Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Recently graduated from the mosh pit? Come on down to the mosh pit for some serious metalling and cake!

[MarthasHarbour]

Continuation of the last thread.

There's cake for scoffing, backs for patting, and screeching death metal for all your metalling moments. All welcome so come on in and get settled into the plush sofas!

Dictionary:

So settle into the mosh pit, we have special VIP area's for those on the 2WW, the new bumps metalling with segregated areas for the first/second/third trimesters and the club class cocktail bar for those who have just got AF and can get-pissed let loose for the first two weeks!

And we have a recently refurbished Mosh Pit Nursery for the graduates IQ Manda and Blue, we are currently running a rota for babysitting so those three can go and get-pissed have some rest! I have done my bit this week so i need the next volunteer!

Thanks midge, She was amazing I know I'm biased but she was. She took part in a trial nearer the end taking up precious time as in her words "someone did it so I had could have chemo, I'm doing it so hopefully someone can live"

I have a photo of her on my profile with dd as a baby, she adored her and is very much like her great grandma. She proudly does the little legs for life race every year since she got sick as do all of the Grandchildren.

Cancer is a cunt.

We're all doing the race for life this year in memory of my Mum, who died in September. cancer is indeed a dint :(

Just catching up (I too lost the thread) and saying that wow, I love state's Grandma too.

hi all :)

martha i cant remember if i have said but i am so sorry about your friend :( i agree cancer is indeed a cunt

hope everyone is well today!

AF wasdue at her earliest today and has yet to rock up :) 4 weeks pregnant...today I AM PREGNANT :) i have been waiting a while to say that :)

I'm so sorry. Xx

Horay nomoremarbles

kirrin:( so sorry about your mum :(

Thanks guys

I am laughing at my ipad's auto correct for "cunt" though! It's obviously more polite than I am

Yay marbles how exciting! Has it sunk in yet?

oh kirrin i am so very very sorry about your mum i want to do a race for life but think i may be a bit late this year, i am going to get over to the website now to check it out

state i too love the fact that the statement came from your grandma; lets all say it loud and say it proud - Cancer. Is. A. Cunt.

marbles whoop whoop for being 4 weeks pregnant - yayyy!

ladies i am feeling really down for obvious reasons, but i am also just not 'connected' to this pregnancy, i cant bring myself to muster up any enthusiasm for it now i know that there are many on this thread who would do anything to be pregnant, and 2 months ago i would have too, but i just feel so blue. I really hope that i can pull myself around and enjoy it but tonight i picked up my green notes which-i am yet to fill in and just felt sadness

is it just because of the situation with my friend or is it the MC? see the thing with my friend is that my emotions are all over the place, on the one hand i am dealing with something deeply tragic but also dealing with something very very exciting and much wanted. one minute i am up there ^ and the next minute i am down there v

or is it because i got my green notes last year and had to throw them out after the MC... maybe i am now associating my green notes with sadness (ie the MC last year), when they were the source of much excitement with DS... oh god i am fucked up at the moment

i think i might talk to the midwife when i go for my booking in on 14th June, i dont care if they put me down as a PND risk on my notes - i think this time i would rather be watched like a hawk.

anyone got any cake? or jokes - pleeease i need some jokes - the crap-per the better!

kirrin your ipad is everso posh - we dont use the word 'cunt' on kirrin island dont you know - what would Enid say??

martha you've already told a good joke about Enid Blyton! I liked it! I think it's normal to feel down and not get excited about a pregnancy after mc. And that's without considering your friend . I felt no joy whatsoever when I got the BFP for the ectopic (that's before I knew it was EP obviously).

Anyway, here's a joke - what's brown and sticky?

A stick with poo on it.
You did say crap joke!

Enid would indeed be horrified

I got put down as a PND risk with my pregnancy with DD (after my first loss). I didn't see it as a bad thing, they just keep a closer eye on you, and hopefully will catch you quicker if you look like you're sinking a bit.
Also, I think it's natural to detach yourself from a pregnancy when you've experienced a loss. It's a self-defence mechanism, albeit one that doesn't work. And given everything else you have going on at the moment it's not surprising that you feel blue :(

Martha sweetie stop beating yourself up! I felt blue enough after my bfp with worry and still have down days despite having had a scan. And you have so much more on your mind.

Umm a joke...

My dps favourite is, I want my kids to have the things I never had... nice kids. he thinks its hilarious.

tas faaaanx for the crap joke and support! kirrin thanks for the reassurance about the PND risk - i actually 'want' to put myself down as that as i really do not want to 'not' enjoy the pregnancy or newborn IYSWIM.

