Round up your ghosties and ghoulies and long legged beasties, the BESH are going to scare out the BFPs!

[sinkyroselee]

Its true, NGCECOAWT, so the BESH move on.

Join us in spooky October, for a different sort of Pagen fun. Sod the lentil weaving and organic bean bags, we're channelling pointy black hats, green tinged foundation and probably a bit of Harry Potter.

Join us for cursing of the insta-diffs, moments of pure love and the horrors of the cam of the fanjo - post the Beshtionnaire and the coven will judge you.

This is not a woo thread (TINAWT)

I am middling, grooming-wise. My hair is very cooperative, which makes a huge difference. Can't be arsed with makeup though, that's just for special occasions.

Day seven and droid is still here, dribbling along. If it's still there on Monday I shall go to the GP.

Also next week, my mum is visiting my grandparents so hopefully I'll be able to see her. I will attempt once again to tell her about TTC, but given that so far I've bottled it not got round to mentioning it I am unsure whether the conversation will be had.

Could you maybe write something down for her instead draf? Hope your droid fucks off shortly. My personal record is a 30 day droid.

Christmas is for nob jockeys.

Best. Sentence. EVER!

Draf, I emailed my mum in the end to tell her about it. It kind of backfired on me, but then she is mental.

I wouldn't worry about the grooming. You have nothing on me. I had an office social event tonight. Walking there with a large group of colleagues I managed to faceplant onto the pavement. There goes my thin veneer of sophistication.... Grooming is frankly irrelevant now. And irritatingly I was sober. Meh.

Nice sleb womble faif.

Oh euro You ok?

Too hot to sleep. Probably some sort of early menopause hot flush...

winkles, that's some impressive droid.

Partner at the time wasn't impressed.

Poor you norf. Am also too hot to sleep but for me its early onset chest infection. Sent home early from chocolate stealing office of torture. Would some paracetamol & a glass of milk help you?

Sorry Norf, I tend to forget that my racing speak is a whole other language to other people

Congrats on the "titled" womble Faith

Evil hope nothing more than your pride was hurt.

I eventually told my folks about TTC last year when I had to go in for my laparoscopy. They've been great about it, though my mum gets upset sometimes and says she worries she did something wrong when she was pregnant with me

Got an important meeting this morning, the future of my company could depend on it . There's very little chance of the company disappearing, but we could undergo a pretty drastic reshuffle. Thankfully my job isn't under threat.

No, it's really cool, fsr. I wish I knew all about racing.

How is your chest this morning, winklepicker?

Morning hags.

I'm fine thank winkly. Only my pride was damaged. I caused a people jam as it was on a narrow walkway and during the evening rush hour.

FSR they just flagged that they are going to do a piece on Frankel later today on the BBC Breakfast programme.

Poor euro pride, that sounds hideous if entertaining for the onlookers. May I ask HOW exactly you achieved that whilst not drunk?

at Christmas is for nob jockeys. One I didn't expect to find when I logged in this morning.

Is this the frankel retirement show? Enjoy it while it lasts! and I didn't get any of the description either norf it is not you it is her

I love wankstain and shall appropriate it for the twat doc, I saw yesterday. Seems apt since he works in infertility as well. I had another counselling sesh. I cried lots, but it was less traumatic than last time.

How did the counsellor approach this session, lem? Don't answer if it is too much. I'm glad it was less traumatic, anyway.

Oh and FSR I happened to look on the SO fred, as you do, and spotted your question about CM and headaches on menopur. I absolutely did not overstim (2 eggs was what they aimed for, using 1 vial of menopur, but I ovulate on my own) and I had STINKING headaches from day two of injecting. My other side effect was going a bit mental (emotionally all over the place). I didn't notice CM particularly, but at IUI the doc commented on how beautiful it looked (well fanks for that).

Sharing - apparently - is good, so I shall overshare a little, norf. She eased into it by asking about my (new-ish) job, I think because she wondered whether I hide in my work from issues, which I don't think I do. So we left that after I explained what I do (and that I had had a great week at work) and then she asked what I took away from the last sesh.
I told her I discussed stuff with SB and another friend - sorry failed to mention you lot and said they recognised the two main things: Victorian gentleman like unwillingness to engage with (negative) emotions and a bit of a family-tangly-issue (which I have not mentioned much on here). She seemed pleased I discussed stuff and then she asked about my home work, so I told her I did it, but that I would not share the letter with her. She was okay about that, asked me whether I wanted to read the beginning and the end. The answer was no again! So she asked me to read it to myself, which was a little akward and made me cry a lot. I didn't tell you what I wrote, but it was mostly worries whether the MC happened because I was not happy/welcoming/loving enough. And in the letter and now, I think that is bull. I was really happy and MC don't happen because you don't love the unborn ball of cells enough. (But emotions are strange and stupid.)
So then we talked about what is important to me about this, whether I could take anything positive away from it and stuff. The main thing I found helpful is that I discovered you can engage with sadness and/or grief without it taking over. So now I am being encouraged to do that a few more times, until the tear flowing gets less. The next step after that is letting go, preferably by a ritual, and guess what I am more allergic to that than to the letter writing. So I discussed it with SB last night and we might just either not do it, or make a big joke out of it.
So now, I am thinking about what I want to get out of it. This sesh was all about engaging with the sadness, which I suppose I would never have done without counselling. But I think next time I want to move to the despair that comes from infertility, rather than the sadness that came with MC. I do feel like I can manage that myself and I need more help with the IF issues than with the MC. But then, I thought I was further along with dealing with it and then I spend half the sesh crying about it, so maybe I am hiding my head in the sand...

