12 months on and most people on my TTC thread are pregnant so I'm starting a new one! Come and join me if you've been TTC a while or are TTC after pregnancy loss... we've been through it all!

[iloveberries]

iloveberries Age 31, DH 32, DS 2 yrs. Been TTC #2 for a year, 1 m/c, 1 ectopic, 1 tube removed. Will be starting TTC again after my next AF.

Still following the ladies on my original TTC thread but most of them are now pregnant so whilst I'm delighted for them I wanted to start a new place for those who have been TTC for a while and are still awaiting a healthy, sticky bean in the right place.

All welcome..... nothing if off limits, nothing is TMI, no 'babydust' though please

hey everyone,

disco - high five for realising it might be a long road! It does take a bit of pressure off doesn't it?

moo- low five for AF arriving. hagwhore. BUT as everyone else has said you're ready and clomid'd to go :) FX this is your month, god knows you deserve it. BTW - don't think "I didn't TRY hard enough". I actually think you can try too hard for a baby..... and whether there's 10 shags worth of sperm or 1 shags worth in your tubes you can still make a baby.... right???!

muchkin - my heart dropped for you reading about sil. It is so so hard. Having said that she will have a bloody nightmare having a 15month gap with her 2 kids!!!! Think of all that wonderful time you have been able to give, and can give to your DS. (I know it's little consolation when you've lost a baby but it's something I try and tell myself to make me feel a little better.) Thinking of you as I know it will be tough for you. Does she know about your loss?

CD 14 here (usually ov between 15-17) so have continued on the sex-for-fun trip!

I thought summer had arrived yesterday but it appears to have fucked off again today.... zzzzzz.

at your summer comment berries that really tickled me. Although completely know where you are coming from. Bloody rain!!! And I know once is enough, and it was on ov day, just felt that if we had done it the day before or the day after i might be sitting here with a sticky bean instead of spotting. But you are right, doesn't matter how many times as long as one of them gets to the egg!! Enjoy that fun sex and catch that eggy!!

Disco how you doing? Any sign of ov yet?

Munchin so sorry that your SiL is expecting again. It just does not seem fair. But we are going to do this. We are in this together, through the smiles the tears and the laughter. And when we get our BFPs we will look back at these moments and wonder what all the fuss was about, because by then nothing else in the world will matter. What has been has been and we can look forward. It doesn't make us forget what we have been through, but what we have been through makes us stronger and better people.

Well, day 3 of clomid, not feeling too bad. Although concerned that i might go into Super Ovulation as my body seems to be managing ov on it's own at the moment. Not that I am complaining. My ovaries have permission to release as many eggs as they wish; the only condition is that one of them gets fertilised, implants and 9 months later i am holding my beautiful child :)
POAOS and for the first time ever, the test line was barely there which is great because it means that my LH levels are low, which means my body is working properly, which means in a week or so I should see it darken and ovulate.

I'm a little excited

Right, off for a catch up soon!!

hi all, this is all very new for me. now in 13th month TTC and feel like its got the better of me. how do you manage when close friends are lucky and fall preg so easily...have got a great job/fiance/home/friends etc but i dont think anyone can really know how it feels unless they are experiencing the same thing. defo fed up of the 'if you relax and dont think about it'.....
dont want to bring anyone else down, just wonder how you all stay so :)

feeling :( today, plus just spent £60 on more conception tests....i'll be skint by the time i ever get BFP!

Hi all and welcome - feels so glad you have found us trust me we def have our highs and lows! Some of us have complicated history and some have been on this journey after some hard losses! Tests and trials and clueless cycles!!!!!
Let's hope some oldies also come and share!!!
Mezza - hope you had a lovely time up the coast!
Ilove- sounds like you are chilling which is great!
Munchin- SIL the words clueless and selfish spring to mind!

Oh feelslike i feel your pain. I guess we deal with it the best way we know how. I don't think there is a magic solution (i wish there was) or a one size fits all sort of thing.

I just have to keep telling myself that it will happen, that one day I will be looking at that pee stick and there will be 2 lovely lines on there and I have a bean that will actually stick this time.

I think we all find it hard to cope with news that someone is expecting, especially if they "weren't trying" or it was their first month. It's even worse when they say things like 'we weren't expecting it to happen so soon'

Are you undergoing any fertility investigations? After 13 months and no pregnancy you should be having everything checked out (I apologise if you have/are though).

