12 months on and most people on my TTC thread are pregnant so I'm starting a new one! Come and join me if you've been TTC a while or are TTC after pregnancy loss... we've been through it all!

[iloveberries]

iloveberries Age 31, DH 32, DS 2 yrs. Been TTC #2 for a year, 1 m/c, 1 ectopic, 1 tube removed. Will be starting TTC again after my next AF.

Still following the ladies on my original TTC thread but most of them are now pregnant so whilst I'm delighted for them I wanted to start a new place for those who have been TTC for a while and are still awaiting a healthy, sticky bean in the right place.

All welcome..... nothing if off limits, nothing is TMI, no 'babydust' though please

Hi count - they can't see anything even with an internal scan till 6 weeks (i think) so it's good you've had bloods done.

totally understand your concern though i'm sure it will be fine mate.

Count I echo what *berries said. At this early stage there won't be anything to see as I think the yolk sacs only become visible at 5-6 weeks! Understandable that you are anxious though, nothing I can say will alleviate that but just know that we are here for you and have everything crossed that the all will be ok!

Berries where are you up to in your cycle now? You'll be next

Disco how are you feeling? Have you been to the docs yet? Good that the lines are getting darker and that the spotting has stopped

welcome aboard the good ship BFP mammy hope your voyage is a short one!

Hello to Mezza Munchin and Feelslike hope you are all ok.

Eeeeeeek miss you guys! Hope you are progressing well!!!

Not much to report here, waiting hoping to ovulate. Dtd as much as possible!! Hope it's not wasted though. This bloody Clomid better work!!!! Can't take much more of this if I'm honest.

Have a good day everyone!

Thanks ilove and MooWoo- I know they couldn't see anything it's just I've been told as soon as I fall pregnant which I have so now I have the nervous wait to check blood!!! I can't sleep!!!!!!
MooWoo- exciting stuff as clomid can make everything super and you could end up with twins or triplets!!!!!! Ekkkkkk
Have all crossed for you!!!

count and disco hope you are both feeling ok and keeping the beans stuck in there, and thanks for the good luck wishes.

moo good luck with dtd! Hope the clomid is working - are you having side effects?

berries hope the symptom spotting and waiting isn't driving you crazy, fx!

Munchkin I hope you are feeling ok and ov'ing and dtd on top of it!
Also wondering why you feel you don't have many eggs left? age?

I feel like I'm going nuts this week. I can't do anything but think about ttc. pretty sure this cycle is blown, feels like AF is around the corner with mild cramping and face looking like a teenager...
This cycle has been mad with tension probably because first try since ectopic and also that appointment looming over me. Feels like the longest week ever, and I'm so down in the dumps I don't quite know how I'm going to get myself out if it, I just know I have to. Can't go on driving myself crazy like this, must find ways to change focus next cycle.

Count it's good they are checking bloods and nothing to be seen on a scan yet. I'm sure it's so nerve wrecking for you. It's awful the way you can't relax and enjoy bring pg, that's what having a mc or ep does to you. fx next bloods show hormones multiplying nicely.

Disco good to see the lines are getting darker.

Moo your doing all you can now on clomid and dtd a plenty. Hope this cycle is your lucky one.

Mezza sorry your feeling down and apprehensive about appointment. Once it's out of way you'll know more. This ttc can become all consuming. I didn't think I was obsessing but last night I dreamt I had another mc. So obviously I am. We need to find another project to take our minds off it. I may go back to my painting.

How are you berries, Irish, feels like.

Thanks ladies for your words of encouragement. I am concerned I have left it too late as I have turned 40 and worry about quality and quantity of my eggs and whether menopause is looming. My mum reckons she started in her late 30's. Two of my close friends who are also 40 have both been through fertility tests and have both been told their ovarian reserve is low. So hence my panic. Also I am off my meds for epilepsy while ttc and conscious of the length of time I have been off them. I really think I'm going to give it til Xmas and face the decision of calling it a day.

soo glad there has been such great new on here!! yaaaaay!!
well done ladies!

hi everyone, moo - i think i am on CD 22 so just not thinking about it. I don't think it has happened this month.

