Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

[Moominsarescary]

Hoping the thread brings us luck and that soon we will all be holding our rainbows xx

Welcome spotty and so sorry to hear about your Bertie. My daughter Ophelia was stillborn at 36 weeks 16 months ago and we have had two early miscarriages since. It also took us 18 months to fall pg with Fi. I hope u find the support you need on this thread. I know without this thread I would be in a different space mentally now, these women here are wonderful, supportive with out being judgemental. I love them to bits.

Waves to everyone, sorry not to name check will read back later, right starting week two of the tww. Trying not to over think stuff. Fx.

Hi spotty, I'm sorry to hear about your little Bertie. My dd Zoe was stillborn 18 months ago at 41 weeks, we have been ttc for 16 months so far.

Mecha- I'm so glad you are well! Won't be long until you can start ttc!

Green- I'm at your Dh clinging onto having an Italian baby! I have a number for the maternity bereavement psychologist, I'm building up the courage for the call.

Moomins- I'm sorry you are struggling at the min, can you speak to the consultant about having a scan sooner?

Blue- fab news about the MP!

Yikes to all the animals with fleas!

I am due to ov tomorrow or Friday, typically I have come down with a horrible cold and Dh is away on Friday morning to a stag do for the weekend!

Hope you are all ok today, love to you and our angels. X

Hello to everyone. Sorry I've not been on here much recently. Trying not to focus too much on the potential pregnancy (still refusing to believe it might actually stick) and also DS1 started maternelle (like kindergarten) this week. He's finding it pretty tough after having been in his old creche since he was a baby, and I'm finding it tough too as he's still so little (only 2y5m). Not enjoying him crying every morning :-(

A sad welcome to the thread spotty. So sorry to hear about the loss of Bertie. I lost my DS2 at 35.5 weeks on 22 April. I'm possibly about 7ish weeks pregnant again, although refusing to think about it at the moment incase I miscarry again (had a mmc at 13 weeks before DS1). I hope you find comfort on is thread.
Great to hear about your op meccha and glad that you're feeling much better.
Keeping fingers crossed for you fanjo and hope that your weekend plans don't get in the way of ttc blizy ;)
Hope you manage not to worry too much moomins. Although I am the queen of worrying, so don't take my own advice!

Have gynae appointment at midday to see if the fleck that we thought we saw 2 weeks ago has a) managed to grow, and b) managed to get a heartbeat. Am terrified, feeling sick and really desperately crossing everything. I've definitely been getting more symptoms these last 2 weeks, but I know after having a mmc that symptoms can be there even if the pregnancy fails. Back to work on Monday, so praying the baby has stuck and grown...

A quick hello from me. Sending love and a yummy Cornish cream tea to everyone! (Not that I am eating such things myself, sadly, but for the past few days DH's breakfast has been two scones laden with everything!!)
Hugs to all who are struggling right now. Always so sad there are so many of us. moomins you obviously had a bad night, I'm so sorry. how are you feeling today? Have you spoken with your DH about wanting a private appt, what does he think you ought to do? Hope today is a little easier.
Welcome to spotty, and I'm so sorry about Bertie (great name). I was being induced at 42 weeks in June when I started hemorrhaging - our amazing little daughter E was born by EMCS and died two days later from the effects of oxygen deprivation. We had been ttc for over two years when we conceived her.

We will head back home tomorrow, has been good to get away. Beautiful walks and beaches. Tough though, of course, too. Plus we've had two baby announcements while here (waiting on a third, any day now), and although we've coped pretty well with it so far, it's just always going to be hard around these little ones, who were excitedly planned to be E's playmates. Selfishly, I also find it very hard to watch friends' families extending unproblematically to two or three children, when our much longed-for firstborn died...
Still have no idea what's going on with ky body/cycle. Fair amount of erratic bleeding etc. Consultant is happy to leave it for a month or so (unless it gets worse) in the hope it will sort itself out spontaneously. Not really up for another op right now, so I do hope it does.
That reminds me - mecha really so glad to hear the op went well! Your DH sounds lovely, taking so much time off to look after you. Take care xx

Oh amy Xpost - I was wondering this morning when your appt was and thought perhaps I'd missed it upthread - thinking of you and hope and pray so much that your little bean is doing just exactly what it should be. Much love to you xx

Sorry ladies having a bit of a freak out and need some advice or a sturn sit down and don't panic fan!

