Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Morning all. Just a quick message.

Sending super-sized hugs to mias. You are such a brave lady. I am glad you continue to feel close to Mia this week.

Equally huge hugs to green. I hope you managed to get at least some sleep. I am thinking of you so very much, and am just so so sad for you. We're here to listen if that would help...

Hi angel, sorry to hear about the nursery fees, that's v stressful. Scan yday was ok, thanks; brought up a few issues but I will leave that for another time.

fan your thread was so wonderful. But yes, just heartbreaking, too.

I'm glad my thread made a little imprint in chat yesterday, it was heartbreaking to read but also inspiring.

green how are you doing this morning? Have they said anything about how to manage the mc?

mias my thoughts are still with you.

Love to everyone.

Leading up to ov, start the opks today but not expecting ov till friday saturday. I feel surprisingly calm about it all at the moment which can only be a good thing.

How's my ttc buddy blizy?

Fan it's a lovely thread. Could you ask mnhq to move it to a different topic so it's not lost after 90 days? xx

Wow angel, That is a huge price rise !

Mias, I'm glad you managed to get through yesterday with the help of Mia, I'm sure she will be with you every step of the way. X

Green, how are you doing my lovely? X

Fan- af is due on Fri, I'm just waiting for the spotting to start.

Hope you are all ok. X

Oh green I'm so sorry to read your news. Sending lots of big hugs your way.
Glad yesterday went OK mias.

Thanks for doing the thread yesterday FAN. It was so full of love, but I cried buckets!

MIA'S, well done for getting through yesterday. It's amazing what a mother can go through for her child. I know exactly what you meant about there being a little joy in having so many people acknowledging Mia.
We drove for a while over dartmoor yesterday, and all the bracken has turned russet since we were there last. That and a dramatic skyline of orange and purple had me thinking of Mia. Xxx

KLEINE, do talk about your scan if you want lovely lady... I'm worried about you. Xxx

I got through yesterday, and DSs birthday probably gave me a kick out of bed, which helped. We have already given out his party invites, so let's hope nothing drastic starts until after Sun. ( he's having a neon disco..... Mmmmm, tasteful!)
The scan showed a yolk sac that hadnt developed inside a womb that had, and probably still is. I should be eight weeks. So I guess that's a MMC again. My body's not that bright these days, it would seem. I don't think I fully believed in this one, no sore boobs, and not any proper sickness. Not usual for me. So I refused a scan in one weeks time, and asked for one in two. I hope my body gets on with it before then, but if not I guess I'll have another ERPC.
The last time I MCd I got preg with Merryn the following month. At my age maybe I just need to accept some eggs are of poor quality, and decide if I can keep going until I get a good one. Next time would be My 7th pregnancy.
I can only do this for me if it doesn't affect how I am with my boys. We never tell them when I MC, but they know I've got a sore tummy, but maybe that's ok. It feels a bit like the gambles we had to take with Merryn, only worth it if it works....
The main thing is it feels like such a lot of time waisted. From Aug until when I next ov. This baby would have been 5.5 yrs younger than K, any others will now be at least 6. I don't know what to do. I wish I could decide to stop, but I don't feel I'm able too. Stopping and being content would be my choice, but I think I will have to keep trying. I don't feel in control of anything. When I did feel in control it was an illusion though wasn't it? I used to be so optimistic, I hate that I can't be anymore. Ranty rant rant rant. I need to stop and get on, even if lovely dp did let me have a sleep this morning!
Thanks for all being there, it meant the world yesterday.

green that's what we are here for. Your such a strong lady, and if you feel its not time to stop then don't. Fx for your next cycles. Age gaps mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, DH is the oldest of five boys and he gets on better with the 17 year old and the 9 year old, his brothers closer to his age annoy him most of the time.

blizy fx for you, are you feeling good about this month? Or have you stopped trying to big it up? I'm trying to stop bigging it up but sometimes it can't be helped. Its going to happen soon to us I'm sure of it, I have a positive feeling.

Hi, just to say I've posted a couple of photos of Merryn on FB, (on the secret page), if anyone wants to 'meet' her! I could do with some reassurance that they are actually private.... Also FB seems to have cut them in half so you have to tap them to see it properly.... I hope I've got it right, FB novice!!

green they are private, I check everytime via my DH's fb page. She is gorgeous.

Thanks Fan. X

fan- to be honest I am quite blase about it this month. I have stopped bigging it up a while ago. It would be more of a shock now to get a bfp than for af to arrive iyswim?

green- you rant away if it makes you feel better, we are always here to listen. x

Kleine- are you ok?

blizy understand I think I'm beginning to feel the same. This feels like the norm now.

Oh green you are amazing There's 5.5 years between K and H much bigger than I wanted but they are so lovely together. Merryn is completely beautiful xx

Blizy I definitely hope you get a surprise this month in that case

xx

mias, I'm glad you felt close to Mia yesterday, it must be so hard - thinking of you all.

green, Merryn is absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing your pics. She is just such a gorgeous little girl. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this all again, I hope that you can grieve and take your time to deal with this all. If it doesn't feel right to stop trying, then don't.

I feel really angry at the moment that our babies aren't with us - especially after reading fans thread last night. So much heartache and sadness, it's just not fair. Yet, I'm so pleased to have found such a supportive group of ladies, a safe place where we can all say what we need to without being judged.