Hard day for me today - just found out a close friend is pregnant with DC3 (all her DCs conceived month 1 of TTC). The thing that gets my goat is she and her husband have been having awful problems and she told me she may leave him but wants a 3rd DC so will try and have one with him first as she wants all her DCs to have the same dad. Anyway - I was pretty upset as it's ANOTHER person who can conceive easily, but then i realised, I REALLY don't want her life.

Anyway - just feeling a bit down in the dumps about it. I'm practically a recluse and went out today to try and cheer myself up and every single toddler mum had a baby or a bump - it's like they're all flaunting it in my face. I know they're not but it is so very hard. I just feel like such a failure and like i've really let DH and DS down :( :(

Berries firstly you are not a failure!!! Finding it hard to conceive is no ones fault. I'm sure you are a great mum and wife. It's just taking a bit of time. I can totally appreciate how you felt hearing about your friends news and it prob gave you that awful sinking feeling to the pit of your stomach. Unfortunately some people are super fertile. But she sounds like she has lots of her own issues with an unhappy relationship and having another baby is certainly going to compound the problem. So chin up you have to believe your time will come.

thanks munch - and sorry to bring the thread down after the fab recent news of lovely disco and count

Berries your not bringing the thread down at all. This is what we are all here for to support each other through the low points. You need somewhere to come and release your feelings. And I have certainly found comfort from you all also. It's always hard hearing about a new pregnancy and I will never forget the pain I felt seeing pg ladies and new borns in the early days after I mc.

Berries I know that you really wanted a certain age gap between your children but I think you mentioned a while ago that one unforeseen benefit to having a longer age gap was that you were able to give your son much more attention than the mothers you saw who were basically ignoring their toddlers. When you have your second, your son will be a little bit older and perhaps it won't be so stressful for him to have to give up some attention as he'll have a better understanding of the situation? Having said all that though, I know you just want a baby.

You've had a pretty traumatic and unlucky time of it TTC and I know it is easy to lose hope but you will get there, I know you will. It may have even happened this month, you never know....fingers crossed it happens for you soon.

Berries please please please don't feel like you are bringing this thread down, far from it. This is why we are all here; to share the highs, the lows, the good and the bad. No-one in RL would understand the trials and tribulations of what we have all gone through and the continuous battle that we are facing. And never think that you are a failure!!! TTC is not a simple case of bonking for a bit and then....ta da..........a baby is made. There are so many factors invovled, and those people that fall so easily have no understanding or sensitivity about what other people are having to go through.

It's even worse when the undeserving seem to get what we covet so much. I have just been through something a little similar (ok, not similar at all, but it's the best i can do!). My parents are currently visiting DB and SiL; SiL is 7 months pg (never thought they would have another to be honest). DM and SiL do not really see eye to eye, in fact DM was dreading going because of her, but she wanted to see my nephew and her son. Anyway, long story short, they land, get back to DB's house and call me briefly. And what does she say??? That SiL is looking lovely and she should stay that way forever. Aaaaaaargh. How can you be so 2 faced about something that I crave to have. Ok, they don't know we are TTC, but not the point.

Ok, that was nothing like your situation, but people are insensitive all over the place, close family, friends, strangers.

It's so easy to feel down and almost become introverted, but we have such wonderful support here that on those bad days, we come here and we unleash all those bad feelings and sometimes, we feel better for it.

I know how hard it is to want something that bad; I feel like I have been TTC forever and somedays I think it will never happen. I even console myself by telling myself maybe I am just not meant to be a mother. Maybe this is a sign. But, although I lost 2 potential beans, I take comfort in knowing that I can get pregnant and I will get pregnant again. And so will you. I know we will both be on ante-natal threads very soon.

You have been through so much but you are an amazingly strong and brave person. You have been here for me so often, when I have been feeling low, when I have thought I am being uneccessarily upset, but you all rally round and I realise that in time I will be posting about my amazing BFP!!! And so will you.

Please rant away whenever you want to. We are here to listen and offer support.

Whoa! Sorry for the epic post. Best do some work.

:)

Short on time but didn't want to read and run - sorry you are having such a tough time berries, go ahead moan all you like! And moo - what a speech! Brightened my mood at least! :)

Hope you are all doing ok xx

aaah moo - thanks for the 'lecture' - very kind of you!

I think friend with marital issues getting pregnant has really hit me. Talk about not putting your kids first.....