Ok for the past two mornings when I've been for a wee I have noticed that there is a tiny spot of blood in my knickers. Now I'm just coming into the second week of tww, so I know it could be implantation but also it could be my fibroids. I've never had this before my other pg's have always been pretty clear of spotting till week 5 or 6. So what do you think I should do? Should I go to the doc's or wait it out till the end of next week? And see if I get a BFP? I'm not in pain, so thinking to wait it out but what do you ladies think.

fan I'm afraid I don't know much about fibroids but, unless spotting would mean they needed urgent attention, and given that you're not in pain, if I were you I would wait it out. Perhaps if you notice an increase in the bleeding, try phoning the docs for advice if you can do that? Otherwise though perhaps best to wait until you know whether it's pg related. And of course all pgs are unique, so the fact that you didn't spot at this stage previously doesn't necess mean anything. Must seem like forever till the end of next week... Hope so much for a very sticky bfp.Am off out now but sending much love to you xx

poppet thank you for your post but I think its all over this month, its CD 23 and well the spotting has increased and its the start of AF, a week bloody early, I'm not chuffed! I think I could cry!

fan Hmmm. That seems strange. Could your fibroids be messing up your cycle? Just wondering if it might be worth having a check-up on them (although not really sure what this might involve), to see if you can gain any greater understanding on things?

Hi POPPET, (waves madly as you pass Devon), hope you have a safe trip home, and when you get there it's welcoming for you. It can be hard going home after being away, normality isn't so normal for us anymore is it? I sometimes feel my life must be carrying on somewhere else, and I am on a parallel path that can't be right.....

FAN, to hell with wtf cycles. It's just not ok. You should be regular as bloody clockwork, it's only fair. Thinking of you. X

AMY, I hope you are ok waiting for your appt.? ( stupid question, I mean as ok as possible). I have everything crossed that they can give you good news. Is someone with you? X ( much hand holding on offer).

All kind of ok here, suns shining, but can't seem to get off my bum to actually DO anything..... Ah well, lunch time soon!

miasmum I think I am going to have to go to the doctors. This is shit, I'm really fed up. I hate that this is my life now.

FAN. I'm really sorry things are crappy. You just really really deserve it to be different. I think at least if you go to the docs you might get some answers, or some reassurance if nothing is 'wrong' iykwim. Xxx

I just feel so let down by my body, I'm trying to make it better by losing weight, but yeah going to ring the doctors tomorrow and get an appointment, I may need to have another ultrasound to see if I have new fibriods. This all sucks, why am I the one having the problem, why can't it be easy.

fan honey, I wish I had the answers for you. But know that by acting now and visiting the doctor, by losing weight, you are giving yourself the very best chance you can. You are not putting your head in the head and ignoring the signs - which many less courageous people might do. You are amazing, I think. Big hugs. Xx

Fan it stinks ... Glad u re going to the drs. Ask for a gynae referral to check your fibroids. I had implantation bleeding with Phebs ( the only time ever) was when I was due my AF was pink tinged spotting over about an hour or so... Hope u get some answers chick xxxx
Amy good luck back at work ... 1 day at a time & remember " today you are pg" xxxx
Kleine is it you on hols? Sorry if I m mixed up!!!! If so , have a fab time.xx
Blue excellant news re; mat pay cx
Blizy boo hoo for DH being away ... Can u sneak an early one in now & 1 when he returns to cover the bases????
Welcome Spotty sorry for your loss. My DD was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10: Georgie of E Coli. I'd had 2 MCs before Georgie but have since had my fabulous rainbow ; Phoebe 18/10/11. We certainly understand what you re going through & are a good supportive bunch . Xxxx
Hi all , hugs to all. Feeling better here , just tired now so chilling , reading etc... So nice to have had this time off work think it was definatly needed... Weather been lovely here so made the most of it.... Will return to work on Tues ( my day off Monday) for 3 little weeks then have a holiday in Ibiza me thinks!!!! xxxx

My alpacas have just been sheared. They look ridiculous. It's the most I've laughed in ages, and they don't look impressed with me. I didn't know I could laugh anymore. I hate that it makes me feel guilty.