Right end of overshare.

for driz

Sounds like you covered a lot of ground and that it was a really productive session. Well done. Don't rule out the ritual thing. You might find it a whole heap more powerful than you think.

drizz, that sounds really good, and some of it is also really familiar to me. A ritual sounds awful, but then we all thought the letter sounded awful, and that turned out to be really important in helping you to grieve and untangle what you are grieving about and, umm, stuff. Do you think the difficulty with a ritual is that it's something you have to do with/in front of SB, whereas the letter was just you?

Oh driz well done. Am a bit of a Victorian gentleman myself and am highly impressed at your emotional strength getting through that. Did she give any clue what form the ritual might take, if you don't mind me asking? I have slight visions of a mud splattered dance round a bonfire but the awful letter homework implies something far less fun. (and well done on your beautiful ewcm)

Norf my chest is a bit rubbish today. Feeling v asthmatic and old.

You could do something like burn the letter and then scatter the ash somewhere beautiful - into the wind off a mountain (if you are a mountain type) or into a running stream or river.

Drizz I'm not entirely sure. It was next to scaffolding for building works and I think I stepped on a broken bit of paving that rocked down quite a bit so I tripped on the next paving stone and went sprawling forwards. I was carrying my noo boots at the time, but thankfully they appear to be unharmed.

I do think the letter exercise sounded helpful for letting you get it all out, even if it was really tough. Burning it sounds good. You can let all that grief go.

Alright hags?

I'm back in the land of the living after a week of nights. Good effort on the scans, the excellent cm, the cathartic letter writing, the Frankle mourning, the tripping over your own feet (but saving the luffly boots), the injections and the developing chest infection (poor winkly)

The ritual does sound horrendous driz, but like norf said, so did the letter. It might surprise us all you

Am off for a bit of relaxing needling shortly. I think I just like the opportunity to lie still for an hour.

My promised appointment, surprise surprise, hasn't appeared. Told on Monday it was in the post. Assuming 2nd class mail, am I being daft to think it might be here by now?

Right, I am back having worked off all that emotional blah in a (very slow and painful run) just doing a tiny bit of work and then off to another weekend away with SB :)

The falling sounds worse in detail, euro. So now I am not longer as entertained but impressed with boot rescuing!

As to the ritual, it does sound hideous, and really dot I am actually worried it might be a bit too powerful for my liking. I am liking norf's idea of letter burning (am a pyromaniac at heart) although the ash scattering might be way too much. But I sort of decided that I would keep the letter, I wrote it in a nice notebook and I think I'll stick the pics of me being diffed in there too. We discussed options in the sesh, but I recoil from most of them. Candle burning, spare me; having a place to come back to, no thanks; etc, etc. We came to the conclusion that writing and baking is what I do naturally. So SB and I might just eat loads of cake and chat about how it was when we thought there would be a baby in April. I've thought of my version of letting go rituals a bit more, so now I'm thinking of writing a note (or preferably poem) and folding it into an origami boat and letting it float away on a lake or something. Also, she suggested I should give SB the space to do something for him to let go too (and he might be into candles and stuff, which worries me) so we might do that too.

In the pub (where I met SB after the sesh) I realised that I associate decent single malt with grief, as we went round to my grandparents place when my granddad died and drank his collection after his funeral with the grandchildren. So maybe it will involving drinking to life, which is what we did then too.

Oh and as to sharing with SB, I don't think that matters too much, he's the girl after all. And he seemed not horrified by the letter writing (and is threatening to do one of his own!) and then we can share both.

Enjoy the needling sinky! Do you think it helps?

Enough heavy shit.

I have a bucket of calamari rings here, anyone fancy them tipped over them? If not, I shall fry them and share them out with Hurrah it is Friday drinks :)

Frank how did the meeting go? Hope the firm is alright!

Hope you feel better with the chest soon, winkly. I am a sciency type and hate placebos, but honey and lemon does tend to do me a lot of good. With some alcohol or paracetamol stirred in if you want to improve it!