely to hear from you and thanks for your wisdom,

Rabbit - that is tough about recent close birth announcements. But its now going to be easier I believe as the anticipation is over and the baby will soon become a normal part of everyones lifes. Big hugs, you are a brilliant woman and your baby will come. That cp, although sad and frustraring is also a sign of hope.

Congratulations becks

Nelly - welcome back and keep that newly wed glow as long as you can.

Doll - wow and fantastic to hear you are marching on to the next round, rememberyou make great embies.

Sea - welcome

Sorry to anyone I missed. Someone asked up thread (maybe lemon) if I was feeling more upbeat. I guess the op repair work has made us cautiosly optimistic for both next fet and maybe even natural conception. I am not fixed but I am slightly less broken.

interesting chat today

viv I agree with living in the present, its what they taught me at life coaching and that experience has totally changed my life around, its the here and now that matters you can't change past or predict the future so why worry about them. You do need to forgive yourself though and cut yourself some slack :)

nelly welcome back :)

free I don't think you need to be worrying about donor sperm, as it can change quite alot, Barry did two SA in 8 days and they were quite different. He did take a whole load of stuff but not sure if it made any difference, most places have just suggested that he take a multi vitamin

critter glad you had an amazing time so you sound very happy and relaxed

joy hope you are ok

mrsd hope you are ok too

on the debate about Donor egg/sperm I don't think DNA matters and neither does Barry. I would prefer this to adoption, it means that the baby will grow inside me and be apart of me even if the baby does not have my DNA, it will still be my baby, we will get to experience the joys of pregnancy and birth. I am so grateful that some woman is going to donate her eggs for whatever reason so we can fufill our dream of being parents, if I could thank her personally I would. I don't have issues or hang ups about it not being all our creation, my goal is to be a parent and this for some is the best/only option, roll on May :)

Hello all. I have an evening to myself, so thought I'd pop into the Fred for a bit and bore you all!

buzzy I totally agree with you re donor eggs/sperms/bits! If the FET doesn't work, we'll def use donor sperm. Any resulting child will feel very much "ours" and I imagine more so than an adopted child, at the start at least. Like you, I want to experience pregnancy if I can. It also seems a lot lot easier than adoption. Maybe it's because we know we're running out of options that the donor thing seems ok. Having said that, we will go down the adoption route if the DIUI fails. I too love doll's adoption story. It really does give me hope that I will be a mum one day!

sar pleased to hear you are feeling a bit more positive. I am optimistic for you! As I think you have said yourself, it's important to cling onto that shred of hope and be open to the possibility that it very much could work for you. Hope the new job is going ok. I'm super impressed that you were able to start a new job 1 week after 2 hour surgery. Respect lady!

viv hope you are doing ok. Sounds like there's been some excellent advice and soul searching on the fred. It's all so tough. Sounds like the sechsfail has resolved itself. I think it's inevitable with long term ttc, we certainly had a few, but now we know we're not going to get pregnant au nauteral we don't have enforced sechs and it's made it easier ie we don't have much sex any more!

Welcome back critter! Your break sounds ace, as does your lovely, sunny mood. Key lime pie, nom nom.

doll I'm so admiring of your casually starting a new ivf cycle! I think once you know what to expect, it is a bit easier. Although I found our 2nd cycle harder, partly cos my E2 levels were mental, making me mental and ver ver bloated. Fab that you have the back up option of adoption too and that Ken is willing to seriously consider it.

mrsnelly, hello married lady! I was very of your hollibubs. It looked amazing.

freedom at the magic baby doctor woo man. Whatever does the trick I say!

becks lovely to see you back and I was so so pleased to hear of your little girl's arrival. I'm thrilled for you. It seems like only 2 minutes ago that you were on the Fred!

Likewise princess, lovely to "see" you again. Hope all is well. I may have to have a look at the grads fred. Wonder if any other ten plussers baybees have arrived?

euro pleased to hear the scan went ok. Natural IVF sounds a shite load easier than mild. And you seem so calm. When's the next scan?

madness that's great that everything is moving along nicely re the appointments. Not long til Feb now.

rabbits and doll sorry about the preggo/birth announcements. I have some long term ttc buddies and although I will be desperately happy for them when they have their babies, I will also be very upset for me and Dave. It's such an odd feeling. I am dreading the time that everyone has kids apart from us. It'll ruin our social lives, stoopid baybees.

sea hope the clomoid is going ok! Is it iui later this month? I too am waiting for my period, due later this week, and then we will officially be in the FET cycle.

Waves to everyone else.

I think I need to be sent off to the PMT shack. I'm being a right grumpy cow. Trainmageddon over the last week hasn't helped and neither has the shitty cold I've got. Oh and I am totally sick of people's FB pics of them playing in the snow with their kids. Feck off with your cute children, with their snow days.

On a happier note, has anyone been watching the Bake Off? Cake, mmmm. And Simon Reeve was on it tonight, mmmmmmmm [letch face]

Gin I feel very balanced about it all at the moment. I think it's because I feel in control, this time. I'm doing it on my terms, in a way I am reasonably comfortable with. I felt completely different facing the full IVF back in the summer. The lack of menkul hormones being injected into me daily also probably has something to do with it. It's odd actually. The pressure is off completely. We'd normally be forcing ourselves to start shag week now, but we have none of that. It's great. And bizarrely today, I had a big blob of EWCM - my first in a year and a half! It just stopped appearing about 8 cycles into TTC.