Anyway - I went out with my pre-kids friends and got totally pissed on wednesday which was great fun. Completely against the TTC rules but fuck it - i had fun and if i am in it for the loooooong hall then i don't want to give up my whole life's vices!!

Thanks for your comments disco - TBH I have abandoned the obsession with age gaps - i'd just like another baby... but i'd like him (or her) sooner rather than later! just so i don't have all the wondering of "will it happen?"

AF due next weds so not too long to wait. No symptoms at all here. 2 nights in a row of crazy crazy dreams and things have been a teeny bit wetter down then (TMI - sorry!) since ov but TBH last month I had such strong preggo symptoms and it turned out to be nothing so I am not getting my hopes up. I do think it will happen someday but i don't think this has been our month.

I have been avoiding playgroups of late as every todd mum has a bump or baby and i find it so upsetting - the consequence of this of course is that i have been really lonely. So today I am going to man up and go to a playgroup. We moved house about 6 weeks ago 300 miles away from where we were before so i do need to make some new friends!

How is everyone else? count - have you had your appt yet?

munchkin thanks for your post - how are you doing today?
mezz - how was hospital appointment?
Irish - how are you doing? Tell us more about you?
disco - how are you doing my love - i think about you every day (in a non psycho stalker way!) and hope it's all going well for you.
moo - where in your cycle are you? I want a BFP for you this month!!! GOOOO CLOMID!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Berries glad you are feeling a bit more yourself now. I know how you feel about someone with marital problems choosing to have another - at my work a colleague announced his wife's fourth pregnancy (she must have only been about 5 weeks btw - obviously they'd never had anything bad happen to them or he'd have been a lot more cautious) and it was an accident! Argh. I felt properly grumpy then.

The night out sounds great! And I don't think one night on the booze will hinder your chances too much - the stress relief probably cancels out the booze factor anyway :)

I think being brave and going out and meeting people (even if they do have a bump or baby) will really help you. I always feel worse if I avoid being sociable. I don't feel very sociable most of the time but always enjoy myself when I do make the effort.

I'm doing ok at the moment. DP is away, haven't seen much of him this week and he's off again next week so I'm feeling a bit lonely but it's not too bad. I've had no spotting (phew) but the nausea has slightly kicked in already (4+4 today). My tummy which I worked so hard to get flatter has now gone totally pot bellied but I still weigh the same. Dunno if it's gas or fluids or something. My boobs are nowhere near as painful as last time, they do hurt but only a bit. The lines on the tests are still getting darker so I'm hopeful it won't turn into a chemical pregnancy. I'm still fearful of miscarriage but something about this pregnancy feels different to last time, hopefully my intuition is correct! I'm just enjoying it and trying not to think about problems. I'll deal with them if and when they crop up. Full on morning sickness should hit just as the summer holidays start, not sure if that's good timing or not!

Hopefully you'll all be feeling sick like me soon (and not just from the booze Berries!)

Any results from the blood tests Count?

How are you Moo, Muchin and Mezza? (alliterative!)

Hi all tg it's friday!!! And 13th!!!

Glad your feeling better Berries and your night out sounds like just what the doctor ordered. You have to live life even when you ate ttc. Look at all people who get pg accidentally on drunken nights!!

Loved your epic post Moo. Great to know there is such grear support. Hope all is well with you.

Disco sounds like things are progressing as they should. Take opportunity to pamper yourself when dp is away.

Count did you get any more blood results? Hope all is as it should be.

How are you Mezza? And also hello to everyone else.

I'm going on ok. Getting geared up for my holiday in two weeks time. I've decided not to stress about ttc or lack of AF until after the hols and just dtd for fun. (what's that??)

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

DTD for fun sounds grand! to be fair this month we only bonked 3 times in the fertile week and i really enjoyed it!

So here are a list of my Symptoms in the past month which turned out to not be preggo symptoms:

1. Sore boobs
2. Big boobs
3. Achy boobs
4. Peeing more
5. fatigue
6. overemotionalness (not a word i know)

This month I am soooooo thirsty for water (last 2 days) and am having crazy crazy dreams (last 2 nights). I know both can be early preggo symptoms and they're ones i haven't had before BUT i am not symptom spotting, honest. ;) next month i will probably be adding them to the symptoms of AF..... secretly hopes for another crazy dream tonight and a no-show from AF on weds!