FAN, I really hope you're being kind to yourself, you are doing everything right, as MIASMUMMY said. X

I have spent some proper time looking at my SWI record (!) and I think because I assumed I wasn't oving I have missed the best dates for two of the four months. Bugger. It has made me feel a little stupid, but at least I ovd this month. I just want my cycles to settle down, then maybe I will stop obsessing. ( who am I kidding)! It's been so long since we started trying, (4yrs), and two MCs then not getting to bring Merryn home and I'm feeling it's all a bit impossible. It's hard to hang onto hope isn't it? I don't know if I can be as brave as the ladies here who have been trying for a while...you are truly my inspiration.

green xxx I was exactly the same 4 years ttc , 1 MC, 1 MMC a couple of cps then Georgie but I got there in the end as we all will... It's just so emotionally draining & all consuming.....so hoping for rainbow babies for us all very soon xxxxc

I've just reread my last post, and I'm really sorry if I came across as selfish and thoughtless. I have my two boys and I did not mean I am 'starting trying', I meant since we started trying for Merryn. My brain seems to be disengaging from my mouth a lot just now!

Thankyou angel and green, I have been ttc'ing for 3 and 1/5 years now, hoping for some good news soon.

All you ladies are so thoughtful and know exactly what to say, I love you all.

Oh fan my lovely friend ((hugs)) that really really sucks I think you are right, now is the time to get yourself to the most understanding doctor at your practice and try and get some answers. You and dh have done everything right and given yourselves the very best chance. You know from Ophelia, Beanbag and Bungle that you can get pregnant, so that's a massive positive to hold on to. I know it must be so hard to stay positive at the moment. We're all here with you xxxxx

Kleine glad you've managed to have some good times in Cornwall - get a cream tea down you though; doctors orders - good for the soul!

Amy what an anxious wait for you. Thinking of you and praying for a bigger bean with a nice strong heartbeat xx

Blizy sorry you've got a rotten cold - my dp has too, he's very grumpy!! Hope you managed to still take advantage of your ov though

Moomins what an anxious time for you. We had a private scan at 26 weeks, it really helped so imo money well spent xx

Mecha glad to hear you're feeling not too bad and you've got dh home with you xx

Blue yay for enhanced mat pay I'm already panicking about coping when I go to smp.

Hi Mias how are you doing lovely lady? I know Mias birthday is approaching - do you have any plans? How is Mias wood coming along? Hope you're managing to rest - it's such an emotionally draining time xxx

Waves green Sounds like you've had a good trip - at an Italian baby. Fx for you this month. Love the image of your bald alpacas!

Ah august you sound so deservedly happy with little Adam - same way I feel about Holly. It's a good feeling xx

Knackered here, poor Holly all bunged up and just wants to feed and feed and cuddle. Which I'd love except K really playing up this week - reaction to new sister and starting back at school methinks. Poor kid seems to think the only way she can get our attention is to be ultra hyper and argumentative. We've been so conscious to make sure she doesn't feel left out as well. My left breast is bloody killing me too not sure if it's a blocked duct or the beginnings of mastitis but it's so so sore! All worth it though!!

Love to all xxx

WTW, get ye a cabbage leaf....! It's lovely to hear about Holly, but its hard when they just feed and feed and feed isnt it? I'm sure K will settle soon, school and a sister is a lot to deal with!

AMY, thinking about you, hope all went smoothly today for you. X

Night everyone x

Evening Ladies!

BLUE AND ELLY: Thank you for your kind words.I hope all is well and your both taking it easy and great news about your pay BLUE x

GREEN: So sorry to hear about your lovely Merryn : ( I truly hope you get lucky this month ;)

MOOMINS: What a stressful time for for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fast forward a few weeks for you. Be strong I know your little rainbow has a guardian angel in the form of big brother Jacob. Keep your chin up x

FAN: Life is being so unkind to you. I hope and pray that things change for you soon. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn but have you thought of acupuncture? I've never tried it but it has helped a friend of mine who was TTC! I also read somewhere on another thread that Royal Jelly is supposed to be helpful? Sorry if this is useless info to all you experts on here so please bear with me because I'm still very much a novice on these things. Anyway FAN sending you 'BIG HUGS' tonight. x

SPOTTY: So sorry to meet you here. Really sorry to hear you lost your Bertie too. My son Adam was stillborn on 4/7/2012 at 38+4 x

WTW: Sorry your boobies are sore!