DH was when i said i feel detached, even though he is also anxious about another MC and is really understanding about my friend... i also get free counselling through work so i will give it a month or two and consider giving them a ring even-though when i said that to my mother she said that it wouldnt come to that and a good cry over a cup of tea is all i need bloody mothers!

state you really are cranking up the humour on this thread!!

My sister's favourite joke when she was about 7:

What's big red and eats rocks?
.
.
.
.
.
A big red rock eater!

She found this joke hilarious for many, many years.

marbles I am so pleased that you are alright-ish. Hope the infection goes, but so glad it is nothing sinister. I hope you understood what i meant about coming away feeling . I always feel like a bit of numpty when I have a false alarm, but it is so much better than something bad.

martha, I am not in a jokey mood, but I will think of one for you tomorrow. But I did want to say, you have been through a terrible thing this week with your friend. It must have taken so much from you. And, on top of that you have your metallers cloak on, like we all do, which can get in the way, especially when you are down. It is not surprising you are feeling down.

I don't know whether this will help, but I have felt very strange this pregnancy, things have come in waves. I am excited most of the time, but in a sort of quiet way, rather than a hip hip hooray way, and I feel sad that this is missing. I love my little girl and want to meet her, she is so very precious to me, but I have struggled to tell people, (still not told loads of people, despite my bump),didn't ring the MW till last minute, hate dopplers, don't look at scan pics very often... It is fear, self defence, and sadness for the babies I lost, and reminders of innocence gone. And then sometimes I get a big swoop of joy about it all. And the fear is gradually shrinking, but it has not gone. I have been trying to be pragmatic, just telling myself, I will get through this pregnancy by whatever means it takes. but would love someone to knock me out for a few months and hand me my baby when it is all over

martha I cannot sleep but thought you might like this. It always cheers me up, and so does a Father Ted marathon.

Marthas just sending you a giant squeeze from here and reassurance that 'detachment' is quite normal. I felt detached with my pg, just always on the edge of my seat waiting for things to go wrong. At times I would feel elated and was happy to discuss it with anyone then other times I would look at things I'd bought and start totting up how much I'd sell it for when things went wrong.

You will have up and down days - days when you will feel like crap and you might say "god I wish I felt better" then you realise what would have to happen for you to feel better and you take it back hastily. At the moment it's almost too many emotions to cope with, the wound from losing your friend is fresh and raw. Don't beat yourself up for feeling sorrow, it's what shows you how much you loved that person.

I can say without a doubt that it took me a long time to come to terms with it all especially after she was in scbu and it was a few weeks before I felt secure that DD was well and things would be ok and then little by little I fell more in love with her and now she is the centre of my universe. You have all of us, your DH and DS - you will get there!!! Xxxx

Also my crap joke:
I was walking to the shops yesterday and my flip flops fell apart, it was sole destroying.

martha all you describe is so normal. Remember me hyperventilating just because I booked in with the midwife? I think we are just being our normal broken selves. We will get there but in a different way to others. Joy will come once we are comfortable in our pregnancies. I still rarely feel it. i am hoping that when I reach viability it will be the catalyst I need to believe. I did think it would be the 20 week scan but not so sure now. My midwife recognised my self protection immediately and said it was only natural. They offered specialist service for people who have experienced loss. I am hoping I don't need it but will keep the offer in my mind if I still feel self preservation winning over attachment in the next months.

jaffa Ioved your and I knew exactly what you meant, no explanation needed.

Well 20 week scan today. Woken up early by a work colleague and now cant get back to sleep for fretting. May vomit on my shoes in the imaging unit.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

An egg. Ok so now I am a bit that is so crap....

martha meant to say... I saw a baby the other day, tiny one. All prodigy and cute. It smiled at me. And it's dad was smiling at my belly. And I suddenly thought. Crap, I am going to have one of those in about 18 weeks. This was the first time I had actually seen the pregnancy as a baby in the whole time. It's what we do, even the freakish positive midge does it. It's how we all stay sane x

Thats Podgy not prodigy. Damn you autocorrect.

Good luck today midgetm. Let us know how it goes. ((hugs))

If you're gonna vom. though, I will be letting go momentarily... I thought 'viability' would be something of a watershed but you'll all recall how I was still in complete denial right up to the point of, well, delivery, really. It seems to me an element of denial is very, very normal (you reading this, marff? You do know this, I know you do! It's somehow different to recognise your own feelings rather than reassure someone else though, eh?)

I thought it was spiffing that kirrins autocorrect changed cunt to dint! I may have to make that my new swear of choice.

Oh, cancer is a cunt.

I feel better being hugged and having my hand held. I will try not to be too much of a dint and puke on the floor, just so Manda carries on holding my hand. Just about to leave for the hospital and can hardly breathe.

Midget, I am thinking of you. Hope it goes well, that you get seen quickly and you are put out of your suspense. Big hug. X