Please don't feel you are bringing anyone down. We all have our high days and our low days (believe me I have ranted on here more times than I have had hot dinners!!!). And we do this together to offer support and understanding.

I think you just need to be kind to yourself as much as possible :)

Hi Feels and sorry you're having a shit time TTC.

In short I would say that we definitely don't stay positive! It's very up and down (for me anyway). I find pregnancy announcements very hard. Particularly people's 2nd DC. irrational i know. I have taken to just putting myself first for a while. This means I see who i want when i want, I talk about things when I want and not when I don't and I don't beat myself up for having a cry from time to time. (usually a few times a week!)

BUT - I believe i HAVE to stay positive, I have to believe it will happen and I have to stay focused on that.

This is a good place for you to rant though and just get all those feelings out there!

thanks for the welcome!

friends got pg after one month of ttc, dont get me wrong, i am so so happy for them, i am more sad that i cant be enjoying the excitement with them, especially after ttc for what seems like forever!

i went and saw my GP last week, she said that because i am 25 i needed to wait until at least 18months before tests......i may have had a little hissy fit at her and more or less demanded some hormone level blood tests-which she eventually aggreed too, so i will be having them next month as we go on a much needed holiday in just under 2 weeks so wont be here to have to tests done. i odnt want there to be something wrong obv-just want reassurance that its just time we need (being hopeful here)

just feel like i am stuck in a constantly negetive vibe really-feel v sorry for my fiance, he just doesnt know what to do when i am upset and isnt the sort of man who would tell me he is feeling down about it too which doesnt make things at home that easy really. we have so many things that we should be excited about at the moment it just feels like we have been taken over by this and i am constantly blaming myself and putting myself down, and i cant help but give him a hard time-which isnt fair and neither of us deserve to feel this poo!

i have run out of people to talk to about it as my rlly close friends either arent ttc so have no idea or have conceived early on (and although they are very supprotive i dont want to put a downer on their excitement)

i know that there are a lot of people who have had a longer road than me and have had to deal with many more bad times-thats why i am here i guess because you know how i feel-just havnt had the guts to post before now-

wow-apologies for the essay!! :)

Hi ladies.

I have to say Berries I got a good chuckle at the summer came and fcuk'd again!!! Omg the torrential down pours today. Anyhow keep up the dtd for fun!!

Moo fair play to you your sounding v positive and the clomid seems to be having an effect already. Fx it will do the trick.

Welcome feels, sorry your having a tough time ttc. But you' ll find there is great support from all the lovely ladies here.

Hi count , disco and Mezza how are yous?

Thanks for all your kind words re my newly pg sil!! I know its not her fault that they are super fertile!!! It prob was hard for her telling me as she knew about my mc. Also we both have a sil who has suffered the most awful loss in that her baby girl died at 7 weeks due to SIDS. My two sil were due their babies around the same time but my sil baby was born premature and died before the other sil baby was born. So I know telling the both of us was prob hard.

Well if my positive opk was correct I should be in the 2ww now and either a bfp next week or af should be due. Either way I'm going to keep positive and believe we will all get there.

You will get there munchkin! I think you're right that if people know you've had a loss then it is hard for them telling you as well isn't it. When we conceived DS very quickly i felt terrible telling i friend who i knew had been trying a while. Fortunately she was also 12 weeks and was planning on telling me at the same dinner! Our DCs were born withing a couple of days of eachother and are bestest buddies.

So sad for the loss of the 7 week old in your family. There are no words for that are there. how terrible.

Well i got the eggy sign on my CBFM today so it's bonk night tonight :) Since the EP my cycles have lost 2 days which is good as a 30 day cycle seems much shorter than a 32 day one!! haha!

Hi all!

Welcome feels! You have come to the right place - we can all relate to how incredibly hard it feels. Ttc is so full of ups and downs - sometimes I really struggle to see how we are going to make it through this not knowing if there will ever be a happy outcome, but you just have to find it in you to believe that it will. It is so hard to change focus, but try, try to keep busy, enjoy the good things in your life, enjoy your partner, do spontaneous things that you won't be able to do once there is a new "boss" in the family. And when all else fails - come here and pour out your sorrows. :)

munchkin fingers x'd for you, it's about time someone gets a BFP on here! :)

berries haha, I had the same reaction when my cycles shortened, only thing is now I worry that my lh phase is too short... good luck with bonk night!