AMY: Hope your rainbow growing well x

Hello to everyone else and praying that those who want to start TTC that your bodies get back to normal. I'm now 9 weeks on and no sign of AF yet
:( feel like any chance of a rainbow is a million miles away. Gonna get some Royal Jelly tomorrow....who knows its worth a try!

Also did I read somewhere there was a list of questions that I might want to ask the consultant on Monday? If there is would someone send me it? Cant remember if I dreamt that or there is one........I'm truly brain dead!

Nite Nite all x

babyh I havnt tried acupuncture, I shall look into it, I have heard reflexology is good too.

I knew it was going to be hard for me to conceive the fibroids can make it difficult for the embyro to attach, but I know something is different, my periods have changed. They have become more painful, so much so that today I went and bough some Feminax and well it isnt working! I feel quite weak and a bit spaced out. I think im slightly anemic again. Though there is no af today. Which makes me think the fibroids have grown or I have a new one or they have moved and my uterus is fighting to contract and get rid of its lining.
Going to ring the doctors on monday, I have to take the cats to the vets tonight for their second jab, so will have no time for doc's. Hoping they will be sympathic and let me go for an ultrasound. I just want to go back to bed and sleep through this today. My periods were like this the year before I fell pg with Fi, so there is hope. But god I had so much sick leave due to feeling so rough and weak. Doctors didnt do anything really, but I need to know for myself if the fibroids are different.

Morning everyone. Thanks for all your good wishes - they must have worked! Scan yesterdayshows a proper little baby now, complete with a heartbeat and everything. The measurements put me at about 7+4, so about 5 days off what my dates say. But, I think that's about right given the wierd pregnancy test thing I had. We're still not getting our hopes up too much as with my mmc before Ds1 I had a perfect scan at 9+5 only for baby to stop growing a week or so later.... Anyway, my gynae is being very supportive and I've got another scan booked for 3 weeks' time to check on progress.

Sending lots of virtual hugs your way fan. i really hope you get some answers aut the fibroids when you see the doctor.
wtw Hope you and H are feeling better soon. It's definitely knackring when they feed onstop like that.
babyh Hope af makes an appearance soon. It took about 8 weeks for mine to come back properly, so hopefully you'll be back there soon too.

Hello to everyone else - sorry I can't namecheck, but I've got a crazy last day off planned and my builders keep cutting the power while they redo the elctric sockets in my lounge. Going back to work might actually be relaxing at this rate!

AMY... I'm so happy for you! I've been thinking about you since yesterday wondering how it had gone, I'm just so,pleased!

FAN, your having such a tough time of it love, it's just not right. It's reassuring to know you conceived Fi with similar cycles, but you need something to change so you can feel a little better. Do you have anything nice planned for you're WE?

I had a bit of a funny turn last night. It's spot on for SWI and I couldn't. I got really upset. I've realised that I am terrified of getting pregnant. I think I've thought so long and hard on what happened to Merryn, (which was a nightmare from the start), I've only just started to allow myself to think about how it was for me. The whole pregnancy from 20 weeks I knew she had a tumour, and every two weeks I had to see and hear how much bigger it was. I made so many bargains with a god I don't even believe in. It was a living hell. I was ill all the time. My body started to mimic hers when I got mirror syndrome, and by the time we were in London I was very ill, but i new she had no chance if i couldnt keep her inside until 32 weeks, (we managed 32+1). I didnt know what to do, she needed to be inside, but i needed to stay alive for my two boys. She alerted them on a routine london scan, which saved my life basically, if we had driven back to Devon the doc said I would have fitted in the car. I went into major organ failure and it was really hit and miss for a while. I've been left with a dodgy heart and possibly kidney problems, they don't know yet. By being born my girl saved me, and I didnt manage to save her. It's all wrong. Anyway, I'm sabotaging ttc I think, and need to put some serious effort into not doing this. My DP was a bit desperate last night, he so wants another baby. He's got even less control over this than me. Sorry to be flat, I'll pick up soon. I'm glad I've realised why I'm being weird, now I can do something about it.
(Meanwhile, I have 20 Harry Potter wands to make for my DS1s tenth birthday. I can't believe he going to be ten!)