I'm staying well away from the Bake Off. I love baking and I love cake, but I have given up wheat for the next few weeks as the odd cycle (chem prerg?) I had in Nov was when I had given up wheat to see if it increased my energy levels. I'm giving it another go, just in case it makes a difference. I have told Mr Euro that I am having a wheat party if the cycle fails.

Critter that sounds amazing. The photos on FB look fab too. A dose of Vit D in the middle of winter probably did no harm either!

doll are we IVF buddies? I'm on CD7 now. I guess I will be going for EC at the weekend. What about you?

I'm alive! Just got home, 2 nights in hospital. Feeling sore and weak, I hope this is normal? Good news is my tubes were perfect. Had a blood filled cyst removed from right ovary. Dr thinks all wonderful now. I'm going to read what I've missed and will post back soon.

Sarlat, Buzzy & Gin, thank you for your kind words.

Mrsden, two nights in hospital for a lap & dye?? Is this normal? Glad it all went well and the doc considers you wonderful! What a great thing to hear.

I've found the following statistics regarding the optimal timing of intercourse for conception: The stats for a couple with normal fertility are that the likelihood of conceiving are; 4% if you dtd 5 days before ov, 15% 4 days before ov, 25-28% 1-2 days before ov and only 8-10% if you dtd within 24 hrs of ov.

How many days prior to the egg being released do clinics performing IUI place the sperm near the fallopian tubes?

Welcome back mrsd! Sore and weak is normal. Take it easy and you should feel fine in a few days. I'm glad your tubes were clear and the cyst is gone.

Viv I think two nights in hospital is normal where mrsd is located. I was in and out the same day when I had mine here.

When I had IUI they did it the day after a positive OPK, so they were aiming for the day before ov. They are interesting stats but I guess IUI is slightly different, because they skip the first half of the marathon swim as they are put directly into the womb and don't have to make their own way through the cervix.

I've read everything but now I can't remember what to say, think my head is still full of cotton wool.

Lemons, I had one of those moments while in hospital. I had plenty of time to think. It scared me and thinking of how blissful things used to be,

Nelly, welcome back.

Viv, they always keep you in for one night but the dr kept. E in for a second because I was a bit nausea from anastethic dh said I turned green.

So, I won't lie. I found the lap to be an ordeal. I'll write everything I remember in case it helps anyone else. I got to the clinic at 930. I had a little pill, then got wheeled into side room where they put cannula in. The pill must have knocked me out because I don't remember anything else. I woke up, I wasn't sure if op had been done but then I realized my tummy hurt. I bled a bit so I had a drain in and a catheter. I had quite a lot of lower tummy pain. Bit lik very bad period pain. I also had shooting pains low down, in. Y cervix area I think. Yesterday morning, they took catheter and cannula out. I had breakfast then dh helped me to the toilet. I don't know if it was the standing up or what but I suddenly felt really hot and sick, dh said I turned green and lips were white. I wretched but nothing came up. Back to bed and felt fine, Tummy pain subsided by mid afternoon. Then dr came and removed the drain and took me for a scan, she said all was good. I didn't get much sleep so I feel exhausted. Im also weak. Tummy is fine now, bit tender and the tummy button wound is a bit stingy. Dh has popped into work for a short time. This is the first time I've been left alone and I feel a bit anxious and panicky, I wonder if this is a left over from the anastethic.

Welcome back mrsd, sorry you're feeling rough still. And about one of those miserable/nostalgic moments in hospital. You will start to feel better on all fronts soon. It does sound you had a much rougher ride than I did for instance. Although apparently I got extra-painkillers while waking up (which made me sleep for another hour or so).

Viv my IUIs have been on the day of ovulation (and obviously that can work) as the swimmers only take 30minutes to swim through the tubes, and are in situ when the egg pops.

Here, I am doing much better emotionally, but suffering from a terrible head cold, instead... Thanks for being here!

euro yes we are IVF buddies. I'm a bit behind you though CD 5 today, had 4 follies growing on left and 1 on right at baseline scan lazy fecking right side AGAIN Next scan on Saturday.

Gin it's both easier and harder in some weird way the second time. I don't even know what E2 levels are honestly, being that I appear to be doing test, monitoring and info free IVF It wasn't so much that Ken was up for a second adoption - that has always been the case. More that he was talking about giving up his job

Sorry about the cold lemon I sit in a car today with someone clearly getting sick I was trying to hold my breath

Speaking of sickness, Ken's dicky back is playing up, on strong sperm killing meds, having sperm killing MRI tomorrow. Grrr

MrsDen sorry to hear you are feeling rough. When I had my alien cyst removed by lap, I got chucked out within a couple of hours max of the op (New York medical care) I don't know how I got home. Grim. Get well soon.

Thanks for your opinions re intercourse timing, ladies.

Mrsden, hope you're feeling much stronger soon.

Doll, my boyfriend has been on Tramadol for ever for his sciatica. Could that be a sperm-destroyer? His morphology is 3% and he has a slightly lower than normal count. I don't even know why I am asking this question because he will never come off them