low sex drive

[hollyscots]

Hi first time poster! Have been Ttc for about 6 months now but so far no joy. I'm a but worried as I know that to be successful you have to be dtd frequently to get the best chance but my dh has a very low sex drive. I do my best and try and we do go through wee bursts but he admits that he has never been that interested etc. I know he fancies me and I know he enjoys it but he's happy with around once a week and it can be less...he is also not the sort to perform under pressure so I can't tell him i'm ovulating jump me! Any suggestionsor anyone in a similar boat? I secretly worry that his lack of drive will mean he has a low sperm count or just low fertility?

Helloooo :) I don't know if this helps but my husband and I were trying for 9 months and I was the one with the low sex drive. We actually only had sex once in the whole month when I finally got pregnant!
I think like you said, try not to attach any pressure to it, just be fun. When you're ovulating you could surprise him with a bath together? Or some sexy underwear? I'm sure he won't say no!

Hello Holly

Would DH be open to speaking to his doctor? Low sex drive could be down to low testosterone and so blood and semen tests may be prudent.

Of course this could be normal for him but as you are TTC it is worth considering.

Thanks! As you can imagine its a tricky conversation....basically the sex drive thing has been for the five or so years we've been together and he's quite prudish etc! I've managed to convince him to ttc as he was pretty happy to wait a few more years but i'm almost 33! Now I think he's happy enough to be ttc but I don't think he'll cope with any pressure.I don't tell him when um ovulating again to stop pressure. He just doesn't get the urgent feelings I have, and at times he doesn't get how hurtful it is when I initiate and he knocks me back..sob

Hi holly
My DH has a chronical medical condition and his sex drive is pretty low too. I did however got pg in June when we DTD twice in the whole month. Sadly I had a mc at 7 weeks.
I'm now determined to try again and I try my best not to say anything. I check cm and jump on him when I can but still not more than 2 or 3 times in fertile period. It is a little challenging at times but all it takes is one little guy so don't despair!

Thanks lolcbcb...sorry to hear about MC but you have given me hope that our situation may not be as depressing as I feel at the moment! I just find it ironic that in most of my previous relationships I was the one trying to ignore the signals frequently and now it seems i'm the /signaler! I'm really happy with dh but sometimes I just wish he was a bit more interested...i'm trying to tell myself its just the way he is as I know he had said its just him...he never can manage it more than once a day. God I'd never tell my friends any of this!

Yeah I think we do tend to share a bit more on MN than with RL friends which may explain why I'm so into it right now
Don't worry if u r happy then that is a minor thing. My DH won't even rise to the occasion if under pressure lol!
So I check my signs and make sure we DTD wkd before ov then I just sneak in an extra weekday shag! It's not ideal but at least it means I get a full load haha

Haha well he does, erm, perform well when convinced...I'll just keep trying to jump him when required :) I don't want to tell him i'm worried as I get the feeling some delightful ex has totally shattered his confidence in the past...it took me a lot of time and effort to get him to feel good about his performance etc so I don't want a discussion of the frequency of said performance to undo all my good work. Poor soul was convinced he was small, fast and useless....if I could get my hands on said ex I'd throttle her! ! !

Oh holly I do feel for you. I wouldn't worry about the amount of times it happens, it only needs to be a successful one timer!! Plenty of people will say they got pg by only having sex once in that month. As for ur other halfs confidence, I understand where you're coming from, my oh said five years ago when we got together that his ex was only really interested in her own pleasure and made him feel small, and quite inadequate.
He didnt ever believe me when I'd tell him the opposite. I got round this by letting him hear me when speaking to my friends suggesting I had no complaints in that department whatsoever. U know, as girls do! Think it indirectly gave him a bit more confidence.

this comes up frequently on the over 40s board- as sex drive in men seems to often go down with age. My advice, know your fertile period- use OPKs (v.cheap on amazon if you buy the dip stick ones) and temp too if possible- don't tell him, keep it to yourself. use free charting software like fertility friend. Then if he isn't in the mood- well usual advice is to get him going however he likes best, many say they do oral to start with.

Another one who had a DH with a low sex drive. Investigations for infertility showed he had an underlying medical condition causing low testosterone and hence low sperm count and sex drive. Now he takes medication and everything is back in range (and he's very keen in sex!). I fell pregnant 8 months after he started the treatment. I would push him to see his GP to check there's not something underlying.