Hi all - big wave and thanks for your constant support! My results are good and mw is happy that all signs are looking good! I've passed 5 weeks and having my scan next week! Nervous but would rather find out sooner rather then later!
Berrie- it sounds great that you went out and let your hair down, try not to think about your lack of pregnancy symptoms not always present until you poas!!!! I never had any and poas as a fluke! I was packing all my bits away and just thought no loss it's a cheapy! Poas and left it, returned 10 mins later and thought its a evap line! But thought lets rule it out and decided to open up a CBD but had to leave it as had visitors so 30 mins later I looked and saw " pregnant 2-3" shocked was not the word!panic!
Moowoo- I have everything crossed that your news will be soon!
Disco- loving your relaxed approach I wish I could be like that! But with strict rules from doctor saying as soon as I get pregnant I need to go back!!
Munchin- whoop your getting ready for your hols glad your relaxing about TTC!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

So, I'm joining Symptom Spotters Anonymous.

I have a confession to make, it's only CD 26, and I crumbled and poas'ed. My progresterone test came back normal, which means I have ov'd just don't know when. Such an idiot, BFN of course, even the times I have been preg it I don't get a pos until after AF due. Have had a lot of 26 day cycles in the past 6 months, longest 30, so no poas-ing again until wed at the earliest, but pretty sure AF will have shown up by then. ha, I say that and still hope hope hope it doesn't. I'm setting myself up for a major crash here

Symptoms so far:

• waking up extremely early completely famished, need to eat asap or feel sick. Had the same the other +es
• nausea, particularly after a meal
• tired
• heavy sore boobs
• constantly needing a wee, but hardly any when I go (ha, sounds like cystitis doesn't it...)

against:

• af-type cramping
• the other times I have gotten a heart rate spike about a week before AF due, none this week. I always work out w/ a HR monitor, this spike has always been a sure sign of +

Appt in the hospital this week was ok - no new info, and still the whole spiel of "at least you are getting pregnant, this is good, it might just be bad luck". Managed to go through the whole history so far with no tears - that is definite progress. Had several smear tests taken, lots more blood, DH blood for cromosomal tests, and then I have a scan booked and have to come back for more bloods CD3-4. So many tests at least they are thorough. Not going back until sept, when I will see the consultant and go through all the test results. still hoping I won't need to

count glad to hear you are doing well, hope you are coping ok even though you are nervous, that's only to be expected after what you have been through. fx all is ok and the scan will reassure you.
berries hope you are feeling more positive and having a good weekend, I'm really really hoping your lack of symptoms is a good sign :)
munchkin such a good decision, have a lovely holiday and dtd lots and lots for fun!
disco glad to hear lines are getting darker, I also believe in intuition, hoping all is well and stays that way! fx
moo hope you are having a lovely weekend!

berries and mezza oh crikey I really really hope that this is your month!! remember every pg is different so something that happened last time might not occur this time!!

Berries oh no please don't think I was lecturing I just wanted you to know we are here for you!!

Count and Disco how is everything progressing? When do you go for first scans etc?

In IOM for a wedding today. Already on the ale think I might be ovulating today, not feeling great and have a few lower cramps and twinges, plus CP is high, open and incredibly soft plus very wet have dtd loads so gonna go again tonight and see what happens!!!

Right best crack on!!

Yay for ov Moo, hope you have a great time at the wedding, enjoy the ale and dtd! :)

I'm having the laziest Saturday ever, have decided that all chores can wait, I'm doing holiday at home in the rain just for today. Put on gas fire, made spicy hot chocolate , curled up on sofa with blankie, fat wad of Saturday papers and a good book.