At this end it looks like this is going to be a really shit month for ttc. :( CD 15 now, should ov in the next few days but opk still neg. Might have something to do with me having picked up the mother of all colds, felt so ill yesterday I spent most of the day napping, not much an improvement today, and not good for dtd! Sort of thinking this month is out the window, although I can't help but hope there still is a slim chance.

hi all,

just coming on here and pouring my heart out has made me feel soo much better!! thankyou for all of your kind words and support, its good not to be feeling so alone!!

feeling better today, however i'm not sure if that is to do with the mounds of chocolate i have consumed since sunday, sat watching 16 and pregnant (oh dear)-need to go for a run with the dog but the rain is making me wana snooze all afternoon!

munchin-so sorry for the hard times in your family. i'll keep my fingers crossed for you for ur bfp :)

mezza-hope ur cold soon goes away-like you say be positive and believe, dont think a cold will hinder ur chances...

berries-great advice, defo need some me time! enjoy bonk night-could not think of anything worse atm haha-thats so bad isnt it but seriously, i gota work on that as its not as fun as it used to be, its like a flippin millitary operation!-ok now roll over and legs up, dont lose any men...

onwards and upwards another whole month of fresh eggs and soldiers!

:o

Glad your feeling better feels, sometimes it's just good to vent. Chocolate is always a great crutch except on the scales lol!!! Chuckles at legs in the air!!! I was guilty of that on my previous pgs but now lost enthusiasm for it.

Berries yeah for eggy sign. Happy dtd!!!

Mezza hope you get over your cold soon as I'm sure it doesn't help getting in the mood for dtd.

Yes it was and still is an awful nightmare for my sil. It's still hard to believe it happened and no answers as to why just one of those things.

Went round convinced today that I feel more tired than normal and that I have a taste in my mouth. I refuse to poas until at least the weekend. But I know it's my mind playing tricks.

Keep holding off the poas Munchkin! Be strong says the one who can't leave them alone if they are in the house

Well, snot and fever can't keep me away from dtd... but no smiley on the opk today either. Grr. EWCM though, so I'm going for it.

Just wondering - have any of you experienced changes in EWCM after pregnancy? My MCs have previously changed my cycle length, but I'm feeling like I get much less EWCM after the ectopic, wondering why.

Hi mez - i get a lot less EWCM than i used to.... no idea why though!

I think i'd missed the fact you'd had an EP as well... did you lose a tube too? (if you don't mind me asking....)

Hm that is weird berries. I went to an acupuncturist for a while and she said EWCM was a good sign so just keep going on the days you have it, so I'm so bummed there seems to be less.

My EP was really weird, as at the point i realised I had an EP going on, I was sure I wasn't pregnant... That cycle I knew we had conceived as I had all the signs I had from both my MCs. I tested day before AF and day of AF, both neg, and then I had a really weird "AF", quite heavy but wrong colour and watery, lasted 3-4 days. Was really sad and wrote it off as a chemical, then two weeks later I started bleeding again and had terrible pains in my right side - took a test - positive... So it all started going from there, had a scan and they saw "something" in my right tube, was admitted for a lap straight away. The whole thing was such a shock. They removed a large bleeding cyst from my left ovary, but couldn't find the pregnancy so left my right tube alone, they said it had ruptured and bled out. So in a way I'm relieved that both my tubes are intact, but I'm also terrified that the right one might now be damaged and prone to things getting stuck there again... :( Even though I have both tubes, consultant still said chances of pregnancy are now 65% within a year, so same as if a lost tube, no idea why though.
Sorry long story, it's just a bit complicated!

Hope you guys are getting on with the bonkfest, fingers crossed things get stuck in the right place this month!

Well sorry Mezza I gave in and poas. Of course I got a bfn!!! What else would you expect after only dtd once at possible Ov time and possibly only 10 days dpo. But I had 14 of them sitting burning a hole in a package with july 2012 expiry date on them (I bought them last September but no af showed for 4 mths)

Berries & Mezza I never really noticed very much ewcm ever and I have 2 dc. One thing I did do when I got pg was that I took a spoon of robitussin hour or so before dtd. The guafinesin in it makes all your bodily fluids more runny. Sorry if tmi!!!

Anyhow hope everyone is keeping well.