Oh Angel, that's a nightmare price rise, is that with immediate effect or have they given you any notice?

I hope you are ok kleine - sending best wishes xx

Mias I too am glad that you have been able to find some peace. I don't know all the details of Mia's case, but I hope you get the truth and answers your beautiful girl deserves. Still sending you love.

Klein hope you are keeping well. How kind of your neighbour! It does go to show there are some wonderful people out there. I feel like I have met a lot of them on this thread and I am so sorry we are all here, but so grateful to have found you.

Green thinking about you today. I did cry for all of us last night. Life has been so very unfair. Merryn is beautiful. I love her fluffy hair.

Blizy and fan FX for a nice surprise this month. I don't think I have OVed this month, though I am in theory in my TWW! Would anyone like some cheap amazon OV strips? I have about 30-40 or so I bought last year but I am just not going to use them. I never seem to get a positive, even when temp and other signs say I should be OVing. Free to a good home!

I wish I could walk away from actively "trying" for a bit, but I am just not willing to. Dexter took us two years to conceive and I don't expect anything to happen quickly this time round. I just don't want to miss any chances, if you know what I mean.

Angel sorry you are having such a rough time.

Elly WTW Amy spilt too blue Babyh EVERYONE, thinking about us.

rainbox I shall take those ov strips off your hands.

Sold! If you want to PM me an address here or on FB I shall get them in the post. They are just a source of stress to me at the moment, as I seem to be too stupid to use them, so I would be really pleased to see them go somewhere they can be of use!

Oh I have just looked on FB and I don't know where to begin commenting!!!! My goodness. All the candle pictures are so, so lovely.
green... Merryn is absolutely scrumptious, just the cutest little thing I've seen. I just want to pick her up and have a cuddle. I am so so so so so SO glad to see her, although I am even more sad for you now. But also so sad for her, knowing what a truly beautiful little girl she was, and how perfect and ready for life she was too. Oh bless her. Thank you so much for sharing xx
How are you coping with everything today? What has the hospital advised you to do, if anything? Well done for getting through yesterday... You are in my thoughts so much.

Now, as for me, if green (or anyone else) is worrying about me then I shall just say that, in a nutshell, we have been advised to go back to doing IVF asap. Not unexpected, as we already knew that E was a miracle, but stressful to have it confirmed. And I'm wondering how the hell are we supposed to cope with it, any time soon?! I know we will cope.. I know we will do it. Just, it's difficult, is all. In the absence of another miracle - it really is quite unlikely - we will probably look at first cycle of IVF in the New Year.
So, well, I know I said I don't swear that much, but apparently I lied... what a crock of shit, eh?

poppet that must have been hard to hear even if you were expecting it. I don't know the particulars of IVF, can I ask what it will intail?

Oh kleine, how difficult to have that to face too. As with fan, I'm not too sure exactly what it will entail other than injections and hormones and general not niceness for you in particular, as well as the stress. Did you go through IVF before you conceived E then, or were you about to start it? What a perfect miracle she was xxx

Thanks ladies... We actually started our first cycle of IVF the month E was conceived (IVF takes place over two months, but I only did the first bit of it as we discovered that I was pregnant before starting the second bit!). Basically you 'down-regulate' your cycle one month, ie control the hormones at the end of the cycle so that the follicles can then be entirely controlled by the drugs. Then, once you've had your period, you inject hormones to encourage more follicles to develop than usual - it's a fine line, you don't want too many as that's dangerous. You have lots of ultrasounds to see what they're doing, and if several of them develop then they are retrieved (with you under a general anaesthetic, that's a particularly fun afternoon). Hopefully the retrieved eggs will be of good quality and will mate nicely with the sperm that your DH has supplied! Then, if any of the eggs develop enough after either three or five days, one - or sometimes more - will be returned to your uterus, which has meanwhile been prepared with other drugs so that it's a good environment for implantation. And after that, it's just like any other normal cycle - you wait and see...
Argh.

It's just so difficult anyway. And so damn expensive. We DO have some savings which we can use for two cycles, but after that then we'd have to borrow money. (No NHS IVF for us. We have had a live birth, so are almost certainly off the list . We are double-checking this but, well, guidelines are guidelines...)

Oh I forgot. Any 'extra' fertilised eggs can be frozen and then can be used in future cycles. If there are too many and you don't use them all, you can ultimately choose to donate them to other couples who are unable to produce their own embryos. Which is a nice thought... I feel quite strongly about creation of life, and would want each and every embryo to have a chance. But that's a million miles away from where we are now. I want MY babies first.

Kleine hugs lovely lady. Sounds like a difficult day all round. IVF sounds like a hard route. If it helps at all 2 of the ladies from my sands group had conceived the babies they lost through ivf and they are both allowed another 'free' cycle on the nhs. Happily one of them conceived first time again and is due in about 6 weeks xx

Oh kleine, life is indeed shit! what a day you had to face. I Hope you can have the treatment on the NHS. Hope you are feeling ok? x

Am still here - thank you both I am not sure that we would even want to go down the NHS route, to be honest... their success statistics are always much lower, and we do have the money to go private, at least at first. But obviously if it was offered to us on the NHS soon then we'd do it. I think it'd be a couple of years' wait, though (the lists are long around here), and so not an option at the moment. We are lucky... 'lucky'... that we can go private.

ENOUGH about me! There are far more important things going on. Thinking of everyone xx