Best thing to say to colleague TTC?

[dearcathyandclare]

Title says it all really but just to add she is mid 40s andd has had serious health problems in the past, a miscarriage, death of one parent earlier this year and other parent terminally ill.What can I say or advise that doesn't sound trite or patronising? (my DC all pretty much grown and no other colleagues currently trying iyswim) Thanks

Nothing. What could you possibly say?

You sound lovely....I'm sure your colleague will know you care. Maybe going for a coffee and just letting her know if she needs to chat you're there for her x

Well everyone is different. I guess it's not nice to be constantly asked how it's going, so I'd be inclined to let her bring it up. And be someone who listens. There is a big thread going just now about what NOT to say and this list is very long. Including

Just Relax

Have you tried x,y and z

My friend did this and got pregnant

You can always adopt/do IVF/do donor eggs

And on and and on....

I haven't really shared my TTC woes with anyone specifically because I don't want to have to talk about it. I'd say don't offer advice unless specifically asked, and in which case I'd tend to say something like "well I had my children a long time ago and am not clued up on modern options, have you tried mumsnet" :)

Some people want to hear that it will all be alright. For other people this is annoying, as you know the person telling you can't be sure what's going to happen.

TBH as someone who is struggling to conceive, the only thing I actually want to hear is "congratulations, you're pregnant". I'm not too bothered about anything else.

thanks muddy I will remember this advice. I don't ask as she's very open but was wondering about the advice thing. I know she takes vitamin supplements and have suggested she takes up her leave especially to cope with recent bereavement and fortcoming one too. She has and has had so much on her plate.