Hello, sorry I've been away so long. I have been lurking though! I mostly look at the thread on my ipad and then the thought of laboriously typing my reply puts me off I'm afraid. However, my hard work has paid off and the hot pink spare bedroom is now my beautifully white office! So I'm typing (deep joy) on a proper keyboard. On a desk that feels acres big (ok, 150 x 75cm).

Right, time to catch up...

Moo the old AF turning up is shitty but ovulating on your own has been splendid! How do you take the Clomid? Is it everyday from CD1 or what? I'm curious. Just read this page properly and it seems you have been taking already so I've answered my own question. Any side effects?

Berries so much for me saying I'd realised it might be a long road. I'm 10 dpo and whilst in my head I know that DP's drinking and viral infection probably did for the relevant batch of swimmers, my heart is busily noting all the symptoms, obsessively logging them on FF and then checking the pregnancy monitor to see if the number has gone up or not. I am pretty pathetic. As for EWCM even if you don't get it you can still get pregnant. I did and only ever get the tiniest patch (literally 1 cm sq).

Hi Feels! Did you go running with the dog in the end, or was the rain just too much? I hope you find the support you need on this thread. I'd also look up the NICE guidelines on when you should be offered investigations, making you wait just because of your age seems cruel, esp as you should theoretically be more fertile the younger you are so a 13 month wait would be more unusual.

Mezza I have twice in the last year had ovulation delayed due to a cold/viral infection. The first time it took 17 extra days from my normal day of ovulation to finally get there. The second time it (only) took an extra 10 days. At the time it feels like forever but I reckon you'll just have delayed ov instead of an anovulatory cycle. So sorry to hear the details of your ectopic and I know 65% doesn't seem like brilliant odds but you are still more likely to get pregnant than not in the next year, which can't be too bad, can it?

Muchin sorry about the BFN but as you said, hopefully it is just too early to test. I'm going to try and be good and hold off til Sunday when I'll be 13 dpo (LP is 12-13 days).

Ok, time to do some more sorting out of my brand new office! Hurrah!

Sorry about the BFN Munchkin! Hopefully it was just too early, it ain't over till it's over :)

disco your new office sounds lovely, congrats! And good luck with the symptom spotting, I'm pathetic like that too, especially when I'm not focusing on ttc... ;)

Helpful to hear about your delayed ov's due to virals. Today was another day of neg opk, just wish I could start functioning again soon. Feeling down in the dumps about ttc today, need to dig up some hope somewhere.

disco hello!! I LOVE white! my whole house is white. Not exactly practical with a 2 yr old DS but i use the 'endurance paint' from dulux.

So - BFNs all round eh? It reminds me of the original thread where i 'met' disco and 'moo'. There was NOTHING by way of BFPs so i left the thread convinced it was unlicky (weird i know) and then there was a flurry of BFPs so i think it's our turn now and let's wait for the flurry!!

mezz - sorry to hear your 'odds' are reduced too now - it sucks doesn't it. When our babies are born (which they will be) they will be strong fighters!!!

moo - hows the clomid going? i know nothing about it apart from that it gets people knocked up!

I'm ok -ish. Been told i won't get counselling on NHS as problems aren't severe enough so I am asically stuck droning onto DH about everything, oh, and you guys. My friends have been useless.

Keeping busy though which is good and keeping the focus on TTC to an appropriate level!!

Hope people have fun wkend plans? xxx

Oh Mezza, delayed ov does your head in. It even affected my sleep (I was temping and desperate to see what the temp was so I'd wake up stupidly early and not get back to sleep so I couldn't temp accurately anyway).

Berries - I am enjoying the white! This room is now white walls with white or red or honey wood coloured furniture. It looks dead futuristic

That is super shit about the counselling though. Mental health provision in this country is absolutely dreadful but I bet if you added up the lost productivity vs. the cost of treatment then proper treatment would make economic sense. You've practically got to say 'I am going to kill myself' to get any meaningful help.

I am now 11dpo and haven't a single solitary instance of spotting. This is unheard of for me. I have always had between 2-6 days of spotting prior to now. Fertility Friend pregnancy monitor also has me on 58 points out of 100. When I got pregnant in January, I only had 42 points!