Hi everyone, sorry I never introduced myself at the start.
I'm 44 with DS 19, DD1 12, DD2 8 and fell pregnant at the start of this year but miscarried at 11 weeks in March. Having lost the baby I felt a mixture of grief for the little life lost and a yearning to be pregnant again and have a baby to hold, "empty arm syndrome".
I had an AMH test to check ovarian reserve and it came back as low but good for someone of my age so we decided to try again after my first AF .
I tested when I was a day late and got BFN ,assumed my cycle was irregular after the miscarriage but as my temp was still high the next week I tested again and got faint BFP. When I checked on a clearblue digital it said 1-2 weeks which worried me as I should have been 2-3 weeks, however doctor reassured me the tests aren't accurate.Unfortunately a few days later I started spotting and went on to miscarry at about 6 weeks.
We didn't wait for an AF this time but I didn't think I would conceive so soon. My AF was due last Sat, I tested and got BFN so when I posted on Mon I assumed I wasn't preg but was feeling a bit bloated and generally grotty on Tues, did an internet cheapy and got BFP! Did another brand and got BFP and did clearblue digital wed morning and got preg 2-3 weeks. I've been to the doctor who has booked me in with the midwife next Mon and I can discuss an early scan with her. I was feeling quite crampy the last few days but am feeling a bit better and less nauseous today than yesterday ,I'm worried about every twinge ,but also every potential lack of symptom! Then I'm worrying that the stress and worry could make me more likely to miscarry again.
I seem to be able to get pregnant but just hope the egg is healthy enough to be viable and the uterine lining is going to be good enough.
I am freaking out here( but quietly because no one knows! )

wow irish - congratulations to you then! Of course you are worried but a BFP is exciting news for you!

3 so far on the thread!

moo - i liked your 'lecture' - it was sweet!

Well my AF signs (big heavy boobs) have started today and am still really thirst though DH says he has been really thirsy for the past few days too and he is deffo not preggo!

Shit day today - my last 'close' friend with one child texted to say her 2nd will be arriving in Jan. I use the inverted commas with 'close' as I am really upset with her as she knows what we have been through over the last year but just sent me a group text saying "just wanted to share my amazing news, baby#2 edd 12th Jan". I was upset about another person being pregnant of course but i can get over that - the thing i am struggling with is the total lack of empathy for me. Had big discussion with a mutual friend about whether I was being precious to expect an 'individual' text and we think not. It's almost like she was rubbing my face in it. She has been the person i've cried to about this before and now i feel i can't even face her.

So today I have been down down down.

irish and counts news has cheered me up though!

moo - when is your BFP (NOT AF) due?

big hugs to you all! x

Great news Count, glad all is going as it should be. Good luck with scan next week and look forward to hear your news.

Congrats Irish, that's fantastic news. Fx that this is a sticky bean this time. Also gives me hope that you got pg before af ever showed up after mc.

Moo hope your having a great time at the wedding. It's nice to let your hair down!

Berries you are not being precious at all. When I was pg on the one I miscarried I had three people fore front in my mind and that I wanted to tell early on and one was my sil whose baby has just died and the other two were close friends one had been through ivf 3 times and the other was about to start. So there was no way a group text was going to them. How insensitive of your friend. Sorry this news has come hot on the heels of similar news. Big hugs to you. I saw my sil today that just announced her pg news. But thankfully I coped and asked the usual polite questions.

Mezza sorry about the bfn but hopefully it was too early to test. Glad you got on well at your hospital appointment. Your certainly having lots of tests, so hope it all goes ok. I think I could join you with the symptom checking. I firstly poas yest evening (and of course a bfn) Why???? No reason other than just to be sure. (when I got pg earlier this year I didn't know how far on I really was) Today at times I felt very nauseas and horrible taste in my mouth. (it's prob a sign from my digestive system and not repoductive symptom lol!!!)

Thanks munch- i didn't think i was being precious and she knows how much of an impact preggo news causes i've told her so i just can't believe she told me via a gushing group text. You're right it is hot on the heels of the other announcement. These are my local friends as well so I will be seeing them throughout their pregnancies. Still, with my positive hat on I think it's realistic to hope I will be pregnant before their babies come in Jan which will ease it a bit! It's just hard as we've been trying a year and they BOTH get preggo in month one. Seriously ladies, you should come and hang out with me, apparanelty everyone around me is blessed with super fertility. Maybe I could offer that as some sort of freelance service till I find a job!!

The 2 who are preggo are also ultra competitive with one another so it will be quite fun to watch their competitive parenting from afar ;) (every cloud!)

mezza and munch - sorry about the BFNs but as moo would say - "It's not over till the hag whore shows"..... When are your AF's actually due? Come on BFPs, I'd like to see some more to add to the 3 we've had so far!

irish hope you're feeling ok.
disco glad you've got a good positive outlook - i think the mind is an amazing tool so am trying to be positive myself though as we all know it can be hard!

THANK GOD i have you folks to talk to - i would be so lost without you all