It's all going to end in tears when I test tomorrow. Or will it? Oh god, I'm going mental. Symptoms so far are fatigue (sometimes), slight cramps in the uterine area, sore boobs, I'm bruising easily, bleeding gums, gassy. I do not feel greasy or meh like I generally do before a period. AF is due on Sunday or Monday btw. Like I said, it's all going to end in tears.

How are Muchin and Moo?

Hi all - i can't believe this thread moves real quickly! we can really chat!
well Moo- i def believe its going to happen for you real soon! and i really will be so happy and excited for you!
Disco - hi hun so glad you are loving your brand new office space!
ilove- lol yes i also kinda step back and cam back to loads of BFP including my own- alas it wasn't to be!
Mezza - oh I'm so sorry that just awful - trust me that was kinda like me in 06 the pain was awful but i never knew i was pregnant and then when the gp suggested i take a test i knew it wasn't good! i think you need to forget the stats and just focus on getting those lovely sperms and cute egg together and let it happen!
Feels- thats the positive spirit needed upwards and onwards!!!!
Disco - our cycle is the same i think well my apps telling me i have 2 days to go but I've had no cramping, no back pain, no tinges nothing and don't feel like its coming maybe my cycle has changed its mind and maybe I'm on a longer cycle!!!!

Moo,Ilove & Disco - my oldies - ( we have really been on this thread journey together for a while) Big Hugs!!!!!

Sorry Berries that they won't give you counselling but feel free to come on here and vent anytime. You need to have release valve.

Disco well done on the decorating. Oh I have fx for you, hopefully these are pg symptoms and you get a bfp.

Mezza sorry Ov time hasn't happened, I understand your frustration you just want your body to get on with it so you can ttc and have a shot at it.

Moo hope your going ok on clomid.

Count fx for you too. We need some bfp's on this thread.

Well I think I can feel af like symptoms but still no show. I feel achiness in my left side which was the same side I felt it nearly 2 weeks ago when I was getting my + opk's. So I did another pg test again and no surprising that it was bfn!!!! I'm ok with that and I would be just happy to see af and know tha my body was getting back to normal. Also with the hols coming up in 3 weeks I would feel happier not being pg as I really would be afraid of having a mc abroad. So half of me is hoping for a bfn and still at same time would't I be so lucky if I got a bfp.

Well at least it's Friday. What's everyone doing? We are going to see a friend and her dh tomorrow. (My friend has had 3 failed if attempts. Well she got pg on one attempt but mmc at 9 weeks. She did all this and didn't tell me until it was over. So compared to that I am very lucky no matter what happens)

Munchin- sometimes you never know what people are dealing with until you take the lead and break the " i just lost my baby silence" it so awful to feel so alone and then to feel bad if you do what to talk about it!
Ilove- i know its not the same but I'm also here to listen as much as you want!
I'm off to make some cupcakes my new thing when i feeling low! i don't eat them though, but love to see them being enjoyed!!!!!

Liking the sound of your cupcakes Count and what willpower you have. Thankfully my cupboards are fairly bare as we haven't done the shopping yet otherwise I think I would be having a splurge.

hi all....TFI friday!!

how are you all doing? ive been so busy this week with work, enjoying a friday night in with cocktails.......just what is needed!!

sounds like you have all been busy too, been running twice this week with our dog-helped me have time to my own thoughts about things.

disco-well done on the new office, nice to have you in the chat!
thanks for info about NICE guidelines-i am forwever having trouble with my GP anyway as i am a nurse and i dont think they appreciate that i know stuff-although who doesnt know stuff when they are ttc-we may go private if we dont get a bfp after our holiday, if we cant get bfp with sun, sand and lots of bonking at ov time then......well a few quid wont be missed, i'd rather get it looked into than try to wait more months!

count-cupcakes-well done on the willpower there, i think i'd bake and eat at the same time!!

mezz-are you feeling better yet?? i hope you are hun, good to know you have both tubes intact after your EP-things will look brighter soon

berries, have you tried the 'mind' website or even the samaritans- i know it may sound extreme - also depending on where you work there should be some councelling available to you...

muchin-keep fx for you, dont stress about if it is a bfp and you are going away, there will never be a time in life where all aspects of our lives work as one, whether your going away or troubles with finances occur for eg - keep trying and when its right it will stick-thats what i keep telling myself anyway..

anyone up to any excitement this weekend?? i have to work sunday which is annoying however 6 more shifts and we'll be off on holiday!

fx to all, keep positive :) what will be